freaky

long time since i've bogged. com broke down. freak. alot of things had happened. haha..the latest is that i've got new phone!! haha.. like it alot.

the hols are ending and i'm gonna start a new year as a sec 4. i feel weird. being the oldies in the school. then there will be the o levels to face real soon. oh... my heart is racing. the last few days... i've been jogging every morning with seri at the stadium. now my family calls me an exercise freak. oh, watever.. my schedule gets more hectic everyday after the genting trip. but alot had happened during the genting trip. haiz.. there's rumors that melissa tan likes jen kean since they were put in charge after the horrific camp. but i know mel doesnt. then the teachers got to know the couples in the band. and see soon got suspension from his post as a drum major. pity him. but its his fault aniway that he got into this trouble. jen kean take over. last week i went to ping yi sec...(hehe..sneak in!!) to help their guides for the anti-drugs dance competition. i really scolded the sec 1 for being ssooo...eeww..wat do i call it...eerrmm..girly? weak?? oh...watever.. they could not get their dance steps and dance as stiff as logs!! got them training like the band. scream at them in their faces untill they almost want to cry. haha.. bitches. i tink i should have heled my school instead. nah.. i know they will win. that's why they dont need my help! hahaha!! last band prac the ex-co ppl got scoldings from the alumni ppl for slacking in the preparation for the sec 1 orientation. alif said that we are not going to march. i feel ssoo sad. i knew were slacking. but wat can i do? take charge? that would be taking over. impossible. i simply do not know wat to do. i was picked on by mr wong for playing like shit in band. shi ying went over seas, syadzarwan could not come; parents dont allow, see soon sick. only left wif me, zahidah, solomon and muzakir. mr wong keep saying me this and that... oh, watever. i still have to teach amalina since she's in my sect already. oh yes.. i do feel down cast about the band. but i have to try again and live my life to the best. and i will not let mr wong's stupid critisms be the cause for my down fall. never

that's it. i'm gonna watch the tv. ta.

silver medal!!

hahaha.. lame.. yarh..i've been tag...
Rules of the game:
1. post 5 weird/random stuff abt yourself
2. at the end, list the names of 5 ppl who you want next to this and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED" in their blogs and tell them to read your blog for rules!

1. I thought the senoko red and white incenarator chimneys were ronald mac donalds' legs.
2. i thought i was pink ranger, my sis yellow ranger and my bro white ranger until the series finished. i was devastated i didnt have powers to save the world.
3. my mum wanted to enrol me in indian dance but she didnt. fuh..lucky me.
4. i've always wanted to know how to play all the instruments in the world!! hahaha...but i still havent got the chance rite? oh well..slowly...i will.
5. i still dont understand why some ppl dont like chocolates... why??

haha..ok, now who are the ppl?? i tink..
1. melissa (band)
2. farhana
3. zai
4. seri
5. diyana

this game is totally dumb.. but watever.

haha...i'm ssoo proud of my band! they got silver for the international band competition in genting!! i'm ssoo happy for them. i got this news when i aisyah msg me at 11 plus on last wed. they're coming back today. hehe... i'm ssoo happy for them!!! i miss band. i've been eating chocolates and nothing else...hahaha... making me crazy again. finally i've finished my homework except DnT and maths which i havent loadedup from asknlearn.

chio larh.. bye!!!

hoho

hoho.. great man.. ms carol isnt calling back. great. totally. and i'm peeling. frm the sentosa class trip. my nose, forehead, arms and neck are all peeling. i look totally horrible.

oh yes, mr saiful msg me a few days ago. soooooo irritating but i'm glad too. he said that we need not do the art hol hw 'cos the school havent approved our request to take art at o levels. i'm quite disappointed as i will not be able to do sumthing that i love but glad too... as i noe i would be freaking busy next year. o levels, band, tuition and my religious classes. but most of all i'll be spared frm getting slaughtered by mum for taking art.

i'm feeling much better now. i tink i just need time to be alone. but still feeling a bit pissed off. i need to immerse myself in my hw and reading books. and i tink i wanna change my template. i tink the change will be great. make me forget all my woes.

duh.chiao.

freakos

darn.. ms carol is not calling back. aniway.. i dont wanna go to genting animore. i'll just be another pathetic eyesore to them. i'll just be an extra. if i go.. then i'll have to share the room and be an extra. celebrate wif themthe opening and closing ceremony of the compatition as an extra. eat and play wif them like an extra. i'm such an extra. wat would they react when they noe if i'll be coming? haiz.. i dont want to spoil thier moods. they need to get at least a silver in this competition. i feel ssoo pathetic. and lonely. when u expact sumone to be there for u.. (anione..haiz..)when u expect she is ur fren, she is not there. pathetic arent i? i feel ssoo used..
nah.. i'm bored. the tv is freaking boring. so is the com. nothing to do. and in a big bad mood

tata.

the worst.

yah..long time i since update this blog...bleah..no mood.. larh..feeling ssooo awful. sumthing's wrong wif my head ah...

last week was the band camp and it was the worst ever band camp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AARRGGHH@#%@^%#@^$% The first day was prac the competition songs till night. I had to help nadirah wif her bassoon part. it was darn difficult... most of the beats are played in upbeat. so to keep to the fast tempo was hard. then mr wong decided not to play the bassoon part using eupho and trom. it was too difficult. even he said that. that night the teachers listened to our playing and commented that our piece was too messy as in like ppl cuming in not accurate. ok then went to sleep but cant 'cos the stupid malay guys go and walk to and fro the whole night in front of our room wif their slippers flip flopping as they walk. darn them.. so i didnt get enough sleep. the next morning was really stupid. we did our pT until like muzakir was half fainting... we did the stupid buddha clap. darn... then aft breakfast, the band was half dead. we were in the music room and melissa asked us to rest. know why? half the band had diarheoa. man..we were already sssooo tired frm the yesterday's prac then that morn have diarheoa. my section all down except solomon. even i got it. so ms carol bought us ginger tea which taste horrible so that we could drank it to make us feel better. then we open up the hall and the whole band slept aft lunch. then we continue wif the prac. man... how can u concentrate on playing when u feel like shitting. that night we have our farewell party. hahaha... i sabo nadirah!! yeah got disco.. then its our night walk. the sec ones freaked out and cried. bleah.. scared to death... ok.. then our treasure hunt. my grp was...all girls grp. wat do u expect?? half of them were freaking out and crying and i had to do all the dirty jobs. so i went back to alif and said, wat if, all of them freaked out in the middle of now where in the school, except me, then wat shuld i do?? darn.. before i could go to the next stage, ms carol ask us to come back to the canteen. she stopped all games and scolded shi ying in front of the band. stupid. she said she heard screams and ppl using candles. wat duh??? ^(^%*^%*^%) so all of us went to sleep and the leaders went to meeting. more likely kena scolded by ms carol. stupid. the next morn, as usual, the pT was stupid and the breakfast was horrible. went in music room for the meaningless driefing session for the genting mbms. i feel really stupid 'cos i didnt get to go. only god noes how my heart cries when mum didnt allow me to go. we cleaned our barracks and went home.

