i am me. therefore i am.

feeling extreme emotions this week. at one point sooo sad and then aft that felt ssoo happy. i feel like banging my head on the wall.

i dont understand. i am just being me. why some poeple just cant accept me? ergh actually i dont care wheather u are happy or not with my presence. i will just live on with my life. but when u started bitching about me. i started to think, what wrong had i done to you that u really have to do this to me, BITCH? now that really concerns me. u made me so pissed off that i hate u alot now. having such a nice face and a hot bod is not gonna help in this world. u gotta have a heart. i was thinking, am i such an evil person that u have to do all that to me? oh freak, i am just a frigging human being. i have flaws. being just alil bit weird in class (damn.. i know i am a lil bit weird) doesnt mean anyone has the right to treat me differently u BITCH. being a human, i ponder alot.. why, what have i done to u that made u do all this? seriously.. i keep thinking that i am an evil person.. such a mean person. am i? well, i dont think so. even though sometimes i dont show that i miss somebody doesnt mean i dont. even though i feel sad and lonely deep inside i wont show it. even though i feel like crying, i'll keep it inside. eventhough i am supposed to be smiling, sometimes i dont because i dont feel theres a need to. eventhough i am supposed to be talking, sometimes i dont becuase there is nothing necessary to talk about. in conclusion, i am not what people think i am. only those really close to me will know the real me. like i will go really mad if i get really angry. like throwing chairs at people. oh well bitch, even though i hate u so much i will try not to and accept u being my friend. but oh well, i dont even want to talk to u because all u talk about is about bitching, gossiping, latest trends, latest sale in singapore and all those bimbotic talk. i hate that. cant u like talk about something more practical? eventhough i hate u bitch, i dont know why i still care about u and ur bitchy friends. i still give u tissue and ask whats wrong when u look down and sad. why did i do that? freak la, i feel like some used tool.

terms doesnt help at all. now i really feel like ramming into the wall.

but i guess.. setbacks is apart of growing up. eventhough i did study hard and i know i did, i have to work even much much more harder to get what i dream. i have to get up from this fall. everybody says, 'chill.. its just terms.. its ok..' its ok? freak, its ok? damn its not ok to me! i SERIOUSLY DONT WANT TO GET RETAINED!!! get that! oh my god. i seriously dont know what to do. i know i should get help. but i cant depend on people, they have to study too right. howhowhow. i dont know what to do with my disappointing grades.

ergh. i'll emo some other day.