moving on.

oh gosh, moving on is sso great and ssoo not great. great thing is, i get to meet new great ppl that i will nvr forget in my life! my og mates, classmates- 1aa5! my band mates everybody in ac.. how i love these ppl. i just dont know if i can still be wif them aft JAE. the future seems so uncertain for me. i dont know if i can get into ac. everyday, i think abt this. haiz. haiz.HAIZ. this issue is bothering me everyday. i think abt this everyday. HAIZ. the not soo great thing abt moving on is, i'll freaking miss DAMAI SECONDARY SECHOOL!!!!!!! gosh, all my peeps, my classmates, my band mates. i miss morning assembly where mr raj will go, sch, pls stand. but nobody will get there butts off the parade square. i miss those times when i can still eat my breakfast at 7 am haha, then rush to take bas no 65 wif faris..ehem. then run to the gate wif mr yu saying, run! run! hahaha.. then walk slowly to class. making the first period teachers pissed off for coming in late. muahahaha. i miss in btw lessons where we will make trips to toilet and sit on the wooden bench. i miss the guys running ard the class and giving me sweets! hahaha. i miss mt lessons when me and bai will make it our napping time. hahaha. i miss bai's crapping and the class laughter at our jokes. i miss speaking malay like a malay student. talking in our lingo. i miss recess. i miss the food at the canteen. i miss bookshop time. i miss pe time. the guys running arnd hahaha. the gerls screamig playing floorball. i miss dnt class. the horrible june hols we had. well, not hols considering we had to come to sch everyday frm 8 to 4 to do our proj. i still remember half the class had given up b'cos it was soo difficult. the gerls were crying and the guys staring into the air, each not knowing what to do wif their proj at that time. but we stick thru. and we produced works that not many students can produce, only dnt students of damai sec can produce. muahahahaha. i miss the teachers. so crappy, sometimes they so emo, sometimes they so serious. haha, remembering this made me laugh at their antics. i miss higher malay lessons at temasek sec. those trips we had make frm damai to temasek every week. eating lunch in the bas. haha. bai laughing so loudly in the bas. muahahaha. khai, eating my homemade lunch.. damn delicious la. me, emo-ing out of the bas windows. haha, i miss my hml class peeps. hml lessons was ssoo fun. i could be me. and not be anybody else. i miss cikgu sahriana. the best teacher anybody could have. i miss tuition times. wif andy's nagging and aaron marcus farah marc and qi han and lester's crapping ard. makes tuition ssoo much lively. i miss these ppl badly.

gosh. this is what i call fated. when i first come into damai, i hate it to the core. it was not my sch of choice. it was my last choice. actually before i was posted there, i had dreamt i was standing at the atrium. but of course i didnt know that that place was actually damai. when i get into damai then i realise, i am fated to be here. and i accepted it since it was god's will. his plan for me. thank u god. for planing this for me.

i got to get back to reality and move on. MOVE ON AND STOP BEING NOSTALGIC GERL!! ok, ok. i'm freaking stressed out wif band. i know i'm not performing up to the expectations. what with SYF coming and the concert. studies? i'm slacking like hell. i'm not studying at all la. i plan to catch up during this chinese new year. i'm in a state of confusion abt my subj combi. i seriously DONT WANT to drop art. thats like the only subj thats when i'm doing i'm happy. i'll forget all my troubles. i know i'm good at it and it makes me feel good. i need that kind of feeling esp when u have single digit scorers in ur sch ok.. but mum wants me to take malay lit. i'm fine but its just that, if i want to take malay lit, i have to drop art. opportunity cost. hahaha econs. i dont want to drop art!! nobody knows how deep is my passion for art. darah seni da memang mengalir di dalam tubuh, nak buat mcm mane.. hahahaha. wats more, juggling wif all kinds of feelingS when i come for band, its really difficult seh. HAIZ. -that is, if u know what i mean..

i'll be meeting hiq, khai, az and sha in a few days time. i'm so excited abt it la!!!! i'll be meeting farah soon too! gosh, i'm so excited!! hiq and khai will be crashing into ac nxt mon..hehehehe...
anyways, just know all my cuzins come here for like a gathering. haha, being together wif family is the best thing on earth!!

i think i wrote too much. i'll stop here.
tata.

my class photo, with an extra guy in front, blocking gen's face..ish.. and gladys look sooo spastic.. hahaha.

oh yeah.. the girls in math class, with justin trying to act cool.. haha, but endded up being not so cool.. haha. saw hao's new red and white shoes? hehez, show off.. muahaha..

aa5 together during math class.. smile more justin.. hahaha..

i seriously think we should have a proper class outing before like anyone of us had to be separated. if that happens, i'll be ssoo sad..:( anyway, richie have yet to send me more photos!!! gimme the photos fast u richie chan and dont make me say those crap again!! or else... hahaha...

i dunno why i'm feeling so emo now.

i guess it must be because of the aftermath of whirl of emotions yesterday.

i feel so suckky la.

i tired so hard today during sectionals.

but still suck.

i need to practice more.

more

more and

more!!!

olevel results?

ok la. but still not up to my expectations.

and yeah. i do feel kinda stupid amongst the single digit scorers.[nothing against these ppl]

but i still thank god for giving me this results.

for all the blessings i got frm Him.

for all the things that had happened.

for i know that there is a reason for it to happen.

i shall be a good girl now and stop coplaining, whining

and like what dr lee said just now, 'get over it pls!'

yeah i will. :)

haha, i'm listening to ross roy now and i feel so nostalgic.

those times with damaiwindz in the olden days. [sobs**]

so nice..aaahhh..

so much has been happening.

i just feel kinda overwhelmed by everything

i need to calm down.

u know u want it but u know u wont get it, so JUST GET OVER IT!!

[if u dont know what i mean for this sentence..then haha to u! interpret it urself!]

I AM TRYING!!!

dont cry b'cos it is over, smile b'cos it happened.

yeah, i'm like smiling now.

hahahahaha

i'm so tired frm band prac and i have tons of hw to do!! i cant open my eyes! i have like 3 hist essaya to do, 1 GP essay, i ML essay, my art and lots more research and readings to do. what am i going to do now? i shall sleep.
and wake up at like 2.30am when i feel better then i can do my work. :)
i shall sleep now then.
tata.

ur support is greatly needed so quickly buy the tics frm me! can gurantee a whole night of wonderful music!! :) anyway its my first ever concert, so yeah, i'm freaking out right now

O LEVEL RESULTS COMING OUT SOON!!!

I'M SERIOUSLY FREAKING OUT.

I THINK I'M GONNA SCREW UP ALOT OF SUBJECTS.

LIKE EL, MATHS, HML(DIE LA!), DnT, HIST, SS, BIO AND PHYCHEM.

I'M SO FREAKING DEAD.

I'LL GO AND START DOING MY HW.

LIKE NOW.

I HOPE I DONT CHAT ON MSN.

BYE LA.

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together with ACSI band@ the esplanade on April fools' day

Tickets at $21 or $25

Shostakovich's Festive Overture

Respighi's Feste Romane

Hindemith's March from Symphonic Metamorphosis

Phantom of the Operaand more..

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kiasu hapy hadys

woah.. the hapy hadys were so damn kiasu la.. haiz. anyway, i almost got the phone!! oh my.. heart pain.. ouch..aaarrrggghh!!!!$^(%&££C*&TF U^D *^!!!!!!! i'll say it all in the next post. gtg now. ta ta.

uh-ah

hahaha.. gosh, so long since i've updated my blog. hell, no time la. what with orientation on the first week of sch. heheh.. it was darn fun man. the games, the cheering, mass dance and the friends that i had made will stay in my mind forever!! haha.. such memories should not be forgotten. then starts the lecture week which drags till the end of this week. and i'm trying to adapt to the lecture and tutorial learning style which is difficult. darn.. i always dont know what or where to go whenever there's a break. haha.. i'll almost always go to the band room lor.. But i guess when jc life is in full gear for me, i'll be super busy. not like now. i'm bored. oh well actually no, i'm supposed to do some research for history. what do you call it? independent study? yah, something like that. i really hope i wont slack off. b'cause i've vowed to myself that i'll go through college with success. i wont be retained, able to pass my a levels so that i can go in to my choice course at uni. yah. i hope i can acheive that. which i wont if i dont start doing my research now!! but i dont even know what i am supposed to search on about. :) blur sotong.

oh well other then history, i have econs which i think i understand most of the lecture. and maths? oh, logarithm is clogging up in my brain! help! oh..oh..yes! i am eligible to take H2 art!!!! muahahaha!!! i'm ssoo happy!!!! gosh.. at last i can study art. i can only thank god for giving me this opportunity.:) its only the third week of jc life and i'm panicking. great. i have to get a grip of myself.

During band last week, celebrated edwin's and val's birthday! yay!! haha. and festive overture is killing me. somebody open the ground and let the earth swollow me.

yeah, get a grip shaheera. i can only pray to god that he will keep loving forever.

yay!! hari raya is here again!! haha..good food, spend time with family and watch tv!!! syiok ah!

school's starting in a few days time. kinda nervous for the orientation though. just hope i wont feel left out. saw the leaked mass dance. and it was nice!! :) on thurs will be the first band prac at night. i dunno how to tell mum. sure she will blow her top. nah, i wont think abt it now. it'll make me depress only. i'm gonna enjoy wat's let of the hols. and i still havent finish studying dr lee's 22 musical concepts!! die larh.. tonight must study..haha..

i still havent finish the k-drama, a love to kill, shamil keep using the com larh.. till i cant use it. damn.. rain so hot. hahahahaha..

tata..

hhmm.. quite happy but quite sad.

mum doesnt speak to me.. she barks at me. she nvr look at me, she glares at me. i'll just try to bear with it as long as i can take it.. keep trying to demoralise me.. say me what.. erm.. big butt, fat, blur queen la, cant be trusted la.. what the hell. i dont give a shit la!!!

then at tamp mall, saw ppl that i dont wanna see. ever again! b'cos i feel guilty towards him. i broke his heart and he left me just like that. i didnt get the chance to apolagise. damn.. untill now. luckily i didnt get in tpjc. he's in there. whatever.. but i dont think he saw me just now. i'm pretty positive.

but then.. today buy new shoes! and stationary.. and new socks.. wah.. so long since i buy anything.. somemore the shoes is very expensive..$103!!! hehehe.. use ang pow money frm hari raya la.. atlast! i get to shop!!!!!!! ahahahahahaa.. i'm so happy get to shop..

a few more days and i'll be starting school in ac.. woah.. i cant believe it man..i'm in jc? i'm so old. whatever. o levels results is giving me sleepless nights. and i have weird dreams. darn weird. and embarssing. hhmm.. i'll think first if i wanna say it here.. anyway.. i wanna watch the k-drama at youtube.. a love to kill.. woah.. syiok man.. rain bi.. so cute. hehehe.

