reality tv

ok, the realities of life have hit me. prelims in a few months time. that means a levels too. considering how much i screw up terms, i really have to buck up. like seriously. thats not gonna be easy considering how slow my brain process information. i'm clueless as to how i should improve my grades. yup i'm feeling kinda like lost hope in myself i guess. like i'm so stupid. grrr. band's just gonna be more intensive. practise and practise and practise. turandot, paganini, charming asia and feng yang. what else? i cant remember. hmm.. persis is running through my head..

mcs drama is starting. well, i'm supposed to be the costume designer. erhmm.. ohk. and the music arrangement is.. omg. we have no clue about malay tradisional theatre whatsoever. oh, we'll manage. somehow.

i have decided. i wont go on with the operation even though its gonna deteriorate my condition. i dont care, i'm not gonna put the family kinship that i have to risk. just because of money. money. money. money. i just wanna help my parents lead a peaceful life in the future. thats all. the present probs and experiences have told me something. money isnt everything in life.

will i be able to endure all this? i dont know.

ok, so obviously i am stressed here.

ya allah, aku mohon kepada mu, ampunilah dosaku, dosa ibu bapa ku, keluargaku, guru-guruku and seluruh umat islam. ya allah, aku memohon kepada mu, ringankan lah bebanan yang sedang ibu bapa ku hadapi. aku bertuah mempunyai ibu bapa yang begitu menyayangiku, membelaiku, berkorban untuk ku. hanya kau sahaja yang tahu betapa susahnya mereka membesarkan aku dan adik-beradikku. murahkanlah rezeki keluargaku, berkatilah rezeki yang datang ya allah. permudahkanlah perjuangan ku ini sesungguhnya aku mahu menyenangkan hati mereka. memenuhi kewajipan ku sebagai seorang manusia di dunia ini sebagai hambamu. ya allah, terangilah hati ku ini supaya ilmu senang aku garap. berkatilah ilmu yang aku cari. berilah mereka-mereka yang berbuat salah kepada yang tidak bersalah dan dalam kesusahan balasan yang setimpalnya. sesuangguhnya kaulah yang maha adil lagi maha mengutahui. ya allah, sesungguhnya aku hanya seorang hambamu yang lemah, begitu lemah sehingga aku harus meminta dan memohon kepadamu, kabul kan lah doa ku ini.

time mug, mug, mug!!!!!!!!!!!!
chiao.

fun-o-rama-ing

fun-o-rama was fun in a way and not in some other ways. so, lets not talk about the less cheery side. it'll just make me wanna stab people.

its was super tiring day. and the days leading to it. the morning started out quite slowly with very little people in acjc. i had supermarket duty. so i just sat in the hall for 1 1/2hrs and stone. then went arnd the stalls and i was forced by cong to play at his stall. oh, i found out hidden talent! throwing coconuts at bowling pins!.... hahaha, i scored the second highest! wow. haha but as the day went on, i couldnt believe that acjc could be so crowded. the hunted houses were on full house. the queue went on and on till i dont know where. and there were so many people playing at our stall that it was quite impossible just to have the people on the shift working. so had to round-up everybody. the prizes were gone before 4pm but there were still people streaming in. hahaha. i felt like there was a food shortage as i couldnt grab hold of the halal food around and there were sooo many people. haiz.. so i had to dinner out with em, enjia and eugene. anyway there was no food at home. dinner out is damn frustrating because i ordered single mushroom swiss with a barley drink. and it costs me $5.15! whereas i can get a double meal for $6.25. grr. a hungry man is an angry man. mrt-ed home with eugene who had no more energy. yes, eugene! i mean it, no more energy! to talk or even to walk. we were extremely quiet and i had to help him with his stuff, if not i bet he wouldnt make it home. haha.

and i went home feeling hungry to an empty house. so blasted music into my ears at 12pm till 2 am before i fell asleep. so here i am working like a slave, cleaning, wiping and vacuuming the house 'cos theres people coming to view my house later. and theres no one.


