mak mak maksim!!!

i love this song like crazy!!!! it just moves me. esp the chords that the strings are playing.. wweee...



my all time favourites.. i wish i can play the piano man like him. the way he play his music is so passionate and moving. oohhh...

Aidiladha

i need lots of money. yes lots of it. haiz..

and my house is in a mess. the process of moving house is sure tedious and difficult. i have to deal with dust like everyday. then, haha, homework is not done, especially econs online learning. i cant finish day 1 assignments in 1 day. i am soo slow. oh whatever. i'm gonna enjoy my holidays for now.

aidiladha is fun. lontong, fondue, pizza and nasi minyak. wwee!! i feel so fat now. ergh. i need to build up my stamina again before i start having mass pe again. die. too bad i cant see the goats and sheep. bekkk.. hahaha..

pagi ini, takbir raya bergema di seluruh alam, menagungkan kebesarannya, aku hanya berdoa moga keluargaku diberikan kemudahan dalam menempuh cabaran kehidupan. amin. yes, we'll stick together no matter what.

chiao.

bleah.

maybe i was just too sensitive and temperamental.

forgive me, i was being stupid.

chiao.

This is a stupid post

i've been thinking.. maybe i should not lie to myself anymore. first it was eating alone on the days before. then after that it was watching the tv alone. but the most disgusting thing was that, that tut french horn guy come and sat beside me. the rest of his band was like looking at me. what the hell. and i'm being surrounded by pj people at that time. it was so fucking akward la. the days before also during lunch time he came and sat beside me and started talking to me. *rolls eyes* concert ended and there was a rush to get packed up. i could hear people scrambling and cases being luged around as i made my way back to my changing rm. the corridors were empty. heck, i didnt care at that time. but when i came into my room, it was empty. only my beg and my case. i was like, eh, where did everybody go? i felt lost. in such a big place with so many people. so i called a friend to go home with her. but how stupid i was, i forgot she didnt performed. i felt like knocking my head. now, i felt sooo pathetic. shit. ok, then i msged another friend. oh, he is going to have supper with the rest. the rest? where are they? supper? how come i dont know? at that moment, it hit me. i know at least 1001 people there at that time, but none actually cared or know where i am! i felt so isolated, disappointed, alone, left out and pathetic. fucking pathetic la. ("kau asyik2 terhegeh-hegeh dekat org. tapi org tak kisah pun pasal kau. sedar la sikit diri tu!" maybe what she say to me is right.. "bila dorang nak mintak tolong, semua datang dekat kau, kau yang bodoh pun pergi tolong, tapi sekarang, kau mintak tolong dari dorang, ada dorang tolong? dorang tinggalkan kau lagi ada kan?") well, i shouldnt have said it. family? i think its just an illusion on my part. hell, i had to walked all the way to mrt with my eupho. i almost fell on the escalator. and there were blisters on my fingers. i thought i could just throw my eupho into the fountain that is infront of esplanade. but no, i love my eupho too much to do that.

it didnt happen only that night but many other times where i felt so pathetic and alone.

but i wont be bugged down by such petty stuff. but oh well, its an eye opener to how much i meant to people.

chiao.

abhijeet sawant!!!

i loveeee abhijeet sawant! i must go back to my indian roots. hahaha. but hady is equally nice too. oh well, i'll still go for abhijeet!!!! wweee!!! and peter pan performed!!! oh my god ariel!!!

hhmm i'm feeling jazzyy... dont know why i like jazz music now.

band fest is finally over. i felt so tired. but it was a learning experience. being under different conductors these few months has been an eye opener. i still think dr lee is the BEST! haha. bias? i dont care, i have my reasons.
being in fennell was ok. but musically i felt tortured. mr tan aik kee was really nice. my section was nice. but musically, bad... hhmmm.. lets look at the bright side, i enjoyed myself. and i carried my eupho. freak la damn heavy. my arms were screaming for help from esplanade to tampines. but hey, i survived! yess!!

just had another surgery. oh god i dont want anymore surgery can? uwahhh!! it was darn freaking painful uh. and mum is making me stick to porridge again. injection was already enough to freak me out, then there was some bleeding, i dont like seeing blood coming out from my mouth. then come the drilling then the needles and more x-rays. oh gosh. a lil bit of swelling but should be ok by fri for band prac. aahhh another prac...

my hw is not going anywhere. what with geog proj and gp case study. ahhh i'm feeling lazyyy...

abhijeet rocks!!!
chiao.