then i went to cik al's hse for hari raya. i slept instead of eating wif my family mbms. watever. then went home to sleep again. freaking tired larh. the next day went to ms nura's wedding. she was ssooo beautiful!!!!! then on the wed i went sentosa wif my classmates for class outing. i didnt tell mum. i feel ssooo freaking gulty. i could not sleep for the next few nights. oh yes.. i got a sun burn on my nose. its horrible. the skin doesnt want to come off. stupid.

just now went to buy books and then went to geylang wif mum and cik sham. mum at last gave me permisssion to go genting!!! i was already crying by that time ah. wat duh.. this mon they are going to genting and she asked me if i could go!! OH MY GOD!!! she even called ms carol and asked if i could go. ms carol said she will call the organiser but until now, she had not return the call. wheather i can go anot. man.. now i'm listening to the competition songs, i feel like crying man.. no.. not feel.. i am already crying!!!! UWAHH!!!! I wanna go!!!!
;(
oh.. wateve. i noe its IMPOSSIBLE!! its too late. aniway if i did go, i would not be able to go to the competition. the reason i wanna go was because i want to go the competition. but mr wong would never let me play in the competition. here i go again.. crying... shit. if i go, i would be such an extra. 'hidung tak mancung, pipi tersorng-sorong'.
stupid.

i just wanna sleep. at least it will make me feel better. now my head is really sumthing wrong.
bye.

death

bored to death!!! aarrgghh!! seriously i'm ssoo bored. and i totally have no mood for homework. i still havent start on my art hw.. darn... how to start? i havent ask mr saiful how to do it. lost..so lost.. i have no idea wat it is talking bout man... man, this mon i have to look for him and ask him. then on wed have band prac the whole day. eerrgghh!! the day before our band camp?? nuts arent they?? band camp will be so torturing wif all the practices and marching..and they still want a band prac before the camp?? eerrgghh!!! but i don noe why i keep istening to the eL folk song suite. it is really nice man!! i don care this coming sectional on mon, i will get the melody for no. 3!! I must noe how to play it even though i'm not going for the competition.

speaking of the international band competition.. i envy shamil. he is returning frm malacca todae.. GGGRRRR... how come mum let him go to malacca bt not me to genting?? moreever his trip is like a holiday trip with no educational values! but mine is totally diff!! Mine is a music exchange!! an international competition!! meeting band members frm all over the world and listening to diff interpetations of band music... will open my mind, eyes and also especially ears. i totally need this to improve in my playing. one of the reasons why shi ying can improve was because she went to many concerts and listen to their playing. but me..i had never gone to any concerts.. precisely because mum did not allow me. i'm soo lousy at my playing... and slow.. how come shi ying can get ssoo fast. all the rhythms, pitching, tempo... haiz.. i'm ssoo lousy..

i just dont understand why mum is sssssooooo reluctant to give me MY freedom?? sometimes i have to go to certain places because of school but she doesnt allow me. doesnt that make it very difficult?? i mean somtimes i have to go to town for example to get something for the teachers but she would not allow it. wat can i do? i cant fight with her. i dont wanna fight with her. it totally breaks my heart fighting with her. she still cant accept that i am her 15 year old girl not anymore her 5 year old girl.

please mum.. dnt keep me in a cage. i wanna fly and see the world.

eerrgghh.. all this is no use. i still havent told her i'm taking art for my o's. she's gonna kill me man. i think aft the band camp i will break the news to her. no matter wat, i will take art for my os. no one is gonna stop me. this is my dream. i love art. i love band music. i love malay literature (i read lots of poetry and mL lit works. shall post some of the poems...lata larh) but apparently she only support the latter. i will persue all this when i'm in jc lata. no one's gonna stop me. even if i fail in this subj in my o's.

ssoo that's it. i love art. i love band music. i love malay lit.
no one's gonna change that. ooppss i forgot one..CHOCOLATES!!!
LoLs!!! hahaha chocolates!!

been ssoo busy wif band these days. i oso haf the sentosa class trip to settle. its giving me quite a headache man. eerrgghh.... tomoro i haf pL catnival at east coast park. but mum wants me be back before 6 pm. ssoo not fun. i want to attend the bbq but yarh.. mum is ssoo kuno.( old fashion.) now at nenek's place. cik sham having her frens over for dinner. eerrgghh.. i'm real tired.. aft band today i went for dance. but the band song is really soothing me... aahhh... lols..

bored to death but still havent ask mr saiful for help for the art thingy and havent start my hw... darn..i'm such a failure.. must get cracking right this sec!!!!

$*&^$&^$(
buhbye...................................................................lols!

zheh

its ssoo boring at home. i cant go to school for band b'cos of the o levels. darn..and i have to complete the item for the band camp on the 15 of nov. mel is already nagging at us for not completing the item. but we cant! the school is having o levels!! how?? darn! on fri my grp went to my hse to practise and we managd to get the first part of the song complated. but now... hahaha... my leg is aching!!! frm all the jumping and swinging and all those dancing stuffs lah...

last thurs, me, khai, azilah, aishah jumaat, aishah razak, nina, hiq,hasanah, bai and hawa, had our hari raya outing together!!!! it was SSSSSOOOOO FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!hahaha!!!!!!! i'll see if i can uplad one of the pics we took.
gtg.
byuiez!

haiz

its been quite sumtime since i blogged. the com these few days is getting on my nerves. it keep breaking down and i could not retreive my old files. darn..and i also can't use the msn. that's the worst; not being able to talk to my friends. its so boring at home. haha.. even though i have tons of homework to do. not only its boring but frustrating!! eerrgghh....mum, shamil, dad, kak, cik sham...everyone.

i'll start aft the exams.ok yarh, as i said earlier, its darn boring in school aft eoy. so i focus my attention to band. there's no tuition anyway.making it much, much more boring. haha..i missed my tuition friends!!can't wait to meet up with them again! I heard that marc had gone to australia. hahaha..good,out of my way. I wonder wat bout the others... Then the last week of school, i dono why, i fell sick. haha...during band i was sooo weak, i couldnt walk properly. then i went home straight and slept while waiting for breaking fast. till then, my fever shot up and i only managed to eat a spoon ful of porridge and i went to sleep untill my pre dawn meal which i wake up but only eat a few spoon fulls of rice. Then i could not fast that day. i just sleep and sleep. haha. then on fri, the last day of school, i finally could go to school. the class shirt had been given out. a thousand thanks to poh yu for handling it since i cant. but there were two big mistakes that i stupidly did. one was that i missed out yolende's name on the shirt and i excluded one shirt size 36, so poh yu didnt get the shirt. i felt sooooo guilty. i felt at a loss as to wat to do. i feel so angry with myself. then the campany also did one big mistake. darn..i asked for orange colour but they printed in white! ?? eerrgghh... watever larh then before we depart we managed to organise a class picnic at sentosa and go miss nura's wedding as a class. the sentosa thingy i doubt many ppl are intersted in it. darn...i do not feel like organising it man. eerrgghh..

