muse-ing 2008

acjc eupho 2008 :)))))))))))

the vietnamese model having a photoshot in esplanade! haha.-cong

the crazy trio-ryann, nadi and dwayne, who always calls me.. hehe, shant say in case more people starts calling me that.

the mighty esplanade concert hall when its empty. ahw.. i'm gonna miss sitting there and looking ahead from that angle. but i am looking forward to the day i am looking at my juniors from the audience seat playing some fantastic songs on stage.

muse is over. hmmm, i could have done better. kinda disappointed with myself. i'm sorry.. urgh. we sounded ok i guess. but could have done better. way better. considering during the practises we did better than that. oh well, its a learning experience. i sure learnt some things.

i feel damn tired. back to intensive studying and fun-o-rama. yay!

chiao.

i so so so loveeee this songgggggggggg. wohooo. jason mraz-i'm yours.

pre-concert day brain damage

concert is tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh yeah, everybody knows that.. i need not annouce. but, concert is tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am sosososososososososososo egg-cited. haha. i'm afraid i cant sleep tonight. how eh.. i'll need all the energy tomorrow to play to my best ability tomorrow.

after all those long session of intonation, long tones, rthymic training in d minor, a minor la and what nots, our hard core band camp where we only eat, practise and sleep, listening to dr lee's angsty comments(he meant well after all..) you know what i mean ac band, lets make music. just put our heart into it and play music. sincerely.

i have put in alot of effort in perfecting my parts, all of us had too. so its now up to our ears, heart and musicality to deliver it.

i still remember the comment that i made way back in secondary school. i was pissed la, why damai band cant have our own public concert at VCH or SCH. how naive i was at that time. yeah, now i know the answer. its real hard work man. selling tickets to make sure you play to a full concert hall and not an empty one, pracising hard so that the audience's money is worth it and the planning of the concert itself is no joke. seriously, so kids, if you want your own concert, make sure you really can do it.

sat's prac was bad i guess. i just polished my instrument so i sounded seriously sharp!!! like all of my notes. haiz. i was soo pissed with myself. on mon, we really have to warm up properly. and tune every note. tsk, if not.. *covers face* plus, open our eyes big bigggg and watch dr lee's conducting. his conducting is damn unpredictable on concert days..

seriously, those who didnt come for this concert is gonna miss alot! too bad... because i think this concert is especially special. i'm not saying this because i'm part of it. but i have this intuition that it is special because all of us had worked so so so hard, cracked lips, lack of sleep, putting our studies on the line and all. and then theres acsi and barker and the combine bands. so people will not only watch acjc but all acs schools. erm.. excluding the pri sch. which i dont really want to work with, considering how it turned out for the christmas concert. hehehe.

aye...reached home at 11.30pm on sat. i was prepared to get slaughtered by mum. but.. i guess she cant be bothered with my band practise timings anymore hahaha.

chiao.

oh oh oh tomorrow is concert dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. ahahaha. i am feeling high.

acjc concert band at the esplanade

anglo-chinese concert band at the esplanade

on 24th march 2008, 7.30pm.

tickets left $18 and $21!

this is absolutely the last i really mean,

the LAST few hours to get yours tickets


and i really mean the LAST few hours


to get yours tickets

before the awesome concert!

so, hurry ask your friends along

and contact me or any

acjc concert band members.

alternatively, you call sistic! :)

banding

i'm feeling so excited as well as nervous for this concert. so many conductors and friends are coming to watch us. gosh.. i hope i dont screw up any of my exposed parts. oh my god.. this is sooo scary! oh yes, mr wong is going to conduct barker and they are playing ammerland. ahhh that song is so nice, they better bring justice to it! i'll be watching backstage! haha. oh yeah.. i'm clueless about concert gifts. and,and.. i finally sold all my tickets!!! gosh.. it was damn hard.. i had to make myself so thick skined.. forcing them to buy my tickets.. hahaha.


thursday's practice ended so late that i got blasted by mum. i was still in school at 10.30pm. how about that. i made so many mistakes, gggrrrr.. i'm so angry with myself. and i'm out of tune! but when i tune going up and down scales, i'm on the green light. howhowhow... mon's the concert already!!!

tmr's practice will be in acjc. i'm so glad we need not move to acsi... with instruments and all, heavy la. will be meeting all those little boys again. ah, sometimes they give me headaches... hesh.

good friday is really a good day to rest, considering that next week will be tough, band concert, fun o rama and not to forget to continue studying. i have to get ready to get balsted by teachers again for my terms . ggrr. i'm just so angry with myself. so angry.. that i cant say it explicitly.

i really HOPE fun o rama will be fun. esp when its with my class. i dont know..


suddenly, the memories of last muse came rushing back to me. :) oh the festive overture that we played. hehe. and the phantom of the opera plus the standing ovation that the euphos got aft it. i really want this muse to be so much better that last years!

chiao.

wicked

am i just plain stupid or retarded? choose one.

its ssp time.

chiao.

so how?

i dont know how i should react to my terms results. it like, really bad.. but i just dont feel any emotions. it all locked up inside. i worked stinking hard for it but yea, i failed yet again. i want to let it out but i guess it wont make the situation any better. so now, i have to kick my own butt, slap my own face and punch my own stomach to make myself work harder and not give up. although i failed again, i still have to go on..

just dont ask me if i'm ok because its a stupid question. obviously i'm not. dont ask me to cheer up because you wont feel any happier if you fail your terms and people ask you to cheer up. but i do appreciate the concern. thanks. i just need to be alone for now.


chiao.

Back to reality?? i dont wanttttttttttt

oh my god. march school holidays are over? but i have tons of work to do. like my long overdue lit hw, clean my room, hunt people to force to go my concert, get enough rest before school officially starts and err.. yeah, get ready mentally for school again. cant i have school with only band practises and music classes? i dont mind. i dont want to study about rocks and how precipitation moves around in the ground.

next week will be sooooo freaking busy. i just hope band practises will makes me less depressed after school since we'll be getting our terms results. argh. back to reality, yes.
mon-i must have individuals, tues-band prac till i dont know what time 'cos we'll be covering the crazy blue horizon piece, wed-combine sectionals, thurs- band prac from 6.30pm till late night. hurhurr.. fri-its good friday! another holiday! :) ermm.. wait, that means it study time! sat-combine prac with acsi, sun-maybe another prac, depends on our performance. hurhurrr.. the next mon, concert day! oh yes.. i need to prepare concert gifts too... hhmmm..

the past few days have been mentally, physically and emotionally challenging. band camp was quite intensive, till like i realise that i cracked my lips on the way home. (see, syad! we practised so hard to give you guys a really good concert, ok!)

i'll blog about all the drama that happened during band camp tmr.. or when i feel like it. 'cos remembering band camp makes me angry. yes, i feel like pouring acid on somebady's face. grrr.

chiao.

i love u girls till the bits.and crooks and corners.

wow! khai's devouring the waffles! hahaha.

look at how hiqmah is giving all her concentration to the art of eating fondue..

oh lalala, look at the balls of ice cream that wont melt till its in your mouth!

more photos in siti's camera. will upload when i feel like it. hahaha.

oh lalalala. went out with aisyah and syad today. watched horton. funny movie. i can hear syad guffawwaing loudly during the whole movie.. tsk.. noisy seh. ate at ljs, its been centuries since i went out, watch movie and eat. wow...

then meet up with the girls today. and yes, had a blast of a time. ate at food culture. then head to haagen daz to eat FONDUE. wwwooooo. syiok to the max seh. plus, waffles. oh me gosh. too much sweet stuff. makes go high nowwwwwwwwww. retail theraphy aft that. well, not excatly, we just look around, responding to the calls of 'sale' haha. whooots! and tmr is band camp!! how great is that. weeeeeeee. let me enjoy my last bits of holiday yeah. weeeeee.

tmrbandcamp. tmrbandcamp. tmrbandcamp.