till here. tata.

hhmm.. i'm just passing by.. so i stopped to say hello.
but sadly.. my hellos were replied with ...hateful looks and unwelcomed voices.
so.. dont worry, i'll leave soon after i've said my hellos and good byes.

numbed by all the looks.. i dont give a shit. i'll just forget abt it.

forget abt it.

gorgeous rite?
haha.. oh.. i'll miss these ppl badly

i feel so angry.

ssooo very angry. now, some more, listening to ammerland.. i feel like crying.ergh.

aaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i suck. i'm the worst eupho player. acj or mj? i cant made up my mind. i'm confuse and angry.

let the earth open up and swallow me.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (starts pulling hair)

tata.

i got into meridian JC then i changed to acjc. Should i be happy? i dont know.. i'm confuse btw which to choose. mummy really wants me to go mj but i'm oredi tied dwn wif acj.. how..? what's more is the dist of the jc frm home. mj isfreakng near and acj is freaking far la.. haiz.. i dont know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but ultimately its the o levels that is important. haiz.. now i'm having paranoia frm the o level results.. skali.. i get like 25 points for my L1R4.. DIE!!! aahh!!!

oh man.. and i'm so tired. frm band pracs.. but it was kinda fun..lols

i'll stop here. tata.

today's band prac is so tiring..hhmm.. i'll need to buck up alot, improve. die la.hesh.. my playing superbly rusty aft so long since the last time i had intensive sectionals. its ages ago man.
and i'm so nervous abt the PAE results. hmm.. if i dont get in ac.. wat should i do? Accept the job offers and start working my ass off? hah..
i've decided to start running again.. since like.. hhmm.. how long has it been? 2 months i guess.. i stopped running. anyway, it'll pass the time. since i have lots of time in my hands. cant believe i'm wasting my life away like this. so i guess i'll start reading lots of books, start doddling and writing sajak (poems in malay)again. hesh.. i'm so bored..

i'll end it here.toddles. oh ya.. i've got the band farewell party pics that we took at the bus stop.. haha.. i'll post it here.

ladadida

ok.. what did i talked abt..? oh ya.. its love.. love has ceased to exist in this world. duh.. look arnd ya.

oh well.. i read this book, tells abt ppl living in haiti. they are freaking SUFFERING man!!! seriously i wanna do something. but i dunno what i should do to help them. actually its not only this book that makes me feel this way. there were other instances since like... last 2 years. Seriously i feel bad abt this. i feel so guilty. like, here we are enjoying lives while they have to suffer.( if thats the case, then what right have we got to be enjoying ourselves?) and look at how some ppl treat them. show them some love la ppl! haiz. gosh i feel so guilty, sympathy for them and disgusted at myself. how i wish i could help them. in any way.

we are so blessed.we've got enough food, clean water, a well furnished hse, family and frens who really care alot and a country so peaceful. we should really reflect ourselves if we are complaining for more.

haiz. i'll stop here.tata.

it has cease to exist. dont ask me waht i'm refering it to. i'm just too disappointed.

too bored to post anything. i'll say something when there's anything happening..
ta.

tired..

wah.. so long since i've blogged.. so much been happening.. even aft o's i'm still feeling super tired.. hesh.. feeling emo..

anyway.. the o levels was super..stressful for me.. i think i have white hairs already.. haha.. i totally flunk my higher malay paper. which is super disappointing. i was going to give up on the next paper but.. yeah, i know i cant. really tested my perserverence man.. i was crying like a baby.. kinda embarassing.. but i survived though..that's an acheivement to me u know.. my biggest worry is maths.. dunno if i can even pass.. haha even at this rate.. i'm still thinking of getting into a jc.. wat a joke! but i'll follow my heart.. i still believe i can make it in to ac.. mon is the interview.. i'm so nervous.. i keep thinking of all the possible questions that the teacher can possibly ask. like... why do you wana go to this jc? do u think u can make it? erm..u're results seems to be quite bad.. why is this so.? aaarrrgggghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the past few days.. since going to ac band.. i've learnt alot of things.. meet alot of friends.. something i will never forget and cherish all my life. this is a lifetime experience.. meeting new ppl gives me a greater insight into life.. hahaha.. i talk so chim seh.. my section played so beautifully.. my mouth was gapping when i first heard them playing star wars man.. that triple tonguing!! i still cant do it!!! darn.. im gonna play that song beautifully!! soon!!!!! eerrrgghh.... but amirah and justin was a great help la.. haha..and valerie, sheree and edwin was ssoo funny.. haha.. wish all of us can still be together next year..

i'm so busy now with band, i dunno if i can still have time to work..need money u know..hesh.. badly... somemore with my family's situation like this..hesh.. we willl survive for sure... god is with us..

anyway, i still havent finish watching goong..untill now. yeah i know.. i'm super outdated but wth..i still need to finish it..

tata..chiao...

dunno if i can still go 3 month jc wif my results... its bad.. not up to my expectations.. u dont know how desperate i am to go jc.. :((

prelims results are out.. need to mug. wont be touching the com untill aft O's over

ta tas..

la da

la la la.. haha, i so happy now. the prelims are over.. so is my migraine. funny how it will come at those certain times.. ergh.. and i cant eat panadol.. because i'll shiver aft eating it. so i'll just have to bear with the pain. now, bracing myself for the prelims results. mel lim msg me and told me that if i get like 20 points or below i can go acj for the 3 month trial. yay!! i hope i didnt screw too many subjs.. haha.. i think i flunked most the subjs wif bio and dnt on top of my list. wth larh.. but i still wanna go ac!!!! ergh.. i think that's like the best jc ever! o level must work even harder!!!

fri, aft the last paper i slept like a log. catching my sleep back frm all the sleepless nights during prelims. then surf the net and helped mum prepare the food for breaking fast. was supposed to go terawih wif bai, siti, aishah j and aishah r, but all cant make it. haiz.. i've been waiting to go to terawih since like.. i dunno when...

yesterday was so shiok! one of the best days of my life!! went to study tajwid with ustaz amiri. nice.. i was enlightened!! haha.. then went shopping wif sis and cousin, kak siti, at arab street haaha.. alot of food!!! make my saliva drool seh.. i was thinking of praying at masjid sultan for asar but scared later late reach home. then went nenek hse and break fast wif my uncles, anties, cousins and grandma. eat nasi briyani together on a big plate. like 5 ppl eat on the same platter.. so nice.. then pray and watch sI again.. wah.. hady was sssooo... BRILLIANT!!!! today going to study wif ustaz fahrurrazi then go tuition.. hhmm..

amazing that despite fasting.. i did not feel tired or lethargic. even with my migraine on. that's the blessing of ramadan. i feel fulfilled even! even during the prelims, i was calm... i feel like i dont want to end ramadan, nvm i dont get to eat nice stuff.. but its really worth it.

neway.. need to get dressed for classes today. ta!

8-o

my head's gonna burst frm mugging higher malay. AARRGGHH!!!!! ON MON IS THE START OF PRELIMS!!! argh.. i mean for me.. hml starts on mon.

actually alot had been going on.. i dunno where to start. i have alot to say but no time. bleh.. wth. hhmm migraine hitting me.. i hate this.

i'll make it short and sweet. i dunno wat's hit me. but i juz wanna say THANK YOU!! to farah, for being there when i needed u all this years u stand by my crap. Aisyah sazali for being my confidante in my pursue for my passion. bai and marsela for being so sweet and always beside me when i have no one. hiq, azilah, aishah j., khai, for all the wonderful memories u gave me to fill during my lower sec years- no doubt we've matured to young confident ladies, but i still hope that we'll be like last time. to everyone (gosh.. why am i saying this?? mad..) all, everybody that has step into my life.. good or bad.. whatever it is.. u still had made a big diff in my life today.

the thingis.. i've been thinking bout life.( b'cos i visited the cemetry today) what if tmr i'm no more?? hhmm.. i have so much dreams i want to accomplish.. so many things to say.. so many.. stuff.. wth.. so this is like my ggodbye speech.. in advance.

haha.. my eyes closing and my head going gong-gong
gong
gong
gong
bye lah

this one by ungu-demi waktu



this one by samson-kenangan terindah



this one by dealove-once

lentok banget sih!!muahahaha.. i love this songs!! so nice!

confusing

i dont understand why. why? why? why is it always the good intentions of a person always misunderstood? why? why cant ppl see the goodness of others instead of finding faults with them? why is she treating me like that? like as if i'm wrong? what the hell.. i dont care larh..b'cos i'm not in the wrong!!! and i guess he doesnt and will nvr understand. cant believe that he will want to quit school and work part-time modelling.. gosh.. haiz..

aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah dalam dirimu.

aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yang mungkin bisa kau rindu-dealova

tetapi aku telah berhenti berharap..

anyways. the hols are here. and i dont intend to enjoy. have to mug. bleh, mug, mug, mug.
-_- mugging all day long..

i want to buy a concert bass drum. then can hit my head on it whenever i feel like it. BANG!!

oh yeah... i have to comment on our class performance on teacher's day!! it was the best among ALL of the classes!!! muahaha.. the others were like..hhmm.. no thoughts put into their performance. haha.. great job ppl (ppl who put in alot of effort)!! really enjoyed the perf!

hhmm.. i wanna mug now..

bleh.

i know its kinda little late to be blogging now. but CAN SOMEONE HELP ME?????!!!!! oh well, i just finished my hml compo. 2 more to go. 4 more chaps of bio, organic chem and phy to go. PLUS my beautiful folio waiting for me to touch it. ergh. gosh i'll study bio now. hope can finish it by today. all this due nxt week. lalala.. i'll study now larh..

bock to books..
chiao ppl

difficult times

this week has been the worst week of my life. and i tell u the WORST!! ergh. i cry at the slightest provoke. at anything. when those ppl had public caning, i was on the verge of crying, of course lah i hid it. i cant show ppl that i'm crying especially when its at parade square. then ms nura made me cry. of course i was trying damn hard lah to hide it. she told us of the rumours that the student frm our class had told the teacher. i told u!! there are hypocrites in our class.. damn..haiyo.. dunno lah.. then watch movie during hist. terrible movie. i cried too.but no one see larh, again. all those sufferings that ppl had to go through because of wars. i hate it. hitler is sso damn freaking cruel larh. then its the oral. i was determined not to let my nerves get the better of me. but i think i wasnt thinking properly and i said illogical stuff. gosh.. the examiner was like giving that kind of i-dont-understand-what-you-are talking-about face. i was kinda pissed off actually by her. ergh. and bai is confident she can get a distinc for oral. oklah.. wth..

