ragh

growing up isnt something so easy after all eh.

i knew that but never actually really embrace it.

i miss school to make my life a hell, friends to nonsense-nonsense with, band to make music, mcs to have fun, running to fall down again (hahahaha), screaming on the rooftop, laughing just to be happy. oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i miss my friends.


work has been keeping me busy and tired. but busy in the way that i sit in front of the com everyday and stare at it without talking with anyone... then when i'm out of office, i'll be so bored that i'll start pacing arnd at home. wanna go out but i'm under her clutches. no life right. tsk.

how do i break away from them and get my well deserved freedom?how long will this be? they need to realise i'm no more a lilttle girl. but they just wont accept it. i guess i'll have to try the harder way then. too bad.

hate it when people force me to do something. like wiping and scrubbing the floor with my bare hands. :( and this isnt trivial for me. ggrrrr.

i should find something to do that makes me happy.

but what?

chiao.

taggies

finally i managed to put in a tag board! yay! so feel free to flood it uhh. :)

work tomorrow! aaahhhhh! ohnonono. butterflies in my stomach. and i dont know what to wear!

oh steven mead is outrageously fantastic! jaw-droppingly good la. i'm gonna cope his cd from edwin haha. and pizzahut with girls is :)) haha. (khai, pichurrss!!)

right. sleep now i must.

chiao.

FINALLY

haahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

FINALLY.

A JOB.

AND GOODDD PAY.

i hope my supervisor isnt some old, pervert, big beer belly ah pek.

wwwwweeeeeeeeeeee.

chiao.

patience and sincerity

ayat-ayat cinta (verses of love)



yeah, i am abit slow. but this movie is good. i finished 2 whole packets of tissue while watching it. moving, and educational. the best part was when the male lead was jailed and he tried to pray, but couldnt concentrate. He kept crying and stopping.(ouch, that happened to meh.) The fellow inmate laughed at him and said, haha, its a wonder that you are an Al Azhar undergrad but do not know the key to praying.(ouucchhh. ok, i think i know now). Then he received a letter saying that he was taken out from the best university in islamic studies, Al Azhar. the guy cried like a baby and the fellow inmate said to him, get up! remember the story of Yusuf a.s and Zulaikha? Yusuf prayed, if its true that living in a jail is more meaningful then i choose to be here and be near to you, Lord. Rather than being outside with those hypocrites and liars. Then, he continued, Allah is talking to you about patience and sincerity. Islam is about patience and sincerity.b'cos the guy was jailed for raping a girl that he had helped before and Yusuf story is somewhat similar to his situation. by this time i'm like wailing. haha.

now then i know that islam doesnt condone dating, only taaruf, where the couple meet up in the presence of family members. and if they like each other, they get married, if not, take it as making friends. haha. haha, no dating uhhh, you halal people!

cant wait for fridayyy!!!!!!!! and i need a jobbbbbbbbb. rawr. ok, patience.

chiao.

last one(hopefully)

had a reallyyyyyyyy great day today. :))))))))) well, thank you sheree and edwin for making my day before... i-dont-want-to-think-about-it. i'm highhhhhhhh on sugarrrrrrrr. hahaha.

ergh, a few more hours. uwahhhhh.
still gives me the chills although i've been through it so many times. well, its just the thought of laying there on the operating table makes me feel all alone. because no one else will feel the pain of the needles, the knife on my skin(although i've been anesthesised) the thread going in and out when its being stitched up, no one else. except me. because i'm going through it.

ah, well, doc you better give me a great smile soon!

and i need to get well, soon, soon, soon!!!so many many things to do. find job, register the french lang course, register the icing and fondant class, mcs bbq, kak siti sushi session bla bla bla. too many.

miss alottt of friends since school's overr.(so ironic since i'm listening to jesse macartney's its over hahahaha)

chiao.

the passing on.

THIS ENTRY IS DEDICATED TO KHAI, OK MY DEAR! :)

since you want me to update. :)

where do i start?

sigh. i'll miss you, my dear. although we never knew each other, looking at your photos and the way cik midah cry makes me sad. i'll always remember you.

funny how your passing actually made all the adults realise their mistakes and finally talk again.

funny how your passing gives me sleepless nights.

funny how your passing made me erm.. cry.

i'll pray for you.

well, i'm just glad my family is together back again.

birthdays. so many. it made me really occupied.

received some job offers too. and some cake orders. guess i'm not ready yet to accept any orders.

the more i look at your photos, the more i miss you. the more i feel ssad.. being so distant from you. i'm sorry i can never be where you are.

send ud off at airport today. so many people are going away. well, its just the airport right. yeah. but i could feel a stabbing pain.

well, some things are just difficult to forget.

oh no. interviews!! and 7 more days. sigh.

chiao.

410th!

including this post, its the 410th post!
power right. i know i know!

ok. been lazy to blog, 'cos life been quite boring. i'm half wishing that i'll get my old routine back like school, band and mcs.. i'm so bored to death.

erhm. so much time at expense, i baked 2 tpes of cakes and 8pieces of pizza at one go! crazy uh. well, i need to do something other than watch tv, surf the net, read my books and sleep. well, its not that i dont have friends to go out with.. i'm broke. haha.

i dreamt of BB. sigh.

hhmm, went out with aisyah s. and syad. sorry i cant stay on till at night aft you had taken half day leave and syad even skipped lessons. darn i still feel guilty abt it. but its was FUN! talking to them and laughing. haha.

then a day with the girls left my cheek muscles numb from laughing too much. and my stomach full of good food. haha.
I LOVE YOU GIRLS!

hmm. well, been shooping too. i must seriously close my eyes whenever i'm near charles and keith. tsk. bad.bad.

but, now broke. and need of job. sigh. but eh, my application for relief teacher has been approved! muahahahahaha. happy me.

i must make myself busy. if not.. i'll start thinking about.... well, unnecessary stuff.

right. must clean up the mess in the kitchen now.

chiao.

Myfanwy and coffins

Why is it anger, O Myfanwy,
That fills your eyes so dark and clear?
Your gentle cheeks, O sweet Myfanwy,
Why blush they not when I draw near?
Where is the smile that once most tender
Kindled my love so fond, so true?
Where is the sound of your sweet words,
That drew my heart to follow you?

2. What have I done, O my Myfanwy,
To earn your frown? What is my blame?
Was it just play, my sweet Myfanwy,
To set your poet's love aflame?
You truly once to me were promised,
Is it too much to keep your part?
I wish no more your hand, Myfanwy,
If I no longer have your heart.

3. Myfanwy, may you spend your lifetime
Beneath the midday sunshine's glow,
And on your cheeks O may the roses
Dance for a hundred years or so.
Forget now all the words of promise
You made to one who loved you well,
Give me your hand, my sweet Myfanwy,
But one last time, to say "farewell".

its amazing how music can be so magical. :)

tune in was.. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. i went around estatically saying heloo to everyone like i havent seen them for a million years. it feels homely to be back with familiar people and everything. like watching dr lee's conducting..well, everything!

oh 'coffin' was.. haha. i screameddd!!!!

ok, i need a job.

stop being naive, woman!its not possible.

chiao!

fruit tarts!

i made these just now! wwwweeeeeeeeeee.

i want mummy to buy one for me!
ok, these are the photos from the zoo trip.


