ragh

exams results was astonishingly good. like unexpectedly good. but when i got to know of others' results, i dont feel THAT great anymore. but luckily those middle-aged-PMS-half-phsychotic ehems thinks otherwise. so i am perfectly safe for now of their naggings or whatsoever.

HOWEVER! i cant escape from their tauntings of getting married and having an evil in-law who tortures their daughter-in-law to do housework. Hence, i was forced into the kitchen till my hands were yellow from mixing herbs, chorse from the detergent and cuts from cutting onions, garlic and chillis.

ITS NOT LIKE I AM GOING TO FREAKING GET MARRIED NEXT WEEK RIGHTTTT~! ERGGGHHHHH.

sigh. i wanna go back to schoooooooooooooooollllllllllllllllllll. *sobs*

someone, save me. take me away.

:]

anxiety isnt good for health.

but somehow it cant be helped,

what, why?

WHAT IF..?

i wonder.

chiao.

crabby patty day

i miss them. eh wait, wheres khai and az? tsk, incomplete.

amazing crabby patty day yesterday. and enthu pissed me off so badly. grrrr.


i dont want to be a weeeeeakling. but. sighs.





weird dreams. cryptic-like dreams. or its just my mind playing games?





ehhhh i cant wait for thurs ^^



now. for the dreading part.. PROJECTS+STUDY. T____T

chiao.

home not so homely

there are reasons why i hate be to be home.

just dont ask me why.

because i really hate being here right now.

interview for syog was really... an eye-opener. how competitive the world out there really is. how sheltered we really are.

all the more i wanna go out there.

i really want this internship. but but but. MOL.LA.

chiao.

desperate

i'm getting desperate. i really dont know what to do. these days, i'd rather talk less.

i wished i could have gone for the tune in. miss them.



from the mad rush in the morning to pack, get dressed and rush to school. missed the stooopid bus. late for band. arrive like some star karat. get labelled as the lady in pink. yeah i have started wearing pink. yuck. then on to outdoors. the heat was effingggggggggg intense. then to ecp coffee bean where abg farhan got us girls to ride in his car!!!!!!!!! and had a kecoh time in the car. haha. toured ECP in the car for like.... 2 hours? haha. got to pit 42D and chilled. cycled. bacame superman for awhile. got hurt. HAHAHA. bike spoilt. for a moment wished i had edward cullen. haha. no choice, had to call my heroes and heroins. yay! saved me and cleaned wound. ate. cleaned up and home sweet home. detailed enough? ok, tired. sleep!

i think i reeeeeally like cycling!
oh happy birthday irna and safiqah!

chiao.

raya 2008

pak haji family. haha. who always force us to go mosque to pray.

kak siti, me and sis! my relatives!

look at that! ffooooddd again!!!

fooddddddddd. heh.

:) my brother is taller than me? isey man.. now than i realise.



of course there are more pictures. too many. when i have the time and energy to do it, i'll do it soon.

four days of fever and sore throat is killing me.

gah, i need sleep. but 1 more essay to go!

i can do this!

chiao.

i wanna quit school.

i wanna quit school.

ok not that bad la. haha.

ok, not funny.

prelim results made me feel like i wanna jump into a pool and submerge myself in it for 5 hours.

but guess what. five weeks. let me repeat fiveee weeks till my life, my future is secured.
err, that include all my hari raya holidays. sigh.

A levels. my future.

God, are you there for me? i'm scared.

looks like this blog will be on hiatus for sometime.

chiao.

roll it up!!

now, its not the time to fret, but to roll up your sleeves and keep working.

i know its going to be tough. to push up grades for almost every subject. i'm feeling anxious, scared, that i wont be able to do this. will i be able to? i dont know. i even had this weird dream. it was during As and i was taking my gp paper. and i had to go through so many obstacles. i woke up crying because i was scared like shit.

but, i just wont give up and keep working!! especially on my geog. sigh. and math. bigger sigh.

looking through my prelim papers, i was like oh damn it! why didnt i write this! i know this! oh damn it! why did i write this! its total crap! yeah. like pure enlightenment man. kah ching! and boy, i was impress with my econs essays. haha.

but at the rate i'm going.. there wont be much diff. i really should work harder. like how really really behind time i am on my schedule. *smacks face.

so friends out there, keep working yeah? dont give up! :) oh, all of us should take care of our health. like how i am desperately trying to. and if i were to get enough 8hrs of sleep, i have to sleep at 8 pm. wth right.

right.. essay outlines, here i come.

chiao.

wrong.

whats wrong with me?!

oh, i really cant cope with this!

