weird

somebody conk me in the head before i go any weirder.

credits to kmSJjewel@2OD

ragh

my heart.. its so painful.
but why arent i even crying??

what am i gonna do?

chiao.

oh soggy fries!

when mummy allowed me to eat the soggy fries today, i sat outside macs and listened to the country music being blasted while waiting for the taxi, i felt like i am the happiest girl on earth. well, at that moment. hahaha. for the first time in dayssssss i ate solid food. although its only soggy fries. still! its not porridge! everyday is a day nearer to good food! hehe!


i just hate it when some of the actions of my friends showed that their boyfriends are much more important than their friends. (khai, i'm not targeting you ok, this is quite general.) it had happened too many times to me that i felt that i should let this out. its not like their boyfriend are going to be beside them when they broke up. what about before they get hitched? who's beside them? their girlfriends right? not their boyfriends. when they havent get attached yet, wherever they go, its their girlfriends. and when they get attached already, they abandone their girlfirends. it became so difficult just to meet for a few hours. although i booked you like weeks before, you still made plans to go out with him. i'm just hurt. call me petty or what. boyfriends more important than bestfriends huh? i question our relationship now. but i bet you dont see it dont you?

i cant say for sure if i get hitched in the future (if i ever, its not like i even care.)that i wont be like this, but i can assure you, i will be very careful about this.


i'm becoming an owl, i work at night, i sleep in the day. i hope this doesnt affect me when i get back to school.

and i need to go back to school like immediately!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant stand the thought of me being miles behind everyone else. i cant stand this. i feel like i am such a sloth, a glutton, doing nothing at home. (yeah right, rest, recover. i've recovered and back to my normal self. and i've rested too much.)

i thought of sneaking out of the house to go to school. hhmm maybe i should do that...

chiao.

whyyyyyyyyy???

when i get bored, i'll start to think. i'll go into my deep thinking mode.

like why do people want to avoid ageing? why?

why most relationships never last long? why does it always fade over time?

how do you know that person is trustworthy?

trust, accept, sincerity, love. and nothing else.

right?

ahw.. these questions are giving me headaches..

chiao.

why oh why!

huh.. its sun already? why oh why???????????? i was just starting to enjoy myself. wah lau...
and terms is in 2 weeks time. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. i vow to get at least C for all my subjects. hhmm maybe thats quite a high target. nvm, aim high.

i'm trying to forget what happened. i guess nobody's perfect and i should live on. depend on no one except myself. and i cant wait for band practice. 5 days without my eupho feels like torture.

i guess now i can appreciate all those long slow orchestra peices. its quite nice actually. i use to wonder why some people can listen to 30mins of piano concertos without falling asleep. now i know why. i guess u have to go through the musical muturity yourself then you'll understand the beauty of orchestra music.

since i was quite free, i started thinking. whats the singificance of us living on earth? why do we continue to live on despite all the challenges and obstacles that we face almost everyday? i think i know the answer now. :)

ohw..can i have another week of holiday. ragh.

chiao.

why?

i feel like i have so much to say but now, i'm kinda clueless. ok, first things first, dikir barat was awesome. i really enjoyed myself on stage. now, i am voiceless due to all the shouting and screaming that i did for the last few days.but i was almost late for school. oh well what the hell.

this will be quite a different post than the previous one. i miss doing what i love most. like drawing and drawing and drawing and drawing. and no one sees or critises it. b'cos what i draw is a reflection of what i feel at that time. talking about feelings...

i may not be a loving person b'cos i dont know how to show people that i love them. but that doesnt mean i dont love you. i am not the kind of girl who says i-love-u-s to people and give them hugs whenever they want or say you are my sunshine or mushy stuff like that. just b'cos i dont do all this doesnt mean i have no feelings just that i keep them to myself. and that means you cant treat me anyhow you like ok. i'm just so angry with some of my fucking friends. how they treat me so nicely when they have a problem and needs my help or when i have something that they want. wow. how they treated me. now, when i dont have anything and they dont have any problem. they just discard me. leave me. treat me with such cold stares and remarks. theres just this tingling feeling in my heart that i cant describe. but i can tell you, its painful.

now, i dont know who to turn to. b'cos its so painful, i want to cry. i want to turn to you but i'm afraid i will just be a burden to you or hurt you.

and i still dont understand, maybe i will never be able to. why are you so unreasonable? i didnt mean to hurt you and i feel sad that i did. so sad i feel like i want to... i dont know. why,why?

theres just something stuck in my throat now. my eyes feels hot. whatever la. i want to start drawing now.

ah, i do have someone to turn to. GOD.

PS happy chinese new year. bak kua, kua, kua. HAHAHA.


chiao.