argh. promos.. i am feeling freaking scared. damn scared.

intensive revision is on the way. this is tiring. challenging.

soon it'll be over then its MT A levels. then PW oral presentation. and its intensive band practices again. band christmas concert( i'm in band 1!:) who's in band1?). band fest concert. and muse 2008 concert. and by then i will be in j2. yeah, i will be in j2. then its the overseas competition. and yeah, we'll bring back gold. like the previous batch got in Australia.

soon its prelims and then A level. wow. how time flies.

no more reminiscing, its back to books.

blogging on hold for now. untill promos over.

chiao

its my fault. i can blame nobody. except me.

let me pull my hair out!
argh

chiao.

i hate pimples. yah, i hate break outs. i look ugly!!!!!! ok, i shall stop being bimbotic here. i must try to relax... smile... :)

yay. mon's band dinner on a boat was a blast. blast. blast! ernst is nicknamed by dr lee as ernie. like the sesame street character. haha. gerdine as dutch lady haha. and irna as.. mrs hafiz. well, irna went out of mind as she sat on the curb and start singing to i dont know who. she just started singing. and then jumping in the middle of the road. i cant stop myself from singing the mysterious ticking noise. ahahahaha. oh gosh... i almost went bonkers from all the laughing. but i keep myself sane.. yay. eating on the boat made me seasick terribly but its fun!!! esp the deck!! the scenery is beautiful, the night sky against singapore's horizon. and the sea breeze too. makes me feel so relaxed. lalala.

i've been trying to study. really hard but i dont think made much progress. HAIZ.

tmr i have to get up early to set up the mcs booth, acedamic display. then theres consultation then individuals for me and then band prac. i dont even know if i have time to have lunch tmr. nvm, smile!!!! :)))))))) wwweeeee...........

i wanna eateateateat now.

foooodddddddddd
chiaocinchiao

i will not fall asleep.
i will not fall asleep.
i will not fall asleep.

i will study.
study
study.

ok, i feel so tired. very tired. after going really high on thurs, i went crazy again on fri when i came back to damai. oh my god i just love my juniors. :) oi syad! whatever..*rolls eyes. ahaha. i know u are reading this. can u please like say something in the tagboard when u visit this webpage. hahaha. the meeting was really impromtu. i was doing my homework when aisyah called me and asked me why i'm not there. so i chiong to damai. hehe. and managed to meet with some ex-seniors and some classmates like bai.
me, creeping from behind: baizura!!!!!
bai: aaarrrggghhhh!!!! shaheera!!!!!!!!
me: aaaaarrrrggghhhh!!!!
me and bai: aaarrrggghhh!!!
so yeah we screamed when we saw each other. muahahaha. missed her sso much. talked for awhile then went for lunch with some of my juniors at Ljs. nice. so long since i talked like that. oh gosh i was like really.. hmm.. high.. dont know what got into me.

then went home and did some more of my homework which i dont think i made any progress. :(
then i still need to study. which i only managed to study malay lit and math.

my sat was filled with band prac from morn till evening. dr lee wasnt happy with us. and i think my solo is really bad :( oh gosh. i was sweating. and my palm was sweating as i played that jack sparrow part. and the worst thing is, i am out-of-tune! esp my G and A. hesh. i must do long tones. alot, alot.

mon theres a forum i had to attend at tpjc from 8-12 then theres band and band dinner till like night. oh no. then tues theres mcs outing. should i go or stay home and study? i dont know. fri band again. sat open house. oh yes! people, you are invited to ANGLO-CHINESE JUNIOR COLLEGE ok, for a super fun-filled day. there'll be performances by various perfoming groups (ehem, band will be performing grease and pirates of the caribbean: dead man's chest so do come down :) ), subject consultations with our very dedicated teachers and also cca exhibitions.

ok, as u can see my schedule is packed!!! i have to open my eyes big-big now to continue doing my homework. dont give up, study!!! wheather its for your A's, promos, O's or N's.. study.

yay, studying is good.
yay, i love studying.
yay, i will not fall asleep.

yay, i shall go now.
chiao.

oh my.. how i miss damai windz. gosh.. and aisyah sazali too! i wonder how she's doing. and my juniors. oh.. and i wonder how's the alumni band.

the school holidays are here. great this means that it is 1 week nearer to promos. and i'll have lesser time to study. together with band practices and the coming open house to prepare.. ok, i shouldnt complain.

