i wanna quit school.

i could go on the whole night. i dont mind. study.study. study. but i need to sleep. although i cant feel my body asking me to sleep. dang. cikgu added like 5 more essays on top of the 6 essays for homework. due next week. wait, means today. and when i finished like 6 essays, she msged me that we can email by thurs.... i could have done my geog essays! which ms leow have been chasing me for. and many many many more work that i havent finish yet....................... i wanna scream.

i think this year hari raya, i'll be boiling ketupat while writing essays.

and i havent cleaned out my room yet. dust dust dust and more dust. oh, toilet cleaning, kitchen cleaning, vacuuming and mopping session on mon night.
ah, better get back to work la.

chiao.

sleep. but not sleeping actually.

i cant resist not talking to my blog. well, this thing is the only avenue for my thoughts which sometimes doesnt make sense. but nvm.

you see, fasting isnt just physically restraining yourself from food and drink. well, that is already one big challenge by itself. but theres also the mental and emotional battle. especially when you are having your a level exams. which actually will determine the next phase of your life. plus all your emotional and mental problems, dilemmas that you are facing. which obviously you dont go around telling everyone that right. but fasting shouldnt be a hindrance to your success by making it as an excuse to skip revision. which i did actually coupled with tiredness.

sigh,i'm terrible. suck. i keep falling asleep. and today, overwhelmed by this migraine i skipped school. (mummy said i didnt sleep properly. maybe i did have enough sleep, just that when i sleep, i dont really sleep. like i'm still thinking about all those stuff that i studied earlier. i cant help it you know)how terrilbe am i. yes, very terrible. now, i have a gp essay, 2 human geog essay, 1 physical geog essay, 1 econs essay and 1 math revision paper. eh how cool. thats only homework. i havent listed out all that i missed today. and my own revision.

looks like its gonna be a longgg night.

and i havent been putting in much effort or using my brain much lately. study!

I CAN DO THIS.
err, can i?


oh, oh, hari raya is next week!!!! yessa!

chiao.

i wanna quit school.

i wanna quit school.

ok not that bad la. haha.

ok, not funny.

prelim results made me feel like i wanna jump into a pool and submerge myself in it for 5 hours.

but guess what. five weeks. let me repeat fiveee weeks till my life, my future is secured.
err, that include all my hari raya holidays. sigh.

A levels. my future.

God, are you there for me? i'm scared.

looks like this blog will be on hiatus for sometime.

chiao.

slap me.

somebody please slap my face. you'll be doing me a favour this way.

i havent been working hard. omg.

i dont care i'm gonna mug to night. all the way.

*smacks face. i should be ashamed of myself. a weekend over. and i only did 2 drqs, 2 essay outlines, 1 malay full compre paper and 1 essay??

the list of work... is really long. at this rate, i'll be dead for As.

aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. damn.
sigh.
chiao.

happy goober!

geee, i'm so happy now. thanks for the night khai, hiq, sha, kam. really made my day! gosh, i cant remember when was the last time i laughed so histerically like that. HAHAHAHA. oh man, only you girls can make my loss of teeth sound so funny. and khai! you made me feel so embarassed! oh, and ken+barbie! HAHAHAHA.

ok, tmr i'm gonna work, work, work. no slacking. no more.

i look at how people work, i feel guilty. i'm so slack now. tsk, i really should work really hard and put in the effort.

miracles wont happen if i dont put in the effort.

havent been using my brain much. tsk.

but oh well. weeeeeeeeeeeee. :))))
oh, lagu raya da klua!!
chiao.

roll it up!!

now, its not the time to fret, but to roll up your sleeves and keep working.

i know its going to be tough. to push up grades for almost every subject. i'm feeling anxious, scared, that i wont be able to do this. will i be able to? i dont know. i even had this weird dream. it was during As and i was taking my gp paper. and i had to go through so many obstacles. i woke up crying because i was scared like shit.

but, i just wont give up and keep working!! especially on my geog. sigh. and math. bigger sigh.

