i am me. therefore i am.

2011-09-19T20:42:00.001+08:00

ok i suck. BIG TIME.

Premonition? no, i believe in HIM

2011-09-19T20:33:00.001+08:00

been thinking a lot about things, about my priorities in life.

now, im going to check my accounts test results which had me bugging since like forever.
and how ironic, here i am sitting beside my old grey lappie and i can hear maher zain crooning, 'Insyallah.... insyallah.. you'll find your waaayyyy~~' from the website that mum didnt close earlier and as i closed my eyes, BAM guess what i saw, my red lappie wallpaper showed 'STAY STRONG' in caps.

what? a premonition for doom?

i just believe in HIM, and no one else.

2011-09-07T16:07:00.004+08:00

ya ya yaaaa. okay still alive. :D

2011-02-11T00:29:00.000+08:00

people say that god wont put us through trials and tribulations if we cant handle it. i honestly believed that.

'you wont be able to play your instrument for awhile.. you may also lose your sense of taste and touch at that area' i still remember dr tan's words. 'the bone inside will gradually re-absorb and you will have to go for another surgery'

But.. i dont know.. i dont know how to bear this burden. harsh.. and very cruel. i barely even start on my beautiful dreams and i have to say goodbye to it already?

everyday i pray that i will never face this again. because if i do, i dont know what i will do.
i dont want to ever have to go to the rooftop alone again and cry my eyes out.

chiao.

wowowowow

2011-02-05T21:34:00.000+08:00

this blog is still breathing. definitely of course, i do not have any intentions to delete this blog. too precious.. my life's secrets are here. kekekeke.

finally got out of the acne problem. sigh. it was bad. and i mean bad. and painfull. even without touching my face. and school? nah. dont talk abt it. im not sure how im going to survive. oh well, im going to fret abt this when the time comes. and i thought of trying again for ntu or nus.. which i totally do not have confidence in. BUT i believe in trying. SOMEONE CONVINCE ME I CAN AND HAVE THE ABILITY TO ENTER NTU OR NUS. *sighs* (inner conflict here)

work work work. yeah what else? oh! finally got myself into mengaji class again. damn my reading is so bad. gawd! its embarrassing. and Arab class will be put on hold 'cos its too expensive. driving too. (even though cik sham wants to pay for it.. NO! since she mentioned that i didnt pitch in to help and pay for the household expenses (its not like i earn $1000 plus okay and i still have to support my mum, dad, grandma, shamil, and myself too) so.. i figured out if she pay for my driving lessons she'll ungkit it in the future.. which i absolutely do not want to happen) money money money, even families can break up because of it. sad truth.

oh ac class reunion was AWESOME. yeah we bbq-ed in the rain. hahaha. i miss them la. the kecoh-ness. haha.

okays, will blog,

chiao.

2010-12-01T00:54:00.000+08:00

in the end, its still my fault.

i was wrong.

2010-11-30T00:00:00.000+08:00

ok i didnt get through.

i need to be strong.

chiao.

2010-11-06T22:05:00.000+08:00

in the end, always smile, think positive and have a bright and cheerful image despite everything.

(\/^^)! fighting~! heeeee..

2010-11-06T00:03:00.000+08:00

i miss band so much.

tehehe. missing band and onew picture do not have any connection right?

i see it, but if you dont, its okay.

SO EXCITEDDDD.

2010-10-22T01:27:00.000+08:00

i wanna do what i used to. read, draw, play the guitar, bake and read some more!

my list of to-dos just keep getting longer..
watch sunset
cycle
go ubin again
find out more about studying liberal arts. yeah i've never told anyone. but, its was my course choice way before i decide on business. but i do intend to pursue it one day. one day... one day...
and yes, finally catch on civilisation.

SO FREAKING ESSITED FOR SATURDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. haha yes, i can barely contain it. FINALLY MEETING THEM.... LIKE A DREAM COME TRUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

fsa in 2 weeks time. bleah.

chiao.

2010-10-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

what is life. really..

chiao.

2010-09-26T02:44:00.000+08:00

IM formulas are like Egyptian writings. FSB is just.. sigh.

perplexed, anxious, i am not even concentrating. wth.

honestly, i need to get myself together.

hiatus

2010-09-16T03:00:00.000+08:00

been trying to concentrate and like seriously study but to no avail. like no surprise huh. yeah whatever.

my brain just wont register exams in 2 weeks time. HA.HA.

so, i promise myself after today, tumblr+blogger+facebook+fandom forums+youtube+dramas+akp is officially on hiatus for the time being.

okay. goodbye. for now.

chiao.

so over

2010-09-14T00:50:00.000+08:00

so.. assignments are over. so is ramadhan. so is raya. i wish i can celebrate raya like how everyone else celebrates. but then, thinking about a friend who is less fortunate than i am made me realise how ungrateful and unappreciative i have been. sigh. i just want to have a normal family gathering for once, without snide remarks, without hatred in our hearts. just sincerity, knowing that we're family afterall. but i guess that will never happen. oh well...

and financial math test results are out. what can i say. disappointed much. well, very. god knows how i feel. sighssssss........................

let me nurse this disappointment myself.

chiao

2010-09-03T00:25:00.002+08:00

family. baking. spring cleaning
school.assignments.project.DEADLINES
makees meeeee DEAD.

chiao.

2010-08-29T20:55:00.002+08:00

i intend to quit kpop-ing.

=______________________='

2010-08-27T01:58:00.001+08:00

why cant i just be good in calculations.

really.

sigh.

chiao

2010-08-22T14:58:00.000+08:00

i realised... well.. i dont have a life.

smile

2010-08-21T21:46:00.000+08:00

i dont know why. but this pic made me smile.

despite everything.

chiao.

himnae!

