yay!! hari raya is here again!! haha..good food, spend time with family and watch tv!!! syiok ah!

school's starting in a few days time. kinda nervous for the orientation though. just hope i wont feel left out. saw the leaked mass dance. and it was nice!! :) on thurs will be the first band prac at night. i dunno how to tell mum. sure she will blow her top. nah, i wont think abt it now. it'll make me depress only. i'm gonna enjoy wat's let of the hols. and i still havent finish studying dr lee's 22 musical concepts!! die larh.. tonight must study..haha..

i still havent finish the k-drama, a love to kill, shamil keep using the com larh.. till i cant use it. damn.. rain so hot. hahahahaha..

tata..

hhmm.. quite happy but quite sad.

mum doesnt speak to me.. she barks at me. she nvr look at me, she glares at me. i'll just try to bear with it as long as i can take it.. keep trying to demoralise me.. say me what.. erm.. big butt, fat, blur queen la, cant be trusted la.. what the hell. i dont give a shit la!!!

then at tamp mall, saw ppl that i dont wanna see. ever again! b'cos i feel guilty towards him. i broke his heart and he left me just like that. i didnt get the chance to apolagise. damn.. untill now. luckily i didnt get in tpjc. he's in there. whatever.. but i dont think he saw me just now. i'm pretty positive.

but then.. today buy new shoes! and stationary.. and new socks.. wah.. so long since i buy anything.. somemore the shoes is very expensive..$103!!! hehehe.. use ang pow money frm hari raya la.. atlast! i get to shop!!!!!!! ahahahahahaa.. i'm so happy get to shop..

a few more days and i'll be starting school in ac.. woah.. i cant believe it man..i'm in jc? i'm so old. whatever. o levels results is giving me sleepless nights. and i have weird dreams. darn weird. and embarssing. hhmm.. i'll think first if i wanna say it here.. anyway.. i wanna watch the k-drama at youtube.. a love to kill.. woah.. syiok man.. rain bi.. so cute. hehehe.

till here. tata.

hhmm.. i'm just passing by.. so i stopped to say hello.
but sadly.. my hellos were replied with ...hateful looks and unwelcomed voices.
so.. dont worry, i'll leave soon after i've said my hellos and good byes.

numbed by all the looks.. i dont give a shit. i'll just forget abt it.

forget abt it.

gorgeous rite?
haha.. oh.. i'll miss these ppl badly

i feel so angry.

ssooo very angry. now, some more, listening to ammerland.. i feel like crying.ergh.

aaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i suck. i'm the worst eupho player. acj or mj? i cant made up my mind. i'm confuse and angry.

let the earth open up and swallow me.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (starts pulling hair)

tata.

i got into meridian JC then i changed to acjc. Should i be happy? i dont know.. i'm confuse btw which to choose. mummy really wants me to go mj but i'm oredi tied dwn wif acj.. how..? what's more is the dist of the jc frm home. mj isfreakng near and acj is freaking far la.. haiz.. i dont know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but ultimately its the o levels that is important. haiz.. now i'm having paranoia frm the o level results.. skali.. i get like 25 points for my L1R4.. DIE!!! aahh!!!

oh man.. and i'm so tired. frm band pracs.. but it was kinda fun..lols

i'll stop here. tata.

today's band prac is so tiring..hhmm.. i'll need to buck up alot, improve. die la.hesh.. my playing superbly rusty aft so long since the last time i had intensive sectionals. its ages ago man.
and i'm so nervous abt the PAE results. hmm.. if i dont get in ac.. wat should i do? Accept the job offers and start working my ass off? hah..
i've decided to start running again.. since like.. hhmm.. how long has it been? 2 months i guess.. i stopped running. anyway, it'll pass the time. since i have lots of time in my hands. cant believe i'm wasting my life away like this. so i guess i'll start reading lots of books, start doddling and writing sajak (poems in malay)again. hesh.. i'm so bored..

i'll end it here.toddles. oh ya.. i've got the band farewell party pics that we took at the bus stop.. haha.. i'll post it here.

ladadida

ok.. what did i talked abt..? oh ya.. its love.. love has ceased to exist in this world. duh.. look arnd ya.

oh well.. i read this book, tells abt ppl living in haiti. they are freaking SUFFERING man!!! seriously i wanna do something. but i dunno what i should do to help them. actually its not only this book that makes me feel this way. there were other instances since like... last 2 years. Seriously i feel bad abt this. i feel so guilty. like, here we are enjoying lives while they have to suffer.( if thats the case, then what right have we got to be enjoying ourselves?) and look at how some ppl treat them. show them some love la ppl! haiz. gosh i feel so guilty, sympathy for them and disgusted at myself. how i wish i could help them. in any way.

we are so blessed.we've got enough food, clean water, a well furnished hse, family and frens who really care alot and a country so peaceful. we should really reflect ourselves if we are complaining for more.

haiz. i'll stop here.tata.

it has cease to exist. dont ask me waht i'm refering it to. i'm just too disappointed.

