ergh

all i want to do now is face is the vast ocean and scream
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

GIVE ME MY FRINGING FREEDOM.

ragh.
chiao.

bored

01. Who was your last text from?
aishah razak!

02. Where was your default profile picture taken?
default pic for fb's from KL.

03. Your relationship status?
single, free and INDEPENDENT! hahaa

04. Have you ever lost a close friend?
duh.

05. What is your current mood?
pretty confused.

06. How many siblings do you have?
2.

07. What are the names of your brothers/sisters?
shazwani, shamil

08. Where do you wish you were right now?
with ... ehehehe.

09. Have a crazy side?
crazy psycho or crazy fun? yarh duh. know me well enough and you can answer this yourself.

10. Ever had a near-death experience?
i dont think a teeth surgery is considered a near-death experience right? although its scary enough for me.

11. Something you do a lot?
eat. and sing alot. hahaaaha

12. Angry at someone?
me self actually

13. What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
i shy laaaaaaaaaaaa. muahahahahahaha.

14. When was the last time you cried?
eerrr, a long time ago. haha.

15. Is there anyone you would do anything for?
yarh, many people. the ones i love.

16. What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
HAHAHAHAHA. and the things to do the next day.

17. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
i dont remember, i text alot.

18. What is your favourite song?
it changes from time to time.. craig david insomnia. haha.

19. What are you doing right now?
supposed to be researching for scholarships and study loans... but as usual, i digressed. hehe.

20. Who do you trust right now?
god.

21. Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
omg. terengganu, in malaysia.

22. Have you kissed someone in the past week?
ehhwwww. no.

23. Who is your close friend who lives closest to you?
who lives near and is close to me! alot laa.

24. Describe your life in one word?
beautifully imperfect.

25. Who are you thinking of right now?
HAHAHAHAHAHA.

26. What should you be doing right now?
searching for that stupid study loan so that i can study overseas!!!

27. What are you listening to?
holst jupiter yo!

28. Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
eheheheeee. shant sayyyy. wwwwwweeeeeeeeeeee.

29. Who was the last person who yelled at you?
my mummy who is still asking me to sleep. grr.

30. Do you act differently around the person you like?
i dont react. i froze in front of him. hahahhahaa.

31. What is your natural hair colour?
Black laa.

32. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
ooo. aisyah sazali. hahaha.

33. Who was the last person to make you sad?
oh shut up, dont remind me.

34. What do you hear?
now its tchaikovsky's nutcracker! sweett!!

35. Is your hair curly or straight?
curlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

36. Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
HAHAHA NO.

37. Do you have a best friend?
sadly she left me. sigh.

38. Held hands with someone of the opposite sex in the last three days?
ehehehe. next question!

39. Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
wahhh alot!

40. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
uh, ehw, NOH!

41. Are you happy with life right now?
pretty content (:

42. Are you currently jealous?
maybe.

43. What jewelry are you currently wearing?
stupid gold bangle that i am forced to wear.

44. What were you doing on Friday night?
section outing!!!

45. Have you ever had your heart broken?
yeahhhh!

46. Have you ever broken someone else's heart?
i think so. hehehe.

47. Is there anybody you're disappointed in right now?
maybe...

48. What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
to check my teeth la. what else seh.

50. Have you ever dated someone for longer than a year?
not yet. (:

ok, i am bored and i am digressing. sigh.

friday: section outing! photos will be up soon. haha. yeah realllllll soon.
sat: hiq's wedding. eh no. hahaha, hiq brother's wedding. photos will be up soon too.
sun=boring.
monday= a dread.

so yes, i am applying overseas uni. but malaysia only la! hahahaha. but its still a headache. gosh, so many things to prepare. bank statements, ic, passport, certs, appraisals, photos. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. and my bills to pay. ok, so this is yet another step towards independence.

hhmm, i should be asleep, if i were to wake up early to jog in the morning.

chiao.

intuition

what do you do when you feel like something bad is going to happen?

i have this strong intuition that tomorrow... i'll be in deep trouble.

call me impractical or paranoid, my intuition is almost always right.

not that i want it to be right this time though..

oh fresh bulggoggi anytime soon girls? heh.

and no, i dont want to screw up again. please. sigh.