its just one of those periods in life that u get pissed off by damn every little thing. and home was not a comfort for me either. i wish i can just run away frm all my probs. but i know i cant. i have to face it. mum only knows how to scold me when there is housework to be done. cant she ask other ppl in the house? and i'm taking my o levels this year for goodness sake. she's always scolding me for the slightest stuff. even when she's angry, she'll scream at me. coming home aft a really stupid shitty day at school and u just wanna talk to someone like your mum but she is not there. in sch, i feel so lonely. i dont have frens. come home, its empty. i feel so empty. ergh. i cant cry. i'm tried of crying. no more tears left to shed. them dad? in his own freaking world. why must he be the garantor for his bro?? who wants to led a better life but make us suffer? what if our hse is seized? where do we stay? ergh. get a life man. i mean a brain. more likely. shit larh.. i shouldnt be ranting bout my family probs so publicly larh.. but where else can i vent my anger? i dont have frens where i can say all of this to. anyway, if i dont vent it, maybe i'll go crazy like shek ngai. bro is the worst ever person i can think of. i wish he would disappear. yes, i'm cruel but he's heartless. i want to get out of that hse. go somewhere i can smile and be me. (that's in band)

as the days go by, o levels is getting nearer. its getting me edgy. tests makes me go mad. i have 3 higher malay compos to fiish up plus the five year series. my dnt... god, i pray to u, help me complete it. amin. tests, bio, chem, phy.. darn.. half my brain is in the drain. i cant think anymore.

i dont understand why i get frens that are so shitty. argh. khai said that i look like i dont appreciate my frens. but not saying it doesnt mean i dont ok.. i love my frens.. even though some hate me.. but i still LOVE my frens. ok.. its just that i dont know how to express my feelings ok. i grew up in a place where u dont go arnd and hug ppl and kiss them when u want to say u love them. its just hard for me. see frens together while i walk alone. it hurts ok. when walking frm parade square to class early in the morning... haiz.. shudnt frens help each other when they are in need? share everything together? not leave them in a ditch when they really need u most.. not taking advantage of them.. ish.. not backstabbing them.. shit larh..wth..

get back to reality man.. i shud be doing my hw..NOW! instead of blogging. actually i still have alot to say.. but wth.. longs posts are boring.. so no need to read again..
chiao ppl.

i miss band!! terribly!! i wish the sec4s can come back and play together like last time.. i think the band sound really bad.. haiz.. how to maintain the silver we got last syf? gosh.. i dont wanna think about it. know wat.. i wanna sign up for the saf military band. :) aft o's lah. ahaah.. big ambitions but i'm gonna go for it.. dont care lah.. can get salary some more! and alot of guys..:)) hehehe.. doing wat i love most and get $$ plus the experience to perform internationally.. which musician doesnt want!!
and i'm hating the stupid sg idol lah.. so crappy!!!!! i mean come on lah open ur ears can?? ppl like joakim and paul shud be out lah.. but then good singers like jay and rahimah are instead the ones who got voted out! are these ppl deaf? come on lah this is a singing competition, so u shud be chosing them base on their singing abilities!! not their looks!! errgghh!! singaporeans nowadays are so stupid!
and dnt is supposed to be handed in at the end of this month!!! and i havent finish my folio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this week have ss and hist common test with bio all the sec 4 topics this mon. hml prelims coming. five-year series with 2 compos to be completed at the end of the ndp hols which i have not finish yet..
the ndp hols i spent my time relaxing (hehe.. cant blame me.. i miss my bed) and doing dnt.. haiz.. i still have the tecnical drawing to do.. orthographic and explosion drwing!! the worst of all!!! plus i studied my bio. now left the sec4 topics which need lots of TLC frm me since the last test i did badly. and i mean really bad. eventhough i pass. but i still have my hml hw and hist to study. which is alot. plus mr leong want us to hand in the artefact by this wed. how to? when i havent finish my tecnical drawings??
this wed is 'the' day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! o level el oral... man.. i have to do well in this.. since my compre and compo is hopeless....
and seriously i cant stand the ppl in the class, irritating assholes. making fun of ppl at their own expense. they think they so big is it. they have the right to make fun of ppl? pls lah.. other ppl oso have feelings wat. cant u spare a thought for them?? and some.. wah.. talk big seh... but wat they do all is contradicting. hypocrites.
eerrgh.. enough of this.. have to cont's wif my compo..haiz.. when will this end.. i guess aft o level i think..
chiao ppl.

this is one boring entry. warning beforehand. ohk.. ohk.. this wk totally rowks.. and i keep smiling ahahaha.. ( to ***** and he smile back at me!!hehe!!!)

hmm on mon went to watch pirates. and i'm totally addicted to the soundtrack!! omg!! anyone have the song?? i want it!!! gosh.. then emath lesson was the best this wk. of course the trail lah.. so fun even though i had to team up wif roy.. eeiihhww. but luckily it not wif shek ngai. ahaha.. my grp was the last to come back to class.. hehe.. but some of the ques kinda hard for me. then there's the sec2s ppl selling their stuff for pw. gosh.. i remembered when it was my time.. me, hiq, khai, aishah and azilah.. haiz.. all those are left with just memories.. then they sell brownies.. oh my.. its ages since i ate a brownie!! wah.. it was heaven man tasting the chocs!! i LOVE CHOCOLATES!!! hehehe.. pe was equally fun.. we did aces day workout!! ahahaha.. i was laughing my hearts out when i saw shek ngai doing it... wahahahaha....!!!!

now..i need to start studying again.. i mean continue wif my work.. chiao ppl!!

ohh.. yeah... the week could not have been better! i've finished my artefact!! wohoo!!! of course, that, wif much scrutiny under the watchful eyes of mr leong. even soldered my circuits for me! i mean, soldering is easy wat.. but he wants to do it for me.. then ok lorh.. the next stage is to take lots of pics and finishing up the folio. man.. that's still alot of work to do..i have to re-do my exploration of ideas part again and my detailed development and finish up my production planing and evaluation. man.. that's a huge workload man.. most tests are done.. phew.. in capital letters.
but i pity bai.. u know wat.. her artefact broke!! into two!!! it happened actually on fri when mt period. me and bai when to dnt workshop and khai went to see mr poon for amath. me and bai want to take pic so bai put her artefact outside 'cos outside good lighting. then bai go and take the softball bat frm ms tan. mr pek and mr lee see me outside taking care of the things ask me to put them inside. ask me only ah? dunno how to help ah? i cant possibly leave one and take in the other one right? then bai came wif khai and the bat. go outside lah.. test and take pic. then bai ask khai to hit the artefact wif the bat while she take the pic. then khai, she dunno, she go and hit the artefact like u hit a ball. the rod broke and the switch fly off to dunno where. wah.. mr pek scream at her like what seh.. and khai felt so guilty. bai went home straight. and i went home to bring back my artefact and had lunch wif khai. khai was on the verge of crying. she felt so guilty until today oso still ask me about bai. then went back to sch for band phototaking. saw netballers. went up to bai and ask her lah.. then she say all ok oreadi. but she still look sad. b'cos sure if mr leong knows bout this.. haiz.. mr leong gonna kill her man.. hish..
then phototaking was superb. got formal band, informal, and sections.. ahaha.. fun,fun..

and.. amazingly.. on fri, i played netball wif sch uni during pe!! i forgot my pe shirt. ahaha.. sweating like hell.. eiihhww.. i went home and shower b4 coming for phototaking. hmm.. and alas! i didnt screw up my chem prac!! of course.. wif the brilliant help of mr hao pei... but only little bit here and there.. ahaha..

ok.. my migraine is getting more and more frequent.. gosh.. it'll be hard for me to concentrate on studying now. it will just come anytime like that time during higher malay lessons.. even cikgu notice that i was in pain. haiz.. but,oh.. wat do i care.. i'll go and continue study now..

"Yes, I love Allah. Allah is my fountain of Life and My Savior. Allah keeps me going day & night. Without Allah, I am no one. But with Allah, I can do everything. Allah is my strength.

chiao ppl! :)

do i sound too saddist? hahaha.. the only good thing is.. i'm gonna finish my dnt!!!!!! wohooo!!! join the last wire and i can take pics for my folio. then can cont'd wif my folio and othe subjs. hiaz.. today i slack. didnt do a single thing. only go dnt then watch dvd and on the com. hah.. i'm gonna study aft this. even though tmr i have religious class then tuition aft that. i think i'll be scolded by andy. (why do keep getting ppl scolding me?) b'cos i didnt come to tuition the whole week. heh.. i have tests.. i couldnt cope.. so had to sacrifice tuition..

i think my time management is very bad. how.. wat to do... hah.. okay lah.. study time now..
adios suckers.
p.s. i still remember it!

-_-

this week i so moody for me.. nothing has been right. lots and lots of tests.. i think the teachers are going crazy. for bio, we keep doing the same kind of experiments. eL o level oral is coming. and i hell better buck up on my eL. physics.. hiaz.. i dont understand wat the hell mrs chan is talking about.. fleming's law, lenz law. then chem was alright, as long as its not prac. 'cos i will be in a blur but luckily hao pei and yan xiu help me. emaths.. i dont care.. since that day.. i dont give a shit to her.. watever..i'm still angry. S.s. and hist was okay.. hml is getting harder and harder. and i mean freaking hard!!

i guess not enough rest made me all edgy but the day we wore our racial harmony day clothes was the worst. firstly, its not even racial harmony day. secondly, ppl wear stupid clothes!! and i say dumb, stupid clothes!! i mean this is the racial harmony day of SINGAPORE!!! eerrghgh!! teens these days are only full of wayang. thirdly, the activity to commemorate the day was equally stupid, ask us to make tang yuan.. watever... pathetic. and ppl can go arnd.. taking pics.. hipocrites..

if u're angry by this remark, then piss off.. i dont want to be a nice gerl anymore and then aft that get bullied. its pathetic.

those i thought who were my frens were nvr there for me. but when they need my help.. wah.. keep asking me if we're frens or not. ass-hole. then when i'm in such a state, all run away. i'm a what? ***-off lah hipocites ppl!!

hell, i'm not gonna let these ppl take control of my life. no way. i'm gonna focus on my O's and hell i'm gonna go in jc. no matter wat. i dont care. watch out ppl. here i come.
adios suckers

this week had been a very bad week. i got scolded by ms nura for not handing in my hw. ass-hole!! unreasonable, ego-eccentric! i was waiting for her to go over the ques wif me personally b'cos i had made an appointment wif her. but yet.. she sclod us until like that. ass-hole...
then i fight wif mum.. watever.. i'm not toking bout this..
then.. dnt.. mr leong say i have to re-do my base!!! i am going to finish oredi only left wif assembling the whole thing. its not that there's anything wrong wif it! then say i have to re-do again!!!! EEERRRGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 i am ssoo angry wif thse teachers!!! damn it man!
oh i am ssooo angry!
chiao!