4 yrs old and she is this tall. i feel vertically challenged. :(
but she's beautiful!

so its black and white stripes or white and black stripes?
hhmmmm...


cephas chan's birthday!

polar bear. he's sssssoooooo cute.

this animal is called BABIRUSA!!

me and farhan had a great time repeating its name over and over again.

hahaha.

and we dont know why though.

baboon! nice ass.haha.

orang utan. i pity them. their homes are being destroyed and their young ones are being killed by poachers. lousy poachers!

oh this photo!

ahaha.

we had a rendevous. :)))))

hahahaha. what an adventure.

rain, plastic bags and slippers!

luckily no one whom we knew saw us what we did!

hehehehehe.

i like pop eyes. but now, no more.

enough is enough!

ate too much of it.

and the guy at the counter even..

erm, nvm. too private to disclose.

right. thats all i guess. still more photos. i still havent cope haute couture photos.

and, i think, i miss...

my acband! like sososo badly. :(

i really do.

and my other friends too.

sigh.

peace be upon you, my dears.

chiao.

alhamdulillah. :)

alhamdulillah. :)
thats all i can say. i can just hope for the best. although the trauma still haunts me.

i've been out of civilisation for weeks. now, its time for me to assimilate back into society.

and work towards achieving a jessica alba's body. HAHAHAHA.
ooh! aishah sazali! let start dancing again! hip hop? hehe. :)

zoo class outing was outrageously fun. plus cephas' birthday surprise. geee. i laughed to much today my cheeks hurt. oh, i was there when the guy got eaten by the white tiger!!

ah my to do list is exponentially increasing. but first! a good night sleep without any dreams(even if its niceeee. hehe.) or nightmares. (i bet irna truly understands this! ;) )

oh my, i have so many things to say.

but nah, sleep first. :)

peace be upon you,
chiao.

slapppp.

i think i am going through the worst phase of my life.

and i'm on the com. slap me. further more.. i only completed like 5 lectures of geog today. slap me. 5 more to go.

i'm half convinced i will retake a levels again next year.

i need chocolates. and a BIG HUG.

sigh. :(

i wish you will say what you need to say.
chiao.

the battle

my battle starts tomorrow. i cant describe the intense fear i have. Cikgu was trying encourage us yesterday, saying that we can really do this, we've practiced so many many times. and tears just rolled down. dang. aiyo.

but, i'm amazed how god has made his way into my life.




this phrases from the song hit me, 'and everything i do i do it for You. Cause You made me, i am for You. I work, I work, I work, I strive. To make something out of my life. I seek I seek I seek I find, I find another hill to climb.'

as we move on in our lives, and be engrossed in achieving our ambitions, sometimes we forgot the purpose of doing all this. why am i doing this? why do i study so hard? i feel so much calmer knowing that i do all this for HIM. and that he'll always be with me. :) and this will only one of the hills that i will be climbing in my life. there'll be many many more to come. hhmm, i wonder what are they..

pray for me yeah? and friends, we can like totally do this!
13 november... come to meeee.

peace be upon you!:)
chiao.

till then, goodbye.

i tell you i am gonna conquer you advance level geography! and math. and econs. and malay. not forgetting jeeeee-p.

i feel like crying. i really do.

ok, heres the real hiatus.

no bloggie. no msn. only contactable thru my snow white. my phone la.

i will finish glob and atmo topics by this week.

hopefully i survive.

goodbye.
eh no, chiao.

not weird just different.

after every studying session i'll feel lousy. why? i dont know. i want a truckload of chocolates.

and i think i'm damn weird. like when i'm studying, i have to like really isolate myself. go to a quiet place. a cave like that. and i'll start talking to myself. and the way i study isnt like other people. people can just read their notes or write out notes. me? nono. that wont work for me. maybe i'm not wired. just different. maybe its the isolation that makes me feel terrible. like i have no friends. but no, i know i do have friends. well, i hope eh.

yesterday's convo with some friends struck me. in a way it made me feel bad. but in a way, made me realise. like why some people study so hard but yet.. nvm.

i should be doing my 'favourite' subject now. dy/dx. but eh, i like stats! here i come. oh i'm begining to love human geog alot! erm.. physical geog? errrr, still learning to loooovvveeee it. ok.

yeah. people are still celebrating hari raya. and i cant do it. :( and just now was so unglam. chilli and mayo sos all over. tsk.

chiao.

haute couture not yet

exactly 20 days before my battle begins. come on, i can do this.

baccalaurate day. damn sad. the last. i've never regretted choosing ac. and i miss ac band so badly now. :(

but damn happy because i completed 2 chap of math and 2 lit essays. yay! oh oh, i cant wait for farewell next week! theme-haute couture. haha, i'm gonna wear pyjamas with slippers. hahaha.


Ken Hirai-Hitomi Wo Tojite

eh, i realise all my fav songs mv ends with the heroine dying. and the hero grieving over her death. aiyo.

ah, i wanna play this song. duet with my section mates. and hear the eupho sound. sigh.

chiao.

raya 2008

pak haji family. haha. who always force us to go mosque to pray.

kak siti, me and sis! my relatives!

look at that! ffooooddd again!!!

fooddddddddd. heh.

:) my brother is taller than me? isey man.. now than i realise.



of course there are more pictures. too many. when i have the time and energy to do it, i'll do it soon.

four days of fever and sore throat is killing me.

gah, i need sleep. but 1 more essay to go!

i can do this!

chiao.

i wanna quit school.

i could go on the whole night. i dont mind. study.study. study. but i need to sleep. although i cant feel my body asking me to sleep. dang. cikgu added like 5 more essays on top of the 6 essays for homework. due next week. wait, means today. and when i finished like 6 essays, she msged me that we can email by thurs.... i could have done my geog essays! which ms leow have been chasing me for. and many many many more work that i havent finish yet....................... i wanna scream.

i think this year hari raya, i'll be boiling ketupat while writing essays.

and i havent cleaned out my room yet. dust dust dust and more dust. oh, toilet cleaning, kitchen cleaning, vacuuming and mopping session on mon night.
ah, better get back to work la.

chiao.

sleep. but not sleeping actually.

i cant resist not talking to my blog. well, this thing is the only avenue for my thoughts which sometimes doesnt make sense. but nvm.

you see, fasting isnt just physically restraining yourself from food and drink. well, that is already one big challenge by itself. but theres also the mental and emotional battle. especially when you are having your a level exams. which actually will determine the next phase of your life. plus all your emotional and mental problems, dilemmas that you are facing. which obviously you dont go around telling everyone that right. but fasting shouldnt be a hindrance to your success by making it as an excuse to skip revision. which i did actually coupled with tiredness.

sigh,i'm terrible. suck. i keep falling asleep. and today, overwhelmed by this migraine i skipped school. (mummy said i didnt sleep properly. maybe i did have enough sleep, just that when i sleep, i dont really sleep. like i'm still thinking about all those stuff that i studied earlier. i cant help it you know)how terrilbe am i. yes, very terrible. now, i have a gp essay, 2 human geog essay, 1 physical geog essay, 1 econs essay and 1 math revision paper. eh how cool. thats only homework. i havent listed out all that i missed today. and my own revision.

looks like its gonna be a longgg night.

and i havent been putting in much effort or using my brain much lately. study!

I CAN DO THIS.
err, can i?


oh, oh, hari raya is next week!!!! yessa!

chiao.

i wanna quit school.

i wanna quit school.

ok not that bad la. haha.

ok, not funny.

prelim results made me feel like i wanna jump into a pool and submerge myself in it for 5 hours.

but guess what. five weeks. let me repeat fiveee weeks till my life, my future is secured.
err, that include all my hari raya holidays. sigh.

A levels. my future.

God, are you there for me? i'm scared.

looks like this blog will be on hiatus for sometime.

chiao.

slap me.

somebody please slap my face. you'll be doing me a favour this way.

i havent been working hard. omg.

i dont care i'm gonna mug to night. all the way.

*smacks face. i should be ashamed of myself. a weekend over. and i only did 2 drqs, 2 essay outlines, 1 malay full compre paper and 1 essay??

the list of work... is really long. at this rate, i'll be dead for As.

aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. damn.
sigh.
chiao.

happy goober!

geee, i'm so happy now. thanks for the night khai, hiq, sha, kam. really made my day! gosh, i cant remember when was the last time i laughed so histerically like that. HAHAHAHA. oh man, only you girls can make my loss of teeth sound so funny. and khai! you made me feel so embarassed! oh, and ken+barbie! HAHAHAHA.

ok, tmr i'm gonna work, work, work. no slacking. no more.

i look at how people work, i feel guilty. i'm so slack now. tsk, i really should work really hard and put in the effort.

miracles wont happen if i dont put in the effort.

havent been using my brain much. tsk.

but oh well. weeeeeeeeeeeee. :))))
oh, lagu raya da klua!!
chiao.

roll it up!!

now, its not the time to fret, but to roll up your sleeves and keep working.

i know its going to be tough. to push up grades for almost every subject. i'm feeling anxious, scared, that i wont be able to do this. will i be able to? i dont know. i even had this weird dream. it was during As and i was taking my gp paper. and i had to go through so many obstacles. i woke up crying because i was scared like shit.

but, i just wont give up and keep working!! especially on my geog. sigh. and math. bigger sigh.

looking through my prelim papers, i was like oh damn it! why didnt i write this! i know this! oh damn it! why did i write this! its total crap! yeah. like pure enlightenment man. kah ching! and boy, i was impress with my econs essays. haha.

but at the rate i'm going.. there wont be much diff. i really should work harder. like how really really behind time i am on my schedule. *smacks face.

so friends out there, keep working yeah? dont give up! :) oh, all of us should take care of our health. like how i am desperately trying to. and if i were to get enough 8hrs of sleep, i have to sleep at 8 pm. wth right.

right.. essay outlines, here i come.

chiao.

drive, drived, driven

i kind of like lost all of my drive to study. gosh.

i know i need to straighten my thoughts real soon. if not..
god help me.

maybe i should talk to someone.
but who??