looking through my prelim papers, i was like oh damn it! why didnt i write this! i know this! oh damn it! why did i write this! its total crap! yeah. like pure enlightenment man. kah ching! and boy, i was impress with my econs essays. haha.

but at the rate i'm going.. there wont be much diff. i really should work harder. like how really really behind time i am on my schedule. *smacks face.

so friends out there, keep working yeah? dont give up! :) oh, all of us should take care of our health. like how i am desperately trying to. and if i were to get enough 8hrs of sleep, i have to sleep at 8 pm. wth right.

right.. essay outlines, here i come.

chiao.

drive, drived, driven

i kind of like lost all of my drive to study. gosh.

i know i need to straighten my thoughts real soon. if not..
god help me.

maybe i should talk to someone.
but who??


Duffy-mercy.

i love love love this songggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
chiao.

SHOCKED.

i'm still trying to recover from the shock of my prelim results. yeah, speechless. so disappointed. and the worst thing is, mummy didnt even scold me when i told her my results. she just told me that this is prelims and that i had worked hard. yeah right, why if i had worked so hard but my results are like those who didnt study? well, accept it, studying hard doesnt gurantee you good grades. thats jc life.

now, i seriously dont know where to begin, how to begin. or how to go about improving myself in time. only 45 days before my first paper.

can some being in this world tell me!!!??

oh my. i'm going insane.

friday- broke fast with mcs peeps. heee, its been long since i laughed till my stomache hurts. guess, i was trying to delude myself that day. food was awesome. i ate octopus! wooh. and and sushi, sashimi, ice-cream, cheesecakes, satay, babequed salmon, dory and err.. cant remember, too many. ah, i feel like a glutton after that. haha.

right, now where do i start my revision again...

chiao.

wrong.

whats wrong with me?!

oh, i really cant cope with this!

:(

was not in it and never will. well, never been a part of it. nevermind, i'll just get on with my life.

chiao.

BLOOD BATH

how about i finished school? haha. I LOVEEEE MY NEW TIME TABLE. kihkihkih. eye, i have tons of work to do uh. like geog, lit and math. but here i am, digressing. *smacks face.

alright, so far, feedback from teachers abt prelims is that its ... BLOOD BATH, for me, that is. the answers that they went through were not the same as what i think i had written. so yeah.. thats it man.

sigh.

and studying + fasting = extreme tiredness. at least, if i am tired during normal days, i'll be able to drink coffee or something.

alright! no more complaining! perservere!!

chiao.

nothing is black and white

is my decision the right one? i dont know and i will never know. sometimes, i feel glad that i made this decision, but there were times when i felt it was all a mistake. regretted all this in a way.

but life is a series of decision making. and these decisions are never either/or. decisions are complex, and there are always competing factors. to look for simple explanations is bias of the human brain, but it doesnt correspond to reality. nothing is ever as starightforward as it appears.

so, lets not ponder on our past decisions but make the best of what we have now.

like the looming a levels. -_- (raghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.)

today, daddy said something that made me think. it was one of those rare moments where i actually talked to him about school and friends. so i was telling him about some of my musically-talented friends. how some can play a single note and make the hairs of the people who listened to it stood up. how they can create such beautiful music without much effort. then he said that its because they are sincere in what they do. thats why they can do it well.

so, havent i been playing sincerely?

havent i been doing everything straight from my heart?
i think i have.

sincerity. so many questions. nevermind, lets stop here.

and dont mind the time. i just cant sleep.
chiao.

cakes and indian movies.

yesterday was, erm yeah, basically wasted. woke up late, went to school to celebrate ms leow's birthday. ran around the school trying to find a lighter but haha, no body in ac smoke la.. haha. ran around school again trying to make sure she stays put in school. then trying to keep quiet while we make our way to staff rm 3 but, neh, we made so much noise the whole oldham wing could hear us. then tried ducking under the door so that she wouldnt see. haha so funny. heh, she was quite shocked and touched that we gave her this surprise! haha.

one vital rule when you are fasting: keep away from food. seriously.

oh,oh, this pick up line is so funny: 'Are your feet tired? Because you've been performing Tawaaf in my mind all day long?'