ehw, i hate this. its giving me mood swings.

chiao.

the girls cant make it, kak siti had school, seri has to accompany her parents, the juniors went on without me, the rest either not interested or too busy. and minah asked me explicit questions making it as though i have no friends,while she keep saying she'll be waiting for her friends from other jc, her childhood friends and on and on. fuck off everybody. yes, i hate you people. get it? and i guess boyfriends more important than bestfriends right? wtf. 

fun o rama-ing

oh me goshhhhh fun o rama is tomorrow!!!!!!! so people out there, come to acjc tmr if you are bored! haha, it'll be so fun, so much delicious food! yeah!

i'm going to the haunted houses and scream 'pokeycock!pokeycock!' HAHAHAHA.

concert photos are taking ages to upload! i'll post later when i have time.

*slaps forehead, i've heard the muse recordings. credits to sam and sean! thanks guys! (although they wont be reading this) oh my.. we really need to improve alot. acsi did really well, good jobs guys!
*slaps forehead, i got a free fun o rama shirt which is pink in colour! PINK! argh. which i have to wear tmr!! noooo!

I DO NOT LIKE PINKKKKKKKK.GRRRRR.

i just wish people would have more faith in me. believe in me that i can play well, then maybe i would be able to play out and not be scared. hmm.. just disappointed with some people.

trust and understanding is what we lack. we have a few months more. lets see if we can do this.

ah, my family are overseas now. aaahhh i feel damn lonely...

chiao.

muse-ing 2008

acjc eupho 2008 :)))))))))))

the vietnamese model having a photoshot in esplanade! haha.-cong

the crazy trio-ryann, nadi and dwayne, who always calls me.. hehe, shant say in case more people starts calling me that.

the mighty esplanade concert hall when its empty. ahw.. i'm gonna miss sitting there and looking ahead from that angle. but i am looking forward to the day i am looking at my juniors from the audience seat playing some fantastic songs on stage.

muse is over. hmmm, i could have done better. kinda disappointed with myself. i'm sorry.. urgh. we sounded ok i guess. but could have done better. way better. considering during the practises we did better than that. oh well, its a learning experience. i sure learnt some things.

i feel damn tired. back to intensive studying and fun-o-rama. yay!

chiao.

i so so so loveeee this songgggggggggg. wohooo. jason mraz-i'm yours.

pre-concert day brain damage

concert is tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh yeah, everybody knows that.. i need not annouce. but, concert is tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am sosososososososososososo egg-cited. haha. i'm afraid i cant sleep tonight. how eh.. i'll need all the energy tomorrow to play to my best ability tomorrow.

after all those long session of intonation, long tones, rthymic training in d minor, a minor la and what nots, our hard core band camp where we only eat, practise and sleep, listening to dr lee's angsty comments(he meant well after all..) you know what i mean ac band, lets make music. just put our heart into it and play music. sincerely.

i have put in alot of effort in perfecting my parts, all of us had too. so its now up to our ears, heart and musicality to deliver it.

i still remember the comment that i made way back in secondary school. i was pissed la, why damai band cant have our own public concert at VCH or SCH. how naive i was at that time. yeah, now i know the answer. its real hard work man. selling tickets to make sure you play to a full concert hall and not an empty one, pracising hard so that the audience's money is worth it and the planning of the concert itself is no joke. seriously, so kids, if you want your own concert, make sure you really can do it.

sat's prac was bad i guess. i just polished my instrument so i sounded seriously sharp!!! like all of my notes. haiz. i was soo pissed with myself. on mon, we really have to warm up properly. and tune every note. tsk, if not.. *covers face* plus, open our eyes big bigggg and watch dr lee's conducting. his conducting is damn unpredictable on concert days..