Duffy-mercy.

i love love love this songggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
chiao.

SHOCKED.

i'm still trying to recover from the shock of my prelim results. yeah, speechless. so disappointed. and the worst thing is, mummy didnt even scold me when i told her my results. she just told me that this is prelims and that i had worked hard. yeah right, why if i had worked so hard but my results are like those who didnt study? well, accept it, studying hard doesnt gurantee you good grades. thats jc life.

now, i seriously dont know where to begin, how to begin. or how to go about improving myself in time. only 45 days before my first paper.

can some being in this world tell me!!!??

oh my. i'm going insane.

friday- broke fast with mcs peeps. heee, its been long since i laughed till my stomache hurts. guess, i was trying to delude myself that day. food was awesome. i ate octopus! wooh. and and sushi, sashimi, ice-cream, cheesecakes, satay, babequed salmon, dory and err.. cant remember, too many. ah, i feel like a glutton after that. haha.

right, now where do i start my revision again...

chiao.

wrong.

whats wrong with me?!

oh, i really cant cope with this!

:(

was not in it and never will. well, never been a part of it. nevermind, i'll just get on with my life.

chiao.

BLOOD BATH

how about i finished school? haha. I LOVEEEE MY NEW TIME TABLE. kihkihkih. eye, i have tons of work to do uh. like geog, lit and math. but here i am, digressing. *smacks face.

alright, so far, feedback from teachers abt prelims is that its ... BLOOD BATH, for me, that is. the answers that they went through were not the same as what i think i had written. so yeah.. thats it man.

sigh.

and studying + fasting = extreme tiredness. at least, if i am tired during normal days, i'll be able to drink coffee or something.

alright! no more complaining! perservere!!

chiao.

nothing is black and white

is my decision the right one? i dont know and i will never know. sometimes, i feel glad that i made this decision, but there were times when i felt it was all a mistake. regretted all this in a way.

but life is a series of decision making. and these decisions are never either/or. decisions are complex, and there are always competing factors. to look for simple explanations is bias of the human brain, but it doesnt correspond to reality. nothing is ever as starightforward as it appears.

so, lets not ponder on our past decisions but make the best of what we have now.

like the looming a levels. -_- (raghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.)

today, daddy said something that made me think. it was one of those rare moments where i actually talked to him about school and friends. so i was telling him about some of my musically-talented friends. how some can play a single note and make the hairs of the people who listened to it stood up. how they can create such beautiful music without much effort. then he said that its because they are sincere in what they do. thats why they can do it well.

so, havent i been playing sincerely?

havent i been doing everything straight from my heart?
i think i have.

sincerity. so many questions. nevermind, lets stop here.

and dont mind the time. i just cant sleep.
chiao.

cakes and indian movies.

yesterday was, erm yeah, basically wasted. woke up late, went to school to celebrate ms leow's birthday. ran around the school trying to find a lighter but haha, no body in ac smoke la.. haha. ran around school again trying to make sure she stays put in school. then trying to keep quiet while we make our way to staff rm 3 but, neh, we made so much noise the whole oldham wing could hear us. then tried ducking under the door so that she wouldnt see. haha so funny. heh, she was quite shocked and touched that we gave her this surprise! haha.

one vital rule when you are fasting: keep away from food. seriously.

oh,oh, this pick up line is so funny: 'Are your feet tired? Because you've been performing Tawaaf in my mind all day long?'

Do you work for al qaeda? u hijacked my heart
-credits to irna lestari. hahaha. cracked me up laughing.haha.

i miss watching hindi movies. haha.

bole chudiyan


i used to be able to sing the whole song in hindi ahh. haha. now.. ermm. haha.
their dancing reminds me of the attempt that mum tried on me to enroll me in an indian dance class. but she withdrew because the dancers do some hindu prayers before dancing. so, of course, mum quickly take me out. ah, cant imagine if i were an indian dancer now. hahahaha.

today, another wasted day. somehow, i feel happy. to delude myself that As are not anywhere near.

gosh, i dont want to regret later. ok, i'll do something later.i promise to myself. :) back to hindi movies!!!!! wwweeee

chiao.

turandot

ooogay, turandot yesterday was awesome. cool man.(its pronounced with the 't') ah, now i can relate to the song and story better than ever. oh, and the ping pong pang part is funny!! hahaha. but the only thing is that its quite long winded la. i was like 'get to the point!!!' during the play. broke my fast at bk with enjia, sheree, eugene and mel. mmmmm, mushroom swiss is niceeeeee. had to endure eugene's singing of nessum dorma. haha. then we ran all the way up to circle 4. haha. saw so many ang mohs and weird speaking people. i guess normal singaporeans cant really appreciate operas. reached home at 12am. nice... and luckily mummy was asleep by then. save me the nagging. oh oh! the orchestra was GOOD. and during one of the intervals we heard rhapsody in blue being played. haha. the clarinetist and flutist was good!! ah, now the tune's stuck in my head.

anyways, i finally got down to some studying. yay! i am so proud of myself! ahahaha. i think i work better under less stressful conditions. halfway thru physical geog;hydro. think can finish by tomorrow. but the library full of jc students. scary leh, looking at them studying so hard. and i've been doing a lot of housework! like cooking! applause please. hahaha. but i burnt my little pinkie. :( now thats painful.

tomorrow ms leow's birthday. AA3 is gonna give her a surprise. hehe. and i'm going to be a good classmate and bake a cake and celebrate with them. say wow. haha. i should try to spend more time with them while we're still a class. yup, i should.

ah, its 10pm, now time to conference call with my geog mates! study time!

chiao.

Good days. (:

the white orchids, i love them!
seri!(: with our ice creams!

i think i should change my template. hhmm.

i kinda miss school. like my normal routine. lessons in the day, then band at night. the saturday practices. I FREAKING MISS MY EUPHONIUM LAAAAA. yeah.

somehow, i want to end this holiday. so that i'll be busy and and not slacking.

mummy is the most fickle minded person ever! heh, she let me go turandot!!! yessa. but still a nono to ice skating. alritey, after As, ice skating is on my list.

lets see.. the irritating wireless router has been throwing tantrums on me the last few days. made me sign in and out every few mins.

fri was marvellous. teachers day celeb in school. yup, wouldnt make it to where i am now without these people who never gave up on me. no matter how noob i was, they still bother to teach me patiently. amazing. thank you teachers, sincerely, deep from my heart. and the band performed. funny la, david was dancing on stage. hahahaha. cracked me up. and the ogls made a perf with a vid clip. it sang 'we love cephas chan like we love his mother'. omg. cephas was sitting right behind me and his face was red la. hahaha.

after that lunched with seri. so glad i have such a good friend and confidante. caught up with each other. went home to change for dinner. and yeah, i was late. plus my shoe had to open up at the soles just at that moment. nice eh. cabbed there. cost me a bomb. mandai orchid garden was beautiful. i love the white orchids! and i got the chance to meet mr and mrs khoo and talked to them.. PERSONALLY. ehehehe. wah, they're nice people. took photos, walked around the garden and ate. food was ok i guess, i was already full from the lunch with seri. homed.

sat was shopping at geylang to get our stuff for hari raya. hehe, i'm like ready for hari raya already. hahaha.

oh, fasting month is here!! it means good food and family time! hehe.

alright, really should start on econs maybe tonight. yeah, i should.

chiao.

sigh.

yesterday was a good day. today WAS ok. untill mum had to be in one of her bad mood days. and i am a victim of her wrath.

sad. ): now i cant go for turandot and ice skating. there go my $38++. sigh.

shall say more when i feel better. i need chocolates.
fasting month doesnt mean you cant go about your daily routine as per normal what. ggrrr.

i should stop blog-hopping. heart-stirngs pulled with every photo of those places. i didnt know it will be this hard.

chiao.

boreddddd

today, i finally did something fruitful! like cleaning out my room. yes! and did some researching for gp. haha and read. halfway through khaled hosseini's book. ah, it pulled my heart strings. like ouchhh. yup, and tomorrow baking galore! wwwwwweeeeeeee. and movie date. egg-citing!
but i'm still bored stiff i can faint. better sleep early, need to wake up early tomorrow! wweeee.

