Tuesday, April 29, 2008

work it!

its 1. 41 am. oh my, panda eyes. migraine. booo. i need my sleep. ragh past failures keep haunting me. i still have econs to do. yay.

and i know i cant let it get in the way. i still have to go on. faster this time.

is this it? ohw......

come on work your brain juices!!! wweeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
ohoh, i watched scheherezede on arts central just now. superb. i like that song, just dont know why some people dont like it.

chiao.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

aaahhhhhhhhhhhh

alright. i am worked up. by the upcoming tests and all the stuff that i have to catch up 'cos lessons are going at lightning speed. just to keep up is making me breathless. what more to revise for testSSSSS and start studying J1 work.

math binomial and normal distribution revision.
phy geog hydro-rivers revison. lect 1-5
human geog urban topics. lect1-10
malay lit bahasa essay, restu chap 10-15, drama- 3 of these.
macro econs revision for test, essay draft.
gp essay and compre hw. oh, not forgetting read gp package.

DIE. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
ok, i wanna cry now.
and i will not stay at home to study anymore.
noise, com, bed, food, tv. toooooooo much distraction and my nature of short attention span, easily distracted, i need self-discipline and determination. plus, lots of energy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ragh, great, lots of energy yeah when my body is quite screwed up. i can feel the effects of the strong medication i had to be on the past 1 and half week. and the fact that i cant excercise 'cos i lost alot of blood and my left cheek still feels bloated. i need to detox.

ok,ok, now back to gp.

chiao.

chiao.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

the worst case of oversleeping

today was the worst case of oversleeping for me. i'm suppose to have my malay lit lesson at 7.30am. and guess what time i woke up? 8.30am! i screamed when i woke up. haiz. i think cikgu is mad at me. :(((((

that thought me something. sleep is important! and today, i felt so tired, i collapsed on the bed. till 8 plus just now. thanks to pride and prejudice yestd. i reached home at 1.30am.

and happy birthday siwei!!!! :)

ok, who's birthday next!? hehe. hint hint.

mcs is gearing up for drama!!! wweeee. it'll be so fun! but alot of work. :(

people tell me to fight for my rights. but who'll support me? i'm afraid. especially when its with that certain people you know... ragh, i dont know.

i should do my work now.
chiao.

pek potttttttttt

pek pot pek pot pek pot pek pottttttttttt. and it goes on. excuse me, do i need to remind you that i'm 18 years old this year?????? freak. gggrrrrr.


gimme my freedom. FREEDOM. i am going to move out of here asap. when i have the financial ability to support myself. thats means getting a good job with a good salary. which in conclusion means i need to study now.

at such an unearthly hour now, just when i have the motivation to study, mum is forcing me to sleep.

just leave me aloneeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. can?

pride and prejudice was really really good. but i lost my ac sweater in the cab. :(((((((((

i'm so angry now, i need ben and jerry's strawberry cheesecake.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

its just a dream.

i fought with mum today so that she'll let me go to school. hahaha. kinda funny, imagine your mum forcing you to stay at home. she said that my face still look pale. where got...


hhmm... i miss acband. that i dreamt of me myself playing with sheree and edwin there and dr lee was there too and he said that i wounldnt make it. for what and about what i dont know b'cos it ends there. but he also said that sheree and edwin will make it.

aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.


nah.. its just a dream eh. just a dream..


geog essay and a lit essay just fried my brain.


who wants fried brain? sounds like pisang goreng. yumyum. niceee.
ehehehehehee

i need my beauty sleep. ooooo.

chiao.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

E.E

who wants to go to the click five concert!!!!!
erm.. thats suppose to be a question.haha. tell me!!!!
i wanna goooooooo!!
but then eh, its super duper expensive.
i'll be super broke if i really go.hhmm..
hehehe. i'm coming back to school tomorrow!!!!!!!
i'm just feeling super duper euphoric, estatic and enthusiastic to get bck to sch!!
oooo, its aliteration! is it?- e, e. i'm not sure.
bleah whatever.
haha.
chiao.

