3 months' notice and we're homeless. yes, homeless. i'm trying not to let this problem get the better of me. i shall smile more. now that i can smile widely! :)

the best thing is, i dont know what to do.



thursday's band prac was something to be remembered about. dr lee thought us unity in the most innovative way. the whole band was tied up by the ankles and had to walk from one end of the field to the other. and we had to turn around. it was fun. but it shows our character. hahaha, i fell on my buttt. how can i not fall when i am standing in between crazy people like irna and stuart. hahaha. oh gawd. so funny. walking together as one band that day just shows how our unity as a band. family? we all know we are in this family but, actions people, actions speaks louder than words. ooh suddenly i remember the song more than words. hahaha.



what am i thinking. ok, tmr had to wake up early, early to go to sch!!! wwwweeee



chiao

i so badly wanna play my eupho. but the hole in my gums are still big and gapping open. i miss band so much. everytime i sit at Lt 4 and listen to them playing i feel like running away. i feel so out of touch with band and my band peeps.. ergh..

hah, my brain's fried from all the physical, chemical and biological weathering that it is subjected to last night. and i still havent touch any math yet. the M word. i hate that M word. then theres GP research case study that i have to do a write up on. gawd, how do i do it??? then theres geog group work. great... econs online learning, best. there goes my holidays.

but its ok. its ok. considering that we will be going to 3 places next year for overseas trip. yesssssssss!!!!! hong kong with lots of concerts lined up, then theres shopping and disneyland!!! oh my god disneyland! ahahaha i cant waitttt!!!!!! then we'll fly to switzerland. yesssss!!! another competition there. then its to vienna. oh my god, dr lee said we'll take a bus and then we can enjoy the countryside. oh oh oh... it'll be ssoo beautiful!!! aaaahhhh!!! performances again. then back to hong kong. we'll go to macau too. yayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!ssoo many performances and competitons!!
I AM SSSOOO EGG-CITED!!! i must start saving money now. heh.

tonight will be watching arabian nights with mcs usual people. yayayayayay!!!!!!!!!
then on fri its cycling with mcs girlies!!! yayayay!!

omg,omg,omg!!! short,short,short!!!! no more bun, its gonna go in ponytails. :(

and, and kak siti just msg-ed me that there's a chocolate buffet at KL HIlton hotel. i want to go KL now!!!!!

okies, hw not going anywhere. tsk...
i shall start now.

chiao.:)

i am going to KL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oooooohhhh lalalalalalala!!!!!!!!!!!!!
((((((((((((((:
i'm jumping with joy. straight after the christmas concert i'll be having holidays in KL. yay, thanks to cik sham!
lalalalala

chiao :)

ok haha, this is damn funny. One of the stupid surveys u do on the internet to find out abt yourself. ok, here's me-
Aggressive. (am i? no la, i'm quite gentle what...)
Loves being in long relationships. (huh? no comment..)
Likes to give a good fight for what they want.(uhuh...extremely true!)
Extremely outgoing.(me? haha.. i dont think so..)
Loves to help people in times of need.(do i?)
Good kisser.(hhmm..i've never kissed anybody in my whole life so i dont know..haha) Good personality.(oh yes.. certainly! hahaha..)
Stubborn. (no la..)
A caring person. (hhmmm..)
One of a kind. (maybe?)
Not one to mess with. (oh yes,yes...esp when i'm angry)
Are the most attractive people on earth! (ehehehe..dont say la.. i'm feeling so shy la..)

all the best for the auditions tomorrow people!!!!hahaha, maybe its ok that i didnt get to audition even though half of me wants to take that miraphone eupho out of its casing start playing again right at this moment.

ooh,ooh! brain says: heal faster, heal faster!!!
body says: no,no, must recover slowly...
brain says: i want to play eupho!! faster heal!!
body: just wont relent to brain's orders.

garh! its torturing. give me the adrenalin of playing fast passages, running notes and those super high high notes. give me satisfaction when the intonation becomes perfect. move me when it is the slow passages. i want all that back again. now, i feel so empty.




i dont want history to repeat itself. for that, i will built a wall so thick around me that your gaze will never be able to penetrate through. watch out, watch out.


chiao

brain: go study!
body: no reaction
brain: u lazy bum! go and study laarrrr!
body: i still want to surf the net......
brain: go study laaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
body: still no reaction

basically thats what happen to me everyday.
i need to slap myself.