Blessed is He in Whose hand is the kingdom, and He Who has power over all things,who created death and life that He may try you.

let go of it. slowly. and time will heal. i'm sorry for all the bitterness. i just cant help it.

chiao.

post-prelims.

warning: super uber long entry.
on sun was interesting. i followed my family to a wedding on my mum's side. this family is like super malay jawa la. then theres kuda kepang, a horse dance. a javanese dance which is always associated with black magic or something like that. 'cos the dancers will always get possesed and eat glass la, climb up trees, and get all scary-mary. so my sis got spooked. haha. she ran away when she saw them dancing. like really ran away. hahaha. but i find them quite interesting though. the instruments that they played were those like we played during mcs drama this year. how i missed drama!!the girls dancing with the "horses"

the guy with the red mask looked really scary. i dont dare to go near him too. oh,oh! the groom is an indian guy. like pure indian but convert muslim.reminds me of grandad. then they had this tradition which i never knew, throwing coins over the couple! but i didnt go and pick it up though. it was near the red mask guy. and the food was delicious la.

i feel kinda weird, listening to the recording in swiss. but nevertheless, it was nice. and i started laughing the part before fugue. hahahaha. and i didnt know the tempo was THAT fast. wow. haha. but charming asia was especially nice i think. moved me.haha. like i can see how everyone was playing and how dr lee was conducting and all.

anyway, i've caught up with my sleep, my family and everything else. ate so much, read so much, watch videos so much, now i feel bored. the only thing to do now is to bake. BUT the elecric mixer is at my grandma's house! how to bake the cake! ):

so glad that prelims are over. let me see, how was prelims? haha. screw it.

gp was about celebrity activism. amazingly, it was first time i finished my aq! say wow. physical geog after that was.. as usual, i didnt have time to write finish my essay. and thank god i studied mass movements, erm no, not study, read through and it came out. but i dont expect good marks. next was econs drq and malay lang. i studied about public goods and merit goods and i freaking forgot about it! my mind just went blank on that question. gosh. i really didnt know what happened to me at that moment. malay lang compo was damn freaking killer la. and the paper 2 was equally like, huh, what the hell are they talking about? sigh. it was the first time i think malay is damn difficult. so sad you know. nvm, next was math. rightttt. my worst scoring subject ever. but the most effort i've put in. and during the paper just proved me wrong. i couldnt do half the pure math part and some questions on stats. esp on applications on differentiation and integration. sigh. left that whole freaking damn part blank. during the paper i could hear people sigh-ing and haiz-ing and sigh-ing. haha. guess that paper wasnt easy either. i dont know. weekends was spent studying geog with gerd, eliz, eng loong and kenneth koh. from bishan library, went to sarah's house. yel tried to be teacher but we ended up laughing. hahaha. felt tired from all that laughing. sun tried to study but came down with fever. mon, malay lit paper and yeah, i didnt study for it at all. too tired. anyway, i've started studying that subject since after june holidays. so should be alright. hopefully cikgu can decipher my atrocious handwriting because i was rushing like mad la. imagine 5 three page essays in 3hrs! zomg, my arms felt numb after that. and i was the noisiest with my nose because it wouldnt stop leaking.tsk. tried to study human geog. but fever still persist. mum scolded me because i insisted on fasting. i was fasting the whole exam period but had to stop that day. sigh. so took the exam without studying half the topics tested. which is ALOT. and i reckon, failure. whatever. econs paper 2 next. studied again macro. but i think the paper was freaking damn difficult la. sigh. so much for putting in sosososo much effort. lets see how the results yeah, if it equals to all the stinking effort i've put in. that day, went to times and saw so many new books! aahhh. i gotta have them! sat went to malaysia. sun came back. got myself 2 books! a thousand splendid suns and p.s. i love you. cool la. i still have my john grisham books. bro called me a nerd. he said that i should buy clothes and shoes instead of books. well, i do, just not that often alright.

now i feel damn bored. hhhmmm, i want to go cycling! anybody coming?! hahahha. i want to cycle so fast, i can feel the wind rushing thru my hair! wwweeee!

cant wait for ramadhan! sometimes its kinda hard to explain certain things about islam. you have to study it to understand it. like why we pray 5 times a day. why we fast. why i wear a scarf outside. why we dont drink alcolhol, etc.

righttt, now here's the bigg question. when am i going to start work again!? hahaha. i'm becoming a lazy bum. tsk. this is bad.

you all keep talking about turning back time. oh nono, dont ever turn back time. to the time when you all were at that place. although it was a damn good period for you guys. it was the worst 2 weeks of my life. never, dont ever turn back time. imagine the loneliness, the sense of loss, the sense of being left out of something i've always dreamt about. the hurt, the rejection when i was supposed to join you all back for the next comp, never will i want to experience that ever again, never to remember ever again, never want to talk about. sometimes at night, i still cry myslf to sleep when i thought about this. dont talk about this. i never want to know what happened there. its better for me not to know. so that i know that i never missed anything in my life. thank you.

chiao.

PRELIMS ARE STINKING OVER

i'm done with prelims. and what a way to end it. it was the worst econs paper i've ever sat for. i couldnt finish the paper because i was too slow. sigh. so much for studying so hard for it. looks like i'm gonna fail econs. kinda scary,thinking about it. i only have like 2 months before As to train my brain and my hands to work faster. plus other subjects. omg.

but i'm prolly the happiest woman now. movie marathon. haha, while eating chocolates. i'm eating so much now. tmr i'm going malaysia. muahahahahahaha. i deserve this. i worked so hard since june. now, a few days rest. then, back to books again. looking back at the exam, i have ALOT to work on. sigh.

i dont have the mood to blog now. i want to catch up on my life. hehehehehhehe.

chiao.

till then, goodbye.

temples throbbing, eyes painful and dry, hugeeee eyes bags! body clock screwed and mind in distress.
huge pills are still part of my meal. thank god the stitches are gone. but i still cant eat some food. i can feel the side effects. sigh, this is scary.
econs 3/4 done. math 3/4 done. malay lit done. screw geog. gp.. just whack la.
2 more days to first paper.
god help me.
i should complain and whine less.

untill then, this blog will be on a hiatus till prelims are over.

chiao.

its not my fault that things turn out this way. some things just happen. and they happen for a reason. and i guess nobody bother anymore about each other. all they care is just to survive this period of time. its unevitable, thats life.

work it brain!

I wish i was a punk rocker.- Sandi Thom
oh, i soso love this song!



sigh. my brain just wont work anymore. i did 2 essays, i compre, some math questions which i got it all wrong :( and econs vjc drq which i really understood! :). and i still havent finish my 2 lit essays and math differentiation, integration and graphs. and macro econs!
head throbbing like mad the whole day. udaya said i looked stressed. nah, i'm just tired and this migraine is killing me.
stoned through malay. cikgu was talking like the japanese bullet train. so fast, my jaw just dropped looking at her go through the essay questions. nvm, i have consult with her tmr. 5 periods of gp lesson was super funny. haha, xin min was high! haha. but i slept thru half of it. just cant take it.
i need to learn to focus!!!!!!!! and remember what i had revised. omg, i couldnt remember what i had revised in june for differentiation and integration!!!!!! howhowhow!!

i need sleep la, and maybe wake up at 4am to continue. call me mad or what, i dont care anymore. i just want decent grades.

ragh

dover mrt so empty.

as empty as my heart.