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

chiao.

banding

i told them to squeeze because i couldnt capture all of them. and so, look at their 'squeezed' faces.haha, my juniors..

ehmmm.. my dear section mates. (oh no, i look fat!)

told ya i was gonna have a blast. haha. but the saturday's practice started out badly. and dr lee lectured us. hhhmm.. i played badly too. its been quite a long time since i've practised due to terms.

but, had fun during section lunch and dinner. omg.. my section is totally crazy. my cheeks went numb and tears of joy ran down my cheeks from all the laughing. luch was at anchorpoint kfc and took alot of photos with sheree's cool and funky camera. hahaha. dinner was at holland v. i think we were so loud that there was this man who sat near us and said, 'this is how jc students behave..' like whatever man. then its alumni concert. oh, THEY WERE SO GOOD LA. the solos were outstandingly good. and the repertoire were excellent. i felt like standing up and start dancing during the encore. but of course, i'm still not out of my mind yet. aft concert, haha, irna met her idol. HAHA. i still laugh when i remember how it happened.

so, yesterday's prac was musically excellent. we improved i guess. dr lee said, good! very good. ahh, how difficult it is to make him happy with our practices. that, without edwin. isey man.. but i still get pick on. first because i didnt play together with the tenor sax during armenian. then second was when i was tying my hair. gandalf made me feel like i ran 2.4km. gosh, all that running notes. but yea.. i played it! my lips felt like it was going to drop off anytime soon. aft that marvelous band prac, i was going down the stage and guess what, i slipped and fell on the stage. aahhh, how embarassing is that. erm, yes, together with my eupho. hahaha. aft that went to keep my eupho and guess what again, i hit my head into the horn's bell's casing. ouch laaaa. i am so clumsy or what :(

band camp on thurs!!! wwweeeeeeeeeee!!!

oh shoot! i still have my $25 tics to sell! oritey, people!!!!

acjc muse at the esplanade! let us mesmerize you with our music! 24th march 2008, 7.30pm. so do come on down ! :))))))))))

last few days to purchase your tics with meh!

Life isnt that simple

a level results are out. some did well. some didnt.

i'm so proud of those who did. while the many others, i may not understand it now. but i guess i can feel the melancholic and tense atmosphere just now. and it wasnt nice at all. i feel sad. and scared too. u guys worked so hard and yet.. how will i fare?

i got an A for mt a level btw. but the person whom i wanted to please wasnt pleased at all.

what must i do to make u smile and be proud of my achievements?

tell me what?

i'll do just that.

must i run away from home then you'll give me your attention?

must i?

i swear i will make u see me.

i will make sure i am worth your attention.

if i can get a U grade and then to a D, i will jump from that D to an A.

i swear i will make cik sham's sacrifice worth while.

i swear i will get us out of this vicious cycle.

i tell u that.

but will i succeed?

i pray to you oh God, bless this journey of mine.

too much emotions in me.

tmr's band prac from 8.30 am to 5.30pm. then its alumni concert.

hmm, i'm gonna have funnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wwweeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

chiao.

whyyyyyyyyy???

when i get bored, i'll start to think. i'll go into my deep thinking mode.

like why do people want to avoid ageing? why?

why most relationships never last long? why does it always fade over time?

how do you know that person is trustworthy?

trust, accept, sincerity, love. and nothing else.

right?

ahw.. these questions are giving me headaches..

chiao.

recovery

its mass movement! its the downward movement of materials such as rocks and soil, etc, influenced by the force of gravity.

as you can see the word rocks and avalanche. its geog!!!


i wass so darn bored by studying. so ehehehe.. as you can see, terms is serious business.

true isnt it?

ok whats been happening? the greatest thing happening right now is that.. I FINISHED TERMS! yessssssssaaaaaaaaaa. wohooo. so now lets wait for results. which i am almost sure i will have to attend ssp. oh what the hell la. i've studied hard and early. i've done my best during the examinations. if i still cant pass. ggrr, i guess i have to try harder. esp geog, *rolls eyes. i wonder how my seniors who took geog actually managed to finish studying all of it? like seriously, how?? ok, enough thinking.

the weeks before terms were quite crazy for me.but i tried to relax.. cant afford to make the mistakes again, by panic-ing and all. band practice and studying for terms at the same time... i thought i will be screwed for terms but actually ok la. but wait, i am screwed for terms. went mugging with em, gerdine and enjia. i became quite stressed up with integration. and i got it at last on sat. kah-ching! ehehehe. then went to mug for geog with seha at esplanade lib. i think thats a really good place to study, seriously. even though i studied so much.. ahh just see the results la, how badly i screw up. but anyway, the last mt lesson was quite significant. hahaha. cikgu jam asked us to write a msg to each and everyone in class. and i got really sweet msg-es from my classmates. i was ssooo touched! ehehhehehe. then during band prac, 5 juniors came into my section. so not enough euphos to go arnd. and that prac was quite screwed up. i was in a darn stupid bad mood. ragh. i got hit by a rugby ball, someone almost abandone me and and a person's lack of passion, commitment and irresponsibility all add to my bad mood that night. freaky.. i was soo tired, angry and all. tons of hw to do, terms coming and the next day was mass pe. amazingly, i survived. wow. oh yeah aft that, band prac again and i guess my body just couldnt take it and i got muscle cramps on my legs that made me cringe in pain that day and i had to limp for a few days. ahahaha.

terms out, intensive prac for band is here i guess. band camp soon. I CANT WAIT!!!!! ah, there's still band concert tic to sell, fun o rama tic to sell. plus money issues like the switz trip and my surgery to think abt. oh god help meh. yeah meh. help meh.

chiao.

i think was good. especially the trumpets.
makes me wanna play pop songs again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am so dead.

KHAIRIAHNI BTE JOHARI!!!!

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

MAAAAFFFFFFFFFFF ZAHIR DAN BATIN!!!!!!!!!!

i am sexy plus rich

i am rich! :)))))))))

oh wow, i didnt realise that!

haha i am the sexiest and wealthiest person on earth!

cool sia...
:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

chiao.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i need alot of vitamin c. i need loads of motivation, determination and edurance. plus discipline.

i have been slacking too much. i am screwed for terms.

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

chiao.

so how?

my minds says go on. my determination is still going on strong. it says, dont give up. but my physical body says thats it. i cant take anymore. so this is like the third time in feb alone i am sick again. isey bedah.. how?



no more panadols la. i hate that white stuff.



chiao.

aaahhhhhhhhhhhh

eupho gals. look at the pile of scores infront of us. intonation sessions are the worst but the most important!

zomg!!!!! poser!!!! bored by waiting for our intonation parts to be written on the board. so we made noises and started playing with our phones.

they took it aft sectionals!!!on put it as my wallpaper on my phone. tskkk.... thick skin people. haha.

and.... it was v-day on thurs. yay, i got roses. and band prac was awesome that day although i had dc before that. haha. dr lee was in a superr good mood. but it was the opposite on sat. talked alot of nonsense, sang on the way to mrt and laughed non-stop on the train.

after running the race. we were bored... b'cos we finished early. ehhemmm.. hahaha.

a myriad of events happening this week. makes go aaaaaahhhh. hahaha. cross country on wed. and tct won the champion house. haha, wow. and i think they should have made cross country at bedok reservoir. haha. all the east people will be on cloud nine.



and guess what! gp terms is next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me=dead.

chiao.

why oh why!

huh.. its sun already? why oh why???????????? i was just starting to enjoy myself. wah lau...
and terms is in 2 weeks time. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. i vow to get at least C for all my subjects. hhmm maybe thats quite a high target. nvm, aim high.

i'm trying to forget what happened. i guess nobody's perfect and i should live on. depend on no one except myself. and i cant wait for band practice. 5 days without my eupho feels like torture.

i guess now i can appreciate all those long slow orchestra peices. its quite nice actually. i use to wonder why some people can listen to 30mins of piano concertos without falling asleep. now i know why. i guess u have to go through the musical muturity yourself then you'll understand the beauty of orchestra music.

since i was quite free, i started thinking. whats the singificance of us living on earth? why do we continue to live on despite all the challenges and obstacles that we face almost everyday? i think i know the answer now. :)

ohw..can i have another week of holiday. ragh.

chiao.