Nightmares

too bad that i love music but i cant make good music. i feel so terrible. and i envy people who can make music so well.

i want jc band fest to be over. i'm so tired. my tonsilities is killing me. out of tune notes and chords make me have nightmares.

chiao.

immaturity suck

"hai kakak2 ku harap maaf pasal smalam tu bukan saya nak memberontak atau beremosi! tapi tiap tahun jumpa adek beradek ceritanya sama asyik nak kata org! org nak buat baik dgn jln Allah walau cara apa pun kena kata org tu tak betul! ni d kata nama kan akhir zaman? hormat tetamu datang jumpa sekali2 d hari raya! abg ipar pun cabut tak nak dgr! bukan kita sekeluarga tak nak dtg rumah mak jumpa adek beradek ni ceritanya sama! harap maafkan adek mu, buat pengetahuan akak2, adek mu tak ikut mana2 kumpulan atau tarikat"

this was a msg sent by my _______. i dont fucking understand about tarikat. even father has something to do about this tarikat thingy. then he'll go on about all these people called wali who are supposed to be really religious and pure people. i'm just feeling so angry with them. being adults, they are immature enough to fight over such stupid things, making them look like fools in front of us, the younger ones.

bleah la with all these tarikat and religious groups. if u want to be religious and pious so be one. no one is going to stop u in this democratic country. but if u are really pious and religious, u should know that getting into fights with your own siblings on such a beatiful night like on hari raya night is a really bad idea. u are just adding to your list of sins. thats like freaking common sense right?

even though this incident happened like 2 months ago, it'll stay in me for quite sometime.

chiao.

tistis!

guess what? i am adding to list of people in band who has tonsilities. ouch la. having fever, cough and running nose too. given mc for 2 days! imagine how much i'll miss band! just when there'll be intensive band practises from wed to sun, i have to be sick at this point of time. should i go for band tmr or not?

should i?

chiao.

tah dah!!!

tah dah! i had a hard time finding the right colour combinations mind u. ahhh.. its done finally. gawd its so tedious. actually theres another one with flower motifs which i think is nice but theres something wrong with the alingment and editing java script makes me go bonkers. so heck la i take this skin. seriously all the codes and numbers. yuck, numbers...i hate numbers. i dont know why the hell i like this skin. maybe its quite simple and not so dark like my previous one. haha... "hate me then piss off" nah.. thats not me anymore, :) i'm a nicer girl now. hahaha. yeah right.

philharm winds was nice. my bandies peeps occupy the whole row. ahaha, thats alot of us. the band played well. very well in fact. i like all the songs except Symphonies of Wind Instrument by Igor Starvinsky. yuck, i dont like the dissonant chords. ironically, its the only classical piece that was originally written for wind instruments and not transcribed. i love especially the 1812 overture and jazz suite. the piano concerto almost made me doze off. ZZzzz... hhmm.. i think russian music is quite nice.

went for band the next day. was feeling freaking tired la. thank god the js boy didnt come if not we have to give him more attention. 2 new boys joined us. one from barker and the other from acsi. practise was like.. bleah..especially pirates and then dr lee didnt come to conduct band1. :( damn sad la. then aft band was the only egg-citing part. yay, at last we washed our euphos. thanks to edwin and michelle who helped me and sheree washed it spanking clean. heh, it sounds different and feels different too. there was so much greeny gooey stuff. yuck yuck. my fingers smelt of valve oil and slide grease after that. at last we went home at around 9 plus. hhmmm.. i think it was a good section bonding time. its a blessing that my section is small. but we need juniors by next year. anybody wants to join ac band? :) hahaha. all sec fours eupho players only are welcomed . hehe. nah, all are welcomed.

i am quite egg-cited for jc band fest. i want to make alot of friends then i can sell more tickets for next year's concert. marketing strategies. hehe. maybe some from the other 2 bands too, oh well, we'll see. i hope my section is nice.

3 weeks more to go before holidays is gone. poof! just like that! oh no! then i am a j2 in acjc? i cant believe that. oh my god how time flies. i feel soo old. :( i want to stay like this. just going for band practises, performing for concerts, having dinners and lunches with bandies peeps and watching concerts together. ahh..come back from dream land la.

reality check, i still have econs to do. aaaaahhhhhhhhhh !!!

chiao

blogskin

its time i change my blogskin. :)heh, i have few nice ones and i dont know which to use. hhmm..

chiao.

so many glitches. first i cant log in to my intranet account. then theres another technical glitch on my econs online learning website. yay. how to do my homework now. and i need to print like tons of stuff. but i dont have printer and the school library is closed. my laptop is also throwing a tantrum on me. theres no internet connection on that laptop. so here i am on bro's com which has no other application and softwares other than the internet, maple game, O2 jam, Pangya, Stepmania and warcraft. technical glitches suck la. now what do i do?

