recovery

its mass movement! its the downward movement of materials such as rocks and soil, etc, influenced by the force of gravity.

as you can see the word rocks and avalanche. its geog!!!


i wass so darn bored by studying. so ehehehe.. as you can see, terms is serious business.

true isnt it?

ok whats been happening? the greatest thing happening right now is that.. I FINISHED TERMS! yessssssssaaaaaaaaaa. wohooo. so now lets wait for results. which i am almost sure i will have to attend ssp. oh what the hell la. i've studied hard and early. i've done my best during the examinations. if i still cant pass. ggrr, i guess i have to try harder. esp geog, *rolls eyes. i wonder how my seniors who took geog actually managed to finish studying all of it? like seriously, how?? ok, enough thinking.

the weeks before terms were quite crazy for me.but i tried to relax.. cant afford to make the mistakes again, by panic-ing and all. band practice and studying for terms at the same time... i thought i will be screwed for terms but actually ok la. but wait, i am screwed for terms. went mugging with em, gerdine and enjia. i became quite stressed up with integration. and i got it at last on sat. kah-ching! ehehehe. then went to mug for geog with seha at esplanade lib. i think thats a really good place to study, seriously. even though i studied so much.. ahh just see the results la, how badly i screw up. but anyway, the last mt lesson was quite significant. hahaha. cikgu jam asked us to write a msg to each and everyone in class. and i got really sweet msg-es from my classmates. i was ssooo touched! ehehhehehe. then during band prac, 5 juniors came into my section. so not enough euphos to go arnd. and that prac was quite screwed up. i was in a darn stupid bad mood. ragh. i got hit by a rugby ball, someone almost abandone me and and a person's lack of passion, commitment and irresponsibility all add to my bad mood that night. freaky.. i was soo tired, angry and all. tons of hw to do, terms coming and the next day was mass pe. amazingly, i survived. wow. oh yeah aft that, band prac again and i guess my body just couldnt take it and i got muscle cramps on my legs that made me cringe in pain that day and i had to limp for a few days. ahahaha.

terms out, intensive prac for band is here i guess. band camp soon. I CANT WAIT!!!!! ah, there's still band concert tic to sell, fun o rama tic to sell. plus money issues like the switz trip and my surgery to think abt. oh god help meh. yeah meh. help meh.

chiao.

feeling extreme emotions this week. at one point sooo sad and then aft that felt ssoo happy. i feel like banging my head on the wall.

i dont understand. i am just being me. why some poeple just cant accept me? ergh actually i dont care wheather u are happy or not with my presence. i will just live on with my life. but when u started bitching about me. i started to think, what wrong had i done to you that u really have to do this to me, BITCH? now that really concerns me. u made me so pissed off that i hate u alot now. having such a nice face and a hot bod is not gonna help in this world. u gotta have a heart. i was thinking, am i such an evil person that u have to do all that to me? oh freak, i am just a frigging human being. i have flaws. being just alil bit weird in class (damn.. i know i am a lil bit weird) doesnt mean anyone has the right to treat me differently u BITCH. being a human, i ponder alot.. why, what have i done to u that made u do all this? seriously.. i keep thinking that i am an evil person.. such a mean person. am i? well, i dont think so. even though sometimes i dont show that i miss somebody doesnt mean i dont. even though i feel sad and lonely deep inside i wont show it. even though i feel like crying, i'll keep it inside. eventhough i am supposed to be smiling, sometimes i dont because i dont feel theres a need to. eventhough i am supposed to be talking, sometimes i dont becuase there is nothing necessary to talk about. in conclusion, i am not what people think i am. only those really close to me will know the real me. like i will go really mad if i get really angry. like throwing chairs at people. oh well bitch, even though i hate u so much i will try not to and accept u being my friend. but oh well, i dont even want to talk to u because all u talk about is about bitching, gossiping, latest trends, latest sale in singapore and all those bimbotic talk. i hate that. cant u like talk about something more practical? eventhough i hate u bitch, i dont know why i still care about u and ur bitchy friends. i still give u tissue and ask whats wrong when u look down and sad. why did i do that? freak la, i feel like some used tool.

terms doesnt help at all. now i really feel like ramming into the wall.