Dikir 2008

here's the the dikir pictures. :))))))))))))))))))))))))










oh lalala. our dikir performance. melayu power sehhh.



baek ahhh. eh wahh.

pachelbel frangipani and white lilies

i thought i should light up this blog with something more cheerful. :) ah, beautiful.

pachelbel's canon in d is making me go high. schubert's serenade too.ah. they make me feel serene, relaxed. aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

wonders of music. it makes me feel better. sooo much.

chiao.

why?

i feel like i have so much to say but now, i'm kinda clueless. ok, first things first, dikir barat was awesome. i really enjoyed myself on stage. now, i am voiceless due to all the shouting and screaming that i did for the last few days.but i was almost late for school. oh well what the hell.

this will be quite a different post than the previous one. i miss doing what i love most. like drawing and drawing and drawing and drawing. and no one sees or critises it. b'cos what i draw is a reflection of what i feel at that time. talking about feelings...

i may not be a loving person b'cos i dont know how to show people that i love them. but that doesnt mean i dont love you. i am not the kind of girl who says i-love-u-s to people and give them hugs whenever they want or say you are my sunshine or mushy stuff like that. just b'cos i dont do all this doesnt mean i have no feelings just that i keep them to myself. and that means you cant treat me anyhow you like ok. i'm just so angry with some of my fucking friends. how they treat me so nicely when they have a problem and needs my help or when i have something that they want. wow. how they treated me. now, when i dont have anything and they dont have any problem. they just discard me. leave me. treat me with such cold stares and remarks. theres just this tingling feeling in my heart that i cant describe. but i can tell you, its painful.

now, i dont know who to turn to. b'cos its so painful, i want to cry. i want to turn to you but i'm afraid i will just be a burden to you or hurt you.

and i still dont understand, maybe i will never be able to. why are you so unreasonable? i didnt mean to hurt you and i feel sad that i did. so sad i feel like i want to... i dont know. why,why?

theres just something stuck in my throat now. my eyes feels hot. whatever la. i want to start drawing now.

ah, i do have someone to turn to. GOD.

PS happy chinese new year. bak kua, kua, kua. HAHAHA.


chiao.

i feel good :)

this weeks been like..i-dont-care-anymore kinda week. 'cos i'm like already in a holiday mood. tomoprrow dikir performance in front of the school. i am sssoo egg-cited!!! wohooo! yesterday's prac was a bomb! then econs test. i feel quite ggod about it. but no, too confident is bad.

and. i've been getting sick these few days. again. yes again. like what the hell right. i've been eating panadols for like days. and my stupid fever still wont subside. oh well. cong says i work too hard. hah, i wish man. i seriously wish thats the situation now. haha. ahw.. gtg for PE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
i feel gooddddddddddddd.
hahahahha.

chiao.

economics blues

this iktiraf song never fail to bring me to tears and realise the greatness of God.

econs test in a few hours time.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

haiiiizzzzzzzz

i need food. chocolates and coffee.

NOW.

i think we really gotta buck up people. haiz. that, especially apply to me.
and i seriously feel that the changes in the qm room system is partly because of my blunder that day. i dont like it. and i still feel darn guilty abt it!
and the puncuality issue is... ergh.. whatever.

now, now. went for dentist check up last thurs. and guess what, due to my surgery, i may not be able to perform in swiss. and i wont be playing for VCH concert either. i am so sad and aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh about this. well, the VCH concert is confirm i guess.

i'll just pray to God that i'll recover fast.

oh my god econs test like 2 days more!! i am so nervous! aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.

haiizzzzzzzzzzzzz

chiao la.

stupid

sometimes, i just be plain freaking stupid and blur block like sotong causing people trouble and all. this is one of those times when i seriously hate myself so much. i cause trouble and other people have to take the blame. scold me. hit me. i feel like saying the f word la. i am so angry with myself. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

i feel like i've done a zillion wrong things. just whats wrong with me? why am i behaving like this?
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

i wanna stab at something to release all these emotions.

chiao.

so how?

ok, my bad.. i've learnt my lesson. when you are sick, stay at home and rest. i thought i could still go on for band prac on sat when i am already feverish on fri. and so.. on sat, i cant even play my tuning note without feeling breatheless. i was shoo-ed from practicing and had to sit at LT 4 and watch them play paganini. although i was half asleep all the way, i could hear them play. and i was awed! it sounded damn nice! i'll say better than the recording that i had. seriously. even dr lee said they played beautifully that day. wahhh.. if we continue on playing like that and improving, the gold in switz will be ours man! haha.

i cant wait to get well soon and start studying properly again. gahhh. each time i take my medicines, i'll fall asleep 'cos its the kind of medicine which makes you sleep.but if i dont take, i'll have to suffer this sickness. so how? both situation disallow me from studying and concentrating properly. so how?how, how, how???? should i go to school? if i dont, i'll miss alot of lessons. but if i go, i may get worse. so how?

Chipmunks and mouthpieces

hahahaha freaking funny. they use mouthpiece only u know. hahahaha

Randomness

i am just plain lazy to blog now or felt too tired. ah.. i need brain boosters and energy supplements. i feel sssoo tiredddddddd. and sick, stupid phlegm.

schools getting more hectic and i'm trying to keep up. with band almost everyday, each time, by the time i reach home i'll be so tired, i'll just fall asleep on my study table and ended up not finishing a single thing. like yesterday night when i am supposed to finish my malay lit homework. arghhhhhhhhh. i'm so angry with myself. ah.. i can play my armenian dances solo parts already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yessaaaaaaaaaa!

i still cant foeget the joke that divinia cracked during econs. hahaha.
divi: sir, is kfc considered an inferior good or a normal good?
mr mash: erm... (sir in his thinking mode) usually it is a normal good..
divi: no, sir, its finger likin good sir!
HAHAHAHAHA freaking funnyyyyyyyyy

awwws and nicole has flew off to australia. good bye friend, i'll miss u. aaahhh so saddddddd.

now i know why..i've got the answer, why some people finds it so difficult to show that they love or care someone or just the deep feelings that u feel. hehe. now i knowww... hhmmm...

made testube thingy with my class. quite fun la. i made one which is rainbow coloured. sounds easy yeah.. u needs lots of patience to mix the right amount of colours. that special tube will be for mr lau. he deserves it. :)
okies, banding time! wwwwwwwweeeeeee!!!!!!

chiao.

hate love love hate

i love u but sometimes.. i hate u.

i know i shouldnt feel this way.

i just cant help it.

i dont want to fight with u anymore.

please, let it go.

aahh.

chiao

The start of homework piling up, up, up and away!!

awww, i'm on cloud nine now.. shant tell anybody about this! HEHEHE. isnt it amazing how a smile can make your day...


and,and, thank u seha for the help. :) i'll give u back what i owe you 'cos i know your life is not any easier than mine.

i dont like tuesdays because my timetable has 1 hour break every few periods. and then there's swim PE next week. how i hate wearing that stupid swimsuit. darn.. after that rush for band prac.. tsk.. wet hair and all. oh well, the only egg-citing thing on tues is band prac. haha.

wed is awesome! only 2 lessons. but but but. with mass pe and i survived! cool seh..

thurs is lectures and lectures and more lectures. by 1.30pm, my brain juices were sucked dry. what with GP mass media and geog mass movement. mass, mass, massively overwhelmed by the workload! aahhhhhhhhhhh. but i end early la. yay! and edwin's birthday celebration. the fed ups delivery, the tau pok-ing and euphonium prestige label made me feel so tickled. oh yes, not forgeting the disney princess balloon! ahahahahaha. 'congratulations, its your birthday today! happy birthday to you.. bla, bla...' hahahaha, oh man. band was quite bad, dr lee was in a bad mood and started scolding everybody.

by fri, i just want my sleep. and i gym-ed! yessa!

now, time to tackle the never-ending pile of homework. way to go!


ta rah!
chiao.

aaahhhhhhhhhhhh

3 consecutive days of school and banding makes me go aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY EDWIN! :))))))))))))))))))))))

a whole load of stuff going on. i feel so tired.

damn..

geog tutorial mass movement

human geog lect 7

econs macro tutorial A

econs test in 2 weeks time

H2 malay compo.