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i remembered during one of the practices, we were playing charming asia, when we were so in tune. i was so happy and i smiled so broadly and dr lee made fun of me. haha. and edwin was like.. omg, this is so nice! yeah, i was amazed with myself too, that we could actually play so in tune.

yesterday was a stupid bad day. the seminar in the morn at yjc about malay literature was a waste of my time. gggrrr. woke up at 8 am and the seminar starts at 8.30am. nice one. rushed like a mad woman. reached there and it was just presentations and more presentations on the papers that these people had researched on. my god, if uni is gonna be something like this... errmmm, i dont know if i'll survive. half the time i was staring into space. then made my way to esplanade to study econs. which isnt going anywhere near progress. sigh, my pace is really slow. and i still havent eaten anything since morning.. and my medication too. so i was getting all grumpy. and my temples were throbbing. rushed to acsi. and i was stuck in the human traffic. ergh, there was ndp preview. sooo great. *sarcasm. reached acsi late. missed first 2 songs. met khairul and said i was getting shorter. hhmm, that boy! too bad darren was there. hahaha. then had to go off like soon after that. ggrrr. mum was calling me. kept reminding i need to rest. and that i am still recovering. ok, ok, i will take of myself ok.

sigh, i really should learn to focus.

chiao.
because no one will take care of you other than yourself.

i thought i was ready to face the world again. but the journeys that i took yesterday from tamp to yishun to city hall then to acsi aft that to tamp again made me realise that i am alone in this world. because i got lost on the way and all. tried to find food but all shops were closed or theres nothing that i can eat. so pathetic... so i've decided to be stronger and more independent. but when i was listening to the concert, damn, i really thought i was stronger than that. the dam just broke, and flood, flood, flood. luckily nobody was sitting beside me except peihoon. so no one saw anything.

ok, i just miss everybody ok. yes i miss you all sososo much, i just wanna cry. i miss acband so much. the slightest association can crumble me to pieces. and i feel so left out that night, i wanna run away. thats my fault, for being away for too long. i'm sorry, its all my fault. i just to play my eupho back. i shouldnt have undergo this surgery. then i may be able to go to swiss. then maybe i will be able to go for sibf. and maybe play for the last time during national day. bleh, whatever la.

porridge no more.

butterscotch marshmallow blondie. :) heh, looks heavenly.

i am so gonna make this.

coolness. and if it tastes nice, can sell.

haha.

oh, jason mraz prettiest friend is aww oh so so so sweet.

its porridge and medicine and porridge and medicine and porridge and medicine.

it goes on.

geogeconsmathgpmalay

i seriously should study harder.

get well now! oh my god. i'm panicking now. geogeconsmathgpmalay. isey bedah...

and i have a whole list of food that i wanna eat now.
1. kebab. any type of meat wheather its beef, chicken or whatever.
2. mango puddig with shaved ice.
3. dried mangos. i've loved this since i was a little. and its been such a long long time that i ate this.
4. arnolds chicken. erm, kfc also can la.
5. frolick. oh, i've suppressed my craving for weeks already!
6. i want yum yummy yummy ice cream pleaseeee... like cold rock that time with enjia and eugene-butterscotch and chocolate mint with cookie dough and chocolate slice mix in. oohh lala
7.chicken rice.
8. the list will go on...

funny, while the doc was giving me anesthesia, jason mraz song i'm yours come on the radio in that operating theatre. haha. then during the surgery, jesse mccartney's leavin came on. haha. i almost moved my mouth to sing to it.

sigh, i must study harder.

mum: but doc, she can get well soon in time or not? she has prelims soon you know. and a levels!
doc: can.. she's a very healthy girl! and she can surely do well!
mum: haha, this year important year for her you know!
doc: dont worry.. she will do well! even if she dont, you should be proud that you have such a daughter you know!
me: HAHAHAHA. YEAH-RIGHT-face. (it was aft the op, so i cant talk at all)
doc: she's such a strong and sensible girl! you should be proud of her.
me: isey man, kembang la. *kuncup!kuncup! nyahahaha.
mum: stone face as usual.

looks like i've been missing alot on band these few days. tell me about missing band. i cant even go to school and meet my band friends, play my instrument for the last time and study like other people. ergh, i wished... nvm. i feel so terrible. gah.
back to econs la.
chiao.

the BIG cut.

my blog is in a mess. when i feel like tidy-ing it up, i'll do it. untill then, it shall be like that.

at home, preparing mentally for the BIG CUT. yeah, the doc is gonna cut me up in few hours time.

oh no, my hands are trembling.

somehow, theres this longing and melancholic feeling in me towards band.

i wanna play that silver, shiny thingy and hugg it. with the rest of my dear bandits. like hitomi wo tojite with sheree and edwin. :( and the bach chorales esp when its in tune. wahhhh.

nono! studystudystudy! on sunday, i finished 3 essays and 1 compre, 1 summary and a cloze passage(malay) non-stop. i didnt know how i did it. i just dont want to think about anything else.

mon was crazy. i had no break at all. yeah none at all from morn till 6pm. untill cikgu cancelled 1 period of malay. it was a relief because i am able to do the honours night write-up. which no one told me that it was due that day. but thanks to my dear sl, he helped me finished it up. heh.

oh, thank you my dear section for the sweettt msges! i hope i dont get diabetes eh. haha.
i hope i can get well asap then i can continue my revision by thurs. heshhhhh. i'll miss school for sure, how not to? 2 weeks of mc i think.

chiao.

its over. i guess.

alright, band life is officially over for me. hhmm, when i say it was the last concert and the best, indeed it was. and also the last time i'll be wearing that ac blazer with the school crest embroidered on my heart. i'll miss my eupho, hugging it during long rests, oiling it, cleaning it. i'll miss my section, the lunches we had, the crap we talked and the runs we had to make when we see the bus. haha. i'll miss dr lee, his conducting, his crazy tempos and his deathly glares when you are out of tune. haha. i'll miss my j2 batch, all the nonsensical things they did. i'll miss my juniors. considering how crappy we were made me happy. although most of my other non-band friends thinks band members are weird, i think it made us all the more special. hhmm, i guess i'll be watching you guys perform on national day. :)

i'll cherish the times we had especially concerts. well, thats like the only event i have to keep as memory anyway.

every beginging has an end to it right? well, it was a great ending. i never regretted choosing acband.

my revision doesnt seem to progress. this is so freaking depressing. i feel like giving up on geog. the 3 huge ring files looks sososo daunting. and econs too. adui. and math? i hope i pass at least.

mon, please dont come so soon. its means another day closer to prelims. and a day before surgery. aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. the s word makes me weak all over.

so many things on my mind. hesh. press on shaheera!
dont give up on geog! well, lets see how much i can finish studying it.

chiao.

switzerland chocolates!

the event that unfold yesterday will never be erased off from my mind for the rest of my life. well, i'm not affected by it. in fact, i am very happy and feels as though a really heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders. before this, yes, i wasnt myself and all. thinking about it makes me realise about respect, justice, equality and promises. i've learnt one big lesson: never trust anybody with your heart. but oh well, life goes on!

oh, i ate 2 bars of swiss chocolates and went high. (thank you people for all the chocolates!!! i love chocolatesssssssssssssssss.) so i started singing while listening to a hindi song on eugene's mp3 and doing math. i think the half of the band who went in the qm room at that time must have thought i'm not sane. oh well, feroz said i can sing! aha! i can sing laaaaa. nyehehehe. but the swiss chocos are seriously nice. i dont how to put it in words but seriously, it makes me damn happy after that.

spending time with my band friends finally today and laughed so much since.. i cant rememeber. i realise how much i actually miss them. but i'll just keep quiet abt this when i see them. haha.

by god's grace, singapore international band festival-silver. hhmm, a blessing in disguise. i hope some people learn their lesson. but i know it wont be anytime soon.

nyeh, who cares. focus all the way-prelims! and i dont feel tired at all! must be all the sugar! i wanna studyy. wwweeee.

ouh, surgery surgery surgery. its giving me the jitters again. nah, i'm a superwoman. i can go through all this again.

chiao.

i dont know.

i dont know why the hell i changed my blog template.

and i dont know why i am baking now.

and i know i wont be sleeping anytime soon looking at the amt of work.

dont worry, i am still sane.

i hope so. haha.

but i know something. that somewhere deep, i'm kinda trying to suppress everything.

chiao.

warmth and love.

life's crazy eh?

i just need some warmth and love maybe.

but i know i'll survive through this.

even if i'm alone.

chiao.

random.

nobody is gonna understand this post. so dont bother to try ok.

how you're feeling? f***** up. yes, feeling really bitter now. why? let me keep it to myself.

after being manipulated so many time, yet and again, i shall never trust anybody anymore.

now i understand the saying- 'actions speaks louder than words.' truly understand it.

school again tmr. i am dreading it. weekend was bad, i lost concentration, nothing's done except my hw. my econs is in shambles.

let me just scream.

oh i just remembered my surgery is next week. i dont want to go through all the blood, needles, scapels, scissors and the operating table again. god help me. and sibf. omg.

i think i'm going serious with my cake shop. i want to make something out of my life. even if its through baking.

my only motivation for A's is the promise from aunt that she'll sponsor my trip to mecca to do my pilmirage. and my cooking lessons so that i can start my shop. i am a happy girl on that account.

i shall continue with math. till tmr morning.

