why?

i feel like i have so much to say but now, i'm kinda clueless. ok, first things first, dikir barat was awesome. i really enjoyed myself on stage. now, i am voiceless due to all the shouting and screaming that i did for the last few days.but i was almost late for school. oh well what the hell.

this will be quite a different post than the previous one. i miss doing what i love most. like drawing and drawing and drawing and drawing. and no one sees or critises it. b'cos what i draw is a reflection of what i feel at that time. talking about feelings...

i may not be a loving person b'cos i dont know how to show people that i love them. but that doesnt mean i dont love you. i am not the kind of girl who says i-love-u-s to people and give them hugs whenever they want or say you are my sunshine or mushy stuff like that. just b'cos i dont do all this doesnt mean i have no feelings just that i keep them to myself. and that means you cant treat me anyhow you like ok. i'm just so angry with some of my fucking friends. how they treat me so nicely when they have a problem and needs my help or when i have something that they want. wow. how they treated me. now, when i dont have anything and they dont have any problem. they just discard me. leave me. treat me with such cold stares and remarks. theres just this tingling feeling in my heart that i cant describe. but i can tell you, its painful.

now, i dont know who to turn to. b'cos its so painful, i want to cry. i want to turn to you but i'm afraid i will just be a burden to you or hurt you.

and i still dont understand, maybe i will never be able to. why are you so unreasonable? i didnt mean to hurt you and i feel sad that i did. so sad i feel like i want to... i dont know. why,why?

theres just something stuck in my throat now. my eyes feels hot. whatever la. i want to start drawing now.

ah, i do have someone to turn to. GOD.

PS happy chinese new year. bak kua, kua, kua. HAHAHA.


chiao.