thurs was a blast. the teacher's day performance was not too bad for me. i guess alot of people were quite impressed with what we put up for them. oh well, playing music just give me happiness. then its mcs farewell party!! wwweee! ok, went to eat at food culture at lot1. Yong tau foos unite!! hahaha. i wasted 3hrs of my life sitting there waiting for the food at shariff's house to be ready. sat there with syahida, irna and shariff either talking or reading our books. which is ssoo freaking boring. so we ended up walking to shariff's house. and his siblings is sssoo oh my goodness cute!!!!!! i love them. but naughty. cab to sch to prepare for the rest of the party. while the rest entertained the j2s, me and some others had to prepare the food. and camwhored for awhile. haha.. changed and we eat in a big dulang. so nice! so long since i did that. the food was like ssoo syiok. nice. but i couldnt finish so we gave the rest of the food to the guys to finish it up. then it was musical chairs. hahaaha. the j2s are sssoo funny. and then the happy segment and awards ceremony was sssoo funny too. i coludnt stop laughing loudly. and my stomah hurts from laughing too hard. then it was the sad segment. yeah, of course sad. luckily i didnt cry. i didnt want to cry. yeah, all the memories together..i will remember forever. all the days and nights we spent together in LT3 practising for merdeka. and peleggong trip was GREAT! the kampong life that i will never have here. royals cake to top the whole event off. to celebrate adlin, shariff's and teachers day. and i had to rush home.

so now. back to work. homework and start studying. oh my god tomorrow there's band practise. 10am to 6 pm then theres tuition at 7.30pm. hhmm.. i feel like going for a run tmr morning before band. ok, i better do my homework. like NOW!

chiao.

it pierces the heart. at that moment it feels like as if a knife is being slashed my wrists. but i cant show it. i just stare ahead as she continue to cry. at this crucial moment when i have to concentrate on my studies, such things are happening.

i can only pray to God. help me through this. keep my family together. give us strength. God, please.

i tell myself not to cry.

no, i wont. i shall be strong.

as time flies, i try hard to forget somethings and some people too. but sometimes i cant.

4 weeks to promos. i am so dead.
rrrraaaaaaagggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my sat is filled with band practices again. rehersal was.. hhmmm report at 7.45am and play only 1 song. damn. so i decided to do individuals on pirates. cool song. i love it man. then lunch at bk with irna, pat, elizabeth and nicole. oh and we talked.. and talked and talked. but i couldnt take it anymore. just sitting there and chatting. so had to signal to them to like... can we go now..? ahhahaha. oh well. then went to buki batok lib with irna to study phy geog. which i still ssuck. ergh. weathering.. aiyo.

and h1 malay is taking alot of my time. damn.

promos is making me crazy. i have to pass this exam. seriously have, have, have to. i dont want to be an old J1. :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

3.26pm, pw lesson,mac lab, acjc.

now i really feel like taking a knife and start stabbing at something. yeah, i really want to.

i am planning for the future, maybe start thinking of a suitable course for myself in SP. hhmm.. maybe design course would be nice... i have always want to design stuff. eh, then i'll be in the same school as khai again!!! yay!!

better dont let me see anything sharp.

chiao.

i kinda of like..'i dont want to touch any econs notes any more, forever'

i feel like taking a knife and start stabbing at something over and over again.

its just ssoo tiring to keep picking yourself up again and again after failures and more failures and more failures. but i guess thats life. even if we fail in the final one. well, we havent failed in life yet for when u fail in life is when u give up in life, right. so just pick yourself up and carry on with your life and learn frm your mistakes. no doubt, saying this is easier then doing it. no doubt life sometimes just suck big time.

so i shant give up. no matter how tiring it is. or sucky i am in econs.

damn i still think econs just suck la.

promos is in 5 weeks. i think i am going crazy over this. i keep reminding myself to study, if not i'll get the long service award which i dont think i need one though.

ok, back to econs- price disrimination. i'm glad theres such stuff, then students like me can get concession bas passes and we can ride all we want!! haha with the same price. The rationale behind it.. well, due to the diff elasticies of demand between the diff groups of consumers, prices have to be differntly charged. students like us wouldnt have enough money to pay for our transportation. So, the price have to be discriminated. Adults were charged diff from students because they can pay for their own therefore theres not a need for them to have subsidised fares like students. tah-dah.. i know i know my facts well. aiyah but i still cant score at all for econs. oh well.

