this was taken just before we go on stage to perform tosca.

acjc 2007 eupho section j1s. i thik we look cool man.

warming up and tuning in the corridors.

eh.. dont u think we look really alike? oh my god.. i must tell irna this.

me and irna outside the dressing rooms. we got the same room! haha..

the stairs reminded me of the acs boys standing down at the stairs looking up. i was terrified. haha, and amirah kept saying, keep to ur left girls! haha.. i quickly tuck in my skirt. haha..

at the stairs leading to our dressing rooms.. i think i look good in ac blazer.. no..no.. i think eveyone look good that day.. :)

haha.. i think this pic shows the different side of us..

ok, yeah, i know i look spastic bt edwin justin looked like gays!!! eehhwww....

just after lunch in the artiste lounge.

oh well.. we had nothing to do while waiting for the percussion to be loaded into the lorry so we took pictures.

ac band rock esplanade. wohoooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok.. back to reality.i have tons of hw to do. pw is making me crazy. lots of work to catch up on. auditions is changed to tmr. i have to do well. my future lies in watever i do know.

god, give me the strength i need to get on with life for the next two years. because i know i need alot of strength physically, mentally and emotionally. pls make my relationship with my family improve. i know i neglected them because of band and school. i know this is stupid because family is everything. god, forgive me. for i am just one f ur slaves in this world. i need u. i believe in u that u will guide me thru the right path. for i live for u, allah. allah hu akhbar. amin.

i need to do my pw now!!!!!!!!!!!!aarrgghh!!

ARGH!!!! I SHALL TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS TO SHOW HOW I FEEL. NOW.. I FEEL AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CONCENRT IS IN A FEW HOURS TIME!!!!! OH MY GOD! I'M FREAKING EXCITED ABT IT PLUS PLUS PLUS DAMN ANXIOUS. DAMN LA. I CANT SLEEP. DIE LATER SURE I DEAD TIRED. HESH.. NVM.. I WILL DO MY PW SOON AFT THIS.

BUT... MY PANTAT LA...PANTAT LU. U THINK I LIKE IS IT COME HOME SO LATE AT NIGHT?! I WANT TO GO HOME AND SLEEP. THE NEXT DAY THERE IS SCHOOL OK. U DIDNT EVEN CARE ABT ME NOR ABT MY CONCERT ANYMORE LA. WHY CANT U JUST ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I LIKE MUSIC? I WANT TO PLAY MUSIC? WHY U CAN SUPPORT OTHER PEOPLE'S SON DANCING ON CHANNEL 5 BUT U CANT SUPPORT UR OWN FREAKING DAUGHTER PERFORMING AT ESPLANADE? DO U KNOW HOW MANY OF MY FRIENDS ENVY ME BEING ABLE TO PERFORM AT ESPLANADE? U THINK ANYONE CAN PERFORM THERE? EH HELLO, THAT IS AN INTERNATIONAL STAGE LA. PEOPLE ACTUALLY PAY TO LISTEN TO ME. DONT U THINK U SHOULD FEEL PROUD FOR ME. AT LEAST ONCE? FUCK LA. I GUESS U WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. U WILL NOT EVEN FUCKING TRY TO UNDERSTAND ME.

I DONT CARE HOW ATROCIOUS MY GRAMMAR IS OR HOW FUCKING RUDE AND UNCIVILISED I SOUND. I DONT GIVE A DAMN. WHAT I CARE NOW IS TO GIVE MY BEST IN EVERYTHING THAT I COMMIT MYSELF TO. THIS IS MY LIFE. I WILL LEAD THE WAY I WANT IT TO BE. HEAR THAT? SO FUCK OFF.

ijustwanttorammyheadintothewall.

i want to scream. and shout. and scream and shout. auditions is on the 13 th of april. concert is excatly 7 days away. and syf is on the 11th of may. screw me. i'm so dead. i think thats why i dream of dead ppl walking arnd just now morning. i dont think i will get through auditions.

tata.