seriously, those who didnt come for this concert is gonna miss alot! too bad... because i think this concert is especially special. i'm not saying this because i'm part of it. but i have this intuition that it is special because all of us had worked so so so hard, cracked lips, lack of sleep, putting our studies on the line and all. and then theres acsi and barker and the combine bands. so people will not only watch acjc but all acs schools. erm.. excluding the pri sch. which i dont really want to work with, considering how it turned out for the christmas concert. hehehe.

aye...reached home at 11.30pm on sat. i was prepared to get slaughtered by mum. but.. i guess she cant be bothered with my band practise timings anymore hahaha.

chiao.

oh oh oh tomorrow is concert dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. ahahaha. i am feeling high.

acjc concert band at the esplanade

anglo-chinese concert band at the esplanade

on 24th march 2008, 7.30pm.

tickets left $18 and $21!

this is absolutely the last i really mean,

the LAST few hours to get yours tickets


and i really mean the LAST few hours


to get yours tickets

before the awesome concert!

so, hurry ask your friends along

and contact me or any

acjc concert band members.

alternatively, you call sistic! :)

banding

i'm feeling so excited as well as nervous for this concert. so many conductors and friends are coming to watch us. gosh.. i hope i dont screw up any of my exposed parts. oh my god.. this is sooo scary! oh yes, mr wong is going to conduct barker and they are playing ammerland. ahhh that song is so nice, they better bring justice to it! i'll be watching backstage! haha. oh yeah.. i'm clueless about concert gifts. and,and.. i finally sold all my tickets!!! gosh.. it was damn hard.. i had to make myself so thick skined.. forcing them to buy my tickets.. hahaha.


thursday's practice ended so late that i got blasted by mum. i was still in school at 10.30pm. how about that. i made so many mistakes, gggrrrr.. i'm so angry with myself. and i'm out of tune! but when i tune going up and down scales, i'm on the green light. howhowhow... mon's the concert already!!!

tmr's practice will be in acjc. i'm so glad we need not move to acsi... with instruments and all, heavy la. will be meeting all those little boys again. ah, sometimes they give me headaches... hesh.

good friday is really a good day to rest, considering that next week will be tough, band concert, fun o rama and not to forget to continue studying. i have to get ready to get balsted by teachers again for my terms . ggrr. i'm just so angry with myself. so angry.. that i cant say it explicitly.

i really HOPE fun o rama will be fun. esp when its with my class. i dont know..


suddenly, the memories of last muse came rushing back to me. :) oh the festive overture that we played. hehe. and the phantom of the opera plus the standing ovation that the euphos got aft it. i really want this muse to be so much better that last years!

chiao.

wicked

am i just plain stupid or retarded? choose one.

its ssp time.

chiao.

so how?

i dont know how i should react to my terms results. it like, really bad.. but i just dont feel any emotions. it all locked up inside. i worked stinking hard for it but yea, i failed yet again. i want to let it out but i guess it wont make the situation any better. so now, i have to kick my own butt, slap my own face and punch my own stomach to make myself work harder and not give up. although i failed again, i still have to go on..

just dont ask me if i'm ok because its a stupid question. obviously i'm not. dont ask me to cheer up because you wont feel any happier if you fail your terms and people ask you to cheer up. but i do appreciate the concern. thanks. i just need to be alone for now.


chiao.

Back to reality?? i dont wanttttttttttt

oh my god. march school holidays are over? but i have tons of work to do. like my long overdue lit hw, clean my room, hunt people to force to go my concert, get enough rest before school officially starts and err.. yeah, get ready mentally for school again. cant i have school with only band practises and music classes? i dont mind. i dont want to study about rocks and how precipitation moves around in the ground.

next week will be sooooo freaking busy. i just hope band practises will makes me less depressed after school since we'll be getting our terms results. argh. back to reality, yes.
mon-i must have individuals, tues-band prac till i dont know what time 'cos we'll be covering the crazy blue horizon piece, wed-combine sectionals, thurs- band prac from 6.30pm till late night. hurhurr.. fri-its good friday! another holiday! :) ermm.. wait, that means it study time! sat-combine prac with acsi, sun-maybe another prac, depends on our performance. hurhurrr.. the next mon, concert day! oh yes.. i need to prepare concert gifts too... hhmmm..