i love this song.

working afficially sucks

been soooooooooo effing lazy to blog.

moved house. so small, no privacy at all. sigh. work's getting worse. yes, i wanna quit asap. i think i need an anger management course to deal with kids. especially special ones like my brother.
After the 10th question....
Question: factorise 16x-32xy
bro: 16(x-2x)
me: zomgggggggggggggggg. you still dont understand is it?
another question
me: 14 /2=?
bro: 8
me: 89uYT*V^TRE%U^&TRF^%R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


so many things on my mind, i dont know how to get it out.

have you ever felt wronged? like you meant well but somehow other people sees it as otherwise? its sad that these kind of things happen yeah. sigh.

i shall get back to work...

chiao.

vivooooooooooooo+swensensssssssssss

breakfast was supposed to be at 10 am. but everyone arrived at 11am. haha. typical of my friends. had swensens plus ice cream at holland v. then went back ac. ahwww i mishmishmish ac! saw mr mash and ms leow and we talked. met shahrul and seha. and its vivocity time! but sadly the shop are friging expensive. sigh. i need to shop. badly. i need clothes. most of them needs stitching up haha.
then its tuition time. (yes aish r. , i am a tuition teacher now :D lets wait for aishj eh haha) this time my student seriously made me quite angry. and she became scared! haha. try to be funny again! ugh. kids, can be so irritating sometimes.

oh, chewy brownies coming soon girls! :))

chiao.

dreams and baking

i wish, i wish...

i'm itching to bake bake bake.

i've got a list of things i wanna bake

hhmm, brownies, cupcakes, try some raspberry tarts and chiffon cake.

heeeee.

but sadly, i've got to pack my stuff.

sigh.

packing is sososo troublesome.

chiao.

i have dreamed of dreams that will only be dreams.

wedding

i've got to get this out of my chest.



i cant stinking believe he'll be engaged in 2 weeks time. *rolls around in frustration.

SIGH. and with a VIP from across the causeway furthermore. ouch. oh wells, suits his status as a doc.



anyway, the drama that unfolded today was one of a kind. the day started out quite normally. what with kak's tantrums in the mornings, the normal screaming to get shamil out of the bed and all. we three siblings got lost while trying to get to lagun sari for cousin's wedding. and kak, out of frustration for not being able to find the way there started crying. seriously, what the hell is wrong with her man. its just getting lost.. big deal.anyway, got to lagun sari, met mum and dad who were chauffered by cik nasir. lucky them. its was blistering hot la dey, some more wearing that thick, itchy songket baju kurung. ugh. and then went up and ta dahh! the first face i see is that doctor.gawd. i was precisely trying to avoid that guy. so i tried to be interested in the food. heh, good idea man, food always works. anyway, ate and caught up with other relatives. gee, it was so indian. henna, hindi songs and indian costumes were like everywhere. coolness. and the bride is all time georgeous. i think all brides will look ravishing no matter what. so aft that, yeah, wanted to went up to the third floor to be with my aunts but suddenly my father called out, oi! look theres an accident. so, we kpos, went out to look. so there were alot of, 'what happened? what happened??' haha. kecoh seh. anyway, the doctor (ok la, he is actually one of my cousins but one of a kind hehehe.) came out and asked, eh what happend? so my father say oh got accident. my uncle blurted out, eh doctor, go help! then.. he rushed down and went to the victim's side. like how heroic is that! my cousin is treating an accident victim onsite! heeeeeeeeee. so the ambulance came and took the victim away. caused quite a commotion. anyway, we lingered around and chatted. and my mum asked for a lift home. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

i think today i can die of adrenelin overdose. gawd.
in addition i had to battle questions like when am i going to get married. aiyoooooooooooo. somebody save meeeeeeeeeeeee.

tomorrow work again. sigh.

chiao.

friday the 13th

oh no! i thought i had so much to type here. but when this window open my mind just went . yeah, blank.