:(

was not in it and never will. well, never been a part of it. nevermind, i'll just get on with my life.

chiao.

missing

oh man, i miss them a zillion.

;(

chiao.

naive and gullible

i just realised how stupid, naive and gullible i am. to believe words of hope. well, there's no more hope and trust from me to anybody. just the harsh reality. and i'm not going to just sit there, cry my eyes out and be pitiful about it. damn, i'm gonna make this last concert of mine THE BEST CONCERT that i've ever performed, THE BEST that the audience have heard of ac band. yes, we'll make music. although its in singapore. haha.


its amazing how 2 chapters of math plus 10 gp compre questions can squeeze your brain juices. ok, back to econs. i'm not going to be defeated by fatigue.

oh, i went shopping with mak cik irna on thurs after band! wweee. i'm still thinking of that bag. oooooooo.
and....
HAPPY LEGAL 18TH BIRTHDAY MY FELLOW MAKCIK!!
we can go clubbing together now. hahaha.

chiao.

wicked

am i just plain stupid or retarded? choose one.

its ssp time.

chiao.

dia senyum padaku..aku buat bodoh..hahaha. i am starting to hate you. yes, especially after yesterday night. oh my god how you suck.

chiao.

brain: go study!
body: no reaction
brain: u lazy bum! go and study laarrrr!
body: i still want to surf the net......
brain: go study laaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
body: still no reaction

basically thats what happen to me everyday.
i need to slap myself.

yay! mcs store room is clean!! so clean i am so proud of my mcs members! just left the 4 timpanis to be thrown away. ergh. and it belongs to the band. aiyoyoyoyo. but now we have a place to pray. yay, no need to pray back at home until i get aches on my legs. but then aft that i feel so sticky and dirty. yuck.

oh well band was ok. i had to lunged the whole pack of styrofoam plates arnd LT4 to show stuart. and i still have to buy the coloured stickers. then aft searching high and low for the water gun, i found it but stuart had bought it first so yeah my efforts of walking at tampines central was fruitless.

i'm feeling quite down. i couldnt audition for honour band for jc band festival. brain says its ok, u have a reason, that i cant play due to my recovering gums. my heart says, haiz......

well, i keep thinking, when u really like something or someone, there'll always be somekind of obstacle for u huh. then sometimes making u think if u had made the right choice. how ironic life can be. i know i should not look back on my decision. first its syf auditions now its jc band fest auditions. ergh, move on with life man.

moving on, i shall go to sleep now.
chiao

its my fault. i can blame nobody. except me.

let me pull my hair out!
argh

chiao.

its been quite sometime since i blogged. too tired, too busy or just lazy. yeah. the weeks after terms is horrible as the harsh reality hits me. my grades suck big time. oh, do i have to annouce it. damn. its just disappointing, upsetting, draining and a hell of a time when you had put in soo much effort time energy and u still fail. and that, badly too.

just feel like locking myself up in a dark room where no one can see. then i can cry my hearts out and scream my lungs out. but i dont seem to be able to let out the emotions in me. i can only write it here and of course i cant simply say everthing here. the emotions is so great that i just cant let it out of me. i dont know. i feel so numbed. disappointed,drained mentally physically and emotionally. esp when people start comparing their grades or they start talking about sudies. which is like always. it makes me cringe into a corner. the prospect of me having to break the horrible news to mum just gives me sleepless night thinking about it.

i dont know. i feel so confused. i dont know what to do. how to react or what am i feeling. ah i shouldnt think so much. i know i should get up again and fight on. this is just only terms not yet A's. but i admit, i'm not a strong person mentally. i feel like giving up, stop all and just stop everything. but of course, its the stupidest thing that any human being in their normal state would do. i dont know where to get the energy to move on. i dont know who to hang on when i need a listening ear. i dont know whose shoulder i can lean on to cry. mum? she'll just scold me back and we'll start fighting again. friends? i dont know. i seem to have loads of them. in sch, band, mcs, damai, outside friends. but, i dont know. they are just friends.. just there. ggrr i hope nobody reads this post.

i shall just hang on. study, study and study. this race has only just begun. well done girl. hang on there. i'll be ok i guess.