whirl of emotions

the last few days has been such a whirl of emotins for me.. gosh.. the ups and downs.. only to god i pray for his help.

on mon was like the last day 1aa5 2007 will be together ever as a whole class.. gosh.. its was really such an emotional moment.. weiyi cried.. hao became exceptionally crazy. most of us are going to appeal.. at that point of time.. everybody who is appealing were worried shit, like what if they cant get back in.. then.. that night, we went for dinner together. i'll upload the pics i took later. it was fun.. talking to everybody, watching everbody's antics. hahaaha.. when leaving.. i was the first one to leave by the way, i felt this sense of i-cant-let-go feeling.. amazingly i broke down in the mrt.. so embarasing la.. then the next day was doomsday. i got into mj. i cried. again. gosh.. actually i expected it la. i will get posted to mj again. so i was at ac at 9am to hand in my appeal. i saw irfan, weiyi and dora. then my band mates went to vivocity to slack arnd while waiting for band prac at 5pm later that day. but sadly i cant go.. mum wants me home.. so i went home to ease my emo mood at that time. i really felt terrible. having to seperate frm ac mates and adapting to other jc..i cried whenever i was alone.. so i slept most of the time to make myself forget everything. then the next day, i was supposed to report to mj. oh.. how terrible that feeling was. i felt so alone!!!!! like lost.. without any direction. even though there's aishah j with me. we finished our day in sch quite early so we went to town to slack again..to marina square. haha.. and i didnt notice the astro boy shop to the enterance to marina square. reminded me of richie.. hahaha.. that hairstyle. after to marina square, it was band time!! i was only too glad to be there. i didnt realise how attached i was to ac untill then. during sectionals..i cant believe i broke down in front of my sect mates!! gosh i was embarassed like what. that day was like really down. everyone was feeling low. edwin was also feeling so down. sheree.. even though she looks like she's always happy, i know she kinda stress now. amirah also actually wanted to cancel the prac that day. but of course, we cant. hahaha. then at 5.42pm, i got my call from ac!!!!!!!!! i ran around screaming and crying. haha.. secinds later, enjia and the rest got their calls. only 4 of us didnt get through. valerie,liyun, melvin and eileen. i feel so sad for them. i really do.

the next day i thought would be better. only slightly la.. but still.. i report to ac in morning. mum wasnt at all happy. she nag at me like she never nagged before. i thought getting good results would make her let me choose the school that i want but she still want to control it. the meridian ppl still call me.. hahaha.. asked me where i was. hahaha..i was in ac, enjoying my orientation!!! haha.. but then to go back to mj to sign my appeal form. it was such a long journey. i slept in the mrt. i went with stuart, zhan wei, shaun and eng loong. then came bck to ac with them too. quite glad they were there, if not i will be alone again and no one to talk to. it sucks being alone man. i look so pathetic whenever i'm alone. any ways.. then went for subj registration and joined my og. its orientation time!! so happy to meet them!!!! then i saw dora and richie sitting down looking so sad.. so i went over to say harlo.. but i sat down to talk to them.. listening to their rants evoke my guilt feeling that i had aft receiving the ac call. they havent got their appeals approved yet and both were so emo. i really feel so sad for them and guilty too.. for getting into ac without merit... like i cheated the moe system to get wat i want. i question too if i really deserve to be where i am now. am i taking the place of another person who's more deserving then i am? like these 2 people.. i felt so blessed and fortunate to be able to be an acsian. so i tried talking to them. but of course i have my responsibilities. i had band prac so i was again, emo-ing during band prac. but oh well richie got his call the next day so he's quite happy now. but dora... she told me she's still hoping.. haiz.. orientation the next day was great. but i cant go for the campfire night as mr leong wants to treat the dnt studs to swensens that night. yeah.. so missed the high fun at ac.. but its ok..i get to meet my friends aft such a long time.. also, i'll upload the pics later.. when i have the time.. hahaha.. anyways..sat band prac at acsi. it was.. how do i describe it.. hhmm... erm.. the sch was damn posh..airconditioned classrooms, lockers for everybody. super huge hall with aircon. scenic look outside the canteen and airconditioned somemore.. man.. the canteen looks like a hotel dining place.. even the boarding hse windows were nicer then my hse windows!!! how lucky u acsi boys are man...

aft the band prac, there was this emo speech by the j3s and the exco members. i tried to hide myself frm crying. but .. oh well, i didnt managed to do it. i think the j2's must be like blaming the j1s for the band's current performance. i just feel so sucky. b'cos i've tried so hard to improve, but just didnt improve. i suck. i felt like it was my fault that the band is like this. i didnt give more. i realised how much they feel for acband. how high they have brought acband to. and i dont want to be one of those ppl who bring ac band down aft such a lot of hardwork, time, effort and tears given out. i feel like crying now. i feel confused too. like what should i do to make ourselves as good as the last batch? i want us to imrove badly. i want this concert to be the best concert in my life since it is the first for me. i want ac band to be greater then before! but i dont know if everybody feels like i do. haiz.......

at home is stressful. i want to go out. escape frm all this.. i want to run away.

my entry is always sooo long and emo so i shall stop here.
tata, chiao.