aft the school closed, i had to focus on my o levels. i cant really help my parents to prepare for hari raya. everyday i had i do practises. it makes me feel like puking man. the day came and i just do the paper like i normally did. i donno wheather i can score or not. wateve.. then aft the 'o's i had to make hari raya cookies and clean the hse. iron the curtains, hang it up, vacuum then mop the floor and wash the toilet. eeww...but i had to do it aneway. mum is not that healthy to do all those jobs. the last days of ramadhan was a bliss even though it was tiring. we get to eat as a family. be a family, no fighting like before. i notice always during ramadhan, my family would never quarrel with each other. amazing. but then i pity shamil. he didnt get new clothes for hari raya and could not visit our relatives hse. at least i get a new pair of baju kurung frm cik sham. then kak and dad fought in the morning of hari raya b'cos dad wants kak to put $2 in the ang pao. but kak doesnt have the money. i pity kak. i wish dad would do sumthing bout this money issue. i'm getting paranoid. everyday i'm thinking wat if i could not go to school tomoro b'cos i have no money? the first day was nice. i just went to nenek's hse and stayed there. at least i get to see all my cousins and meet up with izzan. haha.. but then the sat was very bad. dad took cik haniffa's van but mum doesn't like it. we went to mak besar's hse. i felt like a family even though it was frm father's side. (i had nvr felt like family when with my father's side) then we went to cik halim's hse. that's my cousin's hse. his eldest son is in america now. studying architecture. soo clever. and rich too. haiz...then cik halim said there's open hse at cik razak's hse. another cousin of mine. so we go. then we met them. fuck ah. i hate them!! the rest of my father's siblings at least acknowledge our presence there. but she...and her husband are damn suckers ah. she saw us and looked away. didnt even have the courtsey to say hallo. fuck ah. now who the one who owns money? u or us? u make it seem like its our fault! Our fault meh, u...%#*%#%*#!!?? u noe a not i wanna go to school i dont have money to eat? to buy a pen? to buy my socks that is filled with holes?? shit. luckily cik sham gives us money. god bless cik sham. i will nvr forget her kindness towards my family. then when we want to go home, i kissed her hand(its a malay tradition to kiss the hands of the elders) but she did not even look into our eyes. i just stared at her and she knew why. sicko women. but sunday was the best as my FAMILY( that means my mum's side) went to cik zali's open hse then to my hse then to cik mir's hse. fuh..syiok seh..i play with my cousins then eat hari raya cookies then watch the tv together. haha... and my uncles were ssooo funny!! hehehe...

ok lah stop here. need to go home. tomoro going out with frens for hari raya. hahahaha!!!
ps- harry potter movie coming out nov17. i will watch it!! i promise. Danial radcliffe...ssooo cute!!!! hahaha.........

boom boom

hahaha... i'm sooo free now... well not really..hahaha..i still have my higher malay paper in 2 week time...gosh... that's fast man.. i need to do lots of practices.. darn..

i've just went to acjc. It was terrific. amazingly mum let me go wif hiqmah since its kind of far; its at buena vista. I saw the a level art pieces and it was GEORGEOUS!!! terrific man... gosh.. how did they produce such fine pieces??? then i saw the band working... hahaha.. they're so...gloriously musicaly talented...I dont know what made me signed up for the tune-in classes. Dead if they called me to come for the classes. hahas..

then on thurs, the 3e3 dnt pupils went to swensens to have our swensens treat!! Mr leong treated us to ice-cream aft the muslims had broke our fast. Then we talked and ate french fries!! fuh! it was ssoo great!! i ate sticky chewy chocolate!!! oh man....it feels like paradise....

then fri... i had band prac. One of the most bestest band pracs i've ever had!! we listened to the english folk song then went for sectionals. amazingly i can pitch the g note for the melody in no.3 and play the solo for no.2!! Amazing!!! i noe i can.. :)

but one thing still worries me. i still need to get mum's approval to take art elective for my o levels. and i think i'm inspired to go to acjc. hehehe... and work harder for my o levels. (my results for my eoy is terrible and i do not want to speak of it:( )

i seriously think bloggers should be more careful of what they are writing. its not only bout the racism in bloggies, its the way the write, wheather they would offend others or not. seriously they should reflect. but lets be open-minded bout this. if the complain that they say is indeed true, then readers should reflect instead.

but this is my opinion. ppl really should remember god more because this worldly things isnt everything. cool stuffs that u think is cool is not always cool. always remember the poor, sick and unabled. put urself in their shoes and feel their pain. then u'll understand me. then u'll appreciate this life, ppl around u and the things that u have. then u'll cherish ur life and make the best of every moment of ur life. u'll learn patience and be self concious of what ppl are feeling. u'll find the ultimate calmness in life.

huhh..i'm rattling like an old grandma...hahaha...just the ramadhan mood getting into me. i just dont understand why ppl are soo selfish. nah...this world is full of weidos...and freakos. hahas..whatever lah...i'm still living in a society that is very caring and simply the best. i glad of that. and i thank Him. syukran...

chiao
acjc :) band rowks

yadaa----

hahas..i told u..i'll be back...hahaha...nah..i wanna say this...I MISS BAND!!!
gosh..how i miss it..my euphonium...mummy's coming baby..so dont cry ok..
aarhh there u go shaheera..going crazy again...lols...hahaha..I cant wait for tues to come...i'll be blowing my hearts out..yadaa!!!hahaha..

mummy is ssoo ssoo freaking biased! She allow shamil to go to malacca!!! yarh..school organising it. But i cant go to genting!!! Wat's more its an international band competition and world band music exchange!!!!and i cant go darn... bullshit. gtg..got tuition..buhbye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

i love it man..

ho ho ho...i love this time of the year..exams over...the month of ramadan is here...i'm so happy and carefree...

but STOP!! my higher malay 'o's is on 31 oct!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! alah..why like that..darn..i still cant enjoy myself...i still have to continue mugging... I still have to worry bout my eoy results..if it doesnt improve...i'll be locking myself up during the dec hols...lols.. the higher malay comprehension and composition is getting tougher and tougher. add in the competition i have to face wif all the other malay language geeks who will be competing wif me...no offence man, but they are real clever in that language. stop fretting shaheera!

oh yarh..i just remembered..last wed when i was going home frm tuition...A VERY HORRIBLE THING HAPPENED!!! oh yarh..very...horrible. That stupid marc...darn him...in the bus..he picked a fight wif a guy frm dunman. damn, i was ssooo pissed off...it was the exams week, i was already on the edge of bursting and he made me so darn pissed off...I started scolding him like hell in the bus in front of the guy. He got pissed off and insulted me. Man, no one had ever insulted me. I cant take it anymore and tears started pouring down my cheeks. Embarassing but i cant hold it. I was so hurt wif wat he said to me, which i do not wanna say here..I alight frm the bus and just walk off to go home. hehehe..i know he felt damn guilty bout it. that night, he called me for like how many times..i cant count. he sent me msgs saying sorry and explaining....bla bla bla... but i didnt even look at my phone. he hurt me and i know even though he felt guilty which i sincerely appreciated...he will do it again. So the next tuition day, he sat beside and said sorry again. but i just kept quiet and didnt even look at him. But i had to accept his apologies rite...arh..yarh...we're still frens and he's still as lame as ever. wateva larh to him..

lols..actually i'm writing so long for this post was b'cos i'm bored. I have nothing to do...darn..i have nothing to say for now. but i will post another one again when i have something to say. harharhar...lols-chocolics will rule the world!! lols.

new me.

its the new me.