2010-08-21T14:02:00.000+08:00

so... assignment dates got pushed back. 'cos it was just crazy to complete 2 reports in 2 weeks time and then another 2 within the next week. plus, tests and lessons all in those 3 weeks.

glad? not really.. 'cos we still have no time.

i think i just screwed my financial math test. sigh. its been days but i havent gotten over it yet.

another one coming up. financial plan. buck up!

~~its not that i dont want to, i just cant~~.

HIMNAE!

chiao.

2010-08-20T00:50:00.002+08:00

why cant just my brain work. think.think.think.

2010-08-19T02:54:00.000+08:00

it sucks when i try to help people but that person never put in as much effort as i do. then, how am i supposed to help when you dont help yourself?

THEN YOU CAN FREAKING TELL ME THAT I TALK COCK. yeah, you used the word 'cock' to me.

seriously, what am i? why do i even helped you in the first place?

i think i am the stupidest-est-est-est human being ever.

i always get played like this over and over again.
chiao.

2010-08-15T04:11:00.002+08:00

DEAD. thats it.

2010-08-09T23:25:00.002+08:00

ok, i admit, i am stressed about my assignments and tests.

thats all.

chiao.

college life

2010-08-04T02:25:00.000+08:00

i can only say my prayers for you.

on the other hand, i can see how school gonna take over my life. the modules are getting tougher, and not to mention assignments. sigh. plus my overwhelming lazy-ness and inability to concentrate even for 1 hour to sit down and squeeeeeeze those brain juices. sigh. tests are looming fast into my face too.
screw my oh-so-conducive-study environment. pfffttt.

work hard? unf, idk, i'm motivated-less as for now.

stage 2 will definitely be much more challenging than this.

chiao.

sleep

2010-08-03T00:46:00.000+08:00

i should really correct my sleeping patterns. geez.

if not...

hahaha. okay so random. whatever.

chiao.

oh bother

2010-07-28T03:05:00.000+08:00

it bothers me much that i cant study properly. grrr.

it bothers me too that some reaaaaalllyyyy unnecessary issues are occupying my mind (with some exceptions like khun and dubu issues of course) ^.^

and i cant sleep properly these days.

chiao.

dark circles

2010-07-24T02:36:00.000+08:00

my dark circles are just...... getting darker.

dubu overdose.

and my brain is a mess of shinee goo.

LUCIFER~!

2010-07-19T22:45:00.001+08:00

no, i havent forgot them. BUT THE TIME NOW IS LUCIFERRRR~
oh yeah baybeh.

so.. thats it, blogspot will be my soul. tumblr will be my sin. light of my life, fire of my loins. [if you know what i mean, but if you dont, all the better.]

last week's lectures were scarily intense. financial math yo. have you ever heard me and math going together? uh no, we have this intense love-hate complicated relationship which me myself is baffled till this day. fell sick on friday but still gotta do housework. sat, more housework (gonna die of doing housework. whoever hears of a person dying from doing too much cleaning? thats me) sunday, managed to escape but got scolded so badly. whoever gets scolded for studying? ah~ me! me! yay! *rolls eyes*

monday, my voice is still funny, nose is still a leaking tap, head is still playing tabla. woke up late when i was supposed to come to school early and print accounts notes. but yeah, the stupid cold medicine just had to have its way, i slept for like 10 hours straight! sigh. and, accounts lecture is... proforma balance sheet .. bla bla bla.. 95% of utilisation of assets... EFN... me: HUH? *OMG I AM SO DEAD*

even though its the third week of school but i seem to havent catch up with my friends or EVEN START on any assignments. everyday is just mere running around the lecture rooms. sigh.
but shinee's lucifer saves the day! wheeeeeeeeeeeeee.

right, the coast seems clear now. i can start studying. like finally. time:10:43pm. i wonder when i will get my sleep today. "awesomeness!"

sabar je la....

chiao.

i cant wait for 19th! minho, get well nowww^^

2010-07-14T00:31:00.000+08:00

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

i just had to man.. i just have to...

yesterday i felt mnduytgadckjqwitdyghadnsal!!!

today NBVHFRTYGUJHGFCXFSRTDYFGUHJK!!!

yeah.

wanna spam again with moreee~~~~

ok, i'll stop here.

its good to be a shawol.

HUK! TMR BTT! ORH MAI GAWD!

chiao.

weird

2010-07-11T21:47:00.001+08:00

somebody conk me in the head before i go any weirder.

credits to kmSJjewel@2OD

defaction

2010-07-09T00:34:00.000+08:00

today's homeward journey was strangely familiar. like 2 years ago. when i was defacted. that rejection. that poker face. that same feeling.

never mind, smile. av credits to simone@SFI

lets see, so whats the sweetest 10 things a guy can ever do for a girl? hahaha.
[taec, answer this!!! i bet you can list it off your fingertips after watching the mv soooooo many times]

this sem is sureeee gonna be damn interesting. :)

chiao.

tired

2010-07-06T22:47:00.001+08:00

credits to simone@SFI

well, i beg of you to give me the patience and strength to carry on.

'cos i'll really need it like ALOT.

from taking care of her; well nobody knows or wants to give her medcine, her food, doc appointments etc[i pray i wont be like them when i grow up], cleaning[that includes vacuuming, mopping, washing the toilet and all things that are categorised as cleaning], sometimes cooking, the odd job worker carrying things from 15kg rice sacks to serving them food, settling school fees from the bank to mendaki to school and bank again; like wth lah, to the family counsellor[emotionally draining after each session] and last but not least, to being a half-bread-winner.

i dont know if i can last long.

i'm tired.

chiao.