the past few days have been mentally, physically and emotionally challenging. band camp was quite intensive, till like i realise that i cracked my lips on the way home. (see, syad! we practised so hard to give you guys a really good concert, ok!)

i'll blog about all the drama that happened during band camp tmr.. or when i feel like it. 'cos remembering band camp makes me angry. yes, i feel like pouring acid on somebady's face. grrr.

chiao.

i love u girls till the bits.and crooks and corners.

wow! khai's devouring the waffles! hahaha.

look at how hiqmah is giving all her concentration to the art of eating fondue..

oh lalala, look at the balls of ice cream that wont melt till its in your mouth!

more photos in siti's camera. will upload when i feel like it. hahaha.

oh lalalala. went out with aisyah and syad today. watched horton. funny movie. i can hear syad guffawwaing loudly during the whole movie.. tsk.. noisy seh. ate at ljs, its been centuries since i went out, watch movie and eat. wow...

then meet up with the girls today. and yes, had a blast of a time. ate at food culture. then head to haagen daz to eat FONDUE. wwwooooo. syiok to the max seh. plus, waffles. oh me gosh. too much sweet stuff. makes go high nowwwwwwwwww. retail theraphy aft that. well, not excatly, we just look around, responding to the calls of 'sale' haha. whooots! and tmr is band camp!! how great is that. weeeeeeee. let me enjoy my last bits of holiday yeah. weeeeee.

tmrbandcamp. tmrbandcamp. tmrbandcamp.

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

chiao.

banding

i told them to squeeze because i couldnt capture all of them. and so, look at their 'squeezed' faces.haha, my juniors..

ehmmm.. my dear section mates. (oh no, i look fat!)

told ya i was gonna have a blast. haha. but the saturday's practice started out badly. and dr lee lectured us. hhhmm.. i played badly too. its been quite a long time since i've practised due to terms.

but, had fun during section lunch and dinner. omg.. my section is totally crazy. my cheeks went numb and tears of joy ran down my cheeks from all the laughing. luch was at anchorpoint kfc and took alot of photos with sheree's cool and funky camera. hahaha. dinner was at holland v. i think we were so loud that there was this man who sat near us and said, 'this is how jc students behave..' like whatever man. then its alumni concert. oh, THEY WERE SO GOOD LA. the solos were outstandingly good. and the repertoire were excellent. i felt like standing up and start dancing during the encore. but of course, i'm still not out of my mind yet. aft concert, haha, irna met her idol. HAHA. i still laugh when i remember how it happened.

so, yesterday's prac was musically excellent. we improved i guess. dr lee said, good! very good. ahh, how difficult it is to make him happy with our practices. that, without edwin. isey man.. but i still get pick on. first because i didnt play together with the tenor sax during armenian. then second was when i was tying my hair. gandalf made me feel like i ran 2.4km. gosh, all that running notes. but yea.. i played it! my lips felt like it was going to drop off anytime soon. aft that marvelous band prac, i was going down the stage and guess what, i slipped and fell on the stage. aahhh, how embarassing is that. erm, yes, together with my eupho. hahaha. aft that went to keep my eupho and guess what again, i hit my head into the horn's bell's casing. ouch laaaa. i am so clumsy or what :(

band camp on thurs!!! wwweeeeeeeeeee!!!

oh shoot! i still have my $25 tics to sell! oritey, people!!!!

acjc muse at the esplanade! let us mesmerize you with our music! 24th march 2008, 7.30pm. so do come on down ! :))))))))))

last few days to purchase your tics with meh!

