difficult times

this week has been the worst week of my life. and i tell u the WORST!! ergh. i cry at the slightest provoke. at anything. when those ppl had public caning, i was on the verge of crying, of course lah i hid it. i cant show ppl that i'm crying especially when its at parade square. then ms nura made me cry. of course i was trying damn hard lah to hide it. she told us of the rumours that the student frm our class had told the teacher. i told u!! there are hypocrites in our class.. damn..haiyo.. dunno lah.. then watch movie during hist. terrible movie. i cried too.but no one see larh, again. all those sufferings that ppl had to go through because of wars. i hate it. hitler is sso damn freaking cruel larh. then its the oral. i was determined not to let my nerves get the better of me. but i think i wasnt thinking properly and i said illogical stuff. gosh.. the examiner was like giving that kind of i-dont-understand-what-you-are talking-about face. i was kinda pissed off actually by her. ergh. and bai is confident she can get a distinc for oral. oklah.. wth..

its just one of those periods in life that u get pissed off by damn every little thing. and home was not a comfort for me either. i wish i can just run away frm all my probs. but i know i cant. i have to face it. mum only knows how to scold me when there is housework to be done. cant she ask other ppl in the house? and i'm taking my o levels this year for goodness sake. she's always scolding me for the slightest stuff. even when she's angry, she'll scream at me. coming home aft a really stupid shitty day at school and u just wanna talk to someone like your mum but she is not there. in sch, i feel so lonely. i dont have frens. come home, its empty. i feel so empty. ergh. i cant cry. i'm tried of crying. no more tears left to shed. them dad? in his own freaking world. why must he be the garantor for his bro?? who wants to led a better life but make us suffer? what if our hse is seized? where do we stay? ergh. get a life man. i mean a brain. more likely. shit larh.. i shouldnt be ranting bout my family probs so publicly larh.. but where else can i vent my anger? i dont have frens where i can say all of this to. anyway, if i dont vent it, maybe i'll go crazy like shek ngai. bro is the worst ever person i can think of. i wish he would disappear. yes, i'm cruel but he's heartless. i want to get out of that hse. go somewhere i can smile and be me. (that's in band)

as the days go by, o levels is getting nearer. its getting me edgy. tests makes me go mad. i have 3 higher malay compos to fiish up plus the five year series. my dnt... god, i pray to u, help me complete it. amin. tests, bio, chem, phy.. darn.. half my brain is in the drain. i cant think anymore.

i dont understand why i get frens that are so shitty. argh. khai said that i look like i dont appreciate my frens. but not saying it doesnt mean i dont ok.. i love my frens.. even though some hate me.. but i still LOVE my frens. ok.. its just that i dont know how to express my feelings ok. i grew up in a place where u dont go arnd and hug ppl and kiss them when u want to say u love them. its just hard for me. see frens together while i walk alone. it hurts ok. when walking frm parade square to class early in the morning... haiz.. shudnt frens help each other when they are in need? share everything together? not leave them in a ditch when they really need u most.. not taking advantage of them.. ish.. not backstabbing them.. shit larh..wth..

get back to reality man.. i shud be doing my hw..NOW! instead of blogging. actually i still have alot to say.. but wth.. longs posts are boring.. so no need to read again..
chiao ppl.