Monday, April 21, 2008

oh me gosh.

oh me gosh. i tore about half a cm of my gum to reveal abit of bone.
so scary. what should i do now?
oh my god. relax..
the stitches just made it look worse
aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
oh how,how now!
on a lighter note, hehehe. i finished a 2000 word malay lit essay. i feel so accomplished.
hehehehehehe.
chiao.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

oh soggy fries!

when mummy allowed me to eat the soggy fries today, i sat outside macs and listened to the country music being blasted while waiting for the taxi, i felt like i am the happiest girl on earth. well, at that moment. hahaha. for the first time in dayssssss i ate solid food. although its only soggy fries. still! its not porridge! everyday is a day nearer to good food! hehe!


i just hate it when some of the actions of my friends showed that their boyfriends are much more important than their friends. (khai, i'm not targeting you ok, this is quite general.) it had happened too many times to me that i felt that i should let this out. its not like their boyfriend are going to be beside them when they broke up. what about before they get hitched? who's beside them? their girlfriends right? not their boyfriends. when they havent get attached yet, wherever they go, its their girlfriends. and when they get attached already, they abandone their girlfirends. it became so difficult just to meet for a few hours. although i booked you like weeks before, you still made plans to go out with him. i'm just hurt. call me petty or what. boyfriends more important than bestfriends huh? i question our relationship now. but i bet you dont see it dont you?

i cant say for sure if i get hitched in the future (if i ever, its not like i even care.)that i wont be like this, but i can assure you, i will be very careful about this.


i'm becoming an owl, i work at night, i sleep in the day. i hope this doesnt affect me when i get back to school.

and i need to go back to school like immediately!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant stand the thought of me being miles behind everyone else. i cant stand this. i feel like i am such a sloth, a glutton, doing nothing at home. (yeah right, rest, recover. i've recovered and back to my normal self. and i've rested too much.)

i thought of sneaking out of the house to go to school. hhmm maybe i should do that...

chiao.

Friday, April 18, 2008

hhhmmm maybe?

oh oh i received a bouqet of flowers today!!! thank you gerdine! :)))))))

yay, thank goodness i'm feeling way betterrrrrrrr.

i think the goodest friends i have are all in band. thats why it meant so much to me. but i guess now i have to set my priorities right. maybe i should think of doing other stuff then playing music. i wont die right. maybe its time i leave band life.hhmmm maybe? i wont die without band right. yeah, maybe...

i just cant imagine the pile of work that i have to rush when i get back to sch. while people are slogging so hard in sch and here i am.. sleeping and eating and watching tv. (oh oh i watched tarzan on kids central! i miss that movie..)

*covers face. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.
but i did try to do my work.... (i guess thats denial when so far, i only did gp) haiz.

maybe i just talk too much. so much for my enthusiasm to study a few months before.

so nowww, no more slacking AT ALL.

ragh.
chiao.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

writhing in pain

the tag that all hospital patients had to wear.


the after effects of the op is just horrible ok. horrible. plus the fact that i miss acband and cant go swiss. i dont want to imagine the pile of work that i have to catch up when i get back to school. thinking abt my grades and a levels makes me feel nauseous.

some complication occurred during the op so i had 2 op instead of 1. hurhurrrr....

my face look like a puffer fish. the powerful antibiotics and painkilers makes me giddy and groggy and nauseous. i cant even stand, or else i just collapse to the floor. i cant eat, i'll just puke evrything out again. and the bleeding just wont stop.

aaaaaaahhhhhhh, save me. i feel like puking now. ergh, disgusting.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

(:

ohhhh an hour more! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

hahahahhaa. i feeling kinda egg-cited. i dunno why.

i had the bestest breakfast today. mac gridles. yummmmmmmmmyummmmmmmmmmm
ok, here goes.

chiao.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

life goes on.

photo credits goes to dwayne and sheree!


i guess its ok if i'm not going to swiss but its just how certain people shows explicitly that they dont want me to go. treating me like a replacable commodity, who can be discarded when not in use but will be utilised when needed. i hope that certain people realise their mistake in time before other people treat them like that.



over the years as a band member, one important thing that i had learnt is that each member is unique, just like the sound they produce whether its a nice sound or an unearthly horrible sound. it tells everyone that that is so and so band. like us, we are ac band. therefore, no one is indispensable. whether you are the pro-est player or the player who always get scolded by dr lee, you are what makes the band sound as it is. therefore, no one is to be excluded. no one. and no matter what.

there goes my motivation to study. great....... BUT i wont let that certain people bring my down my confidence. AT ALL.