Analysis of chapter 5,6,7

math practice question no 8,9,10.

GP mass media essay.

WOW. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ok, chill. only the second week of school.

chiao.

living

live the life u love

love the life u live.

think positive

think positive

think positive.

ah, again,my mouth got the better of me.

think positive.

deep, deepa, toodeep, verydeep, deepy!

ah, its the second day in school and i felt really sleepy in the morning. my timetable is quite satisfying this year, compared to last year. no more NL classrooms! and climbing up the stairs early in the morn after assembly to get to the hall. haha. yay! and i have tons of homework already la. and the teachers keep reminding us of As. ahhhhhhhhhhh a levels? fun o rama fund raising getting started. so is my class! and i still have to sell the coupons!


deep, deepy, deepa. toodeep! HAHAHA.

ah, ok la, back to work la.

chiao.

aloha 2008,byeee 2007!!!

ah, KL is super duper uber freaking fun. hehehehehe.i am so fat now. gawd, i think i wont be able to do PE anymore. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i ate and ate and ate and ate. but mostly i ate the food that i cant eat here in sg like subway, pretzels and gelato and fish and co and erm.. i cant remember what i ate... yummmmmmmmmm....... will post pics here when i feel like it. haha. and sorry people, i didnt get u guys anything because i didnt shop at all except for food.

homework at last done! except that econs online learning where the system always cock up. stupid.

i cant wait for school. whats in store for me in 2008? i feel kinda excited but nervous as well. i know there will be alot of obstacles for me. there will be school to cope with, homework, tests, prelims and a's. then there's band overseas competition where i have to work really hard. this one, i really gotta make sure i really improve because i want to be part of making acband proud, since i've missed the chance this year.. oh well, dont mention this or i'll turn into a waterfall. and concerts too, march muse and june concert. then theres ac fun-o-rama. through this,i really hope i can forge deeper friendship with my classmates, becuase i dont want to waste my 2 years with aa3 just like that. and mcs drama production. plus dikir performances. ouch. i'll be super busy. and i need to conquer a levels. a levels. i hope GOD save me from that.

it felt like it was just yesterday that i first came into ac. i'm feeling nostalgic here.. hahaha. i didnt expect i'll get in ac, seriously. and i didnt think about ac or acband at all before o levels. i even had a bad impression of ac schools. basically i dont like the people because they are arrogant. but on the contary, i'm wrong. untill i came for tune-in. and i was there all along. along the way i have learnt to love acjc and acband. i was darn scared i couldnt get in. furthermore, mum dont like me being in ac. but i got through. first 3 months was so fun. my og were great.

they made me feel at ease.

then its aa5. gawd, i wouldnt trade them for anything. i love them so much. i love my subject combi. hist, art and econs h2 and h1 math. too bad i cant take that combi anymore. especially art. hhmm... when i was in sec 4, my art teacher offered me to take o level art even though its quite late compared to other people, but the principal said no as i already have higher malay and dnt to cope with. wth. i was feeling so sad. tsk. maybe i'm just destined not to learn art. band was quite crazy. i was struggling with festive overture. the running notes and the super high A and Bb note that was in that piece. but i guess i manage to do it. its a struggle,no doubt. i saw other j1s struggle too. i've never practised so hard in my life for band before. but its worth it.

o levels results came and i.. oh well, cut it short i didnt do well as i wanted to. i cried like nobody's business. untill the ex-seniors frm damai band had to console me. haha. mum was puzzled as to why i'm crying since i did ok. i was seriously worried i wouldnt get into ac again. i was so afraid, i cried again. haha. i remember that day there's sectionals. and i have no mood. edwin has no mood too b'cos the mep teacher said something that made him angry and amirah thought of cancelling it too. i felt sad too, i wont be able to meet my friends anymore as some of them had been transfered out. hhmm.. i miss them. then i

meet aa3. i wasnt too happy. i just dont like their bimbotic and girly ways. i tried to adapt to them and at the same time the hectic schedules, band practices, homework, tests and what with family too. yes, i was struggling. mum was constantly nagging at me for sleeping so late. and i keep fighting with her. oh well. march muse came and i was so nervous. i still cant believe i performed on esplanade. not once but thrice this year. wow. then syf auditions. it still gives me the chills and i still remember the moments vividly. for those who stood by my side. thank u. i will remember what u did and everything that u said. especially my section. :) the days after that were quite horrible. i couldnt face the band members. basically i felt devastated. but yeah thats not the end of the world. i try to think positively and i try to help them whenever i can. afterall, its for the band's sake. syf came. 11 may 2007. it was a horrible week. training for nafa was like.. ahh.. i felt soo drained. then it was the common test week. so i had very little sleep. i studied geog the day before and i couldnt answer a single question. i felt so horrible. i cried again. man.. how many times did i broke down? and i got scolded by ms sng during the syf itself. i cant believe acband gwh. its surreal. i felt happy but sad. dunno la. mixed emotions. and my girlfriends planned a surprise birthday bash at seoul garden. i broke down again la. tsk.. i cry alot. its like the worst birthday i had in my whole life but its sweet at the same time.

after that, its scheherazede. things got better as i try to improve myself. wow, all those double and triple tonging..

before i realise it, i'm on the train to negeri sembilan with the mcs peeps. hehe. so much fun and we surely bonded. mcs drama too. hahaha. then terms. well, it was totally failure for me. expected it la. after that i vowed to myself that i will not fail promos.

then the later half of 2007 was a blur. basically i was fighting with my emotions. yeah,coping to let go of...:) let me keep this to myself. i suddenly realise that the j2s had step down and i sure felt the loss. we sounded different, hollow i guess. i dont know. and then life continues on with more banding. i guess we have grown quite close as a batch. promos coming and i was studying like i never studied before. but now i can say i could have work harder. i was determined like crazy to overcome promos. and yeah, i did! but the moments mounting to the results was nerve wrecking. i cried again. tsk. again. promos over christmas concert and band fest. well, great concert, i made new friends. and learnt some things.

2007 sure has thought me some things. about people. about emotions. about life. but it has left me with questions too. alot of them which i know i will discover if i'm patient enough.

now, good bye 2007. heloo 2008!

i pray to god u give me the strength i need to carry on.

i am a j2? wow. HEHEHEHE.

chiao.

another lalalala!!!

i could say no more, christmas concert was super awesome. despite the bumpers that we went through... like me screwing up amazing grace during concert and not during the soundcheck, darren blasting as usual, the js boy's eupho valve got stuck and the whole band screwing up harry potter... it was still awesome! 'cos in the end, its not the result that matters, its the journey along the way that matters.
singing on the choir gallery was an experience only us ac band get. hahaha. felt high, so i started screaming and singing dunno what 'cos i dunno christmas songs lyrics.. hahaha. dr lee was funny. hahaha. we sang tuning note and as usual he pointed to his ear telling us to listen.hahaha.

guess who was the one late for section breakfast? meeee!!! hahaha. loads of gifts exchanged. yeah i got loads of cookies, chocolates, candycanes and loads,loads more. my paper bag felt heavy. thank u guys!! and ian gave me a vietnamese hat. oh my, thanks! hahaha.

will post the pictures i took here, when i get it. not much though.

now, i have to finish my last bits of homework before i fly to KL and be back in time for school!!! oh lalala, homework never felt so good!!