2010-07-04T23:14:00.000+08:00

hahahaha. funnyfunnyfunny.

tomorrow school starts. O.O
so its time to FOCUSFOCUSFOCUS

hhmmm. alot on my mind. alot to sort out.
for now, i'll just pray alot.

chiao.

love

2010-07-03T16:13:00.003+08:00

i'll call this love at first sight!

taec, can i share siwon with you puh-leaseee? i noticed he look exactly like my prev grp member 'that-one' in this vid! esp with the white shirt! and kyu's angelic voice. omo, donghae+ teukie was all smiles. awesomeness.

its raining

2010-06-30T23:23:00.000+08:00

it always rains the hardest on people who deserve the sun the most.

so i'll be a good girl and smile. like khun said, 'smile even when it rains! =]'

lol. barrage was awesome-ness man. but serves me right for not eating properly and mr gastric said hello to miss stomach.
met up irnanana today. awesome-ness but i was tired out real quick. haha.

school next week. need to sort my pilesssssssssssss of notes, start revise accounts T_T, revise my btt heh(oh horvie just his driving too wwwwweeeeeeeeee), settle mendaki issues and loads more which is too long a list to say it here.

i'm tired easily these days, physically and emotionally.

chiao.

2010-06-21T23:18:00.000+08:00

for taec :) hahaha.

for meee! kekekeke.

berserah

2010-06-20T01:48:00.000+08:00

emptyness.
well, sometimes anger though.

insyallah, when i have the rezeki, i will give back.

bills, invoices, fees=headaches.

sometimes, just leave it all to Him. 'cos i really dont what else to do.
cant eat, sleep or do anything else.

i'll give myself to You.

chiao.

PMS

2010-06-14T01:51:00.001+08:00

i cant help but grin whenever i think of our silly antenna and thumb games. oh and how silly we look when we do that chomp chilly chomp chomp games.

dang. i hate PMS. really. one moment your mood can be sky high and you just wanna jump and laugh at everything. but the next, you feel like the worst being on earth, so lonely, so inferior, so angry too at yourself, at everyone. you just want someone to listen to everything, pour everything out, for someone to just pat your back and say everything is okay. ~~[but that never happened sadly]~~ and you're left all alone to deal with it. ~~[but eventually you stood up again after the fall because you just have to; have to continue living]~~ and physically, your appetite flucuates. you go on silly binges in the middle of the night and the next day you starve yourself. your face became oily and pimples appear ~~[ggrrrr, dang you pimples]~~ and then comes the cramps. the numbs on the legs. cold feet, sometimes shivers too.

but i'd rather take it all in. rather than eating painkillers.

hhmmm. epiphany on several issues. i keep it to myself for now

chiao.

ragh

2010-06-08T23:40:00.003+08:00

exams results was astonishingly good. like unexpectedly good. but when i got to know of others' results, i dont feel THAT great anymore. but luckily those middle-aged-PMS-half-phsychotic ehems thinks otherwise. so i am perfectly safe for now of their naggings or whatsoever.

HOWEVER! i cant escape from their tauntings of getting married and having an evil in-law who tortures their daughter-in-law to do housework. Hence, i was forced into the kitchen till my hands were yellow from mixing herbs, chorse from the detergent and cuts from cutting onions, garlic and chillis.

ITS NOT LIKE I AM GOING TO FREAKING GET MARRIED NEXT WEEK RIGHTTTT~! ERGGGHHHHH.

sigh. i wanna go back to schoooooooooooooooollllllllllllllllllll. *sobs*

someone, save me. take me away.

anxiety isnt good for health.

but somehow it cant be helped,

what, why?

WHAT IF..?

i wonder.

chiao.

-_____-

2010-06-02T20:43:00.002+08:00

nerves nerves nerves are killing me. well, its tomorrow. mummy has perfect confidence in me. but i dont. i know its no use worrying about it. like its all finalised so everything is confirmed whether i'll make it or not. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i really wanna scream out now. i know i've done my best though.
my resolution: i am so gonna study many times harder next sem thats for sure. work many times harder. get more $$ to support myself and to go overseas for internship next year. (the troubles of a full-time student who has to support herself. sigh what to do..)

still healing this bruised heart. (ehw so jiwang, yuck) anyway, i'll just enjoy the entertainment thats provided. i should stop listening to ballads and watch FO maybe to cheer me up.

bored but i realised that i have alot of stuff to do at home. hahaha.

anyone who's free enough to go shop with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? harloooooooooooooo anyoneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? i hear empty echos. i guess not. bleah whatever. -___-

i'd rather be busy than be this bored and start thinking about nonsense.

chiao.

E.L.F

2010-05-29T00:21:00.003+08:00

dorks <3

i removed the taggie. damn stop spamming with adverts!

and i want to go for suju showcase PLEASE.

sigh. i guess that will never happen.lah.

bake again today. erhm oreo butter cake. screwed. but mummy loves it. i dont know. everyone else said its ok. i think its lacking some 20%. not nice. T__T

and thanks xinmin, zhong and sinta for dinner today :) guess they're my only ac classmates that i can really get along with.

awesomeness overload. i think the cameraman today is good. they captured taec's fav perv part. hahahaha. ;)

they won again!! yahuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. seeseesee donghae's face during the speech? wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
teukie throwing the flowers without the wrapper to fangirls(HAHAHAHAHA)+shindong's flash abs. hahahaha+ sulli trying heechul's shades and imitating his part. lol. plusplus the ad after the show- haha khun's minute maid CF. haha where is the pulp?

i think i am going crazeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
kakak's reaction?- 'YA ALLAH SHAHEERA...'
shamil's reaction?- 'EEEE, kakak da gile eh?'
perhaps?

i'm not sleepy.
chiao.

marble cakee

2010-05-17T16:27:00.001+08:00

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)

success!

maybe i should bake every weekend.

but who'll eat it?

chiao.

ragh

2010-05-16T21:24:00.000+08:00

in a state of self-destructive rage.

ragh.

miinah+NU A.B.O

2010-05-12T11:16:00.004+08:00

i wonder why i cant get close to you. always wondered. honestly, i felt jealous when other people are close to thiers. i realise that you've never and its really NEVER, supported nor tried to accept me as i am.

while i am one stubborn girl who never accepts your critisms.

what a great combination.

this song is ssooo addictive. awesome.

cant wait for the full MV coming out today~!