polka dots.

the fifa is soon gonna be over!! no!! ok, i watched the match btw italy and germany. how they scored the goals was kinda funny. its like.. whoa confirm penalty ah.. then suddenly italy scored. then like a few secs later, they scored again. germany was dumbfounded. khai was super sad they didnt win. i and bai keep saying 'nazism!' wif the hand sign. ahahaha.. i am ssoo gonna watch the finals man!
surprisingly cikgu didnt ask for the hml hw. ahaha, i think she guessed it. we didnt finish it. untill now. ahaha.. hey, its hard ok.. i dont understand the ques. watever. there's more and more hw everyday. its getting more and more stressful. hiaz..
yesterday, went for dnt.. i am ssoo gonna finsh this as fast as i can. seriously its taking lots of my time! then, went to lunch wif aisyah at bdk mac. then on the way saw wanshi, idy, stacey, xinyi, jyngle and some other band mbmrs (gerls) playing basketball. went to mac saw jk. aisyah saw him first then we slowly came up to him and sit beside him. he didnt noticed for like 30 secs.. then he looked up and saw us. his expression was ssoo funny. eh.. dont scare me leh.. did we scare u jk? ahahaha.. u were so engrossed in ur work. then we eat wif them.. rizal came, alif, ling mei and yong liang. all study together lah.. so good rite.. ahaha.. i know, i know...
alif told me that an alumni band is in the planning.. yay!! when i saw the mbmbrs list.. i was like who the hell are these ppl?? like duh.. my ex-seniors.. whom i didnt know existed. ahahaha.. i really hope it can be formed.. yay!!
ok lah.. need to go..
chiao.

boring

tell u this.. my life is ssoo freaking boring!!everyday.. go to sch..aft sch.. in dnt workshop or its higher ml classes.. haiz..
the starting of sch week was really pathetic b'cos i was really sleepy in class... ahaha..not used to it yet.. but the time table changed and change classes too.. which is great b'cos its kinda near the canteen and no need to climb the stairs.. ahaha lazy me.
tuition was getting more hectic as i had to come almost everyday to revise sec 3 topics. watever lah i dont mind being tired. hml classes was really funny..b'cos i asked a really stupid ques and the whole class laughed at me..untill bai and khai was still at it the next day. but nvm lah.. sumtimes i can be soo dumb and blur.
on tues was aisyah's b'day and i tried to give her a surprise but she already know.. i went to buy the cake straight aft sch wif jen kean, jia hao and solomon. but then, when we came back frm sch, she saw us and the cake. man! haiya.. but i just act cool and keep it in one of the canteen vendor's refrigerator. then i went for my dnt and aft band make her wet again. i splash lots of water! ahaha.. sang her a b'day song and cut the cake. she is ssoo lucky. at least she knows, the ppl ard her appreciate her alot. haiz..
ok lah.. that's about my boring routine..i wanna sleep. chiao.

-_-

at last i finished my hw!!! muahahaha!!! so happy!! but i'm trying to do some revision. hah, forcing myself!! but staying at home is soo boring. but need to study..study..study..
haiz, o levels.. i dont seem to be able to finish my dnt.. which is getting on my nerves..!!
do 1 single thing wrong and u have to do it again. mr leong p.m.s the whole workshop week. and shek ngai went sick i mean as in lost control. pity him though.. i think all of us going bonkers inside without ppl knowing it really..
heh seriously.. i must get things in my head straight. if not, my conscience will be hurting me and i wont be able to face them.. i hate this feeling. but cant control it..i mean.. it comes naturally. but i feel like i'm backstabbing her. how could i do this to my own fren? how evil of me? i must get rid of this feelings and repent. seriously..i must.
oh.. and i'm soo outdated. i'm finally getting into the fifa mood. and i watched a match! i mean the whole match. frm begining till the end!! wow. amazing. and it was quite syiok ah! ahaha.. gol!! when that word becomes reality.. wow.. amazing man..
lols.. i'll blog again if i have time. sch opening soon doubt i'll have time to surf the net..
chiao.. bye.

i wish i was a punk rocker

love this song! sandi thoms's vocals is great! notice how she can sing without music at all? but listen ti the lyrics. kinda like a social/cultural commentary. but its nice any way! ahahaha..

ok.. the photos for the bhf are up.. but there still lots lots lots more so i cant possibly upload all of them here rite..

the first pic, of the whole band, the BIG family, aft bhf, in front of the sea. the scene infront of us was totally beautifully. can c me? aiyah my face very small. on the left side, beside the coast guard yellow box. ahaha..
next, me wif percussion sect and the tubas. can c my drumstick? i doubt so.
next, the BIG BOOM BOOM band!! ahaha..
next,damai windz in action! ahahaha...
next, jen, twisting balloons.
next, jia hao pumping balloons.
next, zahidah twisting balloons.
next, me wif the percussions gerls! ahahaha
next, me wif mel, resting. notice the bruise on my leg? ahaha..
next, the sec 4 gals, alif, mr wong and ex-seniors. still in sch canteen, b4 bhf
ok, back to my current pathetic state..
the last few weeks had been a blur as i rushed through my hw, trying to finish it and making my artefact in the workshop. ok, daylight was spent sloughing off my butt at the workshop and the nites was spent by cracking my head doing hw and folio. ergh! i think i'm gonna be sick soon. 'cos many ppl had gone off overseas holidaying while i'm stuck here. :((
stuck
stuck
stuck
and i still havent finish my hw!! not to mention revision!! gosh! the first week of june hols is gone wif extended prog and band pracs everyday... haiz.. then second week i went out wif band mbms, shopping and do folio. and not forgetting band tune-in. then third and fourth week is for dnt workshop. next week having sect outing wif nad. cant wait. miss the times we were together!

i will not call this a holiday!! sombody help me get out of this mess!!! eerrgghh!! :(:(:(

the bhf pics. but still have lots of them. i'll blog tmr. shamil want to use com. my freaking bro! irritatating!!!

lazy to blog
the tune-in wif acjc was totally great.

but they play very chim pieces so i want to side read their pieces
oso very hard. feel like my eyes want to pop out
looking at the scores. my head is spining frm all
the notes conversion..
hhmm.. muz prac more on minor scales and impose notes

and improve on my freaking rythms!!!
then got this kids central guy. wen long.
at first tot he looked freaking familiar
then i juz ok, watever loh..
then it struck me eh, he's the kids central guy hor!

lol, i'm so slow. but i salute all of them.
they are great musicians.
the ppl there are very friendly.

so ok lah. went wif jen kean, shi ying and luqman.
they say, their playing was terrible!
the songs we played,
gelato con caffe,
turnadot,
mission impossible,
huntchback of Notre dame
and 1 japanese song.
lols, i need to go tuition now.
I'll blog later..
chiao.

arms disattached

AAARRGGGHH!!!!! ahahaha... still so high since yesterday.. balloon hat was so fun! playing precussion was so funny! esp asri.. he's so nuts... but i got all bruises frm my tom- toms! and my arms hurt alot! i think i not enough warm up.. eerrgh! ugly blue blacks all over my shin! :( and i made my hair into a big pile of mess... man.. corn rose!! can u imagine me having a hairstyle like that?? took 1 hr to tie it! thanks to farah! she tied it for me! then they spray pink colour hair spray and lots of glitters on my head!! ang mo kio sec came late.. super late and the whole lot of us had to wait for them! *angry!*angry!!! i made butterflies for the balloon hat for percussion but it was super hot. i was sweating to my skin man! the shirt was quite nice. thumbs up to jygle, amanda and wanshi! even though didnt win anything, we had ssoo much fun. the last perf for sec 4s.. i actually broke down! how could i? i practically need tissues to blow my nose and wipe my tears. but my sect were really sweet. aft the perf we played the songs again and 'its my life' sang by bon jovi. ahaha, i borrow the sec1 eupho and play the song. it was so nice, playing by the beach. the ex-seniors came and took alot of pics of us. aft that went to eat at long john wif my sect and tumpet sect. but wat seh.. wasted lah. la la la didnt follow his sect! if not aisyah can confess to him. but at last she confess to wanshi.. ahaha.

i just found out our band is sssooo full of love! i found out that there are more ppl keeping crushes in band..:)) love is in the air!! wohoo!! but i wont say anything lah..if not i'm sure they will be embarassed rite so dont u ppl worry, i will keep my mouth shut.

later got pic of the bhf, i will post it here.

life sucks. i've promised myself i will nvr betray my frens. so i will nvr. esp when they are so close to u. but when u like the person and she oso like that person. its a stupid love triangle. thats freaking stupid lah. more stupid when the guy actually like u and not ur fren! but i will not say anything bout that. i'll support her till the end no matter wat. eerrgh.. first its H***** then its Z**** then now.. eerrgghh.. life suck. i hate myself. it really hurts alot. but i'll heal it myself.

i will miss my eupho. but now is o levels time.
chiao.

no future

i'm so busy..even aft the exams! doing my dnt lah.. haiz.. my new idea is ssoo crapy!!! oh god, pls help me!! the electronics used is freaking basic.. I HATE MY NEW IDEA!!!! damn it man!! i've given up on the old idea b'cos of the electronics being too complicated. haiz...

now is the only time i get to update my blog.. aft ages.. ok, i'm gonna write a long one!! just now went to bugis wif nadine, pei yun and wei jie, buy electronic stuff.. i c their projects like so cool like that.. then mine is ssoo crappy.. haiz.. bleah.. dnt occupies alot of my time this june hols.. obviously no slacking for me now. receiving my midyear results was so despressing, helo, girl!! reality check here!!! haiz.. welcum to the reality..slacking this half of the year when you are taking your o levels this year!!! gosh.. i really need to buck up man..

mum and cik sham is forcing me again! i must go to jc, jc, jc!!!! that's all that they are thinking about! 'u better work hard and stop wif ur band stuff! if u cant even go to poly and ended up in ite.. u better watch out! ur sis oredi get to grad frm poly... that's good u know..bla.. bla..bla..!!!!' why must they compare me wif sis?? if its so good, why hasnt she got a uni admission?? huh, why huh? i wonder..and why do you always blame my band?? why? this is wat i like to do! play music!! i love music! why cant you be like any other parents and encourage them? u dont even go to any of my performances before and even disallowed me to go! and if u like to compare sis wif me so much, by the way, her cca was horticulture club!! it gardening!! it is so different frm band so dont u compare it!! now u are disallowing me frm performing the last performance wif damai windz! it is so important to me!! the balloon hat festival is once in a year event in singapore, u know! in singapore! our band was even featured in tv mobile ok! EEERRGGHH!! its not that i didnt study wat! i did study to my best effort!! dont they know wat i'm feeling know? why cant they just understand me?? is it ssoo hard?