DJ Ironik-Stay with me.

the lyrics is kinda touching.

untittled

omg. i am feeling so angry right now. so bitter.

dont freaking give me hope and then crushing it.

damn i am a human too ok.

i have FEELINGS.

dont freaking treat me like some disposable commodity.

just dont.

because i am still part of this ____.

i freaking hate you.

yes. I HATE YOU.

for crushing my dream.

but 1 thing for sure, i wont cry anymore.

get that?

ergh.

chiao.

i cant waitttttttttttttttttttttt. come back home!

i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. they're coming back todayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. it has been too quiet. i need to make some noise.

oh how cool, singapore international band festival i is next weekkkkkkkkkkkk. i found my sound back again. but it doesnt sound as good as before concert. dang, must find MY sound back.

hectic crazy week. surviving on caffeine. homework for every subject just keeps piling up and up. that doesnt include my own revision. AND AND AND as usual, i am super wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ding dang dong dong behind my schedule. feeling angsty about this. and, despite putting in so muchhhh effort in every assingment and you just dont get the desired results, it stinks man. especially when your other mates are like super duper stinking smart closet muggers. well, its not really a bad thing, super duper stinking smart closet muggers but its kinda frustrating when you dont achieve what you want to.

i realise that i get really irritable if i am tired+hungry+dont get to do i really need to do like studying. that happened just know. school ended super early and was suppose to go out with cikgu naj to town to study malay lit with the whole malay lit class. but, ergh, she had a heads meeting so had to have our lesson right after school without lunch. so, by the time we finished, the one and onlyyyyyy malay stall had closed. so me and seha went to ljs to eat. euhhhh fatsssssss. yesterday was popeyes. today is ljs. i need the gym nowww. oh, popeyes inspired me to bake scones. hehehe. i am so gonna bake!baking galore! here i comeeeeee! bake all the stress away! ok, so we wasted like 2 hrs of our life just to eat. while we could study. seha kept telling me to stop looking at the time. cant help it. ended up, doing only math questions, when i was suppose to finish micro econs todayyyyyyyyyy. haiyoyoyoyoyo. and i still havent finish my math questions. rawr. and i feel so tireddddddddddddd. 5 people in all told me i look shagged and really tired. oh panda eyes, go away.

alright blood donation drive! thank god i am 18. if not, mummy will never let me donate my blood. i want to save lives alright!

ok, back to math, gp, and econs galore. 'yay, i love my life!!' (*say with sarcasm)
despite this, i feel uber happy. come back home quick!


chiao.

gold, top band. :)))))))))))))))))))))).

oh gosh. ac band, jungfrau music festival 2008, interlaken switzerland- gold award. and and and!!!! top band!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. top band! top band!!

:) ok, i'm kinda late in blogging this. busy uh. haha. got this news at 4+ am while studying for econs. enjia called and told me. i had no reaction although i was fully awake at that time. when we hung up i started crying. i'm so happy for them. was smiling at myself in the mrt and during the econs paper. i think mr mash is going to shake his head looking at the rubbish i wrote. whatever.

studied after that and could feel my body going haywire. dont care, still study at night.
sunday, went to esplanade lib to study with seha. her sis was there too and her sis is damn pretty. i told seha this and she said, look at her older sis la! -_- haha. i dont know what happened to me but i brought the wrong stuff. haha. i was supposed to do my lit essays but i brought econs. then went home to do whatever that i was suppose to study earlier. ended up sleeping at 2.30 am. woke up and my head felt like its being squashed by a 1 ton container. stupid migraine is back! grrrrr. i should have taken care of my health better!!! so didnt go to school today. muahahaha. but i'm still at my essays.

i should learn to relax huh. yeah right how to when prelims are in like.... erm, 28 days?

oohhhh man. prelims.
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

chiao.

missing

oh man, i miss them a zillion.

;(

chiao.

the best concert ever. :)

my lovely damai bandits. :)

my lovely ladies! :)

my lovely family. xxx.


the best eupho section ever with the best conductor ever. haha. oh, cant see sheree's face!

so that was it. the best ac concert ever. dr lee was smiling through out the whole concert and dancing too. hahaha. and my whole family came. so shocked i teared. haha. too happy i guess. really, i could feel the music. truly, worth it. thanks to those who made time to come. really, thank you.

and so, the band is at the airport when i'm typing this. bon voyage, you guys will be truly missed by me. :) and rock swiss man! haha.

alright, i've had a really good rest today. and i dont intend to do anything despite the pile of homework that is due tmr. ok,ok... i must use this time to really, really study.

<3 ac band. :)

chiao.

concert oh concert.

oh concert is in a few hours time? i cant sleep!! i'm too egg-cited to sleep. haha. i have this surreal and weird feeling. not nervous or scared that i'll play wrong notes or things like that.. i just know this concert is gonna be STINKING GOOD LA! the last few pracs have been good. i'm quite amazed how we improved so much in a few days time only. so, now, we'll play music. my last one with the one and only band i love. :)

and, edwin made me tear with his speech. -_- people better not make me cry later ok! i will look so unglam laaaa.

to those friends coming, THANK YOU SO MUCH for coming.

rawr, just when i need my throat and lips to be in a good condition, i'm coughing badly now. :(

chiao.

3 days.

i'm a human too, with feelings. ok?

i just dont want to bog people down with my problems.

yesterday, i feel like i want to play music forever.
today, i wish life is a fantasy. fat hope.

3 more days.

breakouts, coffee, eye bags, dark rings, intonations, gastric pains, tears, sweat.

lets do it ok, ac band?

12:38am- i need to study now. i hope i can survive another day tomorrow.

chiao.

:)

THANK YOU.

:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

well, i cant say how gratefull i am feeling now.

this means so much to me.

thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, you know who you are.

chiao.

7 days

its kinda hard not to cry and hard to not do it.

i'll try my best not to though. i'll keep smiling.

damn, my mind is elsewhere, i cant concentrate on studying.

sat was such a bad day.

just grant me this last chance to play in my concert. please. dont cut me out.

chiao.

10 days moreeeeee

oh a week's passed and i survived. cool. its amazing how i can open my eyes during monotonous lectures and tutorials. esp geog. i was like pinching and slapping my cheeks to stop my eyes from closing. math tutorials is always too fast for me. correlation and regression is seriously like- what the hell is that? uhuh. i gotta buck up. mr mash still give me that have-you-revised-kinda-look everytime he sees me. i did!! but need to do more. got back geog test. phy geog i did extremely well. yayness! but human geog=depression. mdm was angry with me. my fault. i think malay lit is kinda slack right now. its making me kinda panicky and all.

lost my red bottle with the exclusive black cover. but i found it againnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!

and i finally can buzz in pitch. :) but my rthym in tempo suck big time still. :(

oh concert's next weekkkkkkkkkkk. how how how how. gotta do concert presents. practice will be on for the whole of week. hopefully i survive through. still need to revise. oh my godddddddddd.

alright, stop complaining.

was doing my sgc and looked into my cert file. saw my class photo and thought. hmmm, i'll miss them after a's. like really. my band. this school. i've had the time of my life. no regrets.

now, 6.07am. time for my morning run! yay. 5 kg man. 5kg! wooohoo.

chiao.

countdown

back to school in like a few hours time. 14 days to concert. exactly 50 days to prelims.
are we ready? am i ready? hell, no. yeah no.

so many things going on in my mind. sometimes its really too overwhelming that i find it hard to articulate my thoughts here. but i'm an arts student, shouldnt i be able to do it relatively well? well, the thing is, i cant. yeah i cant.