yay! mcs store room is clean!! so clean i am so proud of my mcs members! just left the 4 timpanis to be thrown away. ergh. and it belongs to the band. aiyoyoyoyo. but now we have a place to pray. yay, no need to pray back at home until i get aches on my legs. but then aft that i feel so sticky and dirty. yuck.

oh well band was ok. i had to lunged the whole pack of styrofoam plates arnd LT4 to show stuart. and i still have to buy the coloured stickers. then aft searching high and low for the water gun, i found it but stuart had bought it first so yeah my efforts of walking at tampines central was fruitless.

i'm feeling quite down. i couldnt audition for honour band for jc band festival. brain says its ok, u have a reason, that i cant play due to my recovering gums. my heart says, haiz......

well, i keep thinking, when u really like something or someone, there'll always be somekind of obstacle for u huh. then sometimes making u think if u had made the right choice. how ironic life can be. i know i should not look back on my decision. first its syf auditions now its jc band fest auditions. ergh, move on with life man.

moving on, i shall go to sleep now.
chiao

i hate lazyness. it will make me think of unnecessary stuff like him. ergh. and also reminisicing abt the olden days. ergh, ok,so that means i need to make my brain busy again so that i wont think of such stupid stuff again. yes, study!!

busy preparing for tune in.. heheh..i hope it'll be fun!DSA people coming tmr and playing Lord of the Rings I and V! argh. when can i start playing again?? i miss so many practices. gawd...

chiao

I dont know why heart feels restless. Its like nervousness. I dont like this feeling like something bad is going to happen. Hesh. I hope all will be well.

To u my good friend. I hope u will stay strong. I dont know how to say but i really feel for u. I may not understand how it feels like to lose a parent. But i do understand the pain of losing somebody precious and then going thru hell of a time after that. Especially in a time of our life like this where we should be happy with friends and family and concentrating on our studies. I do understand how it feels like to live everyday thinking about tomorrow, how u and the rest of your family will continue living. I am experiencing that. But i guess i am luckier than u. I have people who give me support while u dont. U were left by yourself to fend for yourself emotionally, mentally and financially. I seriously dont know how to help u. I can only advice and lend u my shoulder and ears should u need it anytime. I feel like a failure as a friend not being able to help u. But please be strong. If u need me anytime, even if it is 3am, just call me. I will try my best to be there when u need me. But utmostly, give yourself to God. Ask for His help to give u the strength to continue living, for your family to continue to stick together, to continue have faith in Him and to protect u and your loved ones whatever happens. And dont u try to take revenge. PLEASE. Let go of what he had done to u. I know its difficult to let go when someone had hurt u so deeply for years. But when u learn to let go, your life will be more peaceful I can assure u that. Just dont do what he did to u and your family. If u do it, whats the difference between u and him? U are just as bad as him la. Have faith in Him. Kalau Allah nak beri ujian pada hambanya, Allah tahu yang hambanya akan tahan mengahadapinya. Kalau tak, kenapa dia uji sebegitu? Logik kan? Allah beri ujian pun ada sebab, nak membersihkan segala dosa orang yang diuji, menaikkan martabat orang tu atau pun Allah nak beri hambanya tu kekuatan. Macam ustazah tak jadi pulak aku nie. Haha. Anggap lah semua ni sebahagian daripada ujian hidup. Bersabar lah sahabatku. Kalau dia tak dapat pembalasan di dunia, dia akan dapat pembalasan di akhirat nanti. Tuhan tak buta, dia maha pengasih lagi maha penyayang. Kita dah belajar kan nie semua? Now its time to put it in practise. Jangan balas perbuatannya tu, biarlah Allah yang menjadi pengadil pada sandiwara hidup ini sesungguhnya dia lebih mengetahui lagi maha bijaksana.

haha, i sound sooo mak nenek. well, over with emo stuff. went to aishah r.'s concert. nice. not bad la. haha so funny watching her moving on stage. damn funny. ahaha. ok, good job aishah! kalau ada concert lagi tell me, i wanna go again! :)

tmr going to kam's hse with aishah j. to play guitar. wwweee.... then going for band. yayayyyyyyyyyyy.

chiao

doc says i can FINALLY eat solid food. wah i gorge down chicken rice and sundae! heavenly baby! ahahhaa sssooooooooo happppy. gawd. food rocks. i thought i could die just eating porridge everyday. and yes i survived. ahhh, i'm ssoo happpyyyy today.