oh my god.. so many things had been happening to me. its 1am and there's band tmr. concert is in a week's time. i just hope on the concert day i wont screw up like i did on my previous syf. i still feel like i was the cause we got silver instead of gold. screw me.

i feel so very tired. and i think i'm so dead for geog. i seriously need to start studying. PW is out. the alevels has start for me. i feel so overwhelmed. i wish i can go to sleep but i realy cant close my eyes. i feel so lonely. i bet ppl will go like.. wats up with this girl..emo-ing as always. they must really think i'm such a dead person who has no life. oh well. thats me. the old boring as always shaheera. i havent talk to ppl much these days. i try to be as cheerful as possible but ppl will always suddenly ask me,'shaheera, are u ok?' and i will be like..'oh yeah.. nothing..why? do i look like i'm not ok?' then ppl will go like...'yeah, u look really sad.' then i will start monologging with myself..do i really look sad? is my emotions so obvious to the ppl arnd me? and all the more i will start to cover up my emotions by trying to be happy. i guess i'm only good at running away.

i feel like all these that has been happening is overwhelming me. the new class, new subjts, new classmates, new timetable. i dont know how to cope with these changes. i miss badly the pae days with 1aa5. i feel terrible thinking of this. and i know of the upcoming expectations, commitments, hardwork and workload that is punching into my face. at home is equally like shit. i havent talk to mum or dad or anybody in my family for the past few days. everyday, i come home, bathe, change, eat and go into my room to sleep or study. i guess even if i want to talk, they will be busy with their stuff or too tired to hear my stupid rants. so i decided to just mind my own business. i have been quarelling with mum really badly these few days. i really wish i can just go up to her now and hug her and tell her i'm sorry and i love her too much to hurt her feelings. oh, stop crying shaheera!! i really hate this. i always thought that whenever i have a prob, i can just go to the band room and play my instrument. thats where i seek refuge, where i can forget all my probs. but now, the upcoming concert, syf, auditions. how do i handle this. i cant play my piece properly. i practised like shit but still i cant catch up. i'm like so screwed. i dont know what to expect tmr for band.

i just want to scream!
scream
scream
scream

and got to sleep now.
tata.

my blog is my emo headquarters. i just need somewhere i can say my hearts out. i'm just so tired. i wanna scream and cry my hearts out now. i want to run away as fast as i can.

ergh! whos that! omg! its hao! thats wat happens when ppl like hao eat tobasco chilli sauce.. hahaha..

hey, its the class 1aa5 outing!! hehe..

oh, its us..ALL OF US!!! :)

oh yeah.. see that, sa and ac are friends!! hahaha

yeah man.. shek ngai with mr leong!!! muahahaha..

lols..i am a super duper not good photographer. i totally have no flair for photography.. look how bad this pic turns out..

oh.. cant see my face..!

hey, its the dnt class of 2006, 4e3!! yay!!

irna!!! hahaha..

how the hell did eng loong's face got into the com??hesh.. lols.. saw the persons arm at the backgrnd? its zhenrong.. studying, damn hardworking la.. hesh.. the j2s are so hardworking..

the 'tut' way to wear the ac uniform... tsk..tsk.. people.. dont do this..

the himbo bryan.. hahahaha lols..

oh yeah.. enjia.. onjia..hahaha..the LAST day we wear our sec sch uni!! took this aft we receive the frm ac..we were so happy!!!!

susu..su..sulaihah.. man.. she went to pj..:( i'll miss her..

lols.. sarah...we are the chinese+indian but speak malay only pupils in the class! oh well, prob only in ac too...

helga and me..:)

my malay classmates.. kinda dark.. haha

whirl of emotions

the last few days has been such a whirl of emotins for me.. gosh.. the ups and downs.. only to god i pray for his help.