watched the movie osama and it made me tear to see how children on the other side of the world are suffering. and nothing can be done to help them. to see so many people dying because of some totalitarian regime claiming that they are operating based on islamic laws. a load of bullshit. how organized syndicates are actually touching our lives without us realising it. how unenforced labour laws are actually helping us to get what we want on our shopping list. like the latest levi jeans. the current global food crisis, the latest typhoon hitting philippines, inflation rates skyrocketing. so much calamities going around. how can i possibly sit around and watch.

well, the world doesnt revolve around us only.

after this holidays or maybe not for me, i've resolved to become a pschyo mugger toad. (i'm mad..) fatigue will not bother me anymore. nothing else will. i just have to conquer this exam. make or break. 50 more days! i'm so angry with myself because i've failed to finish what i was supposed to during this holiday.

i thought back when june first kicked in. i didnt even realise holidays have already started because it was either band or mcs at that time. waking up at 5 and reaching home at only 12+am for 2 weeks non-stop was frightening. i dont know how i survived. resting only when i got a seat in the mrt or during lunch time. drama went on successfully although we went through alot. band was prep talks and more of it. draining me out. well, not only me, the rest of the band members who cared too actually.

i certainly love acband alot. i've tempted to quit recently because i realise that i've lost the flame to keep me going. (oh i just made a big confession!) i'm sorry. i just lost it. but what kept me in and going was the people there. i love them. each and everyone. i realise that my journey in ac is going to end soon. so i just want to make this last concert of ours the best. for everyone in acband, for the audience, for ourselves. and for dr lee especially. considering that i wont be spending time with the band after concert anymore, i just want to make this ending a really really good ending.

i've been trying to ignite the love that i had in band and yeah, slowly, it is coming back. how? heh, let me keep it to myself. well, hint: its the pure sound. hehe.

oh people, 14 days left, we're gonna do this right.
yes, we're gonna do this.


chiao.

so near.

looking at the calendar, concert is so near. that means they'll be flying off soon too. and that means my next surgery is nearing too. then the international band competition. and after that prelims and then As and then everything will be over. a few months more.

wed: i cut my hair! hehehe. ate at hajah maimunah. siput seduttttttttttt! yum,yum,yummmmmmm! met aisyah and waited for 1 stinking hour for syad. yeah, i am still angry about it. 1 hour!!! in the rain at the bus stop! went back damai and mr wong didnt come, wasted.. cant sell my cd to him. but i sold all $10 tickets!! yesssaa! ate dinner at mac with aisyah, syad and ama. bad choice, so unhealthy. went home tried to read econs. but my head was on the table before i knew it.

thurs: supposed to go to school but mum fell sick. so studied at home. but yeah fell asleep again for 2 hrs plus. woke up and continue with econs. and yay. i've finished it! but i still have 1 more section to read up plus 2 essay homework. i am gonna take forever. and not sleep tonight. great. and i still havent finish gp articles. ahw man. oh yeah... i havent write my school gradation cert yettttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

band tmr. i wonder how it'll go.

i should stop thinking too much. drains my soul, aches my heart.

chiao.

red bull day!

a few days more till school reopens. tell me about it man. i keep telling myself to work,work and work. but it doesnt work. still wayyyyyyyyyy behind what i'm supposed to have completed. i should buck up la.


my whole family is back!!! yay. yay. yay. cant say how happy i am to see them. i miss them so. mum bought for me a spongebob soft toy! a HUGEEEE one! yesssssssssa! dont worry, this time, with pants on it, haha. its super hug-able! (i am so childish but whatever.)
wish i can get a holiday. just get away from work. and enjoy family company. rawr.
that day while studying at home, i watched mum cooking in the kitchen and i felt this tug at my heart. i miss her. badly.


today went gyming with irna. she went bonkers. but its ok, i was entertained. haha. had lunch and froollick!!! wweeee. so niceee. studied but not much progress. practice with siwei and yay, luckily some progress there. conquered the last part of symphonic metamorphosis. i know i should have conquered it like ages ago. but i started kinda late, remember? (excuses! hmph!) oh siwei said i sounded nicer on my sm3 mouthpiece than the sm4. oh me gosh! haha, amazing! did the growling thing on the eupho, the phonics thingy. so fun! haha.

ok, econs and gp and math. lesson learnt today: i should have stuck to coffee. red bull is a bad idea. study hard people! :)

chiao.

Inspired

:)

thurs was supposed to be a shopping day with aisyah and syad. but yeah we ended up. eating and just going in and out of shops. but i do hava list of things that i want BADLY.

1. skinnies!!!!

2. the velvet pump shoes. which i also saw with irna. rawr.and its on sale la.

3. the kappa slip ons!!! its on 20% discount!!

4. the bag from the shop called 'BagAge'. but its $49.90. omg.. so expensiveeeee.

5. the victoria secret body splashhhhhh. aaaaahhhhh.

6. cardigan. its on sale tooooooooooo.

7. those 2 black dresses i saw at this fashion. its on sale alsoooooooooooooooooo.

my shopping list should stop here. oh yeah, borders is paradise mannnn. i wanna buy those books and get swollowed by the moving stories.

fri spent studying with aishah j but i only did articles again! and i still havent finish. my efficiency rate is bad. very bad. i'm paniking here. gosh. study,study,study till like 4 am. woke up at 7 today to send my family on holiday. and yeah, i am still in singapore. home alone. cant take it anymore, fell asleep till 11 am. had brunch and accompany my aunts and uncles to a wedding.

the thing about aunties and uncles.. they like to talk. just about any single thing. they commented on the food that they served us. and went on to think about our family's upcoming weddings. like who's gonna get married first. and they included me. -_- i was like.. erm... i'm just 18... i still have a longgggg way to gooo. and they went on like... get married earlier, dont so late then get married.. then the wedding uh, should be.... and it goes on. oh, i realised that my great-great grand father is a rich man who lives in geylang. wow, i come from a rich family. hahaha.

went home to clean the whole house. i think i worked hard doing house work this holidays. was too tired after that so i decided to watch kungfu panda online! (aisyah, i dont mind watching it again with you at princess ok! (: ) its sssooo funny. realised that i am a lazy girl today, started doing math. till now. which hasnt progressed much. omg.

ok,ok, back to work.

"Dont accept that you are the girl who never gets what she wants. Instead, become the girl who makes it happen for herself."

"By valuing our innate strengths of connection, nurturing, intuition and empathy, we can reinvent what our impact and contribution is to our work."

oh, i feel so inspired!!

dont you, dont you?!

haha.

chiao

banding

let me recount my days. these few days has been a blur of events.

sat was band the whole day as usual. came early to think if i should just ask outrightly if i'm going swiss or not. was supposed to gym but somebody pangseh me. haha. combine sectionals in the morn. we still sound bad. when the hell are we gonna sound nice? rained so ordered in pizza. and i gave them the wrong number. haha. accidentally! band ended and i finally decided myself i will not go. went back to grandma's. missed her. overnight there and tried to do my articles. but.... i got defeated by fatigue and laziness. :(

mon band again. with bbq at night. i relieved my childhood days with hopscotch and swings. so fun. FUN. i just went spastic la. ate alot of rubbish and cancerous food. went home a happy girl after a long time not laughing that hard. and met a gentlemanyly ang moh who let me pass. haha.

tues was band again. my eyes felt funny. it just wont open. my throat feels scratchy. i kept coughing. 1st recording in the morn. i felt like a recording artist. hahaha. but on a serious note. i felt quite nervous. went for lunch at ljs. without edwin again but with the tubas. sectionals and dwayne came up with the 'kaan' way. *rolls eyes. corrected some parts and went for second recording. had no more energy but had to go on anyway. tried to play to my best ability. and listened to the recording again. we sounded somewhat better but nowhere near the swiss comp standard. haiz.

today, woke up at 6 to jog but weather was good to me. it rained so i continued to sleep. woken up by irna's msg. lips felt so numbed. like bee stung-ed. went to sch to do costume stuff with seha and study math with irnananana alil bit. but nowhere near progress. integrate my brain please.

sometimes its easier just to cry yourself to sleep rather than let it all out. its no use to be sad. lets face it.

anyway, i shall continue with my work now. this is the third week of holidays? omg. oh yes, i found a spongebob blogskin. should i change? hahahahaha.

chiao.

naive and gullible

i just realised how stupid, naive and gullible i am. to believe words of hope. well, there's no more hope and trust from me to anybody. just the harsh reality. and i'm not going to just sit there, cry my eyes out and be pitiful about it. damn, i'm gonna make this last concert of mine THE BEST CONCERT that i've ever performed, THE BEST that the audience have heard of ac band. yes, we'll make music. although its in singapore. haha.