SIGH.

after 20 years of blessed life, i only have 1 wish. to have a place called home. thats all.
why do i feel like i am being dragged around today. =.='
chiao.

10may1990

2010-05-10T00:41:00.007+08:00

oh yeah, happy birthday to me.

and happy mummy's day to all mummy-s

credits to promiile@SFI

this guy here! he updated his IPLE and and and*spazzing* posted a pic of Onjuboong!!! and wrote some msg to SFI. happy? beyond it. ehehehehehehhehehe.

credits to madiison@2OD

credits to madiison@2OD
this guy here!! he updated his me2day. happy-ness^^
guess what he posted. nyheahahahaha. onkey eating rice cakes! too bad cant post the pic here as well. if not.. *overload.

credits to madiison@2OD

lina will prolly go kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~ at minho's avatar above. lol. right right right?

i've loads more but i cant post it 'cos it not mine. gotta give credits and stuff.

what was i supposed to say...... erhmmmmmmmmm.

ouh~ thanks for the surprise at mad jack's :)

cupcakes or chocmint+peanutbutter brownies? or cookiedough brownie+choc ganache?

which one should i make....

chiao.

exams are overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2010-05-07T22:02:00.003+08:00

credits to heartfelt@2OD

was watching danbi(without subs and amazingly i can understand bits and pieces of what they said) and it was good. i think its a much more meaningful variety show compared to like _____ show. they went to the phillippines and showed the trash hills where people actually lived there. sigh. such a sight seriously breaks your heart. and the smell of the trash... khun didnt even cover his nose from the stench. if it was me.. i think i'll just break down and cry looking at all those innocent gruby young faces smiling.

on second thought, i think i'd rather give up internship for a exchange prog like this. like for once in my 20 years of life, i should do something meaningful for others; instead of whining and complaining every now and then. right?

hhmmm, felt like i have so many stuff to put here. but... my mind just went.... (blank) hahahaha.

oh yeah. exams are so overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. yahuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

ate dunkin donuts yumyumyum~~ like finally i got my cravings fulfilled! then ip man 2 with taec and oppa! awesome movie:) on tues went for facial with hiq. ouch. a new experience. then ramen.. ouhhh yummyyyy yummyyy. anddddd FRIED MARS BARS. sweetnees beyond your imgination. i was on cloud nine. hahaha. on wed got dragged to the airport by aisyah(fellow fangirl kekekeke) thurs and fri is just filled with tuition. sigh. this kid seriously need a spanking.

anyway.... tons of stuff to do. raghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

chiao.

the last leg

2010-05-02T22:13:00.002+08:00

its the last leg of the race. and my nervousness isnt easing away.

aja aja fighting okay!

chiao.

2010-05-01T20:20:00.000+08:00

OMG MY EYEBAGS ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOO BAD!

2010-04-28T23:19:00.002+08:00

you know the feeling of wanting to get out of a situation but you know you cant and have to face it?

feels like i dont have the will to fight on.

oh yeah, i got bird shitted again on mon after econs paper. birds sure love me. haha.

chiao.

2010-04-22T20:50:00.001+08:00

i am so angry but i cant get angry.

looks like i have to sleep at 4 am again today.

chiao.

2010-04-22T02:49:00.003+08:00

WHAT DO I DO.
OH MA GOSHHHH.
HOW COME I CANT GET THE ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING.
this constitute like 10marks in the short ans questions part.

and what about econs? i pray and pray.

god, help meh.

law?lets not think about it. YET.

andicantfallasleepyetithinkiamgoingcrazy.

bye.

2010-04-21T03:30:00.001+08:00

i cant sleep and i dont want to. can?

sigh. i havent finish law and econs.

eye bag, panda eyes. welcome!!

i'm not tired, really.

chiao.

2010-04-16T22:09:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA~~~~
doesnt the song and pictures fit soooo well.

chiao.

mug or you die

2010-04-14T00:15:00.000+08:00

i dont care any more. i'll just concentrate on studying.
i dont want to have any regrets later.

mugmugmugmugmugmug.

not much time left. but so much more to study. will i be able to do this?

i think i'll go crazy.

chiao.

for my sayangs.

2010-04-09T00:10:00.004+08:00

happy happy happy. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. hahaha.

thanks dears for today.
irna: for a fruitful day of studying together. it makes me sane to have a slightly less than sane friend beside me studying too. heh.

hiq, khai, aj for the company and stories today. i miss you girls like mad. and i'm so sorry for not trying to like call you girls once in awhile and ask whats happening in your lives and everything. but i'm happy you girls are moving on in life so well! ((:

hiq, congrats for that ntu offer! all the best okay! welcome to uni life hahaha. and insyallah with the scholarship application. dont worry. my instincts tell me... you'll do good!
next step, get a boyfriend quick!!! hahaha.

khai, yay! poly over, hello uni! haha. although i am abit sad that i wont be seeing you for 3 months. but i am happy you got what you wanted! congrats yeah babe! work hard, and try to catch up with AJ can? ahahahaha. oh yes, take care of yourself while you're there okay. negeri orang la kata kan.. (although you'll be going only in sept! ahahaha i da start to get worried da..)
next step, get your degree! and i'm waiting for an invitation card like a few years down the road!:D

AJ, woah i have to say. ahahaha. the biggest progress. the best drama. hahahaha. i still remember when you were complaining how we'll grow up as spinsters. ahahaha. and how we will not ever get a bf. lol. but now... hahaha, funny how love can change a person. anyway, my dear friend, i hope you'll be happy with him. and yes, dont neglect your studies plus take care of yourself. about your fam.. well, sabar je la. i only too well how mothers can be. heh.
next progress! get yourself to australia and a degree since thats what you want right! and erhmm.. yeah kad jemputan maybe..? ahahahaha.

and me? still hanging there.

oh well...sigh. hanging on...

chiao.