on mon was like the last day 1aa5 2007 will be together ever as a whole class.. gosh.. its was really such an emotional moment.. weiyi cried.. hao became exceptionally crazy. most of us are going to appeal.. at that point of time.. everybody who is appealing were worried shit, like what if they cant get back in.. then.. that night, we went for dinner together. i'll upload the pics i took later. it was fun.. talking to everybody, watching everbody's antics. hahaaha.. when leaving.. i was the first one to leave by the way, i felt this sense of i-cant-let-go feeling.. amazingly i broke down in the mrt.. so embarasing la.. then the next day was doomsday. i got into mj. i cried. again. gosh.. actually i expected it la. i will get posted to mj again. so i was at ac at 9am to hand in my appeal. i saw irfan, weiyi and dora. then my band mates went to vivocity to slack arnd while waiting for band prac at 5pm later that day. but sadly i cant go.. mum wants me home.. so i went home to ease my emo mood at that time. i really felt terrible. having to seperate frm ac mates and adapting to other jc..i cried whenever i was alone.. so i slept most of the time to make myself forget everything. then the next day, i was supposed to report to mj. oh.. how terrible that feeling was. i felt so alone!!!!! like lost.. without any direction. even though there's aishah j with me. we finished our day in sch quite early so we went to town to slack again..to marina square. haha.. and i didnt notice the astro boy shop to the enterance to marina square. reminded me of richie.. hahaha.. that hairstyle. after to marina square, it was band time!! i was only too glad to be there. i didnt realise how attached i was to ac untill then. during sectionals..i cant believe i broke down in front of my sect mates!! gosh i was embarassed like what. that day was like really down. everyone was feeling low. edwin was also feeling so down. sheree.. even though she looks like she's always happy, i know she kinda stress now. amirah also actually wanted to cancel the prac that day. but of course, we cant. hahaha. then at 5.42pm, i got my call from ac!!!!!!!!! i ran around screaming and crying. haha.. secinds later, enjia and the rest got their calls. only 4 of us didnt get through. valerie,liyun, melvin and eileen. i feel so sad for them. i really do.

the next day i thought would be better. only slightly la.. but still.. i report to ac in morning. mum wasnt at all happy. she nag at me like she never nagged before. i thought getting good results would make her let me choose the school that i want but she still want to control it. the meridian ppl still call me.. hahaha.. asked me where i was. hahaha..i was in ac, enjoying my orientation!!! haha.. but then to go back to mj to sign my appeal form. it was such a long journey. i slept in the mrt. i went with stuart, zhan wei, shaun and eng loong. then came bck to ac with them too. quite glad they were there, if not i will be alone again and no one to talk to. it sucks being alone man. i look so pathetic whenever i'm alone. any ways.. then went for subj registration and joined my og. its orientation time!! so happy to meet them!!!! then i saw dora and richie sitting down looking so sad.. so i went over to say harlo.. but i sat down to talk to them.. listening to their rants evoke my guilt feeling that i had aft receiving the ac call. they havent got their appeals approved yet and both were so emo. i really feel so sad for them and guilty too.. for getting into ac without merit... like i cheated the moe system to get wat i want. i question too if i really deserve to be where i am now. am i taking the place of another person who's more deserving then i am? like these 2 people.. i felt so blessed and fortunate to be able to be an acsian. so i tried talking to them. but of course i have my responsibilities. i had band prac so i was again, emo-ing during band prac. but oh well richie got his call the next day so he's quite happy now. but dora... she told me she's still hoping.. haiz.. orientation the next day was great. but i cant go for the campfire night as mr leong wants to treat the dnt studs to swensens that night. yeah.. so missed the high fun at ac.. but its ok..i get to meet my friends aft such a long time.. also, i'll upload the pics later.. when i have the time.. hahaha.. anyways..sat band prac at acsi. it was.. how do i describe it.. hhmm... erm.. the sch was damn posh..airconditioned classrooms, lockers for everybody. super huge hall with aircon. scenic look outside the canteen and airconditioned somemore.. man.. the canteen looks like a hotel dining place.. even the boarding hse windows were nicer then my hse windows!!! how lucky u acsi boys are man...