KL here i comeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chiao.

lalalalala

section outing was.. :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

thai express at city link mall. then its chocolate shopping. then its yoghurt time. nice, i took peach flavour. took some pics. at this rate, i dont think we'll have a full album by the end of two years.. haha, must camwhore more!!! but, i'm broke, i brought so many present for christmas concert... and i still have to buy school stuff. at this rate how to save for swiss trip.. hhmm, i have to scrimp and save!!!

tmr is concert day. yay!!!! i am ssoo egg-cited and nervous at the same time. breakfast at delifrance with section mates, i hope nobody's late.. hahaha...

next week back to school!!! i cant wait!!! wweee!!!

acbacnd, lets rock esplanade again!!!

chiao.

bad, worse, worst

i got scolded by dr lee today.

now i feel sad. :(

well, its my fault though, i didnt play the way he want me to. :(((

and i said something i shouldnt have to a friend.

now i feel worse.

i always talk before i think and end up hurting people's feelings.

now i feel worst.

oh wells

i should say sorry to that friend of mine.

chiao.

mak mak maksim!!!

i love this song like crazy!!!! it just moves me. esp the chords that the strings are playing.. wweee...



my all time favourites.. i wish i can play the piano man like him. the way he play his music is so passionate and moving. oohhh...

Aidiladha

i need lots of money. yes lots of it. haiz..

and my house is in a mess. the process of moving house is sure tedious and difficult. i have to deal with dust like everyday. then, haha, homework is not done, especially econs online learning. i cant finish day 1 assignments in 1 day. i am soo slow. oh whatever. i'm gonna enjoy my holidays for now.

aidiladha is fun. lontong, fondue, pizza and nasi minyak. wwee!! i feel so fat now. ergh. i need to build up my stamina again before i start having mass pe again. die. too bad i cant see the goats and sheep. bekkk.. hahaha..

pagi ini, takbir raya bergema di seluruh alam, menagungkan kebesarannya, aku hanya berdoa moga keluargaku diberikan kemudahan dalam menempuh cabaran kehidupan. amin. yes, we'll stick together no matter what.

chiao.

bleah.

maybe i was just too sensitive and temperamental.

forgive me, i was being stupid.

chiao.

This is a stupid post

i've been thinking.. maybe i should not lie to myself anymore. first it was eating alone on the days before. then after that it was watching the tv alone. but the most disgusting thing was that, that tut french horn guy come and sat beside me. the rest of his band was like looking at me. what the hell. and i'm being surrounded by pj people at that time. it was so fucking akward la. the days before also during lunch time he came and sat beside me and started talking to me. *rolls eyes* concert ended and there was a rush to get packed up. i could hear people scrambling and cases being luged around as i made my way back to my changing rm. the corridors were empty. heck, i didnt care at that time. but when i came into my room, it was empty. only my beg and my case. i was like, eh, where did everybody go? i felt lost. in such a big place with so many people. so i called a friend to go home with her. but how stupid i was, i forgot she didnt performed. i felt like knocking my head. now, i felt sooo pathetic. shit. ok, then i msged another friend. oh, he is going to have supper with the rest. the rest? where are they? supper? how come i dont know? at that moment, it hit me. i know at least 1001 people there at that time, but none actually cared or know where i am! i felt so isolated, disappointed, alone, left out and pathetic. fucking pathetic la. ("kau asyik2 terhegeh-hegeh dekat org. tapi org tak kisah pun pasal kau. sedar la sikit diri tu!" maybe what she say to me is right.. "bila dorang nak mintak tolong, semua datang dekat kau, kau yang bodoh pun pergi tolong, tapi sekarang, kau mintak tolong dari dorang, ada dorang tolong? dorang tinggalkan kau lagi ada kan?") well, i shouldnt have said it. family? i think its just an illusion on my part. hell, i had to walked all the way to mrt with my eupho. i almost fell on the escalator. and there were blisters on my fingers. i thought i could just throw my eupho into the fountain that is infront of esplanade. but no, i love my eupho too much to do that.

it didnt happen only that night but many other times where i felt so pathetic and alone.

but i wont be bugged down by such petty stuff. but oh well, its an eye opener to how much i meant to people.

chiao.

abhijeet sawant!!!

i loveeee abhijeet sawant! i must go back to my indian roots. hahaha. but hady is equally nice too. oh well, i'll still go for abhijeet!!!! wweee!!! and peter pan performed!!! oh my god ariel!!!

hhmm i'm feeling jazzyy... dont know why i like jazz music now.

band fest is finally over. i felt so tired. but it was a learning experience. being under different conductors these few months has been an eye opener. i still think dr lee is the BEST! haha. bias? i dont care, i have my reasons.
being in fennell was ok. but musically i felt tortured. mr tan aik kee was really nice. my section was nice. but musically, bad... hhmmm.. lets look at the bright side, i enjoyed myself. and i carried my eupho. freak la damn heavy. my arms were screaming for help from esplanade to tampines. but hey, i survived! yess!!

just had another surgery. oh god i dont want anymore surgery can? uwahhh!! it was darn freaking painful uh. and mum is making me stick to porridge again. injection was already enough to freak me out, then there was some bleeding, i dont like seeing blood coming out from my mouth. then come the drilling then the needles and more x-rays. oh gosh. a lil bit of swelling but should be ok by fri for band prac. aahhh another prac...

my hw is not going anywhere. what with geog proj and gp case study. ahhh i'm feeling lazyyy...

abhijeet rocks!!!
chiao.

Nightmares

too bad that i love music but i cant make good music. i feel so terrible. and i envy people who can make music so well.

i want jc band fest to be over. i'm so tired. my tonsilities is killing me. out of tune notes and chords make me have nightmares.

chiao.

immaturity suck

"hai kakak2 ku harap maaf pasal smalam tu bukan saya nak memberontak atau beremosi! tapi tiap tahun jumpa adek beradek ceritanya sama asyik nak kata org! org nak buat baik dgn jln Allah walau cara apa pun kena kata org tu tak betul! ni d kata nama kan akhir zaman? hormat tetamu datang jumpa sekali2 d hari raya! abg ipar pun cabut tak nak dgr! bukan kita sekeluarga tak nak dtg rumah mak jumpa adek beradek ni ceritanya sama! harap maafkan adek mu, buat pengetahuan akak2, adek mu tak ikut mana2 kumpulan atau tarikat"

this was a msg sent by my _______. i dont fucking understand about tarikat. even father has something to do about this tarikat thingy. then he'll go on about all these people called wali who are supposed to be really religious and pure people. i'm just feeling so angry with them. being adults, they are immature enough to fight over such stupid things, making them look like fools in front of us, the younger ones.

bleah la with all these tarikat and religious groups. if u want to be religious and pious so be one. no one is going to stop u in this democratic country. but if u are really pious and religious, u should know that getting into fights with your own siblings on such a beatiful night like on hari raya night is a really bad idea. u are just adding to your list of sins. thats like freaking common sense right?

even though this incident happened like 2 months ago, it'll stay in me for quite sometime.

chiao.

tistis!

guess what? i am adding to list of people in band who has tonsilities. ouch la. having fever, cough and running nose too. given mc for 2 days! imagine how much i'll miss band! just when there'll be intensive band practises from wed to sun, i have to be sick at this point of time. should i go for band tmr or not?

should i?

chiao.

tah dah!!!

tah dah! i had a hard time finding the right colour combinations mind u. ahhh.. its done finally. gawd its so tedious. actually theres another one with flower motifs which i think is nice but theres something wrong with the alingment and editing java script makes me go bonkers. so heck la i take this skin. seriously all the codes and numbers. yuck, numbers...i hate numbers. i dont know why the hell i like this skin. maybe its quite simple and not so dark like my previous one. haha... "hate me then piss off" nah.. thats not me anymore, :) i'm a nicer girl now. hahaha. yeah right.