too bored to post anything. i'll say something when there's anything happening..
ta.

tired..

wah.. so long since i've blogged.. so much been happening.. even aft o's i'm still feeling super tired.. hesh.. feeling emo..

anyway.. the o levels was super..stressful for me.. i think i have white hairs already.. haha.. i totally flunk my higher malay paper. which is super disappointing. i was going to give up on the next paper but.. yeah, i know i cant. really tested my perserverence man.. i was crying like a baby.. kinda embarassing.. but i survived though..that's an acheivement to me u know.. my biggest worry is maths.. dunno if i can even pass.. haha even at this rate.. i'm still thinking of getting into a jc.. wat a joke! but i'll follow my heart.. i still believe i can make it in to ac.. mon is the interview.. i'm so nervous.. i keep thinking of all the possible questions that the teacher can possibly ask. like... why do you wana go to this jc? do u think u can make it? erm..u're results seems to be quite bad.. why is this so.? aaarrrgggghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the past few days.. since going to ac band.. i've learnt alot of things.. meet alot of friends.. something i will never forget and cherish all my life. this is a lifetime experience.. meeting new ppl gives me a greater insight into life.. hahaha.. i talk so chim seh.. my section played so beautifully.. my mouth was gapping when i first heard them playing star wars man.. that triple tonguing!! i still cant do it!!! darn.. im gonna play that song beautifully!! soon!!!!! eerrrgghh.... but amirah and justin was a great help la.. haha..and valerie, sheree and edwin was ssoo funny.. haha.. wish all of us can still be together next year..

i'm so busy now with band, i dunno if i can still have time to work..need money u know..hesh.. badly... somemore with my family's situation like this..hesh.. we willl survive for sure... god is with us..

anyway, i still havent finish watching goong..untill now. yeah i know.. i'm super outdated but wth..i still need to finish it..

tata..chiao...

dunno if i can still go 3 month jc wif my results... its bad.. not up to my expectations.. u dont know how desperate i am to go jc.. :((

prelims results are out.. need to mug. wont be touching the com untill aft O's over

ta tas..

la da

la la la.. haha, i so happy now. the prelims are over.. so is my migraine. funny how it will come at those certain times.. ergh.. and i cant eat panadol.. because i'll shiver aft eating it. so i'll just have to bear with the pain. now, bracing myself for the prelims results. mel lim msg me and told me that if i get like 20 points or below i can go acj for the 3 month trial. yay!! i hope i didnt screw too many subjs.. haha.. i think i flunked most the subjs wif bio and dnt on top of my list. wth larh.. but i still wanna go ac!!!! ergh.. i think that's like the best jc ever! o level must work even harder!!!

fri, aft the last paper i slept like a log. catching my sleep back frm all the sleepless nights during prelims. then surf the net and helped mum prepare the food for breaking fast. was supposed to go terawih wif bai, siti, aishah j and aishah r, but all cant make it. haiz.. i've been waiting to go to terawih since like.. i dunno when...

yesterday was so shiok! one of the best days of my life!! went to study tajwid with ustaz amiri. nice.. i was enlightened!! haha.. then went shopping wif sis and cousin, kak siti, at arab street haaha.. alot of food!!! make my saliva drool seh.. i was thinking of praying at masjid sultan for asar but scared later late reach home. then went nenek hse and break fast wif my uncles, anties, cousins and grandma. eat nasi briyani together on a big plate. like 5 ppl eat on the same platter.. so nice.. then pray and watch sI again.. wah.. hady was sssooo... BRILLIANT!!!! today going to study wif ustaz fahrurrazi then go tuition.. hhmm..

amazing that despite fasting.. i did not feel tired or lethargic. even with my migraine on. that's the blessing of ramadan. i feel fulfilled even! even during the prelims, i was calm... i feel like i dont want to end ramadan, nvm i dont get to eat nice stuff.. but its really worth it.

neway.. need to get dressed for classes today. ta!

8-o

my head's gonna burst frm mugging higher malay. AARRGGHH!!!!! ON MON IS THE START OF PRELIMS!!! argh.. i mean for me.. hml starts on mon.

actually alot had been going on.. i dunno where to start. i have alot to say but no time. bleh.. wth. hhmm migraine hitting me.. i hate this.

i'll make it short and sweet. i dunno wat's hit me. but i juz wanna say THANK YOU!! to farah, for being there when i needed u all this years u stand by my crap. Aisyah sazali for being my confidante in my pursue for my passion. bai and marsela for being so sweet and always beside me when i have no one. hiq, azilah, aishah j., khai, for all the wonderful memories u gave me to fill during my lower sec years- no doubt we've matured to young confident ladies, but i still hope that we'll be like last time. to everyone (gosh.. why am i saying this?? mad..) all, everybody that has step into my life.. good or bad.. whatever it is.. u still had made a big diff in my life today.

the thingis.. i've been thinking bout life.( b'cos i visited the cemetry today) what if tmr i'm no more?? hhmm.. i have so much dreams i want to accomplish.. so many things to say.. so many.. stuff.. wth.. so this is like my ggodbye speech.. in advance.