2010-04-07T23:56:00.002+08:00

:) RDD

:) replay!!!

:) the mojo jojo song! wheeeeeeeeeeeee~

2010-04-06T00:26:00.001+08:00

this cracks me up so badly. lol~ hahahaha.

speak malay lah.

2010-03-29T22:17:00.003+08:00

this is seriously bugging me.

the aunties. well, aunties were gossiping (as usual) and guess what they were saying. they were talking about how so many of my cousins these days are going to AC schools.. like bla bla bla.. how smart they were.. and the comparing session starts. urgh, i seriously hate this. like how smart they were and how they dont need to o levels.. how they speak english so well.. and i pointed out that they are not good in malay though. and thats bad. AND GUESS WHAT THEY REPLIED! ahhhhh. its ok what. whats important is that you are good in english. you need english to survive you know. bleah. so what if you're good in it if you dont even know your mother tongue. isnt it a shame? not knowing your roots, the language that your grandparents speak in, your great grandparents spoke in. S o what if you're good in what you're doing but you cant communicate with your society and community in your mother tongue well? arent you ashamed?

they dont know how bad this problem is do they? i'm so pissed by their remarks. i cant believe even such aunties actually find not being able to speak malay well alright. atrocious.

guess how many students in my higher malay class were native malay students and how many were non-malay? there were more non-malays in my higher malay class! how shameful is that! and guess how 'big' my malay literature class back in AC is? yeah, 5 measly, sad people. 5! and the numbers for the past cohorts are dwindling too.

isnt it sad?

chiao.

exams. again.

2010-03-28T22:02:00.004+08:00

ChanKhunJunhoJun.kJayTaecWoo

official hiatus. :]

from all things associated with k-pop *pouts and everything else that can get me distracted.

the problem is... 2pm's come back is in april. and i'm having exams. sigh. no khun=major sadness.

no, think about EXAMS!

chiao.

mo jo jo headache.

2010-03-25T22:17:00.003+08:00

i saw mummies today! ahahaha. yes, real ones. wrapped in cloth. they're huge. and weird. i wonder how they really look like. how they live, what they eat, nice or not? ahahahaha. how was the weather, hot? how do they go about their daily lives? ehy so many questions.

anyway, borong shawl! :))) seha, next time we borong again okay?

irna, next time we study together again okay? i am inspired by your democracy essay! and i think it was a fruitful study session since i got to concentrate better then i normally do.

anyway, editing is a MOJO JO JO HEADACHE.
isey bedah.

went to get kak yani's wedding card. gosh, its nice! haha. and they told me i gained weight. paranoid me freaked out. mummy scolded me for being fat tooo! T_________T but being my mummy, she told me some pointers that she did when she was my age to lose weight. kekekekeke. number 1! sleep early. 2! wake up early and run+dont sleep after subuh! ooppppsss! heh. 3! count your calories! oh my gawdddddddddddd. seriously? she said yes, if you wanna lose like 5-6kg. thanks mummy. i'll think abt that calorie thingy. 4! no rice or carbo, no junk food+ no eating aft 7. okay, this one can. (:

for the betterment of oneself! here i come! sleep early? i havent finish editing uh. T_T how?

chiao.

crabby patty day

2010-03-23T13:36:00.004+08:00

i miss them. eh wait, wheres khai and az? tsk, incomplete.

amazing crabby patty day yesterday. and enthu pissed me off so badly. grrrr.

i dont want to be a weeeeeakling. but. sighs.

weird dreams. cryptic-like dreams. or its just my mind playing games?

ehhhh i cant wait for thurs ^^

now. for the dreading part.. PROJECTS+STUDY. T____T

chiao.

2010-03-22T01:22:00.001+08:00

at this rate, i think i am going crazy.

seriously.

and i cant even think about what that girl emailed me for mad's proj.

chiao.

suju!

2010-03-21T23:56:00.002+08:00

omg omg omg. i so miss the old suju. where all 13 are just happy smiling. miracle always made me smile! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

anyways. today was egg-citing! ud birthday! happy birthday ud! damn. i miss those days we mugged and studied sastera together. haha. all those essays.. and those times in the lib toiling hard, squeezing our brains. then its theathre time! wow. its been a long..... time since i get into such intense discussions about the prevalent social issues. intersting. and i'm looking forward to theathre!!! weheeeee.

been eating tooo much this week. gosh. wed was ayam penyet with oppa, thurs was sushi buffet with seri, fri was lau pa sat seafood dinner, sun sushi again with ud+star bucks with seniors. i should start working out again. but.. i'm sick. :(

when am i going to get well. i can concentrate on my work. horrible pysically, mentally and emotionally.

reports and more reports.

chiao.

budgetreportthingysbleah

2010-03-16T01:04:00.003+08:00

budget report highlights: 52 page. 26 pages read.24 more to go. yay! *yawns.................................

screammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. ah, khun brushed her teeth!!!!

i guess a string of HDs dont really matter now. I just need those kind of marks for the final results. ALL HDS :D how about that? big dreams, small abilities.

i think i really need to study. T____T

i was wondering where did all my passion, energy and drive have gone to? i used to be more hardworking, more focused and smarter(in some ways)... these days... i just float by going thru the motion of going to school and listening to lectures and project meetings. i wonder what goes into my head these days. i know rambling here is of no use. i guess i need a tight slap to wake me up.

and yeah that stupid migraine is here again.

chiao.

projects.