these few days, mummy has been spoiling me. by cooking for me all the dishes that i've been wanting to eat (like black pepper crab!), buying for me all those sweet stuff that i like ( brownies, apple strudle, mango cake from royals. ahw.. i feel so fat!) and buying for me just anything that i want. her reason? because i wont be able to eat all these for a long long time soon. ok, she meant well, but i feel so guilty. considering i used up all her savings for this operation. grrr.
not forgeting, she also bought loads of instant porridge mix. ahhhh...

i love my section. thanks sheree, edwin, for calling me up and talking to me. i felt reeeaaallyyy touched ok. haha.

chiao.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

rawr

i've been trying hard to suppress these emotions. but suppressing it is draining the life out of me. while letting it out makes my heart ache. and people are good at reading my face. or maybe its just me that is oblivious to my own facial expressions? so i dont know ok.

everything is like hitting me all at once. home, studies, band, relationships.

i want time to stop. then maybe i can take a step back, breathe and solve all these. its quite overwhelming to endure all this alone.

maybe i should just concentrate on my studies. but running away from problems will not solve it.

and, to achieve somethings, sometimes you have to sacrifice something or even people. but then again, are these sacrifices worth it just to achieve your goals? i feel sometimes its ok if we dont achieve it. its not the end thats impt, but the process. well, some people just dont understand and this effects others. whats more, the effects could be detrimental.

i should be more focus on my studies and work harder. at this rate, i think i'm gonna fail a levels.
i wanna quit school uh.

chiao.

Monday, April 07, 2008

its ok.

letto sebelum cahaya. :) lovely!


anyway, had 3 teachers calling me up today. all addressing my current situation. well, i feel numbed.

thanks seri, for listening to me all night till the next morning, entertaining me and all. :) thank you my dear friend.

whatever happens from now on, i'm gonna take it in with grace.


and smile!

chiao.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

smiling away.

ok, now,now, lets look at my bleak life with positivity here. i shall smile for the rest of the days while i can. :))))))))) and laugh and eat. plus enjoy the company of my section, my band and the rest of the world. for now.

i came to this conclusion aft listening to turnadot and metamorphosis for like 1001 times. such beautiful songs. ah. beautiful, beautiful... just impossible to describe in words.

alritey, enough of slacking.

i guess only chocolates, music and coffee can make me happyyyyyyyyyyyy. wohooooooo. i'm high due to an overdose of caffeine.


chiao.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

auditions.. again?

auditions again? not again lar... i dont want what happened last year to repeat. enough is enough. its called emotional trauma, get it? i guess no one will understand the feeling unless you go thru what the few of us did.

anyway, i wont be able to recover in time for auditions. so that means one thing. no international swiss comp for me. thats may mean, no swiss trip.

how the heart aches. well, my tears have dried up. its just numbness that i feel now.

i wanna quit band now. yup, life sucks so badly now i just wanna quit band.

and i guess i shouldnt bother and burden people with my stupid problems.

chiao.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

is it enough?

i' afraid. terrified. what if i am not doing enough? what if i am not putting enough effort? what ifs.. and the future? uh, looks so uncertain.

i wish i am tiny bit more smarter.

chiao.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

caffeine + migraine

omg. 2 weeks more. 15th april and good bye to smiling shaheera.

i want to complain. like everybody else in the jc curriculum, we are tired. very tired. i'll resort to caffeine and chocolates to keep me awake and energetic. uhhhh and my migraine is here. AGAIN.WTH.

COME ON PEOPLE WE CAN DO THIS!!!!! gogogogo!!!

i feel like going into a cupboard, lock myself inside and start screamingggggggggggggggggggg.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

chiao.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

april fools day

april fools day. the council is full of crap. haha, the council pres got 'dethroned' and replaced by another. so nonsense.

alritey on a serious note, me and divi have decided to become study buddies! haha. we'll mug, encourage, motivate and share knowledge together. :) how great is that. oh well, anyone who wants to join are welcome!

dilemma-should i go for the operatin or not?i have to make a decision! oh god, help meh.

i've been behaving weirdly lately. i can be so moody at one moment and the next, i'll be super high. and i am super sensitive these few days. pardon me if i have acted in a way that annoys you.

i rock, you rock, we rock.

yeah, i rock. and i really should be studying now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chiao.