haha.. my eyes closing and my head going gong-gong
gong
gong
gong
bye lah

this one by ungu-demi waktu



this one by samson-kenangan terindah



this one by dealove-once

lentok banget sih!!muahahaha.. i love this songs!! so nice!

confusing

i dont understand why. why? why? why is it always the good intentions of a person always misunderstood? why? why cant ppl see the goodness of others instead of finding faults with them? why is she treating me like that? like as if i'm wrong? what the hell.. i dont care larh..b'cos i'm not in the wrong!!! and i guess he doesnt and will nvr understand. cant believe that he will want to quit school and work part-time modelling.. gosh.. haiz..

aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah dalam dirimu.

aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yang mungkin bisa kau rindu-dealova

tetapi aku telah berhenti berharap..

anyways. the hols are here. and i dont intend to enjoy. have to mug. bleh, mug, mug, mug.
-_- mugging all day long..

i want to buy a concert bass drum. then can hit my head on it whenever i feel like it. BANG!!

oh yeah... i have to comment on our class performance on teacher's day!! it was the best among ALL of the classes!!! muahaha.. the others were like..hhmm.. no thoughts put into their performance. haha.. great job ppl (ppl who put in alot of effort)!! really enjoyed the perf!

hhmm.. i wanna mug now..

bleh.

i know its kinda little late to be blogging now. but CAN SOMEONE HELP ME?????!!!!! oh well, i just finished my hml compo. 2 more to go. 4 more chaps of bio, organic chem and phy to go. PLUS my beautiful folio waiting for me to touch it. ergh. gosh i'll study bio now. hope can finish it by today. all this due nxt week. lalala.. i'll study now larh..

bock to books..
chiao ppl

difficult times

this week has been the worst week of my life. and i tell u the WORST!! ergh. i cry at the slightest provoke. at anything. when those ppl had public caning, i was on the verge of crying, of course lah i hid it. i cant show ppl that i'm crying especially when its at parade square. then ms nura made me cry. of course i was trying damn hard lah to hide it. she told us of the rumours that the student frm our class had told the teacher. i told u!! there are hypocrites in our class.. damn..haiyo.. dunno lah.. then watch movie during hist. terrible movie. i cried too.but no one see larh, again. all those sufferings that ppl had to go through because of wars. i hate it. hitler is sso damn freaking cruel larh. then its the oral. i was determined not to let my nerves get the better of me. but i think i wasnt thinking properly and i said illogical stuff. gosh.. the examiner was like giving that kind of i-dont-understand-what-you-are talking-about face. i was kinda pissed off actually by her. ergh. and bai is confident she can get a distinc for oral. oklah.. wth..

its just one of those periods in life that u get pissed off by damn every little thing. and home was not a comfort for me either. i wish i can just run away frm all my probs. but i know i cant. i have to face it. mum only knows how to scold me when there is housework to be done. cant she ask other ppl in the house? and i'm taking my o levels this year for goodness sake. she's always scolding me for the slightest stuff. even when she's angry, she'll scream at me. coming home aft a really stupid shitty day at school and u just wanna talk to someone like your mum but she is not there. in sch, i feel so lonely. i dont have frens. come home, its empty. i feel so empty. ergh. i cant cry. i'm tried of crying. no more tears left to shed. them dad? in his own freaking world. why must he be the garantor for his bro?? who wants to led a better life but make us suffer? what if our hse is seized? where do we stay? ergh. get a life man. i mean a brain. more likely. shit larh.. i shouldnt be ranting bout my family probs so publicly larh.. but where else can i vent my anger? i dont have frens where i can say all of this to. anyway, if i dont vent it, maybe i'll go crazy like shek ngai. bro is the worst ever person i can think of. i wish he would disappear. yes, i'm cruel but he's heartless. i want to get out of that hse. go somewhere i can smile and be me. (that's in band)

as the days go by, o levels is getting nearer. its getting me edgy. tests makes me go mad. i have 3 higher malay compos to fiish up plus the five year series. my dnt... god, i pray to u, help me complete it. amin. tests, bio, chem, phy.. darn.. half my brain is in the drain. i cant think anymore.

i dont understand why i get frens that are so shitty. argh. khai said that i look like i dont appreciate my frens. but not saying it doesnt mean i dont ok.. i love my frens.. even though some hate me.. but i still LOVE my frens. ok.. its just that i dont know how to express my feelings ok. i grew up in a place where u dont go arnd and hug ppl and kiss them when u want to say u love them. its just hard for me. see frens together while i walk alone. it hurts ok. when walking frm parade square to class early in the morning... haiz.. shudnt frens help each other when they are in need? share everything together? not leave them in a ditch when they really need u most.. not taking advantage of them.. ish.. not backstabbing them.. shit larh..wth..

get back to reality man.. i shud be doing my hw..NOW! instead of blogging. actually i still have alot to say.. but wth.. longs posts are boring.. so no need to read again..
chiao ppl.