LUCIFER~!

no, i havent forgot them. BUT THE TIME NOW IS LUCIFERRRR~
oh yeah baybeh.

so.. thats it, blogspot will be my soul. tumblr will be my sin. light of my life, fire of my loins. [if you know what i mean, but if you dont, all the better.]

last week's lectures were scarily intense. financial math yo. have you ever heard me and math going together? uh no, we have this intense love-hate complicated relationship which me myself is baffled till this day. fell sick on friday but still gotta do housework. sat, more housework (gonna die of doing housework. whoever hears of a person dying from doing too much cleaning? thats me) sunday, managed to escape but got scolded so badly. whoever gets scolded for studying? ah~ me! me! yay! *rolls eyes*

monday, my voice is still funny, nose is still a leaking tap, head is still playing tabla. woke up late when i was supposed to come to school early and print accounts notes. but yeah, the stupid cold medicine just had to have its way, i slept for like 10 hours straight! sigh. and, accounts lecture is... proforma balance sheet .. bla bla bla.. 95% of utilisation of assets... EFN... me: HUH? *OMG I AM SO DEAD*

even though its the third week of school but i seem to havent catch up with my friends or EVEN START on any assignments. everyday is just mere running around the lecture rooms. sigh.
but shinee's lucifer saves the day! wheeeeeeeeeeeeee.

right, the coast seems clear now. i can start studying. like finally. time:10:43pm. i wonder when i will get my sleep today. "awesomeness!"

sabar je la....

chiao.

mo jo jo headache.

i saw mummies today! ahahaha. yes, real ones. wrapped in cloth. they're huge. and weird. i wonder how they really look like. how they live, what they eat, nice or not? ahahahaha. how was the weather, hot? how do they go about their daily lives? ehy so many questions.

anyway, borong shawl! :))) seha, next time we borong again okay?

irna, next time we study together again okay? i am inspired by your democracy essay! and i think it was a fruitful study session since i got to concentrate better then i normally do.

anyway, editing is a MOJO JO JO HEADACHE.
isey bedah.

went to get kak yani's wedding card. gosh, its nice! haha. and they told me i gained weight. paranoid me freaked out. mummy scolded me for being fat tooo! T_________T but being my mummy, she told me some pointers that she did when she was my age to lose weight. kekekekeke. number 1! sleep early. 2! wake up early and run+dont sleep after subuh! ooppppsss! heh. 3! count your calories! oh my gawdddddddddddd. seriously? she said yes, if you wanna lose like 5-6kg. thanks mummy. i'll think abt that calorie thingy. 4! no rice or carbo, no junk food+ no eating aft 7. okay, this one can. (:

for the betterment of oneself! here i come! sleep early? i havent finish editing uh. T_T how?

chiao.

budgetreportthingysbleah

budget report highlights: 52 page. 26 pages read.24 more to go. yay! *yawns.................................



screammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. ah, khun brushed her teeth!!!!

i guess a string of HDs dont really matter now. I just need those kind of marks for the final results. ALL HDS :D how about that? big dreams, small abilities.

i think i really need to study. T____T

i was wondering where did all my passion, energy and drive have gone to? i used to be more hardworking, more focused and smarter(in some ways)... these days... i just float by going thru the motion of going to school and listening to lectures and project meetings. i wonder what goes into my head these days. i know rambling here is of no use. i guess i need a tight slap to wake me up.

and yeah that stupid migraine is here again.

chiao.

mug or you die

yeah, this guy here, broke alot of people's heart. but we still love him no matter what.

oh gosh. critical. critical. critical period.

hhmm. i should not get carried away with the issue regarding jay. ahas, shows how dedicated i am to 2oneday. bleahs. i just sayang them too much lahs.

plus. its the tests+projects dateline period.

ahhhhhh~~~ i think i really am going crazy this time round.

i'm getting the random cold shivers and stomach butterfly effects again and again today. feels like my head is gonna explode anytime soon too.

fine. no more youtube-ing, family-outing-ing or 2oneday-ing, blogging or anything that can distract me for the time being. or else you'll go crazy beyond repair!

MUG OR YOU DIE!

GOODBYEEEE!~~~

chiao.

fight!

ah 3 days! threeeeeeeeeeee days exactly for me to think of something to convince them that i'm worth it.

but WHAT!?

ahhh, i'm going crazy thinking abt this. seriously.

my future. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.

aja!

chiao.

sleep. but not sleeping actually.

i cant resist not talking to my blog. well, this thing is the only avenue for my thoughts which sometimes doesnt make sense. but nvm.

you see, fasting isnt just physically restraining yourself from food and drink. well, that is already one big challenge by itself. but theres also the mental and emotional battle. especially when you are having your a level exams. which actually will determine the next phase of your life. plus all your emotional and mental problems, dilemmas that you are facing. which obviously you dont go around telling everyone that right. but fasting shouldnt be a hindrance to your success by making it as an excuse to skip revision. which i did actually coupled with tiredness.

sigh,i'm terrible. suck. i keep falling asleep. and today, overwhelmed by this migraine i skipped school. (mummy said i didnt sleep properly. maybe i did have enough sleep, just that when i sleep, i dont really sleep. like i'm still thinking about all those stuff that i studied earlier. i cant help it you know)how terrilbe am i. yes, very terrible. now, i have a gp essay, 2 human geog essay, 1 physical geog essay, 1 econs essay and 1 math revision paper. eh how cool. thats only homework. i havent listed out all that i missed today. and my own revision.

looks like its gonna be a longgg night.

and i havent been putting in much effort or using my brain much lately. study!

I CAN DO THIS.
err, can i?


oh, oh, hari raya is next week!!!! yessa!

chiao.

work it brain!