i've decided to change for the better.
only then i will succeed.
i'll take the challenges in my stride
i will not get pissed of (i hope so.. :] )
i will perservere and succeed (doesnt that sounds familiar?? :] )
i'll smile always...no matter what happens...
i just realise a little smile will make me a zillion times happier than now.
i'll just do what i think is right, without thinking what ppl will think of me.
i will study harder and harder and harder..(peeps watch out..heheheh.. *evil smile)
i will get what i want with my own hardwork.
gosh thats alot..
but nvm..
most of all..
i'll be me...
me
myself
i
only me. :)

shut up

man...i lost all my links...gosh...i donno how to get back...and my com went down..all lost my files..pics, codes, links, emails....blehs..lols

well thats the last thing on my worry list.

the top on my worry list is "i'm not studying."

but hey, at least i'm still happy :)

flying, flying...

ps...hey peeps...put in ur url in the taggie...i lost em..soz man..:)

hey..

hey hey hey..darn...eoy are close...I'm thinking of taking art as another subject...darn..mum's the only person in the world not giving me the encouragement...i hate it man...totally...sucks..everyone's giving me the support and encourage me to just go for it even ppl whom i tot they would not like me taking the subj...freako..

and i'm darn pissed off with farah these few days.. She's talking to me like i am a five year old kid..order me here and there...darn it man... asking me to suddup larh...watever larh..

I'm not gonna bother bout all these stupid petty little things...I'm just gonna concentrate on my studs...I'm gonna focus.
focus
focus
focus
focus
focus

Darn...my head in bursting again!!!bswdflahwnaflsdf!!

my head is bursting

Haiz...

went in to friendster and there...the first thing that caught my eye was 'in a relationship'... jeng,jeng,jeng...my heart was broken into pieces...boom!! UWAH!!!!!! Nightmare came true...

bleh..

I stillhave to carry on with my life right...oh well...school opening tomorrow...And higher malay prelims is here...I'm cracking up under pressure. I really have to put everything a-side and concentrate on my studs man..I must get A1 if not...haha..my head will be detached frm my body..hahaha...mum will kill me!!

ok..yarh..long time since i updated my blog..been sooo busy with school...band is getting more monotonous...and onto my nerves...Tests...filing up my schedule, haiz...I'm really tired.. but I can't wait for school tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah!!!!!!!!!!!lols...

I'm heeerrreee!!!

lols...I'm back...My com down...Now in uncle's hse...hahaa...supposed to sshols hw but ended upsurfing the net... haha...I'll pop in lata...Mum's nagging at me to pray..buhbye..

blaupunkt

lols..lots of things happened... but no time to write!!! I'll type real fast...

ohk..last week, i was too depressed to talk..'cos he's gone..uwah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok...forget bout it, shaheera. U're too much! bleh wateva...
Then the national day were the best!! The whole week i went home late at night.. hahaha.. and get a nagging frm mum...yeah...the worst..

this week, i've been trying real hard to buck up in my studs...Falling grades are not acceptable in my family...hahaha...The worst, kena kick out of the house...bleh..bleh...bleh..

And ppl are pissing me off at school...And at tuition..new guys...but ah bengs...oh no...not ah bengs, gangsters. hahaha...gangsters also go to tuition u noe...lols..hahahaha..Then one of them, sebastian, liked amanda...lols...started smsing each other. and farah became increasingly pissed off wif amanda.... bahahaa....I neutral...Then our grp getting more pissed off wif Ci An...'cos he almost made marcus went into a fight wif the gangsters....

I'm disgustingly pissed off by ppl and utterly hungry!!!! mummy....

=(

oh..my only concern now is that.. he's attached... fook...Uwah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


silently crying...


I going....Bleh...Nyeh.

what..

ok..this time...there's like a zillion things that had happened....bleh...nyeh... On monday...I wondered wheather i should go to tuition 'cos i have hist common test...But then still go...cos andy teaching e-maths...Then at last I slept at 4.30 am...studying. Then on tues i was like a zombie....Hahaha...sumore got band prac...do punishments and everything...I was like going to collapsed...Then on wed...Farah didn't come for tuition cos she had her sec 3 camp...having fun. But I don know wheather to go again or not. Farah wasn't there, then I was getting sick....But i still come b'cos mum forced me to...GGRRRR!!!%$%$^(%*&!!! Then went to tuition with Ci An and Aaron... bleh.. all guys..but watever... there're nice guys...I wasn't concentrating the mole concept was a headache...But went home with Marc and Ci An...Quite entertaining...hahaha..They are damn fun ppl!! So that night I ate panadol and lots of it and went to sleep. The next day...I tot want to sectional with nadirah...then skali got ndp reharsals...I was scheduled to be the M.C. but then luckily...they decided to do a voice-over..lucky me...But a while only...Then i still have to perform for band and oso do the sign language in front of the whole school... wat duh...??pissed off arh.. but i like perfroming.. so its ok...i like.. :) But the band played like shit seh...we play in the music room and it was terrific. But when the environment change only..we never listen and our notes are all out of tune...Bleh.. But friday was the best don noe why...but i sign off here... nenek oredi nagging at me for not eating..

bleh nyeh
h.k.m

arrgghh!!

AArrgghh!!! tomorrow hist common test!!!! I must get A! I must get A! I must get A! I must get A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!$*(&%#$&%#$($&(&

Potter

boring week..I have nothing to say except that my work load is piling up and up...tests..homework...and the pressure to keep up with the school work..I'm totally slacking.. haiya..dunno wat to do...I always feel very tired, moody...I never make jokes in class..Like serious like that...hahaha...The class t-shirt will be ready soon..The biggest prob now is to make them pay for it...I mean it's $16...Then it'll be ready in like a few days...On thurs can take oredi...I donno if it'll be nice...I think some of them won't like it...Watever..I've done my responsibility to the best..

man..i feel like going to the toilet..
buh bye
nyeh...

Our newest Drum major!! See Soon!! hahaha..! Frm my section!!Basses rox!!

....[eera]...

Taek Wun..Our experienced ex-drum major...!

....[eera]...

Us..in action..

....[eera]...

Ballon hat festival...

....[eera]...

SYF...Us in action...the glory times always brings me smiles.. :)

....[eera]...

Frm left-me, Qijun, Nadirah, Shi Ying and Xue ting...hahaha...me and my eupho.. :)

....[eera]...

beat!

I'm totally beat!! AArrgghh!! To day is a sunday but i have performance for the handicap welfare association...well...that was a charity...soo...it's ok..but then aft that.. miss carol ask us to do maintainence...shit sia.. soo tired oredi then still need to clean instrument..Then we run 6 rounds the parade square...as punishment...and plus some push-ups...watever..now in nenek house to do finish up the stats project...haiz..still haven't finish...Then Aft this i still have hw and tests to study...I wonder wat time i sleep arh??

This week had been a totally boring week..But i notice something...I slacked..I didn't do my bio, el and hml hw. I cabut band...then I...arh..can't remember wat i do..Slack seh..I MUST BUCK UP!!!GGRRRR!!! I think i just don't have the energy and will power to continue my life...bleh..watever..
I've been ssoo sensitive over very little things...especially on fri night..man...It was ssoo embarrassing...Andy scolded me for not getting the lesson into my head..geomatrical properties of circle...damn..even that shit can get. Wat larh...Then on the home..oh man..that was the worst...hahaha...I breakdown in front of the guys...And all went like...Eh..r u ok anot?? again and again..bleh...actually i was damn angry with that shit larh..Mr M!! YGFPOR ^*R ^*$O^*$%^E!! Hahaha!! ma and amanda vent our anger on him...but he is still thick skined as ever...!!! But only aaron knows why we were in such bad moods...Mr M tot that we girls were having our periods..PMS...hahaha..dumbo!

ah..i going home now..
buhbye and nyeh ppl.
The pic was taken b4 syf..hehehe..

oh man..