but i guess.. setbacks is apart of growing up. eventhough i did study hard and i know i did, i have to work even much much more harder to get what i dream. i have to get up from this fall. everybody says, 'chill.. its just terms.. its ok..' its ok? freak, its ok? damn its not ok to me! i SERIOUSLY DONT WANT TO GET RETAINED!!! get that! oh my god. i seriously dont know what to do. i know i should get help. but i cant depend on people, they have to study too right. howhowhow. i dont know what to do with my disappointing grades.

ergh. i'll emo some other day.

zzzzooooo my goooddd... i am sssooo deprived of band practice!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when is band practice gonna start???? whenwhenwhen!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. toots. thanks to irna, now i am crazy over lifehouse. thanks to seha, i cant get over the harry potter tune in my head. i still remember when i first played the harry potter song in band. it sounds like a lullaby. damn nice. thanks to enjia now i can download my own choice of songs online for FREE!! hear that!! for free!!! wwweee!!!!!!!!! i miss damaiwindz like ssssoooo much............. i remembered us playing all those songs and then laughing when we made a stupid mistake. overture jubiloso, concerto d'amor, ammerland, seventh night of july, eagle bend, silver gazebo, ross roy, rock and roll hall of fame, sponge bob squarepants haha.. cute stupid songs. band songs. thats what i want to play right now. and i want to play music!!!! aaaahhhh!!!!!!! i was looking back to all our photos. haha, balloon hat festival was the bestest performance i had ever had with damaiwindz. tsk. i wanna see my juniors. but ultimately, i want to be able to play songs like fantasy for euphonium and carnival of venice. hehe. big dreams. insyallah, i can. :) have to work extra x5 hard.

ok.. terms are finally over. such a relief. thanks gerdine, for lending your shoulder before geog paper. if not, i will just sit in the toilet for the whole exam. hehe. no hope. i will just prepare myself mentally for disappoinments again. SSP is for sure. gah. promos, i will dddoooo muuuuccchhhh beeettttteeerrrr!!!!!!! ok.. mugging will start soon for promos. for a levels sake, i will anything. argh. no life.

thurs was supposedly to be my last paper but but but.. a level mt oral came smacking into my face the next day. argh. screw it. i didnt elaborate my points, i spoke too fast and i didnt gave examples. damn. pressure is on me to get at least an a for malay. if not, i shall not be called a malay lit student. argh. then went emo-ing alone at bleachers while waiting for seha. erm.. no i went relaxing at the bleachers alone. yup, yup, relaxing. here's what i wrote while at the bleachers.

Angin petang menggesel pipiku
Sinar mentari petang manggigit kulit
Aku melihat mereka berlari-lari anak
Hatiku berdetik dan mindaku
teringatkannya
Ah, betapa aku merinduinya
Tka itu hatiku berdetak dengan pantas

Angin petang menggesel pipiku
Alunan musik mengusik melodi hati (this is damn jiwang karat.. i know)
Kelihatan dirinya sendang berlari juga
Hatiku menggarah mataku menatapnya
Mindaku menghalangnya
Aku tersenyum simpul
Aku tertunduk, hati berdentum kuat
Mataku mengerling ke arahnya.
Firasatku memberitahu bahawa dia merasa apa yang ku rasa

Angin petang menggesel pipiku
Bibirku mengukir senyuman
Dia mendonggak ke langit
Raut mukanya menahan perit mentari
Aku tahu dia tahu kehadiranku di sini
Aku tahu dia tahu perasaanku ini

the second part of it.. i shall post another day. yuck. cant believe that i can actually compose a poem as mushy as this. yup, this sums up what i see and feel at that point of time. do not ask anything abt this.

section dinner at breeks made me broke. hesh. but ok la, since its once in while that i eat with the j3s.hhmm.. sat, went to jb. i felt scared. damn scared. it was soo hot. steaming maut beb, then people are all pushing and not caring abt a hell, they just pushed to get to the bas, the front of the immigration couter and whatso ever. scary seh. i ended up shouting.. eh chill ah.. the bas is not gonna run away what! and people stopped for a sec and looked at me. but of course, it doesnt have any effect on them.

now... loads of unfinished hw, PW and housework.why girls are stereotyped to do housework? seriously, why cant guys be the ones doing it?? ergh. i want to go swimming, cycling and shopping! anyone wanna join??? ahaha.i will try to do my work now.

chiao.