another reason for me to be happy. hehehe.
yol: hey, hello shaheera. Long time no see!
me: hahaha, hello! *smiles*
yol: eh, u saw bharathi just know?
me: yeah, just know. she was in the queue too.
yol: eh, u look slimer!
me: *smilessssssssssssssss
yol: eh u stress ah?
me: yeah, jc what. I actually thought i could die.

so thats how it went. somebody actully said i look slimer. wwwweeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!! dont pop the bubble, let me think that i really am slimer now. heheh, and to think of it, i didnt die. i survived J1! thats marvellous baby!

another thought came to my mind today. do co-incidences really exist? didnt everything that happen for a reason? so if everything really happen for a reason, the people that u meet and get to know is of some significance right? oh, this is bugging me.

(warning: the next portion of the entry is in Malay. heheh (: )

and, and, i'm thinking of studying overseas. cita-cita tinggi menggunung. entah apa la mimpi aku nie. tapi kira macam da nekad jugak nak ambik scholarship then sambung kat UK. la, aku nie da putus fius ka apa?nak pergi belajar jauh-jauh. entah boleh dapat ke tak. tapi kan, dulu memang beriye-iye sangat nak belajar kat AC. yang paling best nye, impian ku itu tercapai. Fuh, macam fairytale jugak eh, hikayat cerita hidup ku nie. da, jangan nak perasan la. Nie da pekena novel melayu la nie. Kan da blog pun dalam bahasa MELAYU. Tapi ape salahnya kan? dalam usaha ku untuk menaik kan darjat bahasa Melayu ku. heheh.

But first, i must get my As. yes,yes.

ah, i want to read my malay novel. lalalala

chiao

ahhhh, i'm sick of taking so many medicine. i'm sick of eating porrige everyday. i'm sick of having to watch people eat delicious healthy food while i am deprived of such pleasures. gah. and this gums is paining me! it swollen again and i can taste blood. uwahhhhhhh..... whats happening to my gums!!!!!!!!!!

i actually got scolded on sunday because i ate yong tau fu which only has tofu and more tofu. thats considered soft foods right? but yeah, cik sham actually insisted that i stick to porridge. gah. i'm dying of healthy wholesome meal here. so i didnt eat the whole day except that few pieces of tofu. then i got wind in my stomach and i vomitted. haiz. thats the result of not eating. and my gastric is here again.

the only nice thing that happened on sun at kak siti's hse was that we prayed together. fuh yo, can u imagine the whole hse was transformed into a mass prayer hall. the whole Pak Aziz family la pray together. thats like 4 families praying together. that means, all my aunts, uncles, cousins and my grandma. fuh yo... untill prayer mats and telekung was not enough. hahaha. oh, its a blessing. i just wish we could do it more often. barulah keluarga bahagia dunia, akhirat.
and i ate chocolate truffles! damn, damn niceeee!!! hush, even though i'm not supposed to. haha, i only took one la. to taste it only...umm hush,hush.

and amazingly, crazily, i studied today. oh my god.

i'm going for band practice tmr because i miss my band peeeps!!!!! :)
practice hard tmr and dont let dr lee be angry again ok acbandies.

chiao :))))))))))))))))

tong hua

sad uh...... i was tearing when i heard this song...... uwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! and i found the korean version of this song.. niceeeee.

i missed all the fun at dr lee's house yesterday. so sad. i cant possibly go out with my swollen mouth and still-bleeding-gums right. the surgery was scary la. and i am feeling terribly bored. :( i thought of inviting friends over to my house but i look ugly now. with all the blood coming out of my mouth. ok, i shant say anymore. its gruesome. i think about 6 stitches altogether, front and back of the gums. yiycks!

haha, yes,yes, i finished watching goong s. at last. and se7en is sssooooo cute. sexxy lipssss. haha.

next on my list: i better start studying!

but i'm bored la.......................
chiao

i passed promos and i am promoted! yessssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant be anymore happier. :) heh even my grades are atrocious. oh well, the important thing is to get to j2. then during the 2 months of holiday, i will study. really hard. hehe.

cant wait to start studying again. oh no, am i crazy? i actually cant wait to start studying! haha. aft PW and MT are over, i am soooo gonna concentrate on studies and practise hard for the upcoming concerts. yayyyyyyyyyyy!!!