i'll read my book, study geog and do some math now. i'm so bored la, no one's at home and i'm here all alone facing this stupid technical glitches. yes, i'm whining and complaining now. i need to let off steam.

its ok considering i'm going out to watch philharmonic winds concert tonight. yay!wohooo!

i must practise harder for band. but most importantly, practise correctly. i need more time to do individuals. like i havent got the opportunity yet to practise my parts and get it well since my gums got well. oohh, i must buck up! practise, practise, practise!

chiao.

its sad when people do not appreciate your hardwork for your passion. and they even mock u. making u look like a fool. but i dont feel like one a single tiny weeny bit.

and when i say about this i wonder. what seriously makes u bond with your friends? like your similiarities or your passion for something? if not, what brings u together actually? having said that, if u share the same interest together, shouldnt u all the more support each other in your passion or interest?

i'm just uber disappointed in some of my friends who claim they love band bla..bla..bla.. band.. bla..bla..bla.. and band... just do some soul searching la if u feel like u are one of those friends who treat their friends like that.
what great 'friends' i have! *sarcasm*
having a concert is sure alot of hardwork, mind u people.

and i miss the j2s.:)

chiao.

three consecutive days of banding make me physically drained. sore throat, running nose, coughing non-stop and breathlessness. aahh. stop it i need to practise LOTR tmr. i need to study and do my hw too.

reflecting on my days in damai band with mr wong. i guess now i know why all those things happen. like why we cant be as united as some of us wanted to be. why there is politics going round. why we cant improve in our playing. why we attain only silver and silver in competitions. no matter how hard some of us wanted to make things better. well, partly the conductor's fault. no doubt about that. oh well, its the past. i really thought that i was the only one who hated him like sso much especially during the syf period. his biasness was ssoo suffocating. then i confided in solomon, and yeah, he felt it too. now, aisyah also is feeling it too. well, unless damai band take a new conductor then maybe things will improve. maybe? i dont know.

i'll miss the js boys for awhile. haha.

on sunday, went to 2 weddings. and i ate 2 plates of nasi briyani. oh my god i felt like a glutton. but one of the weddings actually didnt make it, as in the bride actually cancelled it b'cos at the last minute, she admitted that she didnt like the groom. like what the hell seh, u dont like say earlier uh. as the invitation had been given out the so-called wedding reception had to be carried out. sad seh for the parents. tsk.. then aft the weddings, went to nenek hse for shamil and cik sham's birthday. oohh, we had chocolate buffet!!! with marshmellows, bananas, grapes, strawberries and kiwis. oh yes we had biscuit sticks too! like yanyan! hahaha. so fun. then there's also nanchos and tortillas! oohh. thats excluding all the cakes i ate. durian mousse cake and blueberry cheesecake! oohhh lalala. i think i gained like 5 kg straight. i feel so fat uh.

tmr banding again. this time with my acjc band. :)yay!!!! LOTR III. oh no!
chiao.

WOW.. i listened to the recording of the harry potter symphonic suite... it sounded so nice but the way we played it now.. oh gawd.. tsk.. damn out of tune la. not only that actually, theres alot more problems. like rythm. actually the piece is quite easy, but its a matter of playing it correctly, nicely and musically. yes, music is what i wanna hear, not a mass of sounds. and pirates.. haha, alot of people apprently dont like mr wong. haha.. yeah, i realised that the way he teach and conduct is sso different from dr lee. u have to experience it yourself then u know.

its the first time i met the eupho tutor. but he teach basic stuff la. and he smell of cigarettes. yuck. my ac junior pri junior is irritating during sectionals today. ergh. seriously, i cant control kids. they exude too much energy that we, the older people sometimes finds it frustrating. but they are ssso cute sometimes its just difficult to bring yourself to scold them. so in the end, we didnt scold but instead join them and laugh together with them.

and i listened to lord of the rings movement 3 recording, like oh my god! die. die. die. i cant pitch the freaking high notes! i used to be able to pitch, well, USED TO. hahaha. nvm, i will practise la. and, and, the worst thing is, i havent even practise LOTR I and V too!! oh nonononono. and i need to get myself back intune asap. die uh. this is the result of not playing for ssoo long. tsk.

and its mugging time again!! yay!! *rolls eyes*
migraine is hitting me again. uwahhhh!!!
chiao.