2010-03-08T10:36:00.003+08:00

badoque was awesome as always. :)) lost my first kiss to aishah r. ok, kidding. ahahaha. and got my pinky bitten by khai. ahahahaha. food was great. loveee my si tongkol.

projects is driving me crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. and i cant believe singaporean's english was this bad. i thought my english was bad enough. my essay was crap enough. i mean.. heloooo we're in university! and we're sending these reports to australia dudes! gosh. and i cant stand last minute work. f***. then give me to edit the day before submission.

oh, what about madrasah's report? yeah, i'll be the one hurrying and ushering people to do thier work. sometimes i wonder if i'm being used or i'm just plain naive.

ok, i need anger management+ i am hungry. apam balik sounds nice right now.

where is my polaroidsss~~~!!! khun!

ok, i'm not a traitor. still a true hottest. just that i love beastttttttttttttttt! yoseob vocals are just.. dang awesome!

quit it girl. -_-
FINE, I'LL STOP SPAZZING. FOR NOW. HEH.

chiao.

i fell asleep while teaching.

2010-03-04T00:08:00.005+08:00

credits to Heartfelt@2od yes, these were the happy times. when 7=1

now, i dont know who or what to believe in.

but 1 thing's for sure,

i'll still believe in j

and not forgetting my khun^^

ppsssttt! mummy approves of jong hyun

and kak agrees with me that khun is just... JJANG! :))

muahahaha.

Y Si Fuera Ella blew me away ^^

the black swan. impact of the highly improbable. hhmmm, got me into a really deep thinking. which made me quite awake for very much the whole of the train rides to and back from school.

oushhhh. meeting minutes+getting bullied by my all-guys team. thanks uh guys.

i was so tired that i fell asleep while teaching just now. WOW. and i thought.. what if i just fell asleep while walking? quite probable eh when you only had like 2-3 hrs of sleep the past 4-5 days.

i can totally do this! if i can go through ac life, why cant i endure this? positivity is the best during times of emotional peril and anarchy. lol.

i cant stand people who lack the motivation to work hard. they are just.. how should you describe these people? i mean.. i just cant stand sub-quality work which was put together in a few hours time before i bug you for it. there is just no reason why you should work any less harder than i am since we're in this together. so lets put our heads together and make sure we get a distiction at the very least please. urgh. effort, i just need to see that.

anyways, i cant wait to meet my wmts! sayang korang!

chiao.

mug or you die

2010-02-28T18:45:00.003+08:00

yeah, this guy here, broke alot of people's heart. but we still love him no matter what.

oh gosh. critical. critical. critical period.

hhmm. i should not get carried away with the issue regarding jay. ahas, shows how dedicated i am to 2oneday. bleahs. i just sayang them too much lahs.

plus. its the tests+projects dateline period.

ahhhhhh~~~ i think i really am going crazy this time round.

i'm getting the random cold shivers and stomach butterfly effects again and again today. feels like my head is gonna explode anytime soon too.

fine. no more youtube-ing, family-outing-ing or 2oneday-ing, blogging or anything that can distract me for the time being. or else you'll go crazy beyond repair!

MUG OR YOU DIE!

GOODBYEEEE!~~~

chiao.

happy+angry

2010-02-26T23:30:00.006+08:00

credits to hearfelt@2od *puffed cheeks O.O

i can seriously strangle someone now. raghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i really should work harder for my tests. AND projects especially.
But body tells heart, 'you are going to fall sick soon, so better sleep early!' but heart says, 'I cant! i have financial planing test and reports to write!' Body says, 'SCREW IT!' Heart replied, ' I'm sorry body, i just cant...' and so body+heart stayed up late to study and write reports. sigh. So now, body has a banging headache and a swollen heart from keeping in anger.

on a happier note, alhamdullilah for commercial law test. i almost did sujud syukur. god knows how i felt.

:)

God, grant me more patience to deal with this. T__________________T

chiao.

its a mess.

2010-02-23T22:12:00.005+08:00

credits to hearfelt@2od its a wonder why i always have to clean up after people's mess.

yeah, jun, it sure does, i know...

but guess i'm used to it.

chiao.

ok i still suck at econs drq.

2010-02-21T23:59:00.002+08:00

get ready for chiminology. mind boggling jargons. and complicated graphs.

ok fine, its not that bad. but i realllllyyyyyyyyyy gotta do well. sighs. econseconseconseconsecons. somehow i remember mr mash's face. hahahaha.
projects? i'm on panic mode. its back to those staring-at-the-laptop-cluelessly nights for hours. it isnt progressing. my group sucks at communicating. its like theres this big wall we're talking thorough each other. i wonder why. maybe its just me thats too thick-skinned to care about being shy.

how come i cant post gif pictures here. T.T maybe i should change to lj or wordpress or tumblr. hhmmm.

anyways, i miss alot of people. my acband mates. my juniors, seniors. its been dinosaur years that we met. i saw some pictures of us back then. hhmm. something that i will never forget. those tears, sweat and what not we went through. hah. alumni anyone? should i go?? hhmmm...

chiao.

bored+no mood

2010-02-15T21:43:00.004+08:00

wooyoung^^

bored.bored.bored. although i have reports to write, research papers and review papers to scruntinise plus plus more research to do. oh, and macro test next monday. just NO MOOD. period.

and singapore is totally like ghost town now. no shops are opened. well, maybe for macs and KFC.. TT i thought of shopping but thats out of the question right.

so whats the most embarassing thing that possibly can happen to you first thing in the morning? ahahahah.

how about... when you just woke up.. still half asleep, with pyjamas, dishrivelled hair, maybe or maybe not eye snot in your half opened eyes.. you went out of the house to take your towel and there you go.. the hot guy next door is looking at you while tying his shoelaces. OMGGGGGGGGGG~~~

sigh. i'll live with that.

sunday.. hhmm, 3 movies straight. entertaining. but i think my butt just got much much flatter. plus plus, the 1 hr train ride home, loads of shadows and tom yum smell lingering throughout the journey home. haha. ah~ an experince worth not to remember. heh.

oh, my fat+short finger is such a ^%$&^*&^%$!!! when playing the guitar. gggrrr.