:)...hehehe...I'm sorry guys...watever that i had 'tried' to do... Oh...yarh... I was darn...stupid. Stupid me.
Everything is just getting on my nerves. On friday was my o levels oral and i flopped it. Totally. My one and only chance in my whole life for me to take my o levels and i flopped it. Then aft that I went into the girls toilet and cry my hearts out. Shit. I'm such a cry baby!
oohh yarh..I almost took that first puff... It was aft tuition and Cing An had brought a pack of ciggarettes for mark cos he oso wanted to try. But then...that shitty mark didn't come. So...he just lighted one and play with it around...He asked anyone wanted a puff....Luckily no one tried. Luckily Farah was there to make me move away frm them....If she was not there i would be in deep shit right now....
I'm such in bad moods these days...PMS i guess...hahaha... watever...
sorry guys...but i can't gurantee that i won't try it....I just feel so disappointed in everyone.
nyeh ppl.

Nyeh and bleh again.

hey ppl...I'm in a dilemma now... I don't know why i feel like this...But i'm feeling all rebellious now..I even tot of smoking...and get two ear piercings...I feel....hatred all round me...

mum is being so...queen control..she control every aspect of my life...I mean everything...
clothes...frens..my freedom especially...I can't even go down to the mama shop without being interrogated....shit chiby...tolol...babi..

she says always..says she doesn't understand me... yarh wat.. u don't understand me.. U are always comparing me with sis...I'm not sis...I'm shaheera!! for goodness sake...!! She's a pig who only wants to stay home and sleep...freak!! I'm an eagle who wants 2 explore the world...I don't wanna be suck in my niche and have a big butt like her...ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAARRRHHHGHGGGG!!!!

I just want u to trust me.
just that. and be a real family.
family. that's just what want.
how can we be a family when daddy is always out...sis always at work..shamil...always out with his frens and nvr studying...and u...I don't know doing wat all day long..

U say weekends are for family day... and i can't go out with my frens..? but what do we always do during saturdays and sundays..?? Do we spent time like a family?NNOOO WE DON'T!!!

shit i hate myself... I'm silently crying now in my heart..
well.. I guess i should be happy with wat i have now..
bleh
nyeh.
I think i should ask mark to buy for me a box of it...hmmm..

Nyeh.

you.moron. zombie and watever gore creatures created.
I don't know who i'm cursing at...maybe...somebody.....no...I'm sorry...AAARRRGGHHH!!!! WATEVER!!!

I hate myself. fcuk.
I'm falling down....down...Nyeh. bleh.Arh.. fcuk

fcuk
fcuk
fcuk
fcuk
fcuk
i hate myself.nyeh. bleh.

eh.

ok. ok. i suck. My homework still tons of it not done. shit. how to finish? No time!!! Arrgghh.....I got to finish it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man... its always because of band. band. band. Everyday there's band prac. I'm really getting stressed now. Now that I have second instrument...the percussion that it...ah!!!!!!!!! Its really stressing... I have to teach the basses(my first section) juniors on the new pieces...Then i still have to learn my percussive strokes and my bass drum strokes. Then there's also the percussion juniors who doesn't know how to play the new pieces....Then there's the missing pieces problem that i haven't solve yet..........There's ssooo many problems in band....Ok...nvm.. I'll take it as a challenge. Then there's my playing of the bass drum. It was damn terrible...Mr Wong kept shouting at me....Well, I felt embarrased getting shouted at from the conductor in front the whole band.....haiz...

oohh ya.. I'll be away...hols...in malaysia...back on wed...
bla..bla...humans
I'm out of here.

ehiow..

ehiow..ehiow... A zillion things had happened as it had been a long time since i logged in. Been away for camp and stuff like that.... but today was a rollercoaster ride for me.... And i just found out something and i'm biting my tongue now (H&%)&*% likes a girl...man..I'm crying my hearts out!!! UWAH!!!)...Shit.

wateva. I just donno where to start...too many things going through my mind rite now. damn.
ok...I'll start with the camp...
The camp was terrific man.... I get to know frens...who are totally great..even though they are much younger then me. And I get to lead man...show my leadership skills arh...hahaha..like real...The expression nite was great..indian dance cum love story was my group performance...then aft that..mass dance...hahaha... i dance like shit but i still like dancing! hahahaha...Then got mass dance whenever we were free... hahahaha... in the canteen while cleaning oso dance!! hahaha...(someone's eyes bulged when saw me dance with a guy! like i care... go to hell...!) hahaha...Then there's the camp cook class...hahaha... I burnt my arm while my grp member got a huge cut on her finger... hehehe...fun it was but i had to miss on alot of things as there's band prac for balloon festival...Yarh.. balloon festival was damn great man!! hahahaha...The whole band danced!!! Can u imagine that??? Even see soon...hahahaha...ok...bands frm all over singapore gather in sentosa at siloso beach to play band music together, wear balloon hats, dance and enjoy!!! but real tiring arh.. the whole day at beach marching then come back still got camp...wah...the tiredness...man..My legs feel as if it can go off any moment at that time. but the festival, it rowks!!

Then come back home i did my homework as much as i can...but hahaha.. watch tv arh...eh now kids central shows shows which are very good u noe...ooppss.. alamak...I watch kids central....nvm...I'm still a kid wat. Then today in the morning...yeah.. at last i did it, hiq, ..happy??man..I feel weird...like bald..naked.. and numb....AND GUILTY TO MUM!!! aarrhh i hate myself... i hate u shaheera. Then aft i did it mum said she wanted to look at my legs cos of my lebam. Man...I was freaking out...I said it was okay oredi and i'm in a rush... so i cabut like lightning arh...fehw..wat a close shave...I must not let ppl look at my legs...This hard especially with my school skirt...haiz.. i guess i have to tell her no matter wat rite..That will be my doom day man...She'll pull my hair bald...(since i want it bald ssooo much) Then aft that i got band prac but I plan with farah amanda and mark to watch a movie...then i cabut band arh... hahaha... but mark didn't make it..(which was good, menyibuk jer si cowok nie) Then we watch premonition...scary seh...Then i and farah go BK eat...walk2 in TM then went home... TWO gigantic mistakes i made to mum... mum.. i'm real sorry... :( I really hope u'll forgive me. First i didn't tell her I went to movie and secondly I......(I don't want to disclose here but oredi written indirectly)man.. i donno if i can sleep but I have band prac tomolo...copy the stupid scores larh...wateva. I still hate myself. Shaheera hates shaheera.

ardios folks. Bye.

uh-huh

oohhh..ok..lar..exams over... now my schedule for june hols are jammed full...siaw arhh... how to study...and catch up with the studies that i slack...Want to go movies and do study group with farah and mark oso no time... how..seh..hahaha...now i'm chatting on msn instead of studying...I suck ay my exams...I only got no 10 in class... shit lar....haiz.. wat to do.. Just now got band prac...HEAR ME OUT SUCKERS!!! U ARE NOT MEANT TO LIVEEEE!!!!!!! U suck to the core man...there you go...your reward for making me ssoo pissedd oofff....sucksucksucksucksuck...
buzz off... I'm not in a good mmooooddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!!!