she scerams and she shouts. she gives me that i-am-angry-with-u face and she turns a deaf ear when i talk about something important. u know what, i dont give a shit about u! erghhhhh. freaks with the capital s.

chiao.

i'm like sssoo good at masking my emotions now. heh. and i dont hope for people to confort me. sometimes i feel so stupid. why am i ssoo nice to people, helping people called friends, doing this and doing that for them but all they say are empty promises and leaving me behind when i need them. woke up with super puffy eyes this morning. i just look forward to band practice and yes, band practice was funny yet frustrating. the little acs junior boys were ssoo cute but irritating. running around Lt4 and crawling under the chairs playing hide and seek. one way to tame them, not to shout, u will just go crazy controlling them like i did, tell them in a firm voice to raise their hands and face the wall. ahaha.. the first time mr wong did that to kenneth, one of the cutest of all, i gaffawed! ahaha... and mr wong conduct pirates. haha, everybody wasnt happy with him. no comment, i wasnt there 'cos had to go for dental appt. aahh, i'm scheduled for another surgery like 2 weeks from now. aiyoyoyo... frustrating b'cos the band sounded like crazily out of tune. the acs junior kids cant even play a note properly and they dont want to play. i lost my mood to play laa.. but i play with ah chong, my cousin hahaha. he's funny. i called him manly bitch. then he'll wrestle me. ouch mannn.. its been such a long time since i wrestle with kids haha. being with these innocent children sometimes just brings joy to u. instead of being with some stupid suckers, narrow minded, insensitive freaks.

i need freedom badly.

chiao.

another stupid survey that i did..
haha, what my dreams mean.

'Your dreams seem to show that you're a bit disturbed... but nothing serious.You may have a problem you're trying to work out in your sleep.Your dreams tend to reflect your insecurities.You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind.You secretly want to hide your dreams from your waking mind. '

funny la.. am i a disturbed person? ahahaha, oh yes, last week, i just dreamt of a blood sucking creature who lives under my bed. hahaa. and it sucks my blood!!! aaaahhh

chiao.

i am craving for ice cream and chocolates. yum,yum. band bbq was ok. some got drunk haha. havoc.. too bad i cant overnight and even had to leave early. well, half of me says i dont mind. but i want to go cycling badly. then damai band grad night was funny especially the mocca ad. haha. good luck to u guys going to hong kong yeah. :)

i've never eaten this much before, i think i've been binge eating. i should stop myself and make myself busy. then i will stop thinking too much. yes, get busy.

not in the best moods actually. i'm just feeling angry. erghhhhhhhhhh.
chiao.

dia senyum padaku..aku buat bodoh..hahaha. i am starting to hate you. yes, especially after yesterday night. oh my god how you suck.

chiao.

it is so dificult for me to go out. stupid. overly anxious. i know you care but sometimes you have to let us go. we need to experience life itself. protecting us will not help much. we maybe safe for now, but we will lost vital experiences for our future whole self development. i just want to get out of your grip. just let me go will u. its time. now.

it was the first time yesterday that i started playing again. haha, i was ssoo egg-cited. i couldnt contain it anymore, i went to school at 8.30 supposedly but somebody owe me a sundae again haha, for being late. but i am superbly out of tune. every note except my tuning note. ;( ssoo sad. and my stamina has gone down. aft playing a passage i will feel like as if i had been running. yeah..this bad.. gotta get back in shape. i side read paganini and armenian dances. haha, i didnt have time to do individuals or sectionals on it. maybe a lil bit la on paganini. then the rest i just.. erhhmm.. whack. haha. and my tonging! oh gawd. bad. very bad. aaahhh!!! but getting to hug my eupho was the best thing!!! my gums and my lips were red. i have like 4 ulcers. but now its fine. thanks for all the concern to stop me from playing my eupho. haha, i am stubborn.

and, and, we played tie the ankle game again! the band walked on the field this time, all of us tied at the ankles and we walked non-stop in record time 10 mins! thats is just one of the reasons why i love my ac band. :) sounds easy huh, try tying a whole bunch of people by the ankles and ask them to walk from one end of the field to the other. dr lee was happy with us. he was smiling and rising his arms clapping. :) hehe. when we reached the white finishing line, i was estatic. yay! hand in hand, ankle by ankle, heart by heart, we made it. i hope next year's competition will do just that.

today is mr foo's wedding. and yes, as usual, i cant go. but anyway, it'll be difficult for me b'cos there'll be no halal food. oh well, nvm, i hope he has a blissful marrige.

when the hell am i going to start on econs!!!!ok,ok, tmr morning.haha

chiao.