i'm like sssoo good at masking my emotions now. heh. and i dont hope for people to confort me. sometimes i feel so stupid. why am i ssoo nice to people, helping people called friends, doing this and doing that for them but all they say are empty promises and leaving me behind when i need them. woke up with super puffy eyes this morning. i just look forward to band practice and yes, band practice was funny yet frustrating. the little acs junior boys were ssoo cute but irritating. running around Lt4 and crawling under the chairs playing hide and seek. one way to tame them, not to shout, u will just go crazy controlling them like i did, tell them in a firm voice to raise their hands and face the wall. ahaha.. the first time mr wong did that to kenneth, one of the cutest of all, i gaffawed! ahaha... and mr wong conduct pirates. haha, everybody wasnt happy with him. no comment, i wasnt there 'cos had to go for dental appt. aahh, i'm scheduled for another surgery like 2 weeks from now. aiyoyoyo... frustrating b'cos the band sounded like crazily out of tune. the acs junior kids cant even play a note properly and they dont want to play. i lost my mood to play laa.. but i play with ah chong, my cousin hahaha. he's funny. i called him manly bitch. then he'll wrestle me. ouch mannn.. its been such a long time since i wrestle with kids haha. being with these innocent children sometimes just brings joy to u. instead of being with some stupid suckers, narrow minded, insensitive freaks.

i need freedom badly.

chiao.

ah.. sad.sad.. i couldnt go for iftar. i dont care uh.. will go geylang jugak with farah this mon.. tengok je ah..
bukak sikit ah minda tu. so narrow minded. tak paham betol. zaman skarang pon masih ada org yg berfikiran kuno macam tu. dah la kuno, negative minded. cis. abeh nak semue org ikut rentak die. alamak, org pon ada hidup sendiri kan. abeh nak control-control org. cis. geram nye. macam aku nie 7 tahun. aku da 17 tahun!!!!!!! garh! u know what, because of u, i feel like my life is ssoo empty and kelam. macam tak ada fun langsung. jgn blame aku kalau aku tak tau nak bergaul dgn org. jangan salah kan aku lagi di masa hadapan.

hehe.. cant wait to meet with faraaaaaahhhhh.... wwwwwwwweeee!!!!!!!!

i went online shopping today. thanks eh sis, u make me broke now la. alamak..but i loveee the dress... woooooo....

OK, I'm seriously like panicking right now. the four days i'm not in sch, i just wonder how much i have missed out on the lessons thought. i'm so dead. so many stuff to catch up on. what if i cant catch up? whats more with the current results that my tests are showing, i am 95% sure i'm getting retained. i am dead. seriously. unless i do something drastic improvements to make myself improve. 3h2 passes and 1h1 pass. sounds easy but not really. terms is going to be much more harder but i'm going to do better. haiz.

tmr theres band prac. i cant wait for it. but, but, but. i still havent tell mum. die. she's gonna scream at me if i tell her i'm going to sch tmr. gosh... i can just hear her railing at me...'what! go to sch?! u have just recovered! cant u just stay at home? spent time with your family! go to sch and what? play your instrument, huh?! i dont care, stay at home!' oh man.. thats how she will go on and on all night. oh man..oh man...and she's like in a big bad mood right now! how.. how.. hhuurr...*sobs *sobs..aaarrrggghhh!!!!!! i'm 17 and she still control where i go, with who and what time i come home. damn i need my freedom.

OK, i'm not going to care. i'm 17. its time i make my own decisions and be responsible for it. yeah, i should . i will tell her somehow. then whatever happens, i shall pray to god. oh man... this sounds so silly. just going to sch on sat for cca is a freaking big headache for me la. i wish someone would understand this freaky mother of mine because even i dont understand her la!!!!!
whatever she wants me to do, i did it for her. even abandoning my dream to learn design at SP.
ok, whats past is past, its over. i'm not going to brood over it and cry.

damn i seriously need my own FREEDOM!!!!!