La..la...la...

bla..bla..bla.. It's mt period...boring..Cikgu ridwan trying to teach but we don't care..hahahahah... and the guys are watching a japanese movie... so funny talking in japanese language...bahahahahaha...... :) hahahaha.... I'm bored ...

I'll chiow now..
surf the net...
Bubye!!!!!!!!!!
:)

GGrrr...

EEEEIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! shamil's pissing me off again!!! I'm fighting with him over the com...He's soo selfish and impatient!!!!! U suck shamil!!! get oof my back man!!!

okk...my life...like that lar...same2...My results are out and i suck... My hML I get a B3!!!! can u imagine that???? I had never get such marks!!!! Man...if mum were to know bout it...She'll pull my hair bald man... shit lar... And i must u tell u this... ther's some body making me feel so pissed off in school.. Man.. I feel he'll just stop it....ahhh... wat ever lar... Then at tuition..hahaha...Mark dyed his hair!!!! Hahahahahaha....!!!!! and wrong colour that too...yellow strand of extended hair...hahahahha...he looked sssoooo funny!!!!!!!!!hhahahahaha...

I'm bored... I'll surf the net...
byieeee!!!!!!!!!! :)

OOOHHH.....

ok, maths lesson...My grades are out and they're horrible!! Yesterday...my day was a roller coaster ride. My grades was down the drain... and tuition to me was funny... We totally piss Andy off!!! hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! Then Mark came...that was okay... then that night he became the crazy mark again...hahahaha...back to normal...He kept pulling my 'scarf-rong' as he calls it. okay...that's it...

lesson ending...
gtg
Bubbye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)

PMS

PMS...PMS...BULLSHIT!! I hate it when it comes...makes me sick. Ages since i logged in... Exams...exams...making me go bonkers...now is mother tongue period...haha..hanging out in com lab. Just got back my bio papers and i barely got A1...haiz...ok...catching up from the last entry...I said that i did not want to go to tuition on mon and wed but yeah..I did. I did not want but i need to ask andy some questions on maths and bio so i went with farah..THEN....the most stupid thing happened...I did not know what i did to that Mr mark.. but he suddenly stopped talking to me and farah.. what did we do??? Both of us pestered him to tell us what was the prob but he just would not tell me...then he said he had a headache... $%$*&%$*&$???? what was that supposed to mean mark?? I know u're not satisfied with us...but just tell lar...What wrong we did...we are real sorry lar... Then on fri day...he was almost back to normal...laughing and making himself look funny...hahaha...but then.. yesterday again didn't come...i msg also didn't reply...What's wrong??? Tell lar...We are frens rite??? Frens should tell their problems to each other....Haiz...If on wed he did not come... I'm gonna call u!! AAARRGGHHH!!!! You're making me feel guilty!!!!!

Back to school...later having hist....I really hope i get A1...but haiz... my class very competitive.... but if the whole class pass Mr Raj gonna treat us to Pizzahut. YUM...YUM...Ohhh it'll make me go fatter!!! hahaha...Then maths...aahhhhh.....DIE, DIE i must pass!!!!!! &^$&(%#$(%&#(%&

Life's like that!!!
bla..bla..bla..
i'm bored...
gtg...

Babi

Babi. Babi. Am i that bad...that every time u see me u have to critisise me?? Fuck u ah. Am I a FREAK??? just because i wear that "ice-cream hat"?? Stupid lar. I don tink so i'm coming on monday. Frist i have exams, second i don want to see andy''s screaming face and third i don wanna see your fucking face.

I'm cracking up. The exams are here. Bastard. I'm not studying. Sure to fail. Went shopping thinking it would release my stress but ended up feeling regret eating at banquet cos i saw this fabulous skirt at this fashion but can't buy cos no money..... Blablabla...

singing off...buzzz...
shamil's here...
screaming again.
Fuck off and die. :

Highs...and lows...

Many drastic things had been happening in my life...(i'm crying now..) It's like every morning i would see F^$(^$( in the lift...But i know he doesn't give a shit bout it... nor do i... Then in tuition...Farah wif rezza and Amanda wif Mark. hahaha. Good catch ppl. Left me. I'm alone. Not that i'm jealous its just a miracle that u guys get together at the same time. On wed went home together. Had great, great fun...hehehe...Mark even offered to help find H%(^%^ 's phone number. Great. I'll be smsing him...(rolling eyes) Yeah. Then on fri mark didn't come to tuition cos he's having his uncle's cremation. Then on Sat i was supposed to go to masjid sultan to take the bahas prize but suddenly... Mum told me in the morning...Nenek putih...is no more....She's dead. yeah. real dead. I mean died. Today, again, tuition...Andy's mad..he wants me to come for the sec 1 and sec 2 and something happened. A new girl came. Someone whom Rezza knew and they sat beside each other. Stupid Rezza. I hate U. U made Farah heart broken. Even though she doesn't show it but i know her. I knew her for almost 10 years ok...She is sad. So when going home we just went off like that. We don't bother to wait for Rezza...Stupid guy...flirt wif other girls while liking one... Then me, Farah, Amanda and Lishan went to mac to eat. On the way...passing the mrt...I SPOTTED H%&$$(&^$(&!!!!!!!!!! hahaha...LOL!!! Then crazy amanda go and walk in front of him..ssssoooo obvious that we are lookin at him...Then him friend gave me a smile. What was that supposed to mean?? I don't want his friends' smile...I want his!!!! Its always the wrong person!! Shit lar...Oh watever...I'm on the clouds now.........

Can't sleep tonight...
Thinking of H$#&^#$*^
Studying and completing my homework...
Buzzing off...Shamil's screaming....
fuck off and die shamil.

Exams...exams..

Exams are nearing and i still haven't start my revision...man....I must get 75% of my subjects A1...AArrrgghhh!!!!!!I really have to concentrate on my studies.... But kind of hard actually...hehehe...Well, on last fri..went to airportand study physics wif hiq and khai...hahhahaah...real havoc...I just truly wish the other 2 were wf us..like old times...
Ahhh...watever...

Buzzing off...Today got maulid rasul...

Buzz....

This was taken last year...in the music room..hehehe...posing like wat ah..basses sect...hahahaha..

....[eera]...

My basses section...Crazy...hahahaa.....frm right...Solomon,front, Nadirah, back Shi Ying, See Soon and on your furtherest left is me!!! hehehe...Ok...the back are my juniors...Frm left, Gavin, Syazarwan and Muzaki. hehehe...I posed not minding my skirt...ooppsss! Luckily...you see all black...hehehehe..:)

....[eera]...

I'm high...

