ragh

dover mrt so empty.

as empty as my heart.

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i remembered during one of the practices, we were playing charming asia, when we were so in tune. i was so happy and i smiled so broadly and dr lee made fun of me. haha. and edwin was like.. omg, this is so nice! yeah, i was amazed with myself too, that we could actually play so in tune.

yesterday was a stupid bad day. the seminar in the morn at yjc about malay literature was a waste of my time. gggrrr. woke up at 8 am and the seminar starts at 8.30am. nice one. rushed like a mad woman. reached there and it was just presentations and more presentations on the papers that these people had researched on. my god, if uni is gonna be something like this... errmmm, i dont know if i'll survive. half the time i was staring into space. then made my way to esplanade to study econs. which isnt going anywhere near progress. sigh, my pace is really slow. and i still havent eaten anything since morning.. and my medication too. so i was getting all grumpy. and my temples were throbbing. rushed to acsi. and i was stuck in the human traffic. ergh, there was ndp preview. sooo great. *sarcasm. reached acsi late. missed first 2 songs. met khairul and said i was getting shorter. hhmm, that boy! too bad darren was there. hahaha. then had to go off like soon after that. ggrrr. mum was calling me. kept reminding i need to rest. and that i am still recovering. ok, ok, i will take of myself ok.

sigh, i really should learn to focus.

chiao.
because no one will take care of you other than yourself.

i thought i was ready to face the world again. but the journeys that i took yesterday from tamp to yishun to city hall then to acsi aft that to tamp again made me realise that i am alone in this world. because i got lost on the way and all. tried to find food but all shops were closed or theres nothing that i can eat. so pathetic... so i've decided to be stronger and more independent. but when i was listening to the concert, damn, i really thought i was stronger than that. the dam just broke, and flood, flood, flood. luckily nobody was sitting beside me except peihoon. so no one saw anything.

ok, i just miss everybody ok. yes i miss you all sososo much, i just wanna cry. i miss acband so much. the slightest association can crumble me to pieces. and i feel so left out that night, i wanna run away. thats my fault, for being away for too long. i'm sorry, its all my fault. i just to play my eupho back. i shouldnt have undergo this surgery. then i may be able to go to swiss. then maybe i will be able to go for sibf. and maybe play for the last time during national day. bleh, whatever la.