sat's band prac with the little boys from acs schools was.... haiz. depressing. the barker boys in my section didnt come. and combine was a lil bit boring. with loads of rests for eupho parts. but i've heard the recording for Harry Potter Symphonic Suite and it was nice. i guess we need more practise.

i realised on sat how much i missed the J2s. I MISS THE J2S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i miss the old band sound that we used to have. Sat's band combine doesnt sound like us at all. oh well, i hope to see them again aft their A's.

oh,oh, next year during this time we'll be having our A's too!!! oh no. oh no. hahaha.

i wanna play step mania now. i think i am addicted to it. tsk.

chiao.

oh my god i cant imagine how much suckier i can get. i screwed up my group OP. yay, best huh. and i think i am the worst speaker in the whole level. i stutter, my grammar suck, i speak so soft that even my ST said she didnt pay attention to what i'm saying that means i am so boring. my mind just went blank and no words come out from my mouth. like what can i do? i wasnt this bad when i did presentation in sec sch. In fact Mrs ling was so impressed with me she asked me to be the mc for national day with jack from 4e1. suck. i feel so terrible. and the ppt slides that i did was...... god, atrocious. windows vista seriously suck la. i edit and saved it nicely. then when i opened it again to take another look, it became all screwed up. i dont know what else to do la. and when i changed the sequence of the slides i got scolded by my grp leader. yay eh. best. i change it because some people present like 4 slides only while others present like 10 slides. i dont want to give some people more and others less what. i didnt do all that for fun ok. aiyah i no need to explain myself la.

and i think my group doesnt work together. everybody is so individualistic. and some are quite irresponsible they didnt do much and get credit. best. no co-operation at all. and when something screw up, one blames the other.

oh god am i that bad? i know ms leow dont want to say anything bad maybe she's scared i become embarrased or something like that. i just hate it la when people are ssoo nice. are they real and sincere? sometimes i know that some people are not that nice but people just dont know that. and that makes me angry because they cant see that person's true self. i hate hyporcrites. but sometimes i feel like i should become like them. u know, bermuka-muka. yeah something like that. maybe that way i'll be happier and i will be able to get what i want. but thats not me. when i'm not smiling to u that means i'm in a bad mood or just feel terrible not because i'm arrogant or something like that. I am not a hypocrite who gives a fake smile to makes others feel happier. i think people just dont know me well enough. i am not like what people think.

now, what should i do to my ppt slides? i wish like burning my laptop.

then my surgery is finally finalised next week on wed. yeah i am lil bit scared but that will be the first of many more that will come in the future. and it will cost like $3100 to $4000. how am i going to get the money? i dont know. not only that theres also so many possibilities that the surgery will go wrong. and i am not sure if i can make it to march muse due to the series of surgeries and recovering process that i have to undergo.

tomorrow the form teachers will tell us if we get promoted or not. even though i passed my exams. but my marks are.................haiz. u know what i mean. i just scraped through. i dont know if i can make it combine with my term results.

and i suck at malay. oh gosh, it usd to be my best subject now, what had happened? i dot have time to revise also, since i've been doing OP almost everynight. if i dont get A i'm gonna retake.

seriously, everybody is equal but others are more equal than some.
yes, i think.

oh well, lets look on the brighter side, theres combine band prac with the rest of the acs schools on sat!!! yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :))))))))))))))))))))) i cant wait wait wait.

chiao.

oh no, tmr is revelation day. promos results out.

chill man, i need to chill.

its the third day of syawal. i just hope the begining of such a holy month will bring much blessings to all of us. ramadhan come and go just like that. i cant say i made much use of it. and i cant say its been an easy ramadhan compared to other ramadhan. preparing for promos amidst facing other issues is not easy either.

last mon break fast with farah and hafiyan. i am glad u two are happy like that. dont fight so often yeah miss farah ashlina bte aminnurahim. heh, i remember your full name! :) and i went to geylang!!!!!!wwweee!!! yesyesyesyesyesyes!!!!!!!!!

then, spent the rest of the remaining ramadhan cleaning the house and making cookies. i made chocolate chip cookies, almond cheese cookies and cupcakes!!! but the almond cookies are not so nice.:(

raya just come and go like any other years. it was tiring facing it all over again. i was hoping for a good change but, fat hope la. no one can change overnight do they?

i dont understand alot of things going on really. cant help it though when nobody wants to tell me the real situation and in addition my blurness just makes it worst. sometimes i think teenagers are much more muture then adults. how stupid can adults be.