I'M GOING CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously....I realised that 'it' lives i the same block as me!!! Can u belive it??? OOhhh MMyyy GGGooddd!!!! I can't believe it! Seriously... no wonder he's sssooo fucking familiar!!! ooppsss soree...for that crude remark... Then in school keep seeing him...During recess...Aft school...and he looked at me!!!! hehehehe....Then aft band too....and he looked at me again!!! Uuggghhh!!!! I'm being gross now....stop it shaheera ...u're a disgusting, pathetic fatty big butt old auntie....You don't deserve such pleasures in life.... :( Then went to tuition and i asked farah if she knows any damai guy frm our block and she said him...So farah asked what's up with him...but i didn't tell her untill we were about to go home. That day i became crazy me again. Donno why...hahahahaha....there i go again....hhehehehe...Farah laughed like shit when i told her the truth...aaarrghhh!!!! Then went tm....Was about to go home....then...suddenly...I SAW H#*%^#%^#%^#*%^!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I and Farah screamed and sceamed in the mall when we saw him....hahahahahaha.........My hands practically went all shivery, cold and clamy......Farah insisted we followed him but i was reluctant but folloed anyway ';cos i still want to see him.We followed untill he went in to eat in mac's. But we didn't follow 'cos 9.35 pm oredi... Need to go home. So sadly...two long lost kindered souls went apart their own ways...haiz...That night me and farah couldn't sleep. I lay in my bed....awake for a long time... OK!!!BACK TO REALITY!!!!

This week has been ssooo high for me...Like as if I had taken drugs....Never will i take drugs...They disgust me to the core...Any way...My emaths test, chem, bio was a big total mess...Donno wats got into me. I vowed to go to mjc. My hml 'o's are round the corner...I guess the band pracs were pulling my energy level down. And on Wed, 13 april, we went to Singapore Conference hall For our SYF......It was a lifetime experience.....I, the freak king didn't freak out on the stage!!!! I've succeded!!!Ok, that's the best part...but i did some big, gigantic, enormous mistake....I don't wanna say...its a mess...Then...when the moment of truth was about to come...I really felt a feeling that i had never expected to be present...I felt that the band was really united....we hold hands together and i mean the whole band....as we waited for the moment of truth...Sincerely I thought that we would get bronze or COP. But we managed to attain a silver... Nah...my target were gold..But it didn't happen...nvrm..i'm still happy with the results...I screamed and screamed when we heard the results...Good gracious...the feeling was heart throbbing...In the bus we took pictures....Reached school and still taking pictures....hahaha...I posed like a mad girl...Donno wat's got into me...hehehehe... Then fri...photo taking...I'll show u our band u and my section...

Buzzzing offf....
bbuuzzzz eera..

LoL

Lol....I'm back...again.. In school hours even...hahaha...with 4t1 i the midst... Lol... so noisy... but i'm in pieces...physics test in a moment... but i don even care to study... shit ... must study... but my head in a mess... later el oral..band...higher malay... how am i going to go to three places at the same time???? Divide myself in 3??? great... real great... physics test in jiffy... I'm coing!!!!!!!!!!

buzzing off... buzzzz...

......... :]

I'm high this week totally...saw 'it' a few times this week and i become crazy me again...but still can't forget h......Grrrr.....i hate myself...But i'm still happy....hahahaha.....Got lots of tests...new lamo teacher for bio....hiaz...how to pass...sure to fail...had speech day....hehehehe.....saw 'it' again....Then had band...This is the best part....Band had improved a lot...Sr and Eb was really nice when we played together. Then Mr Tan and Miss Lee went in to givesome motivation and support for us. But I still haven't even started my homework!!!!

SYF is 2 days more to go...and i need to focus!!! Buzzz offf....need to do my work..

Long time since i've drawn...but lurrvv abstract!!

....[eera]...

Back from camp!!!

Camp was sssosooooo great!!! I will never be able to forget my memories there!! The instructor, friends and what we did together as a group....I'll miss them....ooohhhh.... hahaha...I went in mud and got cuts and bruises..went for night walk and sang songs while walking...Went to the seaside and watch the night sky....sooo beautiful....Had delicious maels together, did our duties. The next day, did inisiatif and team-building games. Had to squeezeinto a small canvas together....hahaha...like tunas. Practised our cheers and item for that night then went for river challenge! Had to get into the pond filled with TADPOLES!!!! GROSSSS!!!!! Then we played the game....Then we did mass bathing...hhehehee...Then campfire night!!!! Best of all. Can't describe it....Then we had disco!!! No strings attched...I became the wildest me i've had ever done....danced and danced....with girls, boys...whoever... Then supper and sleeping time... Next morning....pack the tents and did duities...lucklyily no washing toilets!! Then the group had some private time with Jeremy...Take group photos, cheers and some bidding goodbyes...and we're off while singing the sarimbun song....

haiz...I'll cheerish this part of my life.....

Now...back to reality!!! The bahas yesterday was a flop!! Hhahaha....watever...it was an experienced for me though...

life's like that!
hahahahaha!!!!!

Lar...lar...lar....

Ages since I wrote in ...I'm fucking busy all day long even no time to pamper myself with food but ah...this is my life...Any way...my camp is on wednesday!!! Yeah!! Then I still have to prepare for the Debate Berita Harian competiton....This is soooo....nerve racking!! Its on Saturday, the next day after my camp. Then i still have tests and exams and SYF to prepare with!!!!! And my 'o's are just round the corner....Die....How to cope??? SYF is just the next week after my competition!! 2 competitons in a row!!!! ...Die...

I'll buzz off...Need to focus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAH!!!

YEAH!!! It's the march holidays!!!....but still have to come to school....boring!!! On mon got maintainance, tues got NE learning journey then band outing, on wed D n T exhibition..., thurs and fri, band whole day..and most of all...tons of homework!!!! haiz...But this week, many things had happened...On mon...I went to my new tuition centre...very fun but the work the teacher gave was hard...on wednesday...I went to our school netball match instead of gong to higher malay!! Kah...kah..kah..!!!Then after that I went back to school in a taxi and have sectional with mr wong...hahahahha...mum was sooo annoyed when she got to know i went to band...but she still doesn't know i skipped higher malay!!! hahahaa!!! but if she were to know bout it...she'll blow her top off ah....hahahaha...Then rushed to tuition then went home at like about 10pm...hahaha...went gallavanting at TM! kah..kah..kah...!!! On thurs...came for sectional late; had to finish the 8 page essay about AIDS....boring! Then went for sectional and i got right for most of the parts....hhhhmmmm....that's a miracle...i didn't know i could do it...Then after that... I sectional in the band store with rizal, Qijun, y-y, Jean Kaen and see soon. I played a lot wrong notes...hhahaha...need more practice with the tempo. We played a lot old songs... it was fun... playing music...release stress...LOVE MUSIC!!! Then Friday got PE...hahaha...played basketball with the girls...and get to know bout them more...Then went to band. Sectional the whole day...boring seh...We managed to do most of the parts ah...Then i cabut band..I rushed back home and went for tuition but this time farah wasn't with me...boring seh...she went to Indonesia...Anyway... I still went gallavanting again and arrived home at 10pm. hahaha... mum even called saying she was worried that i did not arrived home early...watever!! I don care!! See how rebellious i am now...I'm scared i will hurt her feelings ...but anyway...I also have a say in my life not only her... I felt sick and took panadol and went to sleep straight away. Then today I woke up feeling giddy but had to force myself to go to school at 6.30am. Even when its school days i did not wake up this early....Anyway.. iwent to school and had sectional again...Mr Wong take only the trombones, horns and trumpets...BORING!!! from 7.30 to 2pm! Only sectional an nothing else!!! Siaw ah!!By the fourth hour...nothing was heard...all had been knocked out...We also felt very hungry and went for food treasure hunting....hahaha...We only managed to find an unopened bottled peach tea. And we drank it!!! Then the welfare went to give out some biscuits...and we, the piranahs made a dash for it but Melissa, the piranah tamer stopped us for our crave of food. So we were left to sectional again.. We felt tired and all of us went in hibernation state....hahahha....All of us practically slept!! We were sooo bored, tired and hungry that all of us slept together on the tables. But then our necks become stiff. Then the clarinets came in and joined us in the boredom quest... We played the SYF song and then it was time for combined band!!! Hhehehehe...soo..happy!!! At least there's something to do! Then magically we played well!! It was ssooo nice that i did not wanna go home!! but had to...then went gallvanting with aishah to Singapore expo. There's a popular sale and we went there...Then went to rumah nenek and sleep to my content...ahhh... sooo relaxing!!!kih..kih..kih...