due to the time, which is 2222hours..(eh nice 4d numbers!) and the fact that i have only completed my cerpen which is 2243 words only. i better get back to work. hhmm.. theres still like econs drq, econs essay, malay news articles, gp a.q. question. looks like i cant sleep at all tonight. nice.

chiao.

fuh yo.. i feel ssoo happy now. :) i bought 2 new pump shoes and a new bag!!! yay! now i'm broke. haha.

farah, if u are reading this, dont let hafiyan ruin your day. stay happy!! haha. talk to him la. seriously, i think its not worth it to susah kan diri just because of a guy. they dont deserve our kind attention. ok, keep smiling!!! :)
oh well, if u need to talk to someone, just beep me. remember, friends are like bras, they are close to your heart and gives u support! wakakakaaka.. i shall buy u the shirt!! ahahaha.

ah, i can wait for 30th, yay!!!!!!

ok great, back to work, gp package test!!! ahahaha. bleh.

chiao.

just tell me that nightmares dont come true.
sleepless nights. i know i need to sleep. but i cant and i dont want to. too much stuff to do and i'm scared these nightmares will haunt me again.

yeah, i am ssoo paranoid. its doing me no good. i dont know.

argh.

i feel sooo lazy to go to school tmr...............................................................

i wanna pon school. ergh. i wanna wake up late. laze arnd the house while eating breakfast and watch tv.
ergh.. seriously i really dont like pw. gah.

so far, a good week. with a few surprises. hehe. fri was swim pe; water polo. IN THE BIG POOL. ok, its a big deal to me since i dont know how to swim and had never swam in my whole entire life. yeah. thanks to dheraj, for being my guardian. if not, i would have drown. haha. thank you dheraj, if you are reading this. :))) and it was fun, wading aimlessly in the big pool. hahaha. and sat's reharsal at qeenstown stadium didnt went well. dr lee was quite pissed off with us. and i had to wake at 4am just to get there at 6 am. :( but thanks to edwin who bought for me coffee. :) and i got a pleasant surprise there too. well, should i consider it pleasant when it all comes back to what it used to be? (sometimes i just wish you will disappear from my sight forever.)

but i dread the actual event because i have to be in school by 5.30am. crazy. this means that i have to take a cab and fetch gerdine and jefri by 4.45am. great.

had a fruitful weekend. i've finished geog phy hw. :) i've finished malay hw. :) i've finished revising phy geog and i'm on par with lectures now. hehe. i feel so accomplished. thanks to the study session on sat with seha, irna and faris. fruitful meeting, we should study together more often.

but,but i still have gp articles and pw. argh..............................

chiao,gotta do my written report which i have no idea how to.

oh my goodness. schedule for band is, is... like.. so busy. i will have to make time to study. homework is just SSOOO LITTLE. then there's revision to do. and i have not made much progress. ergh, frustrating.

next year, we're schedule for overseas trip. heh, hong kong to vienna to switzerland back to hong kong and finally singapore. cool eh, being acjc concert band member. i like...:)))))))))

argh, i feel so tired. well, whos not. PW is really getting to my nerves. ah.. nothing seems right.

oh no, my migraine is back. oh no, my running nose is back. oh no, my gastric is here. oh no, i hope i wont fall sick. thank god my leg is ok again. :) haha.

ohk, need to do my work now.

guess what! promos in 2 MONTHS!!!!!! arrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chiao.

ah.. loads of homework, revision, PW, band. so much to do. so little time. so cliche.

but anyway, ah, potter book. i just cant stop reading it everywhere i go.

been slacking the whole day. SHAHEERA, U REALLY OUGHT TO BE STUDYING NOW!!

ok,ok.. i will get back to my notes.
yay, geog rocks, save the earth. ah.
so much for my motivation for geog.

chiao

i shall not give up.

fight fight fight

wheather its the fatigue, or whatever

i shall fight on

this is only the begining.

:))))))))

aye, harry potter and the deathly hollows,

I GOT U!!!!!!!!!!!