PS: i miss my WMTs.

chiao.

home not so homely

2010-02-05T21:22:00.003+08:00

there are reasons why i hate be to be home.

just dont ask me why.

because i really hate being here right now.

interview for syog was really... an eye-opener. how competitive the world out there really is. how sheltered we really are.

all the more i wanna go out there.

i really want this internship. but but but. MOL.LA.

chiao.

sigh

2010-02-02T16:27:00.004+08:00

have you felt like you're not doing enough? like there's a lack somewhere...?

this week at a glance...

tuesday: proj research for MCS and macro- which isnt going anywhere.. loads and loads of review paper, consultation papers and newspaper reports to read.
and i havent even attempt to draft out my report for MCS grp work.
MCS pair work also not moving. there seems to be always something that i need to edit and change. like theres always something not right. and its always not good enough. sigh.

tutiton- ahh.. havent buy that minah's science assessment book.

wednesday: dieee~~~ proj meeting!

thursday: breakfast date with divi! :) pairwork proj meeting. hopefully we dont digress. sheesh. theres more to life than kpop.

friday: JB? i dont know.. so many things to do but i still bother going to JB? well.. if i dont, mummy will be upset that i didnt accompany her.

sigh.
saturday: madrasah. OH NO. i havent do my homework. meet up with sehaaa :)

sunday: madrasah again. how many of these classes do i have? ehehhh~~ :D only 2.

conclusion: i better manage my time properly. stop youtubing. and work harder la makcik! TT.TT

maybe.maybe.maybe.

2010-01-21T00:56:00.006+08:00

credits to heartfelt@2OD
have you ever stood in the middle of a crowd and still feel lonely?
why do some people keep poping up in your life when you thought that they were gone for good?

maybe.maybe. maybe.
its a sign.

anyways. the big migraine is here. ok, dont complain. and my thighs are screaming~~~~ help!!!

i'm hungry. KFC sounds good right now.

back to squeeeeezing more brain juices.
chiao.

i forgot!

2010-01-18T00:24:00.003+08:00

get get getting jiggy jiggyyyyy~~~
bing bing bing bang bang! woo!

ENOUGH.

oh i forgot that i have this businesss proposal that i have to draft up. great,with much sarcasm. its a real business deal by the way.
projects with all due respect is piling up. way to go!
tutorials? yay!
revising? pure awesomeness.
oh, aiesec registration. i forgot about that too. -_-

and many other countless etc stuffs.
maybe chicken essence will be good for my aging brain.

chiao.

anything luh

2010-01-08T09:50:00.003+08:00

wow. schools in. busy. busy. busy. but projects are not in yet. i wonder who my group members will be. hopefully they arent some bitch or something alike.

anyways, saw a heroic act yesterday. a worm being saved. man.. that dude is totally saves the day. wed.. went to jb at 10pm. hoho.. reached home at 3am. awesome huh. tues, watched chipmunk with taec. heheeeee and embarassed ourselves. aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~~~~~ T.T 2 times in a row! oh gosh. seriously.

*looks at the time. OMG. I AM SO LATE FOR SCHOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL..............

chiao.

back

2009-12-06T23:25:00.002+08:00

its been ages yeah.

oh well. exams are well over and i'm well enjoying my holidays. Results are out too. what can i say? not up to expectations definitely. ESPECIALLY ACCOUNTING. ergh. *rolls eyes. $1k down the drain. sigh. next sem will be more challenging. considering theres modules like law and macroecons. T.T plus! projects. i wonder who will be my group mates. this sem group mates are awesome. ^^

hiq's back. :))) ft island is coming BUT yeah, i cant go. &TUTFUYTE$%^&*456890$^%&*(!!!!

zhong's birthday party was good. his family was really warm. :D glad that the 3 of us can get along till now.

thats abt it i guess.

heres t the end of my holiday. work tomorrow. SIGH~~~

chiao.

a battle within

2009-10-28T23:55:00.004+08:00

sometimes i feel like just crying it all out and let it all go.
sometimes i feel that i should hold back the tears, be brave and fight.

seems like i'm the only one fighting this battle.

ah, i dont know.

but i've vowed to never shed a tear again.

so sick and tired. emotionally, physically.

seems like if i dont do well enough for this exam, i may not be able to continue with studies eh. and the only thing i want now is a place called home. thats all.

chiao.

mug time! wwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2009-10-14T11:19:00.002+08:00

officially on hiatus.
do not disturb.

MUG OR YOU DIE!

uuhhh i wanna play with jay. sighs.
damn! after exams man!! you just wait!
haha.
alright, time to mugggg~~~~
chiao.

2009-10-12T13:37:00.000+08:00

<3 them.
and khun's definitely more then just an eye candy.

chiao.

the flower

2009-10-11T23:34:00.002+08:00

to become beautiful, you must endure pain.
to become perfect, you must hold in sadness.
where is the flower which blooms without getting soaked by the pouring rain?

i hate it when someone's words made an impact on me, esp when that person is someone who doesnt know how significant he is. oh well. ok, lets move on in life.

major projects are finally over. only left with the role play project which i have to act. oh my. and exams, which i am supposed to study. haha. whatever. absolutely no mood.

love, sincerity. give me a chance to learn about it.

really.