oh!oh! i remember!
friday the 13th.
a day that stays true to its name. today sucked. got scolded yet again by my supervisor. (i dont think i was that bad.. seriously...)the interns are giving me headaches. had a meeting first thing in the morning and it went badly. sosososo much work to do. and work to be redone because some other people did it wrongly. sigh. i'm still pissed by my late late pay cheque. grrr. thank god irritating A didnt come today, though H is present. i was under audit today. hmm. my students are a headache too. one is taking psle and the other is too hyper. and managing your own finance isnt that easy afterall huh.

enough whining. i'll manage all that. tomorrow is V day! wwwwwwweeeeeeeeeee. this reminds me of the V days in ac. so much love, i feel so happy and warm. happy V day people!

chiao.

revival

kah-ching! this blog is revived! ok, crap.

anyways.. i'm tired. work, tuition. work tuition. and work and tuition and it goes on. life's quite mundane recently. the only exciting thing maybe.. tmr is pay day.heh. maybe that'll make me happier. oh and pasta mania is finally halal! attackkkkkk! haha. and gerd's flying tmr. :( and heard that results will be out like real soon. erghhhhhhhhhhhh. i just want to get into a uni. thats all. sigh.

i think i'm getting along better with my collegues. i'm talking the mak cik way to them. heee.
but still no lunch buddy. sigh.

my eyes are drooping...

chiao.

its time, to move on.

i realise now. why i never want to listen to their rantings abt the 'good times', look at the many many pictures taken, the stories, the jokes made there and anything associated with it. the answer is simple, it still hurt. and alot.

unconciously, i was avoiding all that because i didnt want to feel the pain again. to face it. and now, confronting it was just as painful as during the days, weeks, months that it unfolds. although its been quite sometime.

i thought i was stronger though. well, let go and move on girl. its over.



writitng a book sounds great.



i feel horrigible. CHOCOLATESSSSSSSSS WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!



ohoh! happy 19th birthday shereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! haha. :)



chiao.

hahahaha-choooo. erhm.

i realise that its been ages since i blogged. haha. 'cos theres nothing interesting happening in my life.

well, with the exception of the emergence of an interesting person to spice up my life, to make me gush and blush occasionally (hahahahaha-chooo!) and the occasional meet ups with friends. like last fri.. hhm, mission accomplished but with much agony. sigh. i learnt one good lesson. guys do not make good shopping buddy. tsk i need someone who can go crazy just looking at a pair of shoes, and dont get tired randomly going in and out of shops for hours. hahaha. no offence guys. :D

anyways, tomorrow is working day again!!! i hope i dont get scolded again. sigh. well, its only human to make mistakes right. some people just dont realise that i guess.

i still need a lunch buddy....

chiao.

lunch buddy. where are you?

overdued photos. oreo cheesecake and sheperd's pie.

weekends are making me fatfatfat. i just baked chewy sticky brownies which is super duper uber easy.

hhmm, work tomorrow. i really could do with a lunch buddy man.

chiao.

crossroads

its easy to lose true friends but difficult to find one.
i should really try to stay in touch with friends.

and what about all those talk about not caring about what people talk or thinks about you?
easier said than done.

and i think i'm taking on a second job. i need it.

chiao.

a request

hhmm, i have a request.

tell me, how am i? as in, am i an arrogant person?selfish? smart? anything. just anything abt myself. i wanna know. if its bad, i wanna change and improve myself you know. anybody. really, if you know me, just say it. its ok if you wanna label yourself as anonymous or 'shaheera's bestest best friend' or 'shaheera's greatest enemy' or 'shaheera's boyfriend' you know. i dont care. (hehe, i dont mind BB though ooppss!)

just tell me what kind of a person i am. i need it. say on the tag board.

thank you, you'll be doing me a great favour.

but i still think its not fair for people to judge you when they dont actually know you. right?

chiao.

ragh

growing up isnt something so easy after all eh.

i knew that but never actually really embrace it.

i miss school to make my life a hell, friends to nonsense-nonsense with, band to make music, mcs to have fun, running to fall down again (hahahaha), screaming on the rooftop, laughing just to be happy. oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i miss my friends.


work has been keeping me busy and tired. but busy in the way that i sit in front of the com everyday and stare at it without talking with anyone... then when i'm out of office, i'll be so bored that i'll start pacing arnd at home. wanna go out but i'm under her clutches. no life right. tsk.

