legally 18.

1oth may felt like any other day in my life. aft living and experiencing it for the 18th time, i felt quite numbed yesterday. well, i dont know how to feel or react actually. but thanks all. :) my section, for the 'birthday cake' haha, and perlini's silver necklace, em, enjia, soo and irna for the body shop gift, kak siti's gift which i still havent figure out what it is, kak wani for the dress and the cake! and all the other messages. thank youuuuu. oh yeah, happy birthday to justin too. haha.



reminiscing what happened last year made me realise that i had changed, somewhat. it was the day right before syf. syf came and i guess, the events that happened during and after it, i will remember for a very very long time. how they played roman feste, the announcement. the journey in the mrt. the surprisebirthday bash by my dear girls. i'll never forget that, khai, hiq, az and ais.

with so many things on my mind, i noticed that i'll always get quietand give that serious look when actually i was thinking about stuff. and people will thought i was emo-ing or soemthing like that.

i'd rather be alone.

i wanna quit. maybe i should, since i dont have any purpose anymore.

learn to get over it. that night, she cried herself to sleep.

chiao.

life goes on.

photo credits goes to dwayne and sheree!


i guess its ok if i'm not going to swiss but its just how certain people shows explicitly that they dont want me to go. treating me like a replacable commodity, who can be discarded when not in use but will be utilised when needed. i hope that certain people realise their mistake in time before other people treat them like that.

over the years as a band member, one important thing that i had learnt is that each member is unique, just like the sound they produce whether its a nice sound or an unearthly horrible sound. it tells everyone that that is so and so band. like us, we are ac band. therefore, no one is indispensable. whether you are the pro-est player or the player who always get scolded by dr lee, you are what makes the band sound as it is. therefore, no one is to be excluded. no one. and no matter what.

there goes my motivation to study. great....... BUT i wont let that certain people bring my down my confidence. AT ALL.





these few days, mummy has been spoiling me. by cooking for me all the dishes that i've been wanting to eat (like black pepper crab!), buying for me all those sweet stuff that i like ( brownies, apple strudle, mango cake from royals. ahw.. i feel so fat!) and buying for me just anything that i want. her reason? because i wont be able to eat all these for a long long time soon. ok, she meant well, but i feel so guilty. considering i used up all her savings for this operation. grrr.
not forgeting, she also bought loads of instant porridge mix. ahhhh...

i love my section. thanks sheree, edwin, for calling me up and talking to me. i felt reeeaaallyyy touched ok. haha.

chiao.

oh my, my mind is in a whirl now. what i am gonna say goes to diff indiv. so if u think i am talking abt u, hahaha

seeing u today just brings sadness to me because i realise i __ u (by the way, the blank is not'love'). i guess its better that we dont meet at all. i feel so awkward and embarassed when we meet. u seem awkward too. i know that even if it doesnt seem obvious to anyone.

it seem such a long time since we talked and when we talked, u bark at me. and know what i feel hurt. i know, i am such a petty person.

i dont know whats happening. where is all the talk about being together through thick and thin? being like a family? where is the encouragement that u always talk about? is acheiving so much so impt? i think it is the process and lesson learnt along the way that is the most impt. NOT the medal. to a certain extent, i do understand it is, but it is not everything.

where is the passion that used to run through me? where has to lost to? i wonder.

what is my purpose of being here? why am i doing something i have never wanted to?

god, i know he has plans for me. but just give me strength and love to help me suvive the rest of my life in this world.

i dont know whats happening to the world. the people. so much violence around. no one cares about anybody anymore. where is the care and love? so many people dying, suffering. the world is dying. so much pollution, greenhouse effect, glaciers melting. unless we do something, we will fall into an iceage in 50 years time. oh no.

now, i shall slap myself if i fall asleep again. i cant believe that i actually fall asleep but i didnt know i feel asleep. haha. slap myself* slap myself*
anyway, i think i am going to fail alot of my tests... HAIZ. but hell no, i am not just gonna whine and complain that i am going to fail, i will study more! anyway, that the only way to forget abt u.

i bet if i just disappear frm the face of this earth, no one would actually notice it. haha. omg, my body is aching all over frm pe just now la..hesh.

how insignificant i am. oh well, chiao.