philharm winds was nice. my bandies peeps occupy the whole row. ahaha, thats alot of us. the band played well. very well in fact. i like all the songs except Symphonies of Wind Instrument by Igor Starvinsky. yuck, i dont like the dissonant chords. ironically, its the only classical piece that was originally written for wind instruments and not transcribed. i love especially the 1812 overture and jazz suite. the piano concerto almost made me doze off. ZZzzz... hhmm.. i think russian music is quite nice.

went for band the next day. was feeling freaking tired la. thank god the js boy didnt come if not we have to give him more attention. 2 new boys joined us. one from barker and the other from acsi. practise was like.. bleah..especially pirates and then dr lee didnt come to conduct band1. :( damn sad la. then aft band was the only egg-citing part. yay, at last we washed our euphos. thanks to edwin and michelle who helped me and sheree washed it spanking clean. heh, it sounds different and feels different too. there was so much greeny gooey stuff. yuck yuck. my fingers smelt of valve oil and slide grease after that. at last we went home at around 9 plus. hhmmm.. i think it was a good section bonding time. its a blessing that my section is small. but we need juniors by next year. anybody wants to join ac band? :) hahaha. all sec fours eupho players only are welcomed . hehe. nah, all are welcomed.

i am quite egg-cited for jc band fest. i want to make alot of friends then i can sell more tickets for next year's concert. marketing strategies. hehe. maybe some from the other 2 bands too, oh well, we'll see. i hope my section is nice.

3 weeks more to go before holidays is gone. poof! just like that! oh no! then i am a j2 in acjc? i cant believe that. oh my god how time flies. i feel soo old. :( i want to stay like this. just going for band practises, performing for concerts, having dinners and lunches with bandies peeps and watching concerts together. ahh..come back from dream land la.

reality check, i still have econs to do. aaaaahhhhhhhhhh !!!

chiao

blogskin

its time i change my blogskin. :)heh, i have few nice ones and i dont know which to use. hhmm..

chiao.

so many glitches. first i cant log in to my intranet account. then theres another technical glitch on my econs online learning website. yay. how to do my homework now. and i need to print like tons of stuff. but i dont have printer and the school library is closed. my laptop is also throwing a tantrum on me. theres no internet connection on that laptop. so here i am on bro's com which has no other application and softwares other than the internet, maple game, O2 jam, Pangya, Stepmania and warcraft. technical glitches suck la. now what do i do?

i'll read my book, study geog and do some math now. i'm so bored la, no one's at home and i'm here all alone facing this stupid technical glitches. yes, i'm whining and complaining now. i need to let off steam.

its ok considering i'm going out to watch philharmonic winds concert tonight. yay!wohooo!

i must practise harder for band. but most importantly, practise correctly. i need more time to do individuals. like i havent got the opportunity yet to practise my parts and get it well since my gums got well. oohh, i must buck up! practise, practise, practise!

chiao.

its sad when people do not appreciate your hardwork for your passion. and they even mock u. making u look like a fool. but i dont feel like one a single tiny weeny bit.

and when i say about this i wonder. what seriously makes u bond with your friends? like your similiarities or your passion for something? if not, what brings u together actually? having said that, if u share the same interest together, shouldnt u all the more support each other in your passion or interest?

i'm just uber disappointed in some of my friends who claim they love band bla..bla..bla.. band.. bla..bla..bla.. and band... just do some soul searching la if u feel like u are one of those friends who treat their friends like that.
what great 'friends' i have! *sarcasm*
having a concert is sure alot of hardwork, mind u people.

and i miss the j2s.:)

chiao.

three consecutive days of banding make me physically drained. sore throat, running nose, coughing non-stop and breathlessness. aahh. stop it i need to practise LOTR tmr. i need to study and do my hw too.

reflecting on my days in damai band with mr wong. i guess now i know why all those things happen. like why we cant be as united as some of us wanted to be. why there is politics going round. why we cant improve in our playing. why we attain only silver and silver in competitions. no matter how hard some of us wanted to make things better. well, partly the conductor's fault. no doubt about that. oh well, its the past. i really thought that i was the only one who hated him like sso much especially during the syf period. his biasness was ssoo suffocating. then i confided in solomon, and yeah, he felt it too. now, aisyah also is feeling it too. well, unless damai band take a new conductor then maybe things will improve. maybe? i dont know.

i'll miss the js boys for awhile. haha.

on sunday, went to 2 weddings. and i ate 2 plates of nasi briyani. oh my god i felt like a glutton. but one of the weddings actually didnt make it, as in the bride actually cancelled it b'cos at the last minute, she admitted that she didnt like the groom. like what the hell seh, u dont like say earlier uh. as the invitation had been given out the so-called wedding reception had to be carried out. sad seh for the parents. tsk.. then aft the weddings, went to nenek hse for shamil and cik sham's birthday. oohh, we had chocolate buffet!!! with marshmellows, bananas, grapes, strawberries and kiwis. oh yes we had biscuit sticks too! like yanyan! hahaha. so fun. then there's also nanchos and tortillas! oohh. thats excluding all the cakes i ate. durian mousse cake and blueberry cheesecake! oohhh lalala. i think i gained like 5 kg straight. i feel so fat uh.

tmr banding again. this time with my acjc band. :)yay!!!! LOTR III. oh no!
chiao.

WOW.. i listened to the recording of the harry potter symphonic suite... it sounded so nice but the way we played it now.. oh gawd.. tsk.. damn out of tune la. not only that actually, theres alot more problems. like rythm. actually the piece is quite easy, but its a matter of playing it correctly, nicely and musically. yes, music is what i wanna hear, not a mass of sounds. and pirates.. haha, alot of people apprently dont like mr wong. haha.. yeah, i realised that the way he teach and conduct is sso different from dr lee. u have to experience it yourself then u know.

its the first time i met the eupho tutor. but he teach basic stuff la. and he smell of cigarettes. yuck. my ac junior pri junior is irritating during sectionals today. ergh. seriously, i cant control kids. they exude too much energy that we, the older people sometimes finds it frustrating. but they are ssso cute sometimes its just difficult to bring yourself to scold them. so in the end, we didnt scold but instead join them and laugh together with them.

and i listened to lord of the rings movement 3 recording, like oh my god! die. die. die. i cant pitch the freaking high notes! i used to be able to pitch, well, USED TO. hahaha. nvm, i will practise la. and, and, the worst thing is, i havent even practise LOTR I and V too!! oh nonononono. and i need to get myself back intune asap. die uh. this is the result of not playing for ssoo long. tsk.

and its mugging time again!! yay!! *rolls eyes*
migraine is hitting me again. uwahhhh!!!
chiao.

she scerams and she shouts. she gives me that i-am-angry-with-u face and she turns a deaf ear when i talk about something important. u know what, i dont give a shit about u! erghhhhh. freaks with the capital s.

chiao.

i'm like sssoo good at masking my emotions now. heh. and i dont hope for people to confort me. sometimes i feel so stupid. why am i ssoo nice to people, helping people called friends, doing this and doing that for them but all they say are empty promises and leaving me behind when i need them. woke up with super puffy eyes this morning. i just look forward to band practice and yes, band practice was funny yet frustrating. the little acs junior boys were ssoo cute but irritating. running around Lt4 and crawling under the chairs playing hide and seek. one way to tame them, not to shout, u will just go crazy controlling them like i did, tell them in a firm voice to raise their hands and face the wall. ahaha.. the first time mr wong did that to kenneth, one of the cutest of all, i gaffawed! ahaha... and mr wong conduct pirates. haha, everybody wasnt happy with him. no comment, i wasnt there 'cos had to go for dental appt. aahh, i'm scheduled for another surgery like 2 weeks from now. aiyoyoyo... frustrating b'cos the band sounded like crazily out of tune. the acs junior kids cant even play a note properly and they dont want to play. i lost my mood to play laa.. but i play with ah chong, my cousin hahaha. he's funny. i called him manly bitch. then he'll wrestle me. ouch mannn.. its been such a long time since i wrestle with kids haha. being with these innocent children sometimes just brings joy to u. instead of being with some stupid suckers, narrow minded, insensitive freaks.

i need freedom badly.

chiao.

another stupid survey that i did..
haha, what my dreams mean.