YES, YES, YES!!

i'm feeling sssooo happy now.

hehehe.

time to mug (and not read that potter book!)

now.

yakinkah ku berdiri

di hampa tanpa tepi

bolehkah aku mendengarmu

terkubur dalam emosi

tanpa bisa bersembunyi

aku dan nafas ku merindukan mu

terpuruk ku disini

teranianya sepi

dan ku tahu pasti

kau menemani

dalam hidup ku, kesendirian ku

teringat ku teringat

pada janjimu ku terikat

hanya sekejap ku berdiri

ku lakukan sepenuh hati

peduli ku peduli,

siang dan malam berganti

sedih ku ini tiadalah erti

jika kau lah sandaran hati. :)

tengok muke pon da cukup. u just make me smile non-stop. kihkihkih...

its been quite sometime since i blogged. too tired, too busy or just lazy. yeah. the weeks after terms is horrible as the harsh reality hits me. my grades suck big time. oh, do i have to annouce it. damn. its just disappointing, upsetting, draining and a hell of a time when you had put in soo much effort time energy and u still fail. and that, badly too.

just feel like locking myself up in a dark room where no one can see. then i can cry my hearts out and scream my lungs out. but i dont seem to be able to let out the emotions in me. i can only write it here and of course i cant simply say everthing here. the emotions is so great that i just cant let it out of me. i dont know. i feel so numbed. disappointed,drained mentally physically and emotionally. esp when people start comparing their grades or they start talking about sudies. which is like always. it makes me cringe into a corner. the prospect of me having to break the horrible news to mum just gives me sleepless night thinking about it.

i dont know. i feel so confused. i dont know what to do. how to react or what am i feeling. ah i shouldnt think so much. i know i should get up again and fight on. this is just only terms not yet A's. but i admit, i'm not a strong person mentally. i feel like giving up, stop all and just stop everything. but of course, its the stupidest thing that any human being in their normal state would do. i dont know where to get the energy to move on. i dont know who to hang on when i need a listening ear. i dont know whose shoulder i can lean on to cry. mum? she'll just scold me back and we'll start fighting again. friends? i dont know. i seem to have loads of them. in sch, band, mcs, damai, outside friends. but, i dont know. they are just friends.. just there. ggrr i hope nobody reads this post.

i shall just hang on. study, study and study. this race has only just begun. well done girl. hang on there. i'll be ok i guess.

ah, i cant wait for 24th of july. hehehehehehehehehehehe............. but i dontwant because it would mean promos is like another week closer. oh my gosh. i dont want promos. wait, wait, i want promos. if i dont take promos, how am i to get to j2? retain? a big nono here. hey what am i rambling abt. my head is in a whirl.

ah cant be helped. i'm sssooo freaking tired. duh, whos not. but today... tskk... i lost my wallet then found it. haha. then shariff lost his phone and luckily i found it.then had mt a levels listening. damn, the ministry purposely made the ans damn close and difficult to choose. i hope i did ok though. couldnt go for dikir last prac. oh no i am performing tmr! ohno ohno ohno. but band was fun. hehe. just cant wait for 24th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh yes. i was in the toilet, looking at myself. duh, i was doing my hair and, and, and at that precise moment, he walks past. aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! i was speechless. damn embarassing la. he saw me looking at myself in the mirror grooming myself. i dont why, i feel damn malu!!!!!!! he was actually smiling. i hate that. nono.. i like... ahahahaha.

like whatever... -_- ahahaha..

chiao

its 3 am. the rings around my eyes are showing. EoM have yet to be done, Written report due this fri. Geog essay. Gp package test. and loads more hw. argh.

i need a truckload of chocolates now to unpress this depressed mood. actually not because i'm tired or the workload. it my malay grades. gosh i suck at malay now. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hopes so high for malay lit. but guess what! i'm bottom of the class. yay! great! fantastic! wwwwwwwwweeeeeee!!!!
gggggggggggggggggaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they are there but it seems like they are miles away from me.
i miss them but they dont seem to feel like that.
i miss her so badly. i wish i could just hug and tell her that i love her so much.
that i will do anything for her.
but i guess she will never understand whats going on in my life.
she just want me to go her own way.
but she never really thinks what i want or like to do.
i love him too. but he s like never there. i seldom see or even talk to him.
i dont know what he s thinking.
i dont know if they really love me or not.

life suck at the moment.

i dont fucking understand why she hates me being immersed in my own feaking culture. fuck la, i'll choose the way i want to live my life. is it so wrong to learn more about your own culture? ergh.