and one more thing before i sign off....THANX!!! to iylia for your effort to help me.. It really touched me when u wanted to help me till like that. Now, i'm more confident of my myself....Thanx ssooo much! Only god can repay your noble kindness to me. May god bless u!!

long time no write...i'm sucklingly so tired...Just had cross country today in bedok reservoir..but i didn't run...the band performing. Even if i had run..there won't be any difference in the band's playing!! Even if i'm no more...no one would even notice....They tried to piss me off time and again...U all go and kiss my foot, butt and shit first ah before u want to piss me off!!!! suckers... Is my plaing that bad till i can't even play in syf??? ohh...i forgot!!! I'm just a walking statue who unfortunately could play the euphonium but sadly no music can come out...So..it doesn't qualify to go to syf!! Too bad....

There's common test every week...making me a walking zombie. And cik sham asking me why i had failed 2 tests...Only want me to get first in class but never appreciated or value my hard work. Never think how much slogging and sacrifice i had done...Shit!!! I had tried my best right?? Wat u want me to do?? Cheat in the tests is it?? Then mum didn't let me go to bintan for a social studies trip...it's only $125!!! And i'll be using my own money!! For goodness sake i don wanna use your money!!! The money in my bank account are all from the scholarships that i had won!! My own hard work!! Wat's wrong with that?? I'm not going there to enjoy, to study history!! For God's sake, I'm 15!!!!!!!!! Not 5 years old!!!!!!!!

Those suckers...I tried to think positive.... I tried to convince myself that u are doing this for the band's sake...but your actions totally contradicts with wat i thought... Wat is this?? When u play...u purposely play loudly so that all of them could hear how well u play..But when u all played wrong notes want to piss me off...u will not play so people hear SHAHEERA playing so ugly!! And i'll be accused of play badly... And mr wong..doesn't even noe my name... even when they need a librarian and i'm in front of me..they will not approach me....OOhhh...i forgot again.. I'm just a statue...

Unfortunately...this statue's ears are not yet deaf...and i'm not dumb...i'm just stupid... watch out suckers...

you noe wat...life sux!!

Fuh yo!! At last!! I managed to get a new template!! I experimented with it for the past 2 hrs!! hahaha..but still i haven't finished wif it yet soo...stay tuned....wwooohhooo!!!!

Its been quite sumtime since i write in this blog. My life had turned upside down. I donno why...Being a teenager sucks! So many probs! haizz...Studies..band...mum...family...shit... I hate crying! My grades are going down the drain, i just donno why. I just don't have the interest to study anymore...Wif khai sitting beside me babbling bout her stead...[make me feel pissed off cos i am thinking of him. I hate thinking of him!!!] Then at band..I hate those suckers...[u noe hu u r...suckers!], new sec ones are in...the sec two are still nuts at their music theory...me, just being an extra in the band...Then there's mum...For goodness sake i'm FIFTEEN!! not five years old! And i had never even been to bugis wif my frens!! Never in my life before!! She wants me to wat?? Rot in the house wif a book?? Shit!! I just don't get the freedom i deserved and need it...Or do i deserve it since i'll be failing my tests?? I think rot in house wif a book is better...Lately i've been cring alot...till my head and eyes ached....I hate crying...

This blog is making me crazy!! The image doesn't want to come out!! Its sssooooo UGLY!! I wanna change the template but i donno haw to...haizz...

All this were taken when we were celebrating kak wani and Imran's birthday. Soo...fun...the are ssoooo tantalisingly delicous!!! uummwahh!!

Aaww....sssoooo romantic....hehehehe.... 

Say cheese!! 

THE CLEOPATRA POSE!!! 

Hey you!!! wat u looking at??!! 

Cuttiiieeee pie...I'm pinching your cheeks!!! hehehe... 

Open your mouth...AAAHHHHH!!!!! 

Big Beady eyes are healthy eyes!!! hahaha... 

The heppi cousins!! 

Smile!!! 

*yawn... Faster pose la... 

Fell Down But I Got Up

The blow come and go like the blood gushing through my veins. More hatred flows through my young body... Making me more rebellious each day.... Thought of swimming in the reservoir without life jackets....Thought of gulping down ten of those white tablets.... Thought of slashing the pen knife in my pencil box through my veins...But i didnt managed...I cried silently but no one knows.. no one hears...I walked through many aisles and questions flooded my thoughts.... I walked through many corridors and my imaginations run wild....I walked on the road and i felt like flying...flying...with the wind....

Suckers...I'm back again...

Hey suckers... I'm still not done with u...

U made my life suck...


U suck to the core...

B'cos u are true suckers!!


And I'll be back...

Suckers...Here i come!!!!

Hey suckers out ther hear me out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like totally jumping into the reservoir...........


suckers...u made my life like hell!!

I hate u!!

Suckers are not meant to live....


U SUCK.

The First Week Of the Skool Year 2005

This week has been full of ups and downs for me... Mon has been quite okay...la. But on Tues, the hectic of my schedule had got into me. I got band after school, so, i came home like bout 8.00... Luckily mum did not nag at me...phuh! Then on Wed i still have band, on Wed we had a special performance for the sec ones, bullshit performance!!! Totall shit!!! Horrible... Then here comes the part...After the performance, Alif really gave us a hacking...a riminder that the SYF is coming...Many ppl were crying...including me...I just feel that watever he said was totally true...like the sec twos were not putting in much effort...Want to come or not to come....haiz... When me, Shi Ying and Nad said this to them, they gave us a shit face!!! Wat's this?? When i was a sec one, i had never dared to give this kind of thing to Nad or Sandy but they are now so rude...Then, that day oso, they changed... like the basses sect spring clean the whole band store...hahaha...We even found a mute for Euphoniums!!! Old one though...like...10 years... Then on Fri, prac again..Then the next day, that is today... We had our performance for the CCA exhibition... Our performane I think was really good... :) hahaha...we played and danced at the parade square then we made an impromtu performance at the atrium....hahaha...We played while walking and we also danced around the atrium!!! It was really fun!!! This is what i love bout band...PERFORMING!!! grooving to the music!! ooohhhh yyyaaahhh!!!!hahaha.... juz hope the weeks coming will be fine... 8-)