aft the band prac, there was this emo speech by the j3s and the exco members. i tried to hide myself frm crying. but .. oh well, i didnt managed to do it. i think the j2's must be like blaming the j1s for the band's current performance. i just feel so sucky. b'cos i've tried so hard to improve, but just didnt improve. i suck. i felt like it was my fault that the band is like this. i didnt give more. i realised how much they feel for acband. how high they have brought acband to. and i dont want to be one of those ppl who bring ac band down aft such a lot of hardwork, time, effort and tears given out. i feel like crying now. i feel confused too. like what should i do to make ourselves as good as the last batch? i want us to imrove badly. i want this concert to be the best concert in my life since it is the first for me. i want ac band to be greater then before! but i dont know if everybody feels like i do. haiz.......

at home is stressful. i want to go out. escape frm all this.. i want to run away.

my entry is always sooo long and emo so i shall stop here.
tata, chiao.

the j3 speech has really affected me. i couldnt sleep i kept thinking. i shall say more when i'm not confused anymore. i feel so crap. and i feel like crying. oh, watever.

haha.. nothing better to do.. oh well.. i just wanna take the smiley face which was covered by the construction stuff for the performing arts centre.

"in all these things we shall be more than conquerors through him"

yay! my class photo! but not everyone is here..

this was sharon's(my art classmate)! not mine! haha. i dont know how she got hold of this thing. but it was really funny when she took it out.

anyways.. i shall post all tmr. i'm tired frm band prac. tired emotionally and physically. damn freaking tired.

i really feel like crying now. on mon will be the last day all of us ac J1s will be sitting in the hall and be called acsians. uwah!!!!!!! i will miss my classmates. gosh, we havent even had 1 class outing where everybody is present la.. when they went out on founder's day, i had band prac.. every time, band prac. band prac. i dont even see my family much. i miss them. i really do.... i cant believe i will sacrifice so much for ac band. but i dont mind, i will still come for band.

i'm not complaining abt band prac, its just that i'm feeling emo now.. with the uncertain future that lies ahead of me.. wheather if i can get into ac on tues.. now that i heard the points for the jcs had been lowered drastically.. then the prospect of seperation frm all the frens that i had made in ac; og mates, classmates, esp ac band mates.. god, help me be strong to face this. i feeling damn tired la. there's even a test on mon!!!! how am i supposed to concentrate to study? on mon, i will bring acmera and take lots of pic. so that i wil remember these ppl and not forget them! :)

luckily, to compensate for my unhappiness, band prac just now was superb! lunch was fun. hahaha.. i was sitting in front of the hot chocolate pot all the time, eating the fondue. hahaha.. i just cant resist chocolate when there's one. and during combine, we showed dr lee that we had practised! :) eh, i really did alot of individuals. so tiring la. the nxt day hist test and i'm still hugging my eupho at 9pm in Lt4.. man how is that? i think i hug my eupho more then i hug my bloster at home.

hhmm.. i have to do southeast asia hist research now!!! aarrgghh!!! i think i'm gonna screwed the test on mon man..
tat, gotta chiao first.

moving on.