i do know they have a reason why they want me to go jc. not their fault. i just wish my family has more money so that i can go to my choice course. poor ppl like me will always stuck in this poverty cycle. i wish dad will get a job and realise that he's making my life miserable! sumtimes.. i tot of just quiting skool and just work. :( (and move out of the house!)

when i go to band, i get to forget all my probs...just play music. so syiok! sum more now step down oredi.. but i think my sec ones dont like me. i think its b'cos i scold them alot. hhmmpphh! they do mistakes i correct them! this is called training!! next year oredi syf! must get gold! haiz.. i guess, they dont understand it now. when they have bcome a senior then they will know wat i feel.

that's it lah.. later if write sum more ppl will get bored of me. chiao.

not in the best of moods

not in the best of moods today. went to johor and i really dont know wat to say about these malaysians. i mean when they see me, they'll be like oh...u'r singaporean right? like i have a poster pasted on my back saying that i'm singaporean. its not that i'm not proud to be a singaporean, but they will have this look on me and start babbling in english like i dont understand a single word of malay!! eerrgghh.. they think the malays in singapore are so stupid in malay language! and the guys are so tappered!! eerrgghh!!! the girls like dont know how to wear their scrafs and the toilets are the worst. do not speak of that disgusting, feaces infested place!! eerrgghh!!

the exams are coming and i'm not studying... i wonder how i will survive this exam.. i want to study oso cant, getting sick during this period!!! aaarrggh!!! this nose wont stop sneezing and my throat feels like burning! darn.. i keep eating and eating especially chocolates. and i dont understand why some ppl are so full of themselves and keep critizing ppl! like they are so good like that! oi! go and buy a big mirror and look urself in the mirror lah before u say other ppl! and its my freaking business lah i want to write wat in my blog or anywhere i want! does it concern u? no right? then shut the freaking up lah!! stupid!! this is my blog wat, my business lah i want to post wat wheather it boring, lame, or irritating, IT IS MY FREAKING BUSINESS!!!

just shut up. i miss band terribly. just, just shut up. i need to study social studies now.

yo!!! i've changed the skin at last!!! yay!! and i've tagged bathi and kelvin.. waliao.. u ppl very the lame one hor, wat u wrote in ur blogs.. nevertheless.. entertained me hehehe..ok.. i tink better start mugging.. got higher malay exams on mon !!!!! aarrgghhh!!!! help me.. i' barely hanging on...oh... ahahaaha...
guys... flood my taggie board.. entertain me pls..
ta.. chocolates.. i need it.. chiao..

gosh..

i'm totally in a confusion...total confusion. so many emotions going through me right now. saddness, happy, angry, gulit.. haiz.. dunno lah.. but mostly sadness..

it happened on tues... the last band prac for the sec fours... Uwah!!! i wanna cry!!! it was the saddest band prac. we could not start our prac as usual cos of the oral in the hall. so we do breathing execises and listen to band songs trying to decide wat song to play for syf. then we do drills. hahaha.. sec fours no need to march. we train them. but seriously, their marching neeed ALOT of improvements. then when going back to music room, all the sec fours from behind the science block we march all the way to the area near parade square... ahahaha... then we all play all the old songs in the band store while the rest prac in the music room. but alot of the sec fours didnt attend this prac. waliao.. wat seh.. should spend the last days together lah.. then when assmbling time.. my sect juniors cried.. many ppl cried... :) i was ssoo touched.. but i only cried little bit only... but i tell myself dont cry..must not cry.. then we played a little trick on the juniors... hahaha.. made them do 70 push ups together... ahhaha.. then band dismissed and we took photos.. oh.. it was ssoo sad... aft all these yrs together.. now we will be seperated... uwah!!! i will miss u guys!!! but still got balloon hat festival to perform.. the last performance in june. must take lots of pics!
then aft that went to tuition without going home.. wah.. i ssoo tired... i didnt even studied for bio prac exam for the next day... haiz..
then aisyah called me and tell me those two things ah bout trumpet sect.. i was ssooo freaking shocked... super shocked!! i didnt know wat to say. but i know aisyah felt really sad. i understand how she feels. but u have to carry on wif your life right?
i realise that i'm losing many things. i'll lose my hse; my parents wanna sell it. but i dun want and they should know why. i will not see some of my frens aft o's cos they migrating.. so sad.. then i'll be leaving the band.. gosh.. i must be strong..
##*%&$($)*(@ ^& then school is so depressing.. o's coming. so much to do so little time. exams coming... haiz.. i must be strong!!

dots

oh my.. so much been happening.. so, so much. dunno where to start man..
ok.. studies first...my dnt at last i have got an idea. but its very hard to make the artefact b'cos of the technology. so, i'm still struggling wif it man.. damn.. my hml exams is coming and cikgu says it will be very hard. oh gosh.. i need to start studying for midyr man.. tests coming in almost everyday. so sick of it, but wat can i do.. must work harder for o levels sake.

this week the whole week had been only band.. band.. band.. mon, tues, thurs and fri all band prac.. haiz, preparing for speech day, then have to wear ethnic costume..haha, i wear ghangara. indian dress, my traditional clothes.. ahaha. first time seh.. then alif say i'm kajol sesat..?? the speech day was funnny b'cos it falls on 1 april and the leaders played a prank on us. a lame one that is.. ahahaha.. the committee for next year had been finalised.. i'll be waiting for the promotion day.. i tink the day will be a happy day.. hehehe. cant wait to step down aft all these yrs in band.. at last i'll be an ex-senior. i just hope i wont cry.. i'll be so sad to leave them. so many memories together, sad and happy ones..haiz..

hahaha.. ok, i tink rite, there will be another couple in our band.. ahahaha... so funny. wont say anything..ahahaha...but it was super shock and glee for me.. i was laughing all the way man.. (at them)

oh gosh..everynight i'm sleeping late..dark eye circles are forming under my eyes. AARRGGHH!!! ahahaha.. ok lah.. got to do my dnt..
ta.

a'huh

ok.. at last i managed to finish up my hol hw. lucky me. got back my results for term 1 and i was quite disappointed ah.. man.. my marks are ssoo average.. and my higher malay marks is ssoo frightening.. gosh.. i must buck up!!! on mon went to st pat's concert at esplanade and it was ssoo cool man!!! we sat right in front of the stage and i c alot of (CUTE) guys!!!!!!!! oh my god!!!! my gerlfrens we're all screaming their heads off!!!! and the primary school band were ssooo cute too!!! as in chubby!!! aaarrrgghh!!! i feel like pinching their cheeks!!!! the st pat's band played ssooo well.. i feel ssooo ashamed of our schooll band. and sometimes.. being a senior in the band is ssooo sucky.. and favourtism still thrives.. stupid isnt is?? stupid. :( :(
haiz.. dat's all i guess.. i still need to study hist. test on mon. aaarrrgghhh!!!!! bye! :)

tet..

this is sssooo stupid! this blog website is in chinese!!!! ???? fortunately i can go in. clicking by memory... stupid. AARRRGGHHH!!!! seriously i'm in a big bad mood. aaarrgghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! i dunno where to start... haiz...

its been ages since i've blogged. my saturdays are now spent mugging. no rests at all. mug. mug mug. practically i have no rest. its making me crazy. crazy.crazy. edhaiz...nvm... i'll look at it on the bright side.. i wont give up, for o levels sake. o levels. o levels.

i found out that many ppl want to go to acj. i tot i'm the few ppl who wanted to go there but in fact..., many ppl are competing to go there. the competition is stiff. i dont know if i even can qualify for jc anot. if i dont go.. cik sham will b ssoo disappointed wif me...darn..watever..

the last week of sch for this term was ssoo sucky.. i didnt complete my hw at all. all anyhow done. every lessons is such a bore for me.. my eyes keep dropping. i feel soo tired. i just wanna sleep... sleep... haiz... my tests marks was ssoo average..while i saw my classmates tests results was ssoo much more better than mine. most of them got like 20 something/25 !!! this suck. totally. hu ha!! "i'm ssoo over the clouds!!!" great totally!! then the teachers gave us ssoo much hw...i'm crying over this... pls some one help mee!!!!! how am i supposed to finish it? how? how? how? dont they c that we have abt 7 subjts to revise and we have to complete the hw in 7 days in which these includes our time for remedial classes, cca, tuition, time for ourselves, family and frens??? dont they ever tot of this?? (and this stupid radio i'm listening to is making my ears bleed by playing techno songs!!! eehhww...) i know i'm not the only one experiencing this, other student are also having this.. haiz..student life....

oh yes.. did i mention abt frens just now?? ohk.. watevr...these days.. in sch i feel ssoo alone... alone, all by myself...those whom i tot were my frens are actually.. haiz..they treat me like... haiz..i feel ssoo slenger ah...terhegeh-hegeh kat org yg tak nak diri nie.. pathetic me... that time i was going wif them..(i wont say who) they actually left first and didnt tell me..!! they just went off!! for eg, u and ur grp of frens going to eat together but then u go toilet then suddenly u come back u found out that they had left u when u all had promised to go out together!! how'd u feel?? then they just say oh sorry eh.. i forgot all abt u..how could u forget bout me.. am i that unimportant???? i feel so unappreciated man!! then aft that, one of them said, eh shaheera, u are not invited ah...u go away can?? i was like cursing i my heart. and crying. i cant tahan them, i tot they are my frens but oh...i'm again wrong.. they are not...there are other incidents which is too long for me to type. haiz... the frens that i have cherished since lower sec life is crumpling.. hiq, aishah, khai, azilah...all, gone.. hiq is going away wif nat and jannah. aishah j. always wif kamilah.azilah and khai used to hate each other so much but they are now like best frens. and me?? stuck in the middle. middle of where? i donno, middle of nowhere, i guess. how i really wish we could be together again like last time. i can still remember our trip to wild wild wet..it was wild!! haha..but i guess that would only be dream.. at least i still have my band frens. aishah s. , mu en, my juniors, all of the band members, my band. my refuge. and not forgetting my longest bestest best fren, farah. always there for me..haiz...

i have nowhere to vent my anger on. at least here, none of my family members knows bout my blog so they dont report anything to my mum. if mum knows bout any of the things i write i my blog, she sure go crazy. on wed i'm going field trip to bintan and they are ssoo worried. do u have toothpaste? insect repellent? at night u dont go out alone ohk.. bla bla bla.... i'm just going for 3 days and 2 nites. this is ssoo sufocating..eerrgghh!! liking english songs also is a crime..stupid. she says i dont know old evergreen songs, so nice yet i dont know. but like stupid, vulgar songs like eminem songs... hey come on lah.. the olds songs are ssoo dragy and the lyrics unrelevent on today's issues. look at eminem's songs... ssoo much diff... it potrays wat we are feeling.. she simply do not understand me. these few days i keep fighting wif her. she still treat me like her little gerl...i'm 16 for heaven's sake!!!

i dunno when she will realise that this little gerl of hers had grown up...! this is really stupid. i guess i need to eat lots of chocolates to make me happy.. hu ha! haiz..ta.

