triangled.

yesterday was.. awesome. although the heat was terrifying. i was wearing 4 layers altogether! omg.
but we had great fun! :) and we got good comments. hhmm, i wonder what. haha. oh man, work tmr. sigh. 20th july, come quick!

i love triangles. from toa cah soh, phythogoras thoerem, to finding areas. those were my best topics in math. but being in a relationship triangle is HORRIGIBLE. what am i to do? zomg. but 1 thing for sure, i will never hurt my own friend.

chiao.

missing

actually this thing has been going on for quite sometime. i dreamt of my ac friends. yeah a few times. it sounds like.. oh well, its just a dream. but i dreamt of them leaving me. and i cried. yeah i freaked out. thinking abt it again now... i realise that i miss them. yes i really do. these are just words. but my heart is really aching.

been so busy with work, tuition, work tuition. i dont even msg to say helo or anything like that. i'm such a horrible friend. or come back to ac, support them during syf or just say a simple how are you. horrible me. sorry.

anyway, mon was awesome. thanks khai, hiq, aishah r. one of the craziest night i ever had. oh, my hand is still swollen uh. hahaa.

my goal 1) get in a uni and study like madddddddd 'cos i want my degree!
2) get erhmmmm.
but i can say good bye to both. i guess.

feeling horribly melancholic. i hope tmr's band prac will cheer me up.

chiao.

drive, drived, driven

i kind of like lost all of my drive to study. gosh.

i know i need to straighten my thoughts real soon. if not..
god help me.

maybe i should talk to someone.
but who??


Duffy-mercy.

i love love love this songggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
chiao.

SHOCKED.

i'm still trying to recover from the shock of my prelim results. yeah, speechless. so disappointed. and the worst thing is, mummy didnt even scold me when i told her my results. she just told me that this is prelims and that i had worked hard. yeah right, why if i had worked so hard but my results are like those who didnt study? well, accept it, studying hard doesnt gurantee you good grades. thats jc life.

now, i seriously dont know where to begin, how to begin. or how to go about improving myself in time. only 45 days before my first paper.

can some being in this world tell me!!!??

oh my. i'm going insane.

friday- broke fast with mcs peeps. heee, its been long since i laughed till my stomache hurts. guess, i was trying to delude myself that day. food was awesome. i ate octopus! wooh. and and sushi, sashimi, ice-cream, cheesecakes, satay, babequed salmon, dory and err.. cant remember, too many. ah, i feel like a glutton after that. haha.

right, now where do i start my revision again...

chiao.

nothing is black and white

is my decision the right one? i dont know and i will never know. sometimes, i feel glad that i made this decision, but there were times when i felt it was all a mistake. regretted all this in a way.

but life is a series of decision making. and these decisions are never either/or. decisions are complex, and there are always competing factors. to look for simple explanations is bias of the human brain, but it doesnt correspond to reality. nothing is ever as starightforward as it appears.

so, lets not ponder on our past decisions but make the best of what we have now.

like the looming a levels. -_- (raghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.)

today, daddy said something that made me think. it was one of those rare moments where i actually talked to him about school and friends. so i was telling him about some of my musically-talented friends. how some can play a single note and make the hairs of the people who listened to it stood up. how they can create such beautiful music without much effort. then he said that its because they are sincere in what they do. thats why they can do it well.

so, havent i been playing sincerely?

havent i been doing everything straight from my heart?
i think i have.

sincerity. so many questions. nevermind, lets stop here.

and dont mind the time. i just cant sleep.
chiao.

post-prelims.

warning: super uber long entry.
on sun was interesting. i followed my family to a wedding on my mum's side. this family is like super malay jawa la. then theres kuda kepang, a horse dance. a javanese dance which is always associated with black magic or something like that. 'cos the dancers will always get possesed and eat glass la, climb up trees, and get all scary-mary. so my sis got spooked. haha. she ran away when she saw them dancing. like really ran away. hahaha. but i find them quite interesting though. the instruments that they played were those like we played during mcs drama this year. how i missed drama!!the girls dancing with the "horses"

the guy with the red mask looked really scary. i dont dare to go near him too. oh,oh! the groom is an indian guy. like pure indian but convert muslim.reminds me of grandad. then they had this tradition which i never knew, throwing coins over the couple! but i didnt go and pick it up though. it was near the red mask guy. and the food was delicious la.

i feel kinda weird, listening to the recording in swiss. but nevertheless, it was nice. and i started laughing the part before fugue. hahahaha. and i didnt know the tempo was THAT fast. wow. haha. but charming asia was especially nice i think. moved me.haha. like i can see how everyone was playing and how dr lee was conducting and all.

anyway, i've caught up with my sleep, my family and everything else. ate so much, read so much, watch videos so much, now i feel bored. the only thing to do now is to bake. BUT the elecric mixer is at my grandma's house! how to bake the cake! ):

so glad that prelims are over. let me see, how was prelims? haha. screw it.