Do you work for al qaeda? u hijacked my heart
-credits to irna lestari. hahaha. cracked me up laughing.haha.

i miss watching hindi movies. haha.

bole chudiyan


i used to be able to sing the whole song in hindi ahh. haha. now.. ermm. haha.
their dancing reminds me of the attempt that mum tried on me to enroll me in an indian dance class. but she withdrew because the dancers do some hindu prayers before dancing. so, of course, mum quickly take me out. ah, cant imagine if i were an indian dancer now. hahahaha.

today, another wasted day. somehow, i feel happy. to delude myself that As are not anywhere near.

gosh, i dont want to regret later. ok, i'll do something later.i promise to myself. :) back to hindi movies!!!!! wwweeee

chiao.

turandot

ooogay, turandot yesterday was awesome. cool man.(its pronounced with the 't') ah, now i can relate to the song and story better than ever. oh, and the ping pong pang part is funny!! hahaha. but the only thing is that its quite long winded la. i was like 'get to the point!!!' during the play. broke my fast at bk with enjia, sheree, eugene and mel. mmmmm, mushroom swiss is niceeeeee. had to endure eugene's singing of nessum dorma. haha. then we ran all the way up to circle 4. haha. saw so many ang mohs and weird speaking people. i guess normal singaporeans cant really appreciate operas. reached home at 12am. nice... and luckily mummy was asleep by then. save me the nagging. oh oh! the orchestra was GOOD. and during one of the intervals we heard rhapsody in blue being played. haha. the clarinetist and flutist was good!! ah, now the tune's stuck in my head.

anyways, i finally got down to some studying. yay! i am so proud of myself! ahahaha. i think i work better under less stressful conditions. halfway thru physical geog;hydro. think can finish by tomorrow. but the library full of jc students. scary leh, looking at them studying so hard. and i've been doing a lot of housework! like cooking! applause please. hahaha. but i burnt my little pinkie. :( now thats painful.

tomorrow ms leow's birthday. AA3 is gonna give her a surprise. hehe. and i'm going to be a good classmate and bake a cake and celebrate with them. say wow. haha. i should try to spend more time with them while we're still a class. yup, i should.

ah, its 10pm, now time to conference call with my geog mates! study time!

chiao.

Good days. (:

the white orchids, i love them!
seri!(: with our ice creams!

i think i should change my template. hhmm.

i kinda miss school. like my normal routine. lessons in the day, then band at night. the saturday practices. I FREAKING MISS MY EUPHONIUM LAAAAA. yeah.

somehow, i want to end this holiday. so that i'll be busy and and not slacking.

mummy is the most fickle minded person ever! heh, she let me go turandot!!! yessa. but still a nono to ice skating. alritey, after As, ice skating is on my list.

lets see.. the irritating wireless router has been throwing tantrums on me the last few days. made me sign in and out every few mins.

fri was marvellous. teachers day celeb in school. yup, wouldnt make it to where i am now without these people who never gave up on me. no matter how noob i was, they still bother to teach me patiently. amazing. thank you teachers, sincerely, deep from my heart. and the band performed. funny la, david was dancing on stage. hahahaha. cracked me up. and the ogls made a perf with a vid clip. it sang 'we love cephas chan like we love his mother'. omg. cephas was sitting right behind me and his face was red la. hahaha.

after that lunched with seri. so glad i have such a good friend and confidante. caught up with each other. went home to change for dinner. and yeah, i was late. plus my shoe had to open up at the soles just at that moment. nice eh. cabbed there. cost me a bomb. mandai orchid garden was beautiful. i love the white orchids! and i got the chance to meet mr and mrs khoo and talked to them.. PERSONALLY. ehehehe. wah, they're nice people. took photos, walked around the garden and ate. food was ok i guess, i was already full from the lunch with seri. homed.

sat was shopping at geylang to get our stuff for hari raya. hehe, i'm like ready for hari raya already. hahaha.

oh, fasting month is here!! it means good food and family time! hehe.

alright, really should start on econs maybe tonight. yeah, i should.

chiao.