'Your dreams seem to show that you're a bit disturbed... but nothing serious.You may have a problem you're trying to work out in your sleep.Your dreams tend to reflect your insecurities.You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind.You secretly want to hide your dreams from your waking mind. '

funny la.. am i a disturbed person? ahahaha, oh yes, last week, i just dreamt of a blood sucking creature who lives under my bed. hahaa. and it sucks my blood!!! aaaahhh

chiao.

i am craving for ice cream and chocolates. yum,yum. band bbq was ok. some got drunk haha. havoc.. too bad i cant overnight and even had to leave early. well, half of me says i dont mind. but i want to go cycling badly. then damai band grad night was funny especially the mocca ad. haha. good luck to u guys going to hong kong yeah. :)

i've never eaten this much before, i think i've been binge eating. i should stop myself and make myself busy. then i will stop thinking too much. yes, get busy.

not in the best moods actually. i'm just feeling angry. erghhhhhhhhhh.
chiao.

dia senyum padaku..aku buat bodoh..hahaha. i am starting to hate you. yes, especially after yesterday night. oh my god how you suck.

chiao.

it is so dificult for me to go out. stupid. overly anxious. i know you care but sometimes you have to let us go. we need to experience life itself. protecting us will not help much. we maybe safe for now, but we will lost vital experiences for our future whole self development. i just want to get out of your grip. just let me go will u. its time. now.

it was the first time yesterday that i started playing again. haha, i was ssoo egg-cited. i couldnt contain it anymore, i went to school at 8.30 supposedly but somebody owe me a sundae again haha, for being late. but i am superbly out of tune. every note except my tuning note. ;( ssoo sad. and my stamina has gone down. aft playing a passage i will feel like as if i had been running. yeah..this bad.. gotta get back in shape. i side read paganini and armenian dances. haha, i didnt have time to do individuals or sectionals on it. maybe a lil bit la on paganini. then the rest i just.. erhhmm.. whack. haha. and my tonging! oh gawd. bad. very bad. aaahhh!!! but getting to hug my eupho was the best thing!!! my gums and my lips were red. i have like 4 ulcers. but now its fine. thanks for all the concern to stop me from playing my eupho. haha, i am stubborn.

and, and, we played tie the ankle game again! the band walked on the field this time, all of us tied at the ankles and we walked non-stop in record time 10 mins! thats is just one of the reasons why i love my ac band. :) sounds easy huh, try tying a whole bunch of people by the ankles and ask them to walk from one end of the field to the other. dr lee was happy with us. he was smiling and rising his arms clapping. :) hehe. when we reached the white finishing line, i was estatic. yay! hand in hand, ankle by ankle, heart by heart, we made it. i hope next year's competition will do just that.

today is mr foo's wedding. and yes, as usual, i cant go. but anyway, it'll be difficult for me b'cos there'll be no halal food. oh well, nvm, i hope he has a blissful marrige.

when the hell am i going to start on econs!!!!ok,ok, tmr morning.haha

chiao.

3 months' notice and we're homeless. yes, homeless. i'm trying not to let this problem get the better of me. i shall smile more. now that i can smile widely! :)

the best thing is, i dont know what to do.



thursday's band prac was something to be remembered about. dr lee thought us unity in the most innovative way. the whole band was tied up by the ankles and had to walk from one end of the field to the other. and we had to turn around. it was fun. but it shows our character. hahaha, i fell on my buttt. how can i not fall when i am standing in between crazy people like irna and stuart. hahaha. oh gawd. so funny. walking together as one band that day just shows how our unity as a band. family? we all know we are in this family but, actions people, actions speaks louder than words. ooh suddenly i remember the song more than words. hahaha.



what am i thinking. ok, tmr had to wake up early, early to go to sch!!! wwwweeee



chiao

i so badly wanna play my eupho. but the hole in my gums are still big and gapping open. i miss band so much. everytime i sit at Lt 4 and listen to them playing i feel like running away. i feel so out of touch with band and my band peeps.. ergh..

hah, my brain's fried from all the physical, chemical and biological weathering that it is subjected to last night. and i still havent touch any math yet. the M word. i hate that M word. then theres GP research case study that i have to do a write up on. gawd, how do i do it??? then theres geog group work. great... econs online learning, best. there goes my holidays.

but its ok. its ok. considering that we will be going to 3 places next year for overseas trip. yesssssssss!!!!! hong kong with lots of concerts lined up, then theres shopping and disneyland!!! oh my god disneyland! ahahaha i cant waitttt!!!!!! then we'll fly to switzerland. yesssss!!! another competition there. then its to vienna. oh my god, dr lee said we'll take a bus and then we can enjoy the countryside. oh oh oh... it'll be ssoo beautiful!!! aaaahhhh!!! performances again. then back to hong kong. we'll go to macau too. yayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!ssoo many performances and competitons!!
I AM SSSOOO EGG-CITED!!! i must start saving money now. heh.

tonight will be watching arabian nights with mcs usual people. yayayayayay!!!!!!!!!
then on fri its cycling with mcs girlies!!! yayayay!!

omg,omg,omg!!! short,short,short!!!! no more bun, its gonna go in ponytails. :(

and, and kak siti just msg-ed me that there's a chocolate buffet at KL HIlton hotel. i want to go KL now!!!!!

okies, hw not going anywhere. tsk...
i shall start now.

chiao.:)

i am going to KL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oooooohhhh lalalalalalala!!!!!!!!!!!!!
((((((((((((((:
i'm jumping with joy. straight after the christmas concert i'll be having holidays in KL. yay, thanks to cik sham!
lalalalala

chiao :)

ok haha, this is damn funny. One of the stupid surveys u do on the internet to find out abt yourself. ok, here's me-
Aggressive. (am i? no la, i'm quite gentle what...)
Loves being in long relationships. (huh? no comment..)
Likes to give a good fight for what they want.(uhuh...extremely true!)
Extremely outgoing.(me? haha.. i dont think so..)
Loves to help people in times of need.(do i?)
Good kisser.(hhmm..i've never kissed anybody in my whole life so i dont know..haha) Good personality.(oh yes.. certainly! hahaha..)
Stubborn. (no la..)
A caring person. (hhmmm..)
One of a kind. (maybe?)
Not one to mess with. (oh yes,yes...esp when i'm angry)
Are the most attractive people on earth! (ehehehe..dont say la.. i'm feeling so shy la..)

all the best for the auditions tomorrow people!!!!hahaha, maybe its ok that i didnt get to audition even though half of me wants to take that miraphone eupho out of its casing start playing again right at this moment.

ooh,ooh! brain says: heal faster, heal faster!!!
body says: no,no, must recover slowly...
brain says: i want to play eupho!! faster heal!!
body: just wont relent to brain's orders.

garh! its torturing. give me the adrenalin of playing fast passages, running notes and those super high high notes. give me satisfaction when the intonation becomes perfect. move me when it is the slow passages. i want all that back again. now, i feel so empty.




i dont want history to repeat itself. for that, i will built a wall so thick around me that your gaze will never be able to penetrate through. watch out, watch out.


chiao

brain: go study!
body: no reaction
brain: u lazy bum! go and study laarrrr!
body: i still want to surf the net......
brain: go study laaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
body: still no reaction

basically thats what happen to me everyday.
i need to slap myself.

yay! mcs store room is clean!! so clean i am so proud of my mcs members! just left the 4 timpanis to be thrown away. ergh. and it belongs to the band. aiyoyoyoyo. but now we have a place to pray. yay, no need to pray back at home until i get aches on my legs. but then aft that i feel so sticky and dirty. yuck.