hari raya is a time where u spend time with your family members and seek forgiveness from each other, no matter if u are young or old. like the cliche goes, forgive and forget. how many thousands or millions of muslims do u hear during hari raya saying maaf zahir batin. i find all that bull shit. u should not say it for the sake of saying it. but because u really realise your mistakes and want to be forgiven. if u are not sincere about it, then why do u still say it?
and even if the person who did wrong to u is younger and didnt seek forgiveness to u, shouldnt u just forgive that person? on account that he is a family member of yours or that u have known that person. for forgiving others is a noble act. i know its difficult to just forgive someone who has inflicted pain on u for years but cant u do it for future sake? for your children's sake? so that the family ties that we have will stay strong untill generations to come? and they even fought on such a beautiful night when everyone is supposed to be happy. how to stupid can the be. how inmature can they be.

that night u made me very sad. very sad.
that night u made me see a bad side of your character.
i just hope i wont be like u in the future.


over with hari raya blues, getting back promos results soon. lets pray yeah.
for the light to shine brighter, the darkness have to be darker. how true. most will make it but some will not. i hope i do not fall in the 'some' category. will my life in ac end here?

i hope not.
chiao.

i dont have the mood to spring clean my house in oreparation for raya. boring la. the dust and all... i just want to read my book watch tv and surf the net. this made mum really, really mad at me. haha. because i am one anak dara yang pemalas nak buat kerja rumah. oh well who cares.

i'm feeling bored and i cant sleep. guess what i'm thinking abt now. yeah, promos results. ergh.

i wanna bake cupcakes, cookies, brownies and maybe a cake if time permits. oh raya is this friday ah.. i didnt realise that. but when do i have to go to sch again? i dont know. oh well, i dont care la. i wanna enjoy myself first.

yes, before i forget, selamat hari raya to all my muslims mates. :) may god bless us all.

chiao.

ah.. sad.sad.. i couldnt go for iftar. i dont care uh.. will go geylang jugak with farah this mon.. tengok je ah..
bukak sikit ah minda tu. so narrow minded. tak paham betol. zaman skarang pon masih ada org yg berfikiran kuno macam tu. dah la kuno, negative minded. cis. abeh nak semue org ikut rentak die. alamak, org pon ada hidup sendiri kan. abeh nak control-control org. cis. geram nye. macam aku nie 7 tahun. aku da 17 tahun!!!!!!! garh! u know what, because of u, i feel like my life is ssoo empty and kelam. macam tak ada fun langsung. jgn blame aku kalau aku tak tau nak bergaul dgn org. jangan salah kan aku lagi di masa hadapan.

hehe.. cant wait to meet with faraaaaaahhhhh.... wwwwwwwweeee!!!!!!!!

i went online shopping today. thanks eh sis, u make me broke now la. alamak..but i loveee the dress... woooooo....

i dont uderstand why at 17 years old, she still control me as if i'm a freaking 7 year old kid. damn it uh. luckily its ramadhan, up sikit aku nye kesabaran nie.

i think i'll really be retained. argh. i cant sleep at night. i keep having stupid nightmares. tsk, i can only pray hard.

i got into an accident before promos and became toothless. thanks 1aa3, for praying for me. i'm really touched. i guess i've never really said it or showed it, i'm not that kind of person, i just cant say or show. but i am really thankful for all the prayers. thanks guys. :) i look damn ugly but my surgery is being scheduled now. argh and bro was hospitalised, infected by denggi. that moment, when everything seem like... i have promos soon, my gums are aching and bro is in hospital. i almost broke down. but life goes on. i'm just glad i'm alive and well today.

dad asked me why i got into the accident. he asked me to think. he said maybe i've done something wrong. like really wrong. but i told him, my conscience is clear, i've done nothing wrong. and nobody believed me.

i dont know when i'll recover and can play my eupho again. i want dont want to miss any concerts or any performances. especially the swiss trip. missing syf is enough torture for me.

this hari raya seem so bland and empty. there's nothing that i can look forward to. i'm not going to blurt out everything here.
the future seems so uncertain.

chiao.

i'm liberated finally from promos. but my brain is dead. freaking tired. i blog again tmr and start updating again.

i'm dead for promos. i can just pray hard that i wont get retained. i've tried hard. i'll just leave everything to God.

chiao.