:)

hoho, i'm feeling... urm... light headed...? in a daze? ok watever... so long nvr blogged. oh well i have no time to go nenek hse to use the com. luckily got miss farah ashlina bte aku tak tau name bapak die..... who let me cum her hse and use the com. if not my work will not b finished... haiz.. and she's looking at me now.. :-)
stupid teachers is giiving us more and more of their stupid hw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! plus dnt folio, andy's tuition, to revise other subjects, band and religious classes. tis is making me mad. going mad. i can feel the competition frm my classmates. most of them are ssooo clever... they want to go jc obviously. so i must step up to it. and mum says i'm ssoo happy go lucky! stupid rite?? i'm just trying to relaks ah!! i'm not like kak that like to stress herself up. comparing me again. it nvr ends!!!
oh yes, i have announcement to make.!!!! i'm out of tuft club!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! heeppii i can eat and eat!!!!!!!!!!! ahahaha....the balloon hat festival damai is participating!! yay, ssoo excited!!! then, my mt o level results came out and me and baizura got an A1!!!!!!! ahahaha!!!!! i was going crazy that day ah. ok that's all..

just trying to make myself hppi!! yay!!! hu ha!! ta!

dnt

this week was soo relaxing. i only came to school for 2days, thurs and fri. wed i didnt come to school. to weak. i was coughing all the way in higher malay classes. thurs was the same. and i didnt go tuition. fri performance. lunch time concert and chinese new year dinner. which i tink is ssoo crappy. the gimmick was stupid. and embarassing. like the ah peks and nyonyas know about band music. i doubt so. the whole thing was stupid enuf and when i come home, mum start her siren on me.%(*%*)*^$YFRO^%#%#EO^*$!!!!!!! stupid. i feel ssoo lazy to do anything. and i keep falling asleep. the stupid medicines made me ssoo sleepy. and i'm still stuck wif dnt. i havent study for my hist and chem tests neither have i done any hw. i dont know wats happening to me. i just broke down. i cant carry on. i'm too tired. real freaking tired. need a really long rest but i cant. my o level mt results coming out next week fri. that's wat i heard. not sure if it true. watever. i need to research on dnt. duh. bye.

watever

oh.. i am practically a walking zombie. i keep falling sick. i dunno why. i have alot af things to do but i cant do it b'cos i'm sick. alah.. the common illness kind... fever, cough, sore throat and migraine. but it drags on for days. makes me feel so blue. u wouldnt want to hear my voice now. its awful!! i need to carry on wif my hw and my dnt and revision but i havent even finished one. but start oredi ah.. stupid. the teachers gave us so many hw. and i'm stuck wif my dnt. i feel sooo pathetic.
pathetic
pathetic
pathetic me.
and having not enuf money is so freaking pathetic. and then ur family becomes ssooo shitty just b'cos of that! ah.. watever. i'll just keep it myself.

i just feel so melancholic!!! aaarrgghhh!!!

hehe

hoho.. its been sssooo long since i've blogged. i've been ssooo busy. sec4 life is making me crazy. but on the other hand.. i feel good to be a sec 4. ahaha.
the school opened and i was shocked by the fact that ms shawa didnt take us as form teacher anymore..sad.. sad.. she ssoo can understand me. but now she's not my teacher anymore.. mr jake tan taks us.
haiz.. and mr tan is so mean. our hml lessons clash wif our study hour and he told us to solve it ouselves. i mean he didnt say like that ah, but indirectly he said that. man.. so irresponsible...ggrrr!!! the class comm change.. the management stay but welfare shek ngai take over and chair, v.chair peiyan and roy take... darn.. not nice at all.. why roy and shek ngai?? eeiiiww!! eerrhh.. so frustrated!! then the hwk load is terrible!!!! tests... everyday... almost!!! then aft school, hml lessons, getting worser!!!! the ministry of education is crazy man!! they changed the syllabus!!! AARRGGHH!!! the compre and summary is ssoo hard enuf and they changed it to make it harder??? crazy ppl.. then band is as usual. haiz... going to have a concert. but i donno if i can cope wif o level coming..haiz.. the worst is... my hml calsses clash wif my study hours... stupid ah! arse hole!! then i missed alot of the lessons... haiz.. donno how i will catch up ah.. stupid..
mr tan dont want to help... even ask cikgu for letter saying we go hml. stupid. me, khai, bai and iylia tot of asking cikgu nor to teach us hml so that we can miss one of the two days to go to our study hour. but c first ah.. that is if cikgu nor is willing to teach us..
i've been sleeping late. tuition almost everyday...haiz.. need to revise the sec 3 work. i donno if my body is able to tahan. but my strength will keep me. i do all this for mum. i dont want to go to jc. but i have to. i understand.

tuition was better without marc. but something's happened. and i'm feeling real bad bout it. darn. and i donno wat to do. shit. wateva larh.

my bio, phy, chem, dnt, ss tests... all next week and i havent even start studying, my hw is not even done... haiz.. how?? i will do it larh..
chio. i'm really beat. need to do hw...

ahora!! haha, actualy i'm making myself happy... my head is hurting real lot and i'm not sure if i can go to school tomoro.

i tink the cause for this whole migraine thingy is b'cos of band larh.. man.. the preparation for the sec 1 orientation had been real hectic for me... i'v got to do loads of things in band... and the probs in band is making me go crazy... haiz... last week had maintainence and it was a wreck!! only me and ama were present to clean all the 7 euphos! and only solomon was present oto clean all 8 tubas!! how to finish the whole thing?? we still had to clean our cupboards and the committee cupboards... the basses sect didnt go for lunch... we continued wif our cleaning. then aft luch the trombs came to helps us and see soon come at last... luckily they are there to help us even though they mess things up a little bit as they didnt know how to handle the eupho. and it was kind of irritating... the valves keep being stuck and terrence checked my eupho inside out!! he didnt leave anything behind that he didnt check. the slides, springs, valves, bell, practically everything... dran.. but i passed!! haha!!
then the next day was com meeting. i was late. haiz... bad impresion... but it was good.. i told the com bout all the probs in band... felt so great to let it all out. but jen keep emphasizing that the com membs are also leaders in the band. and i was like... hahaha.. yarh.. but didnt act like leaders at all.. duh.. then played some songs wif the ex seniors... till quite late ah..lols.. untill kena kick out by ms lee... hehehe..
the next day.. in the middle of the band prac, we had to run in the parade square, training...bleh.. i tink that's not training.. that's threatening... real training, would be like really torture us.i wasnt really ticked off by the 'training'. aft band... the band i mean almost the whole band; except the basses and trumpet sect, had to do alot af punishments. the leaders could not be there so luqman lead. but they were not scared at all. they were laughing when they were doing there punishments!! i had to scream at them then they shut up. man.. these ppl doesnt understand the word punishment!!

i'm ssooo sick.. been puking the whole nite.. migraine.. stupid.. wanna go for a jog oso cant, i scared i'll puke while jogging.. dran.. ok bye..

migraine!!

oh my god.. i'm feeling ssoo sick now.. this migraine is killing me!! school is starting real soon and here i am, feeling sick... gosh..

but i'm feeling better.. haha.. thanks to this ammerland band song.. really soothing...the next band prac, for sure i will test my tone quality with that song.. lalala.. but band is becoming crazier..seriously..

gosh.. i dont know where to start.. and i cant tahan my migraine..
i tink i need to rest..
chiao. i'll update later..

freaky

long time since i've bogged. com broke down. freak. alot of things had happened. haha..the latest is that i've got new phone!! haha.. like it alot.

the hols are ending and i'm gonna start a new year as a sec 4. i feel weird. being the oldies in the school. then there will be the o levels to face real soon. oh... my heart is racing. the last few days... i've been jogging every morning with seri at the stadium. now my family calls me an exercise freak. oh, watever.. my schedule gets more hectic everyday after the genting trip. but alot had happened during the genting trip. haiz.. there's rumors that melissa tan likes jen kean since they were put in charge after the horrific camp. but i know mel doesnt. then the teachers got to know the couples in the band. and see soon got suspension from his post as a drum major. pity him. but its his fault aniway that he got into this trouble. jen kean take over. last week i went to ping yi sec...(hehe..sneak in!!) to help their guides for the anti-drugs dance competition. i really scolded the sec 1 for being ssooo...eeww..wat do i call it...eerrmm..girly? weak?? oh...watever.. they could not get their dance steps and dance as stiff as logs!! got them training like the band. scream at them in their faces untill they almost want to cry. haha.. bitches. i tink i should have heled my school instead. nah.. i know they will win. that's why they dont need my help! hahaha!! last band prac the ex-co ppl got scoldings from the alumni ppl for slacking in the preparation for the sec 1 orientation. alif said that we are not going to march. i feel ssoo sad. i knew were slacking. but wat can i do? take charge? that would be taking over. impossible. i simply do not know wat to do. i was picked on by mr wong for playing like shit in band. shi ying went over seas, syadzarwan could not come; parents dont allow, see soon sick. only left wif me, zahidah, solomon and muzakir. mr wong keep saying me this and that... oh, watever. i still have to teach amalina since she's in my sect already. oh yes.. i do feel down cast about the band. but i have to try again and live my life to the best. and i will not let mr wong's stupid critisms be the cause for my down fall. never

that's it. i'm gonna watch the tv. ta.

silver medal!!

hahaha.. lame.. yarh..i've been tag...
Rules of the game:
1. post 5 weird/random stuff abt yourself
2. at the end, list the names of 5 ppl who you want next to this and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED" in their blogs and tell them to read your blog for rules!