oh gosh, moving on is sso great and ssoo not great. great thing is, i get to meet new great ppl that i will nvr forget in my life! my og mates, classmates- 1aa5! my band mates everybody in ac.. how i love these ppl. i just dont know if i can still be wif them aft JAE. the future seems so uncertain for me. i dont know if i can get into ac. everyday, i think abt this. haiz. haiz.HAIZ. this issue is bothering me everyday. i think abt this everyday. HAIZ. the not soo great thing abt moving on is, i'll freaking miss DAMAI SECONDARY SECHOOL!!!!!!! gosh, all my peeps, my classmates, my band mates. i miss morning assembly where mr raj will go, sch, pls stand. but nobody will get there butts off the parade square. i miss those times when i can still eat my breakfast at 7 am haha, then rush to take bas no 65 wif faris..ehem. then run to the gate wif mr yu saying, run! run! hahaha.. then walk slowly to class. making the first period teachers pissed off for coming in late. muahahaha. i miss in btw lessons where we will make trips to toilet and sit on the wooden bench. i miss the guys running ard the class and giving me sweets! hahaha. i miss mt lessons when me and bai will make it our napping time. hahaha. i miss bai's crapping and the class laughter at our jokes. i miss speaking malay like a malay student. talking in our lingo. i miss recess. i miss the food at the canteen. i miss bookshop time. i miss pe time. the guys running arnd hahaha. the gerls screamig playing floorball. i miss dnt class. the horrible june hols we had. well, not hols considering we had to come to sch everyday frm 8 to 4 to do our proj. i still remember half the class had given up b'cos it was soo difficult. the gerls were crying and the guys staring into the air, each not knowing what to do wif their proj at that time. but we stick thru. and we produced works that not many students can produce, only dnt students of damai sec can produce. muahahahaha. i miss the teachers. so crappy, sometimes they so emo, sometimes they so serious. haha, remembering this made me laugh at their antics. i miss higher malay lessons at temasek sec. those trips we had make frm damai to temasek every week. eating lunch in the bas. haha. bai laughing so loudly in the bas. muahahaha. khai, eating my homemade lunch.. damn delicious la. me, emo-ing out of the bas windows. haha, i miss my hml class peeps. hml lessons was ssoo fun. i could be me. and not be anybody else. i miss cikgu sahriana. the best teacher anybody could have. i miss tuition times. wif andy's nagging and aaron marcus farah marc and qi han and lester's crapping ard. makes tuition ssoo much lively. i miss these ppl badly.

gosh. this is what i call fated. when i first come into damai, i hate it to the core. it was not my sch of choice. it was my last choice. actually before i was posted there, i had dreamt i was standing at the atrium. but of course i didnt know that that place was actually damai. when i get into damai then i realise, i am fated to be here. and i accepted it since it was god's will. his plan for me. thank u god. for planing this for me.

i got to get back to reality and move on. MOVE ON AND STOP BEING NOSTALGIC GERL!! ok, ok. i'm freaking stressed out wif band. i know i'm not performing up to the expectations. what with SYF coming and the concert. studies? i'm slacking like hell. i'm not studying at all la. i plan to catch up during this chinese new year. i'm in a state of confusion abt my subj combi. i seriously DONT WANT to drop art. thats like the only subj thats when i'm doing i'm happy. i'll forget all my troubles. i know i'm good at it and it makes me feel good. i need that kind of feeling esp when u have single digit scorers in ur sch ok.. but mum wants me to take malay lit. i'm fine but its just that, if i want to take malay lit, i have to drop art. opportunity cost. hahaha econs. i dont want to drop art!! nobody knows how deep is my passion for art. darah seni da memang mengalir di dalam tubuh, nak buat mcm mane.. hahahaha. wats more, juggling wif all kinds of feelingS when i come for band, its really difficult seh. HAIZ. -that is, if u know what i mean..

i'll be meeting hiq, khai, az and sha in a few days time. i'm so excited abt it la!!!! i'll be meeting farah soon too! gosh, i'm so excited!! hiq and khai will be crashing into ac nxt mon..hehehehe...
anyways, just know all my cuzins come here for like a gathering. haha, being together wif family is the best thing on earth!!

i think i wrote too much. i'll stop here.
tata.

my class photo, with an extra guy in front, blocking gen's face..ish.. and gladys look sooo spastic.. hahaha.

oh yeah.. the girls in math class, with justin trying to act cool.. haha, but endded up being not so cool.. haha. saw hao's new red and white shoes? hehez, show off.. muahaha..

aa5 together during math class.. smile more justin.. hahaha..

i seriously think we should have a proper class outing before like anyone of us had to be separated. if that happens, i'll be ssoo sad..:( anyway, richie have yet to send me more photos!!! gimme the photos fast u richie chan and dont make me say those crap again!! or else... hahaha...

i dunno why i'm feeling so emo now.

i guess it must be because of the aftermath of whirl of emotions yesterday.

i feel so suckky la.

i tired so hard today during sectionals.

but still suck.

i need to practice more.

more

more and

more!!!

olevel results?

ok la. but still not up to my expectations.