how do i break away from them and get my well deserved freedom?how long will this be? they need to realise i'm no more a lilttle girl. but they just wont accept it. i guess i'll have to try the harder way then. too bad.

hate it when people force me to do something. like wiping and scrubbing the floor with my bare hands. :( and this isnt trivial for me. ggrrrr.

i should find something to do that makes me happy.

but what?

chiao.

taggies

finally i managed to put in a tag board! yay! so feel free to flood it uhh. :)

work tomorrow! aaahhhhh! ohnonono. butterflies in my stomach. and i dont know what to wear!

oh steven mead is outrageously fantastic! jaw-droppingly good la. i'm gonna cope his cd from edwin haha. and pizzahut with girls is :)) haha. (khai, pichurrss!!)

right. sleep now i must.

chiao.

FINALLY

haahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

FINALLY.

A JOB.

AND GOODDD PAY.

i hope my supervisor isnt some old, pervert, big beer belly ah pek.

wwwwweeeeeeeeeeee.

chiao.

patience and sincerity

ayat-ayat cinta (verses of love)



yeah, i am abit slow. but this movie is good. i finished 2 whole packets of tissue while watching it. moving, and educational. the best part was when the male lead was jailed and he tried to pray, but couldnt concentrate. He kept crying and stopping.(ouch, that happened to meh.) The fellow inmate laughed at him and said, haha, its a wonder that you are an Al Azhar undergrad but do not know the key to praying.(ouucchhh. ok, i think i know now). Then he received a letter saying that he was taken out from the best university in islamic studies, Al Azhar. the guy cried like a baby and the fellow inmate said to him, get up! remember the story of Yusuf a.s and Zulaikha? Yusuf prayed, if its true that living in a jail is more meaningful then i choose to be here and be near to you, Lord. Rather than being outside with those hypocrites and liars. Then, he continued, Allah is talking to you about patience and sincerity. Islam is about patience and sincerity.b'cos the guy was jailed for raping a girl that he had helped before and Yusuf story is somewhat similar to his situation. by this time i'm like wailing. haha.

now then i know that islam doesnt condone dating, only taaruf, where the couple meet up in the presence of family members. and if they like each other, they get married, if not, take it as making friends. haha. haha, no dating uhhh, you halal people!

cant wait for fridayyy!!!!!!!! and i need a jobbbbbbbbb. rawr. ok, patience.

chiao.

last one(hopefully)

had a reallyyyyyyyy great day today. :))))))))) well, thank you sheree and edwin for making my day before... i-dont-want-to-think-about-it. i'm highhhhhhhh on sugarrrrrrrr. hahaha.

ergh, a few more hours. uwahhhhh.
still gives me the chills although i've been through it so many times. well, its just the thought of laying there on the operating table makes me feel all alone. because no one else will feel the pain of the needles, the knife on my skin(although i've been anesthesised) the thread going in and out when its being stitched up, no one else. except me. because i'm going through it.

ah, well, doc you better give me a great smile soon!

and i need to get well, soon, soon, soon!!!so many many things to do. find job, register the french lang course, register the icing and fondant class, mcs bbq, kak siti sushi session bla bla bla. too many.

miss alottt of friends since school's overr.(so ironic since i'm listening to jesse macartney's its over hahahaha)

chiao.

the passing on.

THIS ENTRY IS DEDICATED TO KHAI, OK MY DEAR! :)

since you want me to update. :)

where do i start?

sigh. i'll miss you, my dear. although we never knew each other, looking at your photos and the way cik midah cry makes me sad. i'll always remember you.

funny how your passing actually made all the adults realise their mistakes and finally talk again.

funny how your passing gives me sleepless nights.

funny how your passing made me erm.. cry.

i'll pray for you.

well, i'm just glad my family is together back again.

birthdays. so many. it made me really occupied.

received some job offers too. and some cake orders. guess i'm not ready yet to accept any orders.

the more i look at your photos, the more i miss you. the more i feel ssad.. being so distant from you. i'm sorry i can never be where you are.

send ud off at airport today. so many people are going away. well, its just the airport right. yeah. but i could feel a stabbing pain.

well, some things are just difficult to forget.

oh no. interviews!! and 7 more days. sigh.

chiao.