its amazing how 2 chapters of math plus 10 gp compre questions can squeeze your brain juices. ok, back to econs. i'm not going to be defeated by fatigue.

oh, i went shopping with mak cik irna on thurs after band! wweee. i'm still thinking of that bag. oooooooo.
and....
HAPPY LEGAL 18TH BIRTHDAY MY FELLOW MAKCIK!!
we can go clubbing together now. hahaha.

chiao.

work it!

ok, i'm 'recovering' i guess. whatever.

i am soooooo wayyyyy behind my schedule. danggggg. *slaps myself. mon was supposed to be gp and math. BUT i am ssooo 'hardworking' (digressed), i cleaned my room, the house, vacuumed and arranged all my stuff plus! i washed the mcs costumes. gahhh. pure hardwork. when i grow up, i'll hire a maid or just send it to the laundry. seriously. i'm not going to toss and scrub and wring clothes dry. by then, i was too tired, so, when i reached my study table to read my gp compre, i fell asleep. aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

this cant continue. like seriously. when is your prelims shaheera dear? YOU DONT HAVE TIME OK!!! procastinator, digressor, work!

alright. today's band prac was ok, i guess. considering dr lee wants to move on from intonation but he cant because we are not in tune.and he started scolding us and all. and then, we did intonation and viola! fuh yooo!! we were so intune. i was smiling alll the wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. aaaaahhhhhhhhh. and dr lee's mood suddenly changed. haha. i was thinking, too bad i cant experience this in swiss with the rest. but oh well. whatever. move on!
and my rthym is still so sucky. my basics are like ----. BAD. :( my rthym since sec 1 days are like gone case. haiz. I AM SO GONNA PRACTICE with the metronome. UNTILL I GET IT RIGHT. DAMN. and oh sm 3 mouthpiece please make my life easier! i'm like huffing and puffing all the way. rawr. but its good..in a way.
oh i gymed today.:)))) now, my thighs are like.....ouuuchhh.

ok. gp and math now. by tonight. by tonight. by tonight. by tonight. by tonightttttttttttttttttt.
chiao.

ignite the flame. please.

i've lost it all. the inspiration, the flame. i wanna let it all go.

let me bawl my eyes out. oh well, its all dried up anyway.

give me sometime to recuperate my soul back again. i'm tired, really, really tired.

please.

i'm sorry.

chiao.

i dont bother to explain this. its not like anybody care anyway.

the show.

i love this ad that i've found in holland v. muahahahhaha.

haha, all acsians do.

gelatoooooooooooooooooooo. :)

our stinking hugeeee band room.

oh yes, the holidays are here. but it doesnt mean holidays. sadly.

this blog has been on a hiatus due the modness of events that has been happening.

warning: stinking long post. haha, i bet nobody will bother reading this.

ok, so on tuesday, i fought for my life on the track and managed to pass my 2.4km with the whole class running with me. despite feeling that i've over stretched my thigh muscles, dheraj just pushed me all the way. and they started screaming things like, 'give me a S! -'S!' -'give me a H!' -'H!' -'give me an A! -'A!' -'give me a H!' -'H!' -'give me an E!' -'E!' -'give me an E!' -'E!' -'give me a R!' -'R!' -'give an A!' -'A!' and things like come on, after this you can eat chicken rice with ribena! haha, and come and catch me if you can! and yay! i opened my legs bigger and raaannnnnnnnn the last round. my heart felt like bursting.

aft all that hu-ha, met shariff and we discussed costumes stuff till before band starts. i didnt even have time to wash my face. but i did anyway, so i was like running arnd again. band prac was at LT4 despite having moved to the new band room. so had to move alllllll our instruments and percs instruments. 1 thing i DO NOT like about the new cpa was that its not sound proof. how stupid is that? its like CENTRE FOR PERFORMING ARTS. get it? of course performing arts group will be blasting their music. and the band room is so echoy. we sounded so glaring and this makes me feel like pulling my hair out. because its sooooo irritating to hear bad music. and we are supposed to bring pillows to help absorb the sound. erm... all my pillows have world maps on it. hahaha. if you get it. hahaha. and that night, playing paganini makes me realise that i've lost everything. like all my articulation, sense of rhythm, my in-tuneness, aiyah everything la. i feel like i'm back to square one after not practising for abt a month. haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. and i'm being forced to used the sm3 mouth piece!! rawrrrrrr. makes me breathe harder. aft band moved all our stuff back and helped zhan wei fix the ikea chair. haha, he's quite noob in fixing stuff. they should put a requirement to becoming a qm: know how to fix stuff. hahaha. then when all band members get to go home, me and irna went to LT 3 for mcs. went up to store rm to do some costume stuff. then went home.

then that night, mugged for geog. so tired. woke up and couldnt get up. my legs were like paining me like crazy. so stayed home and recuperate my muscles. weak seh. tsk. and mugged for geog test. thurs was equally crazy. only had a few hours of sleep the day before. well, to be accurate only 1 hour. and i heard abt what happened on wed abt mcs. one crisis aft another. my head felt like bursting hearing all this. after school went to holland V and ate gelato with enjia. i was so happy that i get to eat gelato, although i screwed up geog test despite studying so hard for it. came back to school and went to LT3 again before band starts. we had a meeting at the void deck. and i guess we took the right one. well, she should rest. had the first prac in the new band room. depressed by my own sound. yuck. i better practise. then LT3 again. and watched the whole of the rehearsal. and we realised this, since the begining of the production, we faced so many difficulties and obstacles. from getting the script, recruiting cast, musicians, crew. the cast were in experienced, and we dont know each other well. the musicians dont know a thing abt traditional malay music. erm, i mean the people who are supposed to play music dont know how to play their instruments. and the cast movements were all over the place. came shamil and tasha to save the day. then, prac wasnt well. seha was down with chicken pox for a week. then we fought. like really fought. haha. but we're good now. then its our main cast getting sick. like really sick. gosh, sani called up anwar. thank god. really, i felt so relived.

fri was the opening of the CPA. and when i reached the school gate, i saw sylvia, nad and daphne. and they said, eh, why are you here? do you know that the band is cancelled? did you get the msg? i didnt too you know! i was like... whattttt? i came alllll the way here! and nobody msged me!!!!!!!!!!! and then they smiled and say, haha, no la, we're joking. i went up to sylvia and screamed, i will strangle you for making me so worked up!! youuuuuu!!!! yes, that joke made me woke up that morning. ben pooi conducted rhapsody in blue and in the mood. and we got a lecture that almost got me to tears. well, we gotta buck up. then went for mcs. it was full run. i felt damn drained out by then.reached home 12 plus. mum was nagging like mad.

then sat was tune in. report to school by 8 am. i had to force myself out of the bed. and my throat was quite croaky. i guess it was a good tune in. i had fun playing grease. and when i said to edwin that i felt like dancing aft playing the 'tell me more' part, he said he cant believe i'm an introvert. haha, maybe i've changed? gotanother lecture from dr lee. that almost made me tear too. and i'm not alone. aaahhhh, i need to practiseeee!!!!!!!! then rushed to mcs. ate my dinner sooo fast that i had a stomachache after that. and it was the preview show. i was sssooo excited. and a few minutes before the show starts, he stage glass fell. and broke into peices. the whole of backstage was littered with glass. after that we prayed, that despite all this, nothing is gonna stop us, the show will go on. and when the audience started coming in, the other side of the stage glass fell too. i was sitting back stage and could feel the glass flying past me. really. and the canvas i was on also had glass. it was so dangerous.i was really scared that someone will get hurt. but well, the show got on well. and it was good. yayness. but we still have so many stuff to work on. and the stage is like in pieces. literally. cabbed home with sani and got a free ride home. weee.

and sunday, went for religious class, then geylang. came home and slept like a nobody's business. i'm just dead tired. oh well, i still have to prepare for tomorrow's show. plus, i need to clean up my room which is worst then a pig's sty. WWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! SHOW'S TOMORROW!!!! but i still have a geog lecture before that and some inviduals in the morn. and maybe a a fast 2.4 run in the morn. hhmm, i still havent schedule my june hols timetable. ok, gotta do it now.

chiao.