and yeah. i do feel kinda stupid amongst the single digit scorers.[nothing against these ppl]

but i still thank god for giving me this results.

for all the blessings i got frm Him.

for all the things that had happened.

for i know that there is a reason for it to happen.

i shall be a good girl now and stop coplaining, whining

and like what dr lee said just now, 'get over it pls!'

yeah i will. :)

haha, i'm listening to ross roy now and i feel so nostalgic.

those times with damaiwindz in the olden days. [sobs**]

so nice..aaahhh..

so much has been happening.

i just feel kinda overwhelmed by everything

i need to calm down.

u know u want it but u know u wont get it, so JUST GET OVER IT!!

[if u dont know what i mean for this sentence..then haha to u! interpret it urself!]

I AM TRYING!!!

dont cry b'cos it is over, smile b'cos it happened.

yeah, i'm like smiling now.

hahahahaha

i'm so tired frm band prac and i have tons of hw to do!! i cant open my eyes! i have like 3 hist essaya to do, 1 GP essay, i ML essay, my art and lots more research and readings to do. what am i going to do now? i shall sleep.
and wake up at like 2.30am when i feel better then i can do my work. :)
i shall sleep now then.
tata.

ur support is greatly needed so quickly buy the tics frm me! can gurantee a whole night of wonderful music!! :) anyway its my first ever concert, so yeah, i'm freaking out right now

O LEVEL RESULTS COMING OUT SOON!!!

I'M SERIOUSLY FREAKING OUT.

I THINK I'M GONNA SCREW UP ALOT OF SUBJECTS.

LIKE EL, MATHS, HML(DIE LA!), DnT, HIST, SS, BIO AND PHYCHEM.

I'M SO FREAKING DEAD.

I'LL GO AND START DOING MY HW.

LIKE NOW.

I HOPE I DONT CHAT ON MSN.

BYE LA.

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ACJC band's annual MUSE concert

together with ACSI band@ the esplanade on April fools' day

Tickets at $21 or $25

Shostakovich's Festive Overture

Respighi's Feste Romane

Hindemith's March from Symphonic Metamorphosis

Phantom of the Operaand more..

Get back to me fastly if you're interested! :)

kiasu hapy hadys

woah.. the hapy hadys were so damn kiasu la.. haiz. anyway, i almost got the phone!! oh my.. heart pain.. ouch..aaarrrggghh!!!!$^(%&££C*&TF U^D *^!!!!!!! i'll say it all in the next post. gtg now. ta ta.

uh-ah

hahaha.. gosh, so long since i've updated my blog. hell, no time la. what with orientation on the first week of sch. heheh.. it was darn fun man. the games, the cheering, mass dance and the friends that i had made will stay in my mind forever!! haha.. such memories should not be forgotten. then starts the lecture week which drags till the end of this week. and i'm trying to adapt to the lecture and tutorial learning style which is difficult. darn.. i always dont know what or where to go whenever there's a break. haha.. i'll almost always go to the band room lor.. But i guess when jc life is in full gear for me, i'll be super busy. not like now. i'm bored. oh well actually no, i'm supposed to do some research for history. what do you call it? independent study? yah, something like that. i really hope i wont slack off. b'cause i've vowed to myself that i'll go through college with success. i wont be retained, able to pass my a levels so that i can go in to my choice course at uni. yah. i hope i can acheive that. which i wont if i dont start doing my research now!! but i dont even know what i am supposed to search on about. :) blur sotong.

oh well other then history, i have econs which i think i understand most of the lecture. and maths? oh, logarithm is clogging up in my brain! help! oh..oh..yes! i am eligible to take H2 art!!!! muahahaha!!! i'm ssoo happy!!!! gosh.. at last i can study art. i can only thank god for giving me this opportunity.:) its only the third week of jc life and i'm panicking. great. i have to get a grip of myself.

During band last week, celebrated edwin's and val's birthday! yay!! haha. and festive overture is killing me. somebody open the ground and let the earth swollow me.

yeah, get a grip shaheera. i can only pray to god that he will keep loving forever.