I wish i was a punk rocker.- Sandi Thom
oh, i soso love this song!



sigh. my brain just wont work anymore. i did 2 essays, i compre, some math questions which i got it all wrong :( and econs vjc drq which i really understood! :). and i still havent finish my 2 lit essays and math differentiation, integration and graphs. and macro econs!
head throbbing like mad the whole day. udaya said i looked stressed. nah, i'm just tired and this migraine is killing me.
stoned through malay. cikgu was talking like the japanese bullet train. so fast, my jaw just dropped looking at her go through the essay questions. nvm, i have consult with her tmr. 5 periods of gp lesson was super funny. haha, xin min was high! haha. but i slept thru half of it. just cant take it.
i need to learn to focus!!!!!!!! and remember what i had revised. omg, i couldnt remember what i had revised in june for differentiation and integration!!!!!! howhowhow!!

i need sleep la, and maybe wake up at 4am to continue. call me mad or what, i dont care anymore. i just want decent grades.

ragh

dover mrt so empty.

as empty as my heart.

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i remembered during one of the practices, we were playing charming asia, when we were so in tune. i was so happy and i smiled so broadly and dr lee made fun of me. haha. and edwin was like.. omg, this is so nice! yeah, i was amazed with myself too, that we could actually play so in tune.

yesterday was a stupid bad day. the seminar in the morn at yjc about malay literature was a waste of my time. gggrrr. woke up at 8 am and the seminar starts at 8.30am. nice one. rushed like a mad woman. reached there and it was just presentations and more presentations on the papers that these people had researched on. my god, if uni is gonna be something like this... errmmm, i dont know if i'll survive. half the time i was staring into space. then made my way to esplanade to study econs. which isnt going anywhere near progress. sigh, my pace is really slow. and i still havent eaten anything since morning.. and my medication too. so i was getting all grumpy. and my temples were throbbing. rushed to acsi. and i was stuck in the human traffic. ergh, there was ndp preview. sooo great. *sarcasm. reached acsi late. missed first 2 songs. met khairul and said i was getting shorter. hhmm, that boy! too bad darren was there. hahaha. then had to go off like soon after that. ggrrr. mum was calling me. kept reminding i need to rest. and that i am still recovering. ok, ok, i will take of myself ok.

sigh, i really should learn to focus.

chiao.
because no one will take care of you other than yourself.

i thought i was ready to face the world again. but the journeys that i took yesterday from tamp to yishun to city hall then to acsi aft that to tamp again made me realise that i am alone in this world. because i got lost on the way and all. tried to find food but all shops were closed or theres nothing that i can eat. so pathetic... so i've decided to be stronger and more independent. but when i was listening to the concert, damn, i really thought i was stronger than that. the dam just broke, and flood, flood, flood. luckily nobody was sitting beside me except peihoon. so no one saw anything.

ok, i just miss everybody ok. yes i miss you all sososo much, i just wanna cry. i miss acband so much. the slightest association can crumble me to pieces. and i feel so left out that night, i wanna run away. thats my fault, for being away for too long. i'm sorry, its all my fault. i just to play my eupho back. i shouldnt have undergo this surgery. then i may be able to go to swiss. then maybe i will be able to go for sibf. and maybe play for the last time during national day. bleh, whatever la.

is it enough?

i' afraid. terrified. what if i am not doing enough? what if i am not putting enough effort? what ifs.. and the future? uh, looks so uncertain.

i wish i am tiny bit more smarter.

chiao.

caffeine + migraine

omg. 2 weeks more. 15th april and good bye to smiling shaheera.

i want to complain. like everybody else in the jc curriculum, we are tired. very tired. i'll resort to caffeine and chocolates to keep me awake and energetic. uhhhh and my migraine is here. AGAIN.WTH.

COME ON PEOPLE WE CAN DO THIS!!!!! gogogogo!!!

i feel like going into a cupboard, lock myself inside and start screamingggggggggggggggggggg.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

chiao.

WOW.. i listened to the recording of the harry potter symphonic suite... it sounded so nice but the way we played it now.. oh gawd.. tsk.. damn out of tune la. not only that actually, theres alot more problems. like rythm. actually the piece is quite easy, but its a matter of playing it correctly, nicely and musically. yes, music is what i wanna hear, not a mass of sounds. and pirates.. haha, alot of people apprently dont like mr wong. haha.. yeah, i realised that the way he teach and conduct is sso different from dr lee. u have to experience it yourself then u know.

its the first time i met the eupho tutor. but he teach basic stuff la. and he smell of cigarettes. yuck. my ac junior pri junior is irritating during sectionals today. ergh. seriously, i cant control kids. they exude too much energy that we, the older people sometimes finds it frustrating. but they are ssso cute sometimes its just difficult to bring yourself to scold them. so in the end, we didnt scold but instead join them and laugh together with them.

and i listened to lord of the rings movement 3 recording, like oh my god! die. die. die. i cant pitch the freaking high notes! i used to be able to pitch, well, USED TO. hahaha. nvm, i will practise la. and, and, the worst thing is, i havent even practise LOTR I and V too!! oh nonononono. and i need to get myself back intune asap. die uh. this is the result of not playing for ssoo long. tsk.

and its mugging time again!! yay!! *rolls eyes*
migraine is hitting me again. uwahhhh!!!
chiao.

i feel so suffocated staying at home. i dont like being at home. at least outside there is no shouting. no screaming. no fighting. no boundaries to put me down. i can be me. i used to be so hyper. i used to be me.

i just wanna be me.

there are so many mass killings recently. i feel so deeply abt this but i yet i dont how to let it out.

i need a breather. and yeah, great, my migraine is coming back again. ergh.
chiao