its time, to move on.

i realise now. why i never want to listen to their rantings abt the 'good times', look at the many many pictures taken, the stories, the jokes made there and anything associated with it. the answer is simple, it still hurt. and alot.

unconciously, i was avoiding all that because i didnt want to feel the pain again. to face it. and now, confronting it was just as painful as during the days, weeks, months that it unfolds. although its been quite sometime.

i thought i was stronger though. well, let go and move on girl. its over.



writitng a book sounds great.



i feel horrigible. CHOCOLATESSSSSSSSS WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!



ohoh! happy 19th birthday shereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! haha. :)



chiao.

ragh

growing up isnt something so easy after all eh.

i knew that but never actually really embrace it.

i miss school to make my life a hell, friends to nonsense-nonsense with, band to make music, mcs to have fun, running to fall down again (hahahaha), screaming on the rooftop, laughing just to be happy. oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i miss my friends.


work has been keeping me busy and tired. but busy in the way that i sit in front of the com everyday and stare at it without talking with anyone... then when i'm out of office, i'll be so bored that i'll start pacing arnd at home. wanna go out but i'm under her clutches. no life right. tsk.

how do i break away from them and get my well deserved freedom?how long will this be? they need to realise i'm no more a lilttle girl. but they just wont accept it. i guess i'll have to try the harder way then. too bad.

hate it when people force me to do something. like wiping and scrubbing the floor with my bare hands. :( and this isnt trivial for me. ggrrrr.

i should find something to do that makes me happy.

but what?

chiao.

writhing in pain

the tag that all hospital patients had to wear.


the after effects of the op is just horrible ok. horrible. plus the fact that i miss acband and cant go swiss. i dont want to imagine the pile of work that i have to catch up when i get back to school. thinking abt my grades and a levels makes me feel nauseous.

some complication occurred during the op so i had 2 op instead of 1. hurhurrrr....

my face look like a puffer fish. the powerful antibiotics and painkilers makes me giddy and groggy and nauseous. i cant even stand, or else i just collapse to the floor. i cant eat, i'll just puke evrything out again. and the bleeding just wont stop.

aaaaaaahhhhhhh, save me. i feel like puking now. ergh, disgusting.

it pierces the heart. at that moment it feels like as if a knife is being slashed my wrists. but i cant show it. i just stare ahead as she continue to cry. at this crucial moment when i have to concentrate on my studies, such things are happening.

i can only pray to God. help me through this. keep my family together. give us strength. God, please.

i tell myself not to cry.

no, i wont. i shall be strong.

as time flies, i try hard to forget somethings and some people too. but sometimes i cant.