oh well band was ok. i had to lunged the whole pack of styrofoam plates arnd LT4 to show stuart. and i still have to buy the coloured stickers. then aft searching high and low for the water gun, i found it but stuart had bought it first so yeah my efforts of walking at tampines central was fruitless.

i'm feeling quite down. i couldnt audition for honour band for jc band festival. brain says its ok, u have a reason, that i cant play due to my recovering gums. my heart says, haiz......

well, i keep thinking, when u really like something or someone, there'll always be somekind of obstacle for u huh. then sometimes making u think if u had made the right choice. how ironic life can be. i know i should not look back on my decision. first its syf auditions now its jc band fest auditions. ergh, move on with life man.

moving on, i shall go to sleep now.
chiao

i hate lazyness. it will make me think of unnecessary stuff like him. ergh. and also reminisicing abt the olden days. ergh, ok,so that means i need to make my brain busy again so that i wont think of such stupid stuff again. yes, study!!

busy preparing for tune in.. heheh..i hope it'll be fun!DSA people coming tmr and playing Lord of the Rings I and V! argh. when can i start playing again?? i miss so many practices. gawd...

chiao

I dont know why heart feels restless. Its like nervousness. I dont like this feeling like something bad is going to happen. Hesh. I hope all will be well.

To u my good friend. I hope u will stay strong. I dont know how to say but i really feel for u. I may not understand how it feels like to lose a parent. But i do understand the pain of losing somebody precious and then going thru hell of a time after that. Especially in a time of our life like this where we should be happy with friends and family and concentrating on our studies. I do understand how it feels like to live everyday thinking about tomorrow, how u and the rest of your family will continue living. I am experiencing that. But i guess i am luckier than u. I have people who give me support while u dont. U were left by yourself to fend for yourself emotionally, mentally and financially. I seriously dont know how to help u. I can only advice and lend u my shoulder and ears should u need it anytime. I feel like a failure as a friend not being able to help u. But please be strong. If u need me anytime, even if it is 3am, just call me. I will try my best to be there when u need me. But utmostly, give yourself to God. Ask for His help to give u the strength to continue living, for your family to continue to stick together, to continue have faith in Him and to protect u and your loved ones whatever happens. And dont u try to take revenge. PLEASE. Let go of what he had done to u. I know its difficult to let go when someone had hurt u so deeply for years. But when u learn to let go, your life will be more peaceful I can assure u that. Just dont do what he did to u and your family. If u do it, whats the difference between u and him? U are just as bad as him la. Have faith in Him. Kalau Allah nak beri ujian pada hambanya, Allah tahu yang hambanya akan tahan mengahadapinya. Kalau tak, kenapa dia uji sebegitu? Logik kan? Allah beri ujian pun ada sebab, nak membersihkan segala dosa orang yang diuji, menaikkan martabat orang tu atau pun Allah nak beri hambanya tu kekuatan. Macam ustazah tak jadi pulak aku nie. Haha. Anggap lah semua ni sebahagian daripada ujian hidup. Bersabar lah sahabatku. Kalau dia tak dapat pembalasan di dunia, dia akan dapat pembalasan di akhirat nanti. Tuhan tak buta, dia maha pengasih lagi maha penyayang. Kita dah belajar kan nie semua? Now its time to put it in practise. Jangan balas perbuatannya tu, biarlah Allah yang menjadi pengadil pada sandiwara hidup ini sesungguhnya dia lebih mengetahui lagi maha bijaksana.

haha, i sound sooo mak nenek. well, over with emo stuff. went to aishah r.'s concert. nice. not bad la. haha so funny watching her moving on stage. damn funny. ahaha. ok, good job aishah! kalau ada concert lagi tell me, i wanna go again! :)

tmr going to kam's hse with aishah j. to play guitar. wwweee.... then going for band. yayayyyyyyyyyyy.

chiao

doc says i can FINALLY eat solid food. wah i gorge down chicken rice and sundae! heavenly baby! ahahhaa sssooooooooo happppy. gawd. food rocks. i thought i could die just eating porridge everyday. and yes i survived. ahhh, i'm ssoo happpyyyy today.

another reason for me to be happy. hehehe.
yol: hey, hello shaheera. Long time no see!
me: hahaha, hello! *smiles*
yol: eh, u saw bharathi just know?
me: yeah, just know. she was in the queue too.
yol: eh, u look slimer!
me: *smilessssssssssssssss
yol: eh u stress ah?
me: yeah, jc what. I actually thought i could die.

so thats how it went. somebody actully said i look slimer. wwwweeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!! dont pop the bubble, let me think that i really am slimer now. heheh, and to think of it, i didnt die. i survived J1! thats marvellous baby!

another thought came to my mind today. do co-incidences really exist? didnt everything that happen for a reason? so if everything really happen for a reason, the people that u meet and get to know is of some significance right? oh, this is bugging me.

(warning: the next portion of the entry is in Malay. heheh (: )

and, and, i'm thinking of studying overseas. cita-cita tinggi menggunung. entah apa la mimpi aku nie. tapi kira macam da nekad jugak nak ambik scholarship then sambung kat UK. la, aku nie da putus fius ka apa?nak pergi belajar jauh-jauh. entah boleh dapat ke tak. tapi kan, dulu memang beriye-iye sangat nak belajar kat AC. yang paling best nye, impian ku itu tercapai. Fuh, macam fairytale jugak eh, hikayat cerita hidup ku nie. da, jangan nak perasan la. Nie da pekena novel melayu la nie. Kan da blog pun dalam bahasa MELAYU. Tapi ape salahnya kan? dalam usaha ku untuk menaik kan darjat bahasa Melayu ku. heheh.

But first, i must get my As. yes,yes.

ah, i want to read my malay novel. lalalala

chiao

ahhhh, i'm sick of taking so many medicine. i'm sick of eating porrige everyday. i'm sick of having to watch people eat delicious healthy food while i am deprived of such pleasures. gah. and this gums is paining me! it swollen again and i can taste blood. uwahhhhhhh..... whats happening to my gums!!!!!!!!!!

i actually got scolded on sunday because i ate yong tau fu which only has tofu and more tofu. thats considered soft foods right? but yeah, cik sham actually insisted that i stick to porridge. gah. i'm dying of healthy wholesome meal here. so i didnt eat the whole day except that few pieces of tofu. then i got wind in my stomach and i vomitted. haiz. thats the result of not eating. and my gastric is here again.

the only nice thing that happened on sun at kak siti's hse was that we prayed together. fuh yo, can u imagine the whole hse was transformed into a mass prayer hall. the whole Pak Aziz family la pray together. thats like 4 families praying together. that means, all my aunts, uncles, cousins and my grandma. fuh yo... untill prayer mats and telekung was not enough. hahaha. oh, its a blessing. i just wish we could do it more often. barulah keluarga bahagia dunia, akhirat.
and i ate chocolate truffles! damn, damn niceeee!!! hush, even though i'm not supposed to. haha, i only took one la. to taste it only...umm hush,hush.

and amazingly, crazily, i studied today. oh my god.

i'm going for band practice tmr because i miss my band peeeps!!!!! :)
practice hard tmr and dont let dr lee be angry again ok acbandies.

chiao :))))))))))))))))

tong hua

sad uh...... i was tearing when i heard this song...... uwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! and i found the korean version of this song.. niceeeee.

i missed all the fun at dr lee's house yesterday. so sad. i cant possibly go out with my swollen mouth and still-bleeding-gums right. the surgery was scary la. and i am feeling terribly bored. :( i thought of inviting friends over to my house but i look ugly now. with all the blood coming out of my mouth. ok, i shant say anymore. its gruesome. i think about 6 stitches altogether, front and back of the gums. yiycks!

haha, yes,yes, i finished watching goong s. at last. and se7en is sssooooo cute. sexxy lipssss. haha.

next on my list: i better start studying!

but i'm bored la.......................
chiao