2009-10-02T23:31:00.003+08:00

really, how could you think of me like that? say things of me like that.

ouch. i feel a great stabbing pain there.

congrats, for making me feel like the worst person ever to walked on earth.
no kidding. you really made me feel that way today.

chiao.

paboimnida

2009-09-17T00:17:00.001+08:00

seriously... why cant i just do something well? like be good in something?

pabo.

chiao.

eyeballs

2009-09-16T01:09:00.003+08:00

so.. can eyeballs really roll out? i have the feeling that its going to happen to me soon.
welcome, dark circles and panda eyes. yay.

i'm getting really worked up with all these tests and project deadlines approaching.

3 days to raya and i still havent got my baju kurung this year.

anyway, eid mubarak peopleeeeeeeeeeee!
wwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
chiao. :))))

PARK JAEBOM

2009-09-09T23:36:00.002+08:00

oh man, jay... 2pm wouldnt be hottest anymore without jay! right. i am so effing sad now. cant believe i am affected until like this. i bet the rest of the boys are under so much stress now. sigh. rumours say that junho's the next leader. sigh. and the boys were seen crying at the airport when jay left. and wooyoung fainted, in hospital now.

damn who can sing, rap and break like jay!? TELL MEEEE! ah. watching wild bunny, hot blood, idol army again. ahw, i want jaebom leadja back!

i'm missing hiq already. i hate airports. really i do.

chiao.

2009-09-08T00:06:00.001+08:00

kekeke. <3
2pm! wwwwwwweeeeeeeeee

giant dreams, midget abilities.

sigh

right, time to study.

chiao.

2009-09-05T00:17:00.001+08:00

fight, fight, FIGHT!

and i will succeed.

hear that, i will.

chiao.

when you think it's the end, or there's no way out, or i'm going to die, it'll never going to happen~you can overcome no matter how hard life is.

school

2009-08-30T22:54:00.000+08:00

its been ages since i've updated. 4 weeks of school. i cant say its was bad. but i expected it to be better. nonetheless, i'm glad my project grp members were truly cooperative and responsible despite being such playful guys. :)) found a suju+2pm addict like me. haha. we're good friends now. hehe. oh, found a leeteuk and siwon twin in my course. *faints* but i need to focus. my concentration span is only 5 secs i think. gosh, i gotta buck up, focus and study.

its a week into ramadhan. missing many people. and, and...sigh, hiq is going away.. :(

nickhun!! :)) *melts....

guess that abt it.

chiao.

2009-08-15T00:13:00.002+08:00

seriously. i can burst out in anger.
so tired. so angry.

complaining again. i should shut up. and study.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. geram.

chiao.

projects.

2009-08-12T00:11:00.003+08:00

rabak ah i thought my proj is easy peasy. yeah right. easy peasy to comprehend ONLY. but when i ponder and analyse the questions, shit. oh nooooooooooooo. ah my brain's quite fried from accounts and economic analysis eh. tmr accounts again. cash balance, brought forward, marking up. oh new homework and new project! omg. how many projects seh.

thinking back again, some of the stuff that i did when i was working in income was actually very relevant to what i am studying now! hehehe.

and omg, my coursemates are like how frighteningly competitive. damn.

but BRING IT ON BEYBEH!

hahaha.

chiao.

paranoia

2009-08-06T23:51:00.000+08:00

maybe i'm just being paranoid. i'm panicking. i really need to study. i cant imagine myself failing. oh my, impossible.

ahhh.

chiao.

SCHOOL

2009-08-04T00:37:00.002+08:00

1st day of school and i was late! hehehe. but things turned out well after that.
NOW! geram ah. i cant log in to acess my schedule, print course notes, assingments, etc. ahhh how! no notes for tmr's lesson!

but happy. :D nonetheless.

chiao!

<3 suju!

2009-08-02T22:21:00.000+08:00

suju made my day yet again! and made me cry too! reallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy love then.

ohkay, school's tmr!! wwwwwwwwwwwweeee. egg-citing!

me-> ELF! wohooo!

chiao!

merepeks.

2009-07-31T15:49:00.001+08:00

this is so merepek. its like politics between menopausal half-a-century aunties who has no life. wtf. AND I AM CAUGHT IN BETWEEN IT. f-la.

aahh.

i is missing someone.

ohoh. i love this song!

chiao.

sigh

2009-07-29T14:43:00.000+08:00

teaching isnt an easy thing eh. it doesnt just involve the student and teacher, but also the student's parents. what makes it worst is that the student doesnt co-operate but wants results. the mother, being on the student's side will protect her. the teacher on the other hand wants to teach her so badly but cant get anything to work out. that just suck.

i hate being forced to do things that i do not want. i hhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttteeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it.
omg. i feel so angry. and you always know how to look so sympathetic that i will eventually give in. and if i dont, you'll say all those hurtful things that i never seem to be able to forget. its painful. and when i do something good, its never acknowledged or appreciated. thats so nice of you. you always want your way but i never got to do anything my way.

somehow, it frustrates me that i cant do anything to change the situation. its frustrates me even more that no one is listening to me. it frustrates me even more that no one else here wants to do anything abt it and keep asking me to do something. i'm not a superwoman ah.

guess all this while i was only in denial. trying to convince my self that i'm alright.

chiao.

run

2009-07-28T23:07:00.000+08:00

i dont know whats wrong with blogger or mine IE. the layout is all screwed up!

hhmmm. sigh.

i wanna run away from here.bye.

chiao.

:)))

2009-07-19T00:41:00.003+08:00

this is oh so cute.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH. suju just got themselves a new fan!!!

alright, i'm stopping work like soon. kinda sad but i cant wait for school. :D although i dont know excatly whos in sim. BUT I AM SO GONNA ENJOY MY UNI DAYS. muahahahahaha. and study hard!

orientation next week! wwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. ohoh! mandaki approved my loan. heh.

chiao.

2009-07-16T00:49:00.001+08:00

somehow, my heart is aching...

a story i cant tell

2009-07-09T23:24:00.001+08:00

a story i cant tell. sigh.
what a horrible day.

chiao.