gp was about celebrity activism. amazingly, it was first time i finished my aq! say wow. physical geog after that was.. as usual, i didnt have time to write finish my essay. and thank god i studied mass movements, erm no, not study, read through and it came out. but i dont expect good marks. next was econs drq and malay lang. i studied about public goods and merit goods and i freaking forgot about it! my mind just went blank on that question. gosh. i really didnt know what happened to me at that moment. malay lang compo was damn freaking killer la. and the paper 2 was equally like, huh, what the hell are they talking about? sigh. it was the first time i think malay is damn difficult. so sad you know. nvm, next was math. rightttt. my worst scoring subject ever. but the most effort i've put in. and during the paper just proved me wrong. i couldnt do half the pure math part and some questions on stats. esp on applications on differentiation and integration. sigh. left that whole freaking damn part blank. during the paper i could hear people sigh-ing and haiz-ing and sigh-ing. haha. guess that paper wasnt easy either. i dont know. weekends was spent studying geog with gerd, eliz, eng loong and kenneth koh. from bishan library, went to sarah's house. yel tried to be teacher but we ended up laughing. hahaha. felt tired from all that laughing. sun tried to study but came down with fever. mon, malay lit paper and yeah, i didnt study for it at all. too tired. anyway, i've started studying that subject since after june holidays. so should be alright. hopefully cikgu can decipher my atrocious handwriting because i was rushing like mad la. imagine 5 three page essays in 3hrs! zomg, my arms felt numb after that. and i was the noisiest with my nose because it wouldnt stop leaking.tsk. tried to study human geog. but fever still persist. mum scolded me because i insisted on fasting. i was fasting the whole exam period but had to stop that day. sigh. so took the exam without studying half the topics tested. which is ALOT. and i reckon, failure. whatever. econs paper 2 next. studied again macro. but i think the paper was freaking damn difficult la. sigh. so much for putting in sosososo much effort. lets see how the results yeah, if it equals to all the stinking effort i've put in. that day, went to times and saw so many new books! aahhh. i gotta have them! sat went to malaysia. sun came back. got myself 2 books! a thousand splendid suns and p.s. i love you. cool la. i still have my john grisham books. bro called me a nerd. he said that i should buy clothes and shoes instead of books. well, i do, just not that often alright.

now i feel damn bored. hhhmmm, i want to go cycling! anybody coming?! hahahha. i want to cycle so fast, i can feel the wind rushing thru my hair! wwweeee!

cant wait for ramadhan! sometimes its kinda hard to explain certain things about islam. you have to study it to understand it. like why we pray 5 times a day. why we fast. why i wear a scarf outside. why we dont drink alcolhol, etc.

righttt, now here's the bigg question. when am i going to start work again!? hahaha. i'm becoming a lazy bum. tsk. this is bad.

you all keep talking about turning back time. oh nono, dont ever turn back time. to the time when you all were at that place. although it was a damn good period for you guys. it was the worst 2 weeks of my life. never, dont ever turn back time. imagine the loneliness, the sense of loss, the sense of being left out of something i've always dreamt about. the hurt, the rejection when i was supposed to join you all back for the next comp, never will i want to experience that ever again, never to remember ever again, never want to talk about. sometimes at night, i still cry myslf to sleep when i thought about this. dont talk about this. i never want to know what happened there. its better for me not to know. so that i know that i never missed anything in my life. thank you.

chiao.

so near.

looking at the calendar, concert is so near. that means they'll be flying off soon too. and that means my next surgery is nearing too. then the international band competition. and after that prelims and then As and then everything will be over. a few months more.

wed: i cut my hair! hehehe. ate at hajah maimunah. siput seduttttttttttt! yum,yum,yummmmmmm! met aisyah and waited for 1 stinking hour for syad. yeah, i am still angry about it. 1 hour!!! in the rain at the bus stop! went back damai and mr wong didnt come, wasted.. cant sell my cd to him. but i sold all $10 tickets!! yesssaa! ate dinner at mac with aisyah, syad and ama. bad choice, so unhealthy. went home tried to read econs. but my head was on the table before i knew it.

thurs: supposed to go to school but mum fell sick. so studied at home. but yeah fell asleep again for 2 hrs plus. woke up and continue with econs. and yay. i've finished it! but i still have 1 more section to read up plus 2 essay homework. i am gonna take forever. and not sleep tonight. great. and i still havent finish gp articles. ahw man. oh yeah... i havent write my school gradation cert yettttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

band tmr. i wonder how it'll go.

i should stop thinking too much. drains my soul, aches my heart.

chiao.

oh me gosh.

oh me gosh. i tore about half a cm of my gum to reveal abit of bone.

so scary. what should i do now?

oh my god. relax..

the stitches just made it look worse

aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

oh how,how now!

on a lighter note, hehehe. i finished a 2000 word malay lit essay. i feel so accomplished.

hehehehehehe.

chiao.