1. I thought the senoko red and white incenarator chimneys were ronald mac donalds' legs.
2. i thought i was pink ranger, my sis yellow ranger and my bro white ranger until the series finished. i was devastated i didnt have powers to save the world.
3. my mum wanted to enrol me in indian dance but she didnt. fuh..lucky me.
4. i've always wanted to know how to play all the instruments in the world!! hahaha...but i still havent got the chance rite? oh well..slowly...i will.
5. i still dont understand why some ppl dont like chocolates... why??

haha..ok, now who are the ppl?? i tink..
1. melissa (band)
2. farhana
3. zai
4. seri
5. diyana

this game is totally dumb.. but watever.

haha...i'm ssoo proud of my band! they got silver for the international band competition in genting!! i'm ssoo happy for them. i got this news when i aisyah msg me at 11 plus on last wed. they're coming back today. hehe... i'm ssoo happy for them!!! i miss band. i've been eating chocolates and nothing else...hahaha... making me crazy again. finally i've finished my homework except DnT and maths which i havent loadedup from asknlearn.

chio larh.. bye!!!

hoho

hoho.. great man.. ms carol isnt calling back. great. totally. and i'm peeling. frm the sentosa class trip. my nose, forehead, arms and neck are all peeling. i look totally horrible.

oh yes, mr saiful msg me a few days ago. soooooo irritating but i'm glad too. he said that we need not do the art hol hw 'cos the school havent approved our request to take art at o levels. i'm quite disappointed as i will not be able to do sumthing that i love but glad too... as i noe i would be freaking busy next year. o levels, band, tuition and my religious classes. but most of all i'll be spared frm getting slaughtered by mum for taking art.

i'm feeling much better now. i tink i just need time to be alone. but still feeling a bit pissed off. i need to immerse myself in my hw and reading books. and i tink i wanna change my template. i tink the change will be great. make me forget all my woes.

duh.chiao.

freakos

darn.. ms carol is not calling back. aniway.. i dont wanna go to genting animore. i'll just be another pathetic eyesore to them. i'll just be an extra. if i go.. then i'll have to share the room and be an extra. celebrate wif themthe opening and closing ceremony of the compatition as an extra. eat and play wif them like an extra. i'm such an extra. wat would they react when they noe if i'll be coming? haiz.. i dont want to spoil thier moods. they need to get at least a silver in this competition. i feel ssoo pathetic. and lonely. when u expact sumone to be there for u.. (anione..haiz..)when u expect she is ur fren, she is not there. pathetic arent i? i feel ssoo used..
nah.. i'm bored. the tv is freaking boring. so is the com. nothing to do. and in a big bad mood

tata.

the worst.

yah..long time i since update this blog...bleah..no mood.. larh..feeling ssooo awful. sumthing's wrong wif my head ah...

last week was the band camp and it was the worst ever band camp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AARRGGHH@#%@^%#@^$% The first day was prac the competition songs till night. I had to help nadirah wif her bassoon part. it was darn difficult... most of the beats are played in upbeat. so to keep to the fast tempo was hard. then mr wong decided not to play the bassoon part using eupho and trom. it was too difficult. even he said that. that night the teachers listened to our playing and commented that our piece was too messy as in like ppl cuming in not accurate. ok then went to sleep but cant 'cos the stupid malay guys go and walk to and fro the whole night in front of our room wif their slippers flip flopping as they walk. darn them.. so i didnt get enough sleep. the next morning was really stupid. we did our pT until like muzakir was half fainting... we did the stupid buddha clap. darn... then aft breakfast, the band was half dead. we were in the music room and melissa asked us to rest. know why? half the band had diarheoa. man..we were already sssooo tired frm the yesterday's prac then that morn have diarheoa. my section all down except solomon. even i got it. so ms carol bought us ginger tea which taste horrible so that we could drank it to make us feel better. then we open up the hall and the whole band slept aft lunch. then we continue wif the prac. man... how can u concentrate on playing when u feel like shitting. that night we have our farewell party. hahaha... i sabo nadirah!! yeah got disco.. then its our night walk. the sec ones freaked out and cried. bleah.. scared to death... ok.. then our treasure hunt. my grp was...all girls grp. wat do u expect?? half of them were freaking out and crying and i had to do all the dirty jobs. so i went back to alif and said, wat if, all of them freaked out in the middle of now where in the school, except me, then wat shuld i do?? darn.. before i could go to the next stage, ms carol ask us to come back to the canteen. she stopped all games and scolded shi ying in front of the band. stupid. she said she heard screams and ppl using candles. wat duh??? ^(^%*^%*^%) so all of us went to sleep and the leaders went to meeting. more likely kena scolded by ms carol. stupid. the next morn, as usual, the pT was stupid and the breakfast was horrible. went in music room for the meaningless driefing session for the genting mbms. i feel really stupid 'cos i didnt get to go. only god noes how my heart cries when mum didnt allow me to go. we cleaned our barracks and went home.

then i went to cik al's hse for hari raya. i slept instead of eating wif my family mbms. watever. then went home to sleep again. freaking tired larh. the next day went to ms nura's wedding. she was ssooo beautiful!!!!! then on the wed i went sentosa wif my classmates for class outing. i didnt tell mum. i feel ssooo freaking gulty. i could not sleep for the next few nights. oh yes.. i got a sun burn on my nose. its horrible. the skin doesnt want to come off. stupid.

just now went to buy books and then went to geylang wif mum and cik sham. mum at last gave me permisssion to go genting!!! i was already crying by that time ah. wat duh.. this mon they are going to genting and she asked me if i could go!! OH MY GOD!!! she even called ms carol and asked if i could go. ms carol said she will call the organiser but until now, she had not return the call. wheather i can go anot. man.. now i'm listening to the competition songs, i feel like crying man.. no.. not feel.. i am already crying!!!! UWAHH!!!! I wanna go!!!!
;(
oh.. wateve. i noe its IMPOSSIBLE!! its too late. aniway if i did go, i would not be able to go to the competition. the reason i wanna go was because i want to go the competition. but mr wong would never let me play in the competition. here i go again.. crying... shit. if i go, i would be such an extra. 'hidung tak mancung, pipi tersorng-sorong'.
stupid.

i just wanna sleep. at least it will make me feel better. now my head is really sumthing wrong.
bye.

death

bored to death!!! aarrgghh!! seriously i'm ssoo bored. and i totally have no mood for homework. i still havent start on my art hw.. darn... how to start? i havent ask mr saiful how to do it. lost..so lost.. i have no idea wat it is talking bout man... man, this mon i have to look for him and ask him. then on wed have band prac the whole day. eerrgghh!! the day before our band camp?? nuts arent they?? band camp will be so torturing wif all the practices and marching..and they still want a band prac before the camp?? eerrgghh!!! but i don noe why i keep istening to the eL folk song suite. it is really nice man!! i don care this coming sectional on mon, i will get the melody for no. 3!! I must noe how to play it even though i'm not going for the competition.

speaking of the international band competition.. i envy shamil. he is returning frm malacca todae.. GGGRRRR... how come mum let him go to malacca bt not me to genting?? moreever his trip is like a holiday trip with no educational values! but mine is totally diff!! Mine is a music exchange!! an international competition!! meeting band members frm all over the world and listening to diff interpetations of band music... will open my mind, eyes and also especially ears. i totally need this to improve in my playing. one of the reasons why shi ying can improve was because she went to many concerts and listen to their playing. but me..i had never gone to any concerts.. precisely because mum did not allow me. i'm soo lousy at my playing... and slow.. how come shi ying can get ssoo fast. all the rhythms, pitching, tempo... haiz.. i'm ssoo lousy..

i just dont understand why mum is sssssooooo reluctant to give me MY freedom?? sometimes i have to go to certain places because of school but she doesnt allow me. doesnt that make it very difficult?? i mean somtimes i have to go to town for example to get something for the teachers but she would not allow it. wat can i do? i cant fight with her. i dont wanna fight with her. it totally breaks my heart fighting with her. she still cant accept that i am her 15 year old girl not anymore her 5 year old girl.

please mum.. dnt keep me in a cage. i wanna fly and see the world.

eerrgghh.. all this is no use. i still havent told her i'm taking art for my o's. she's gonna kill me man. i think aft the band camp i will break the news to her. no matter wat, i will take art for my os. no one is gonna stop me. this is my dream. i love art. i love band music. i love malay literature (i read lots of poetry and mL lit works. shall post some of the poems...lata larh) but apparently she only support the latter. i will persue all this when i'm in jc lata. no one's gonna stop me. even if i fail in this subj in my o's.

ssoo that's it. i love art. i love band music. i love malay lit.
no one's gonna change that. ooppss i forgot one..CHOCOLATES!!!
LoLs!!! hahaha chocolates!!

been ssoo busy wif band these days. i oso haf the sentosa class trip to settle. its giving me quite a headache man. eerrgghh.... tomoro i haf pL catnival at east coast park. but mum wants me be back before 6 pm. ssoo not fun. i want to attend the bbq but yarh.. mum is ssoo kuno.( old fashion.) now at nenek's place. cik sham having her frens over for dinner. eerrgghh.. i'm real tired.. aft band today i went for dance. but the band song is really soothing me... aahhh... lols..

bored to death but still havent ask mr saiful for help for the art thingy and havent start my hw... darn..i'm such a failure.. must get cracking right this sec!!!!

$*&^$&^$(
buhbye...................................................................lols!

zheh

its ssoo boring at home. i cant go to school for band b'cos of the o levels. darn..and i have to complete the item for the band camp on the 15 of nov. mel is already nagging at us for not completing the item. but we cant! the school is having o levels!! how?? darn! on fri my grp went to my hse to practise and we managd to get the first part of the song complated. but now... hahaha... my leg is aching!!! frm all the jumping and swinging and all those dancing stuffs lah...

last thurs, me, khai, azilah, aishah jumaat, aishah razak, nina, hiq,hasanah, bai and hawa, had our hari raya outing together!!!! it was SSSSSOOOOO FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!hahaha!!!!!!! i'll see if i can uplad one of the pics we took.
gtg.
byuiez!

haiz

its been quite sumtime since i blogged. the com these few days is getting on my nerves. it keep breaking down and i could not retreive my old files. darn..and i also can't use the msn. that's the worst; not being able to talk to my friends. its so boring at home. haha.. even though i have tons of homework to do. not only its boring but frustrating!! eerrgghh....mum, shamil, dad, kak, cik sham...everyone.