Life isnt that simple

a level results are out. some did well. some didnt.

i'm so proud of those who did. while the many others, i may not understand it now. but i guess i can feel the melancholic and tense atmosphere just now. and it wasnt nice at all. i feel sad. and scared too. u guys worked so hard and yet.. how will i fare?

i got an A for mt a level btw. but the person whom i wanted to please wasnt pleased at all.

what must i do to make u smile and be proud of my achievements?

tell me what?

i'll do just that.

must i run away from home then you'll give me your attention?

must i?

i swear i will make u see me.

i will make sure i am worth your attention.

if i can get a U grade and then to a D, i will jump from that D to an A.

i swear i will make cik sham's sacrifice worth while.

i swear i will get us out of this vicious cycle.

i tell u that.

but will i succeed?

i pray to you oh God, bless this journey of mine.

too much emotions in me.

tmr's band prac from 8.30 am to 5.30pm. then its alumni concert.

hmm, i'm gonna have funnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wwweeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

chiao.

whyyyyyyyyy???

when i get bored, i'll start to think. i'll go into my deep thinking mode.

like why do people want to avoid ageing? why?

why most relationships never last long? why does it always fade over time?

how do you know that person is trustworthy?

trust, accept, sincerity, love. and nothing else.

right?

ahw.. these questions are giving me headaches..

chiao.

recovery

its mass movement! its the downward movement of materials such as rocks and soil, etc, influenced by the force of gravity.

as you can see the word rocks and avalanche. its geog!!!


i wass so darn bored by studying. so ehehehe.. as you can see, terms is serious business.

true isnt it?

ok whats been happening? the greatest thing happening right now is that.. I FINISHED TERMS! yessssssssaaaaaaaaaa. wohooo. so now lets wait for results. which i am almost sure i will have to attend ssp. oh what the hell la. i've studied hard and early. i've done my best during the examinations. if i still cant pass. ggrr, i guess i have to try harder. esp geog, *rolls eyes. i wonder how my seniors who took geog actually managed to finish studying all of it? like seriously, how?? ok, enough thinking.

the weeks before terms were quite crazy for me.but i tried to relax.. cant afford to make the mistakes again, by panic-ing and all. band practice and studying for terms at the same time... i thought i will be screwed for terms but actually ok la. but wait, i am screwed for terms. went mugging with em, gerdine and enjia. i became quite stressed up with integration. and i got it at last on sat. kah-ching! ehehehe. then went to mug for geog with seha at esplanade lib. i think thats a really good place to study, seriously. even though i studied so much.. ahh just see the results la, how badly i screw up. but anyway, the last mt lesson was quite significant. hahaha. cikgu jam asked us to write a msg to each and everyone in class. and i got really sweet msg-es from my classmates. i was ssooo touched! ehehhehehe. then during band prac, 5 juniors came into my section. so not enough euphos to go arnd. and that prac was quite screwed up. i was in a darn stupid bad mood. ragh. i got hit by a rugby ball, someone almost abandone me and and a person's lack of passion, commitment and irresponsibility all add to my bad mood that night. freaky.. i was soo tired, angry and all. tons of hw to do, terms coming and the next day was mass pe. amazingly, i survived. wow. oh yeah aft that, band prac again and i guess my body just couldnt take it and i got muscle cramps on my legs that made me cringe in pain that day and i had to limp for a few days. ahahaha.

terms out, intensive prac for band is here i guess. band camp soon. I CANT WAIT!!!!! ah, there's still band concert tic to sell, fun o rama tic to sell. plus money issues like the switz trip and my surgery to think abt. oh god help meh. yeah meh. help meh.

chiao.

i think was good. especially the trumpets.
makes me wanna play pop songs again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am so dead.

KHAIRIAHNI BTE JOHARI!!!!

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

MAAAAFFFFFFFFFFF ZAHIR DAN BATIN!!!!!!!!!!

i am sexy plus rich

i am rich! :)))))))))

oh wow, i didnt realise that!

haha i am the sexiest and wealthiest person on earth!

cool sia...
:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

chiao.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i need alot of vitamin c. i need loads of motivation, determination and edurance. plus discipline.

i have been slacking too much. i am screwed for terms.

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

chiao.