i'll start aft the exams.ok yarh, as i said earlier, its darn boring in school aft eoy. so i focus my attention to band. there's no tuition anyway.making it much, much more boring. haha..i missed my tuition friends!!can't wait to meet up with them again! I heard that marc had gone to australia. hahaha..good,out of my way. I wonder wat bout the others... Then the last week of school, i dono why, i fell sick. haha...during band i was sooo weak, i couldnt walk properly. then i went home straight and slept while waiting for breaking fast. till then, my fever shot up and i only managed to eat a spoon ful of porridge and i went to sleep untill my pre dawn meal which i wake up but only eat a few spoon fulls of rice. Then i could not fast that day. i just sleep and sleep. haha. then on fri, the last day of school, i finally could go to school. the class shirt had been given out. a thousand thanks to poh yu for handling it since i cant. but there were two big mistakes that i stupidly did. one was that i missed out yolende's name on the shirt and i excluded one shirt size 36, so poh yu didnt get the shirt. i felt sooooo guilty. i felt at a loss as to wat to do. i feel so angry with myself. then the campany also did one big mistake. darn..i asked for orange colour but they printed in white! ?? eerrgghh... watever larh then before we depart we managed to organise a class picnic at sentosa and go miss nura's wedding as a class. the sentosa thingy i doubt many ppl are intersted in it. darn...i do not feel like organising it man. eerrgghh..

aft the school closed, i had to focus on my o levels. i cant really help my parents to prepare for hari raya. everyday i had i do practises. it makes me feel like puking man. the day came and i just do the paper like i normally did. i donno wheather i can score or not. wateve.. then aft the 'o's i had to make hari raya cookies and clean the hse. iron the curtains, hang it up, vacuum then mop the floor and wash the toilet. eeww...but i had to do it aneway. mum is not that healthy to do all those jobs. the last days of ramadhan was a bliss even though it was tiring. we get to eat as a family. be a family, no fighting like before. i notice always during ramadhan, my family would never quarrel with each other. amazing. but then i pity shamil. he didnt get new clothes for hari raya and could not visit our relatives hse. at least i get a new pair of baju kurung frm cik sham. then kak and dad fought in the morning of hari raya b'cos dad wants kak to put $2 in the ang pao. but kak doesnt have the money. i pity kak. i wish dad would do sumthing bout this money issue. i'm getting paranoid. everyday i'm thinking wat if i could not go to school tomoro b'cos i have no money? the first day was nice. i just went to nenek's hse and stayed there. at least i get to see all my cousins and meet up with izzan. haha.. but then the sat was very bad. dad took cik haniffa's van but mum doesn't like it. we went to mak besar's hse. i felt like a family even though it was frm father's side. (i had nvr felt like family when with my father's side) then we went to cik halim's hse. that's my cousin's hse. his eldest son is in america now. studying architecture. soo clever. and rich too. haiz...then cik halim said there's open hse at cik razak's hse. another cousin of mine. so we go. then we met them. fuck ah. i hate them!! the rest of my father's siblings at least acknowledge our presence there. but she...and her husband are damn suckers ah. she saw us and looked away. didnt even have the courtsey to say hallo. fuck ah. now who the one who owns money? u or us? u make it seem like its our fault! Our fault meh, u...%#*%#%*#!!?? u noe a not i wanna go to school i dont have money to eat? to buy a pen? to buy my socks that is filled with holes?? shit. luckily cik sham gives us money. god bless cik sham. i will nvr forget her kindness towards my family. then when we want to go home, i kissed her hand(its a malay tradition to kiss the hands of the elders) but she did not even look into our eyes. i just stared at her and she knew why. sicko women. but sunday was the best as my FAMILY( that means my mum's side) went to cik zali's open hse then to my hse then to cik mir's hse. fuh..syiok seh..i play with my cousins then eat hari raya cookies then watch the tv together. haha... and my uncles were ssooo funny!! hehehe...

ok lah stop here. need to go home. tomoro going out with frens for hari raya. hahahaha!!!
ps- harry potter movie coming out nov17. i will watch it!! i promise. Danial radcliffe...ssooo cute!!!! hahaha.........

boom boom

hahaha... i'm sooo free now... well not really..hahaha..i still have my higher malay paper in 2 week time...gosh... that's fast man.. i need to do lots of practices.. darn..

i've just went to acjc. It was terrific. amazingly mum let me go wif hiqmah since its kind of far; its at buena vista. I saw the a level art pieces and it was GEORGEOUS!!! terrific man... gosh.. how did they produce such fine pieces??? then i saw the band working... hahaha.. they're so...gloriously musicaly talented...I dont know what made me signed up for the tune-in classes. Dead if they called me to come for the classes. hahas..

then on thurs, the 3e3 dnt pupils went to swensens to have our swensens treat!! Mr leong treated us to ice-cream aft the muslims had broke our fast. Then we talked and ate french fries!! fuh! it was ssoo great!! i ate sticky chewy chocolate!!! oh man....it feels like paradise....

then fri... i had band prac. One of the most bestest band pracs i've ever had!! we listened to the english folk song then went for sectionals. amazingly i can pitch the g note for the melody in no.3 and play the solo for no.2!! Amazing!!! i noe i can.. :)

but one thing still worries me. i still need to get mum's approval to take art elective for my o levels. and i think i'm inspired to go to acjc. hehehe... and work harder for my o levels. (my results for my eoy is terrible and i do not want to speak of it:( )

i seriously think bloggers should be more careful of what they are writing. its not only bout the racism in bloggies, its the way the write, wheather they would offend others or not. seriously they should reflect. but lets be open-minded bout this. if the complain that they say is indeed true, then readers should reflect instead.

but this is my opinion. ppl really should remember god more because this worldly things isnt everything. cool stuffs that u think is cool is not always cool. always remember the poor, sick and unabled. put urself in their shoes and feel their pain. then u'll understand me. then u'll appreciate this life, ppl around u and the things that u have. then u'll cherish ur life and make the best of every moment of ur life. u'll learn patience and be self concious of what ppl are feeling. u'll find the ultimate calmness in life.

huhh..i'm rattling like an old grandma...hahaha...just the ramadhan mood getting into me. i just dont understand why ppl are soo selfish. nah...this world is full of weidos...and freakos. hahas..whatever lah...i'm still living in a society that is very caring and simply the best. i glad of that. and i thank Him. syukran...

chiao
acjc :) band rowks

yadaa----

hahas..i told u..i'll be back...hahaha...nah..i wanna say this...I MISS BAND!!!
gosh..how i miss it..my euphonium...mummy's coming baby..so dont cry ok..
aarhh there u go shaheera..going crazy again...lols...hahaha..I cant wait for tues to come...i'll be blowing my hearts out..yadaa!!!hahaha..

mummy is ssoo ssoo freaking biased! She allow shamil to go to malacca!!! yarh..school organising it. But i cant go to genting!!! Wat's more its an international band competition and world band music exchange!!!!and i cant go darn... bullshit. gtg..got tuition..buhbye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

i love it man..

ho ho ho...i love this time of the year..exams over...the month of ramadan is here...i'm so happy and carefree...

but STOP!! my higher malay 'o's is on 31 oct!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! alah..why like that..darn..i still cant enjoy myself...i still have to continue mugging... I still have to worry bout my eoy results..if it doesnt improve...i'll be locking myself up during the dec hols...lols.. the higher malay comprehension and composition is getting tougher and tougher. add in the competition i have to face wif all the other malay language geeks who will be competing wif me...no offence man, but they are real clever in that language. stop fretting shaheera!

oh yarh..i just remembered..last wed when i was going home frm tuition...A VERY HORRIBLE THING HAPPENED!!! oh yarh..very...horrible. That stupid marc...darn him...in the bus..he picked a fight wif a guy frm dunman. damn, i was ssooo pissed off...it was the exams week, i was already on the edge of bursting and he made me so darn pissed off...I started scolding him like hell in the bus in front of the guy. He got pissed off and insulted me. Man, no one had ever insulted me. I cant take it anymore and tears started pouring down my cheeks. Embarassing but i cant hold it. I was so hurt wif wat he said to me, which i do not wanna say here..I alight frm the bus and just walk off to go home. hehehe..i know he felt damn guilty bout it. that night, he called me for like how many times..i cant count. he sent me msgs saying sorry and explaining....bla bla bla... but i didnt even look at my phone. he hurt me and i know even though he felt guilty which i sincerely appreciated...he will do it again. So the next tuition day, he sat beside and said sorry again. but i just kept quiet and didnt even look at him. But i had to accept his apologies rite...arh..yarh...we're still frens and he's still as lame as ever. wateva larh to him..

lols..actually i'm writing so long for this post was b'cos i'm bored. I have nothing to do...darn..i have nothing to say for now. but i will post another one again when i have something to say. harharhar...lols-chocolics will rule the world!! lols.

new me.

its the new me.

i've decided to change for the better.
only then i will succeed.
i'll take the challenges in my stride
i will not get pissed of (i hope so.. :] )
i will perservere and succeed (doesnt that sounds familiar?? :] )
i'll smile always...no matter what happens...
i just realise a little smile will make me a zillion times happier than now.
i'll just do what i think is right, without thinking what ppl will think of me.
i will study harder and harder and harder..(peeps watch out..heheheh.. *evil smile)
i will get what i want with my own hardwork.
gosh thats alot..
but nvm..
most of all..
i'll be me...
me
myself
i
only me. :)

shut up

man...i lost all my links...gosh...i donno how to get back...and my com went down..all lost my files..pics, codes, links, emails....blehs..lols

well thats the last thing on my worry list.

the top on my worry list is "i'm not studying."

but hey, at least i'm still happy :)

flying, flying...

ps...hey peeps...put in ur url in the taggie...i lost em..soz man..:)

hey..

hey hey hey..darn...eoy are close...I'm thinking of taking art as another subject...darn..mum's the only person in the world not giving me the encouragement...i hate it man...totally...sucks..everyone's giving me the support and encourage me to just go for it even ppl whom i tot they would not like me taking the subj...freako..

and i'm darn pissed off with farah these few days.. She's talking to me like i am a five year old kid..order me here and there...darn it man... asking me to suddup larh...watever larh..

I'm not gonna bother bout all these stupid petty little things...I'm just gonna concentrate on my studs...I'm gonna focus.
focus
focus
focus
focus
focus

Darn...my head in bursting again!!!bswdflahwnaflsdf!!

my head is bursting

Haiz...

went in to friendster and there...the first thing that caught my eye was 'in a relationship'... jeng,jeng,jeng...my heart was broken into pieces...boom!! UWAH!!!!!! Nightmare came true...

bleh..

I stillhave to carry on with my life right...oh well...school opening tomorrow...And higher malay prelims is here...I'm cracking up under pressure. I really have to put everything a-side and concentrate on my studs man..I must get A1 if not...haha..my head will be detached frm my body..hahaha...mum will kill me!!

ok..yarh..long time since i updated my blog..been sooo busy with school...band is getting more monotonous...and onto my nerves...Tests...filing up my schedule, haiz...I'm really tired.. but I can't wait for school tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah!!!!!!!!!!!lols...

I'm heeerrreee!!!

lols...I'm back...My com down...Now in uncle's hse...hahaa...supposed to sshols hw but ended upsurfing the net... haha...I'll pop in lata...Mum's nagging at me to pray..buhbye..