sigh.

yesterday was a good day. today WAS ok. untill mum had to be in one of her bad mood days. and i am a victim of her wrath.

sad. ): now i cant go for turandot and ice skating. there go my $38++. sigh.

shall say more when i feel better. i need chocolates.
fasting month doesnt mean you cant go about your daily routine as per normal what. ggrrr.

i should stop blog-hopping. heart-stirngs pulled with every photo of those places. i didnt know it will be this hard.

chiao.

boreddddd

today, i finally did something fruitful! like cleaning out my room. yes! and did some researching for gp. haha and read. halfway through khaled hosseini's book. ah, it pulled my heart strings. like ouchhh. yup, and tomorrow baking galore! wwwwwweeeeeeee. and movie date. egg-citing!
but i'm still bored stiff i can faint. better sleep early, need to wake up early tomorrow! wweeee.

Blessed is He in Whose hand is the kingdom, and He Who has power over all things,who created death and life that He may try you.

let go of it. slowly. and time will heal. i'm sorry for all the bitterness. i just cant help it.

chiao.

post-prelims.

warning: super uber long entry.
on sun was interesting. i followed my family to a wedding on my mum's side. this family is like super malay jawa la. then theres kuda kepang, a horse dance. a javanese dance which is always associated with black magic or something like that. 'cos the dancers will always get possesed and eat glass la, climb up trees, and get all scary-mary. so my sis got spooked. haha. she ran away when she saw them dancing. like really ran away. hahaha. but i find them quite interesting though. the instruments that they played were those like we played during mcs drama this year. how i missed drama!!the girls dancing with the "horses"

the guy with the red mask looked really scary. i dont dare to go near him too. oh,oh! the groom is an indian guy. like pure indian but convert muslim.reminds me of grandad. then they had this tradition which i never knew, throwing coins over the couple! but i didnt go and pick it up though. it was near the red mask guy. and the food was delicious la.

i feel kinda weird, listening to the recording in swiss. but nevertheless, it was nice. and i started laughing the part before fugue. hahahaha. and i didnt know the tempo was THAT fast. wow. haha. but charming asia was especially nice i think. moved me.haha. like i can see how everyone was playing and how dr lee was conducting and all.

anyway, i've caught up with my sleep, my family and everything else. ate so much, read so much, watch videos so much, now i feel bored. the only thing to do now is to bake. BUT the elecric mixer is at my grandma's house! how to bake the cake! ):

so glad that prelims are over. let me see, how was prelims? haha. screw it.

gp was about celebrity activism. amazingly, it was first time i finished my aq! say wow. physical geog after that was.. as usual, i didnt have time to write finish my essay. and thank god i studied mass movements, erm no, not study, read through and it came out. but i dont expect good marks. next was econs drq and malay lang. i studied about public goods and merit goods and i freaking forgot about it! my mind just went blank on that question. gosh. i really didnt know what happened to me at that moment. malay lang compo was damn freaking killer la. and the paper 2 was equally like, huh, what the hell are they talking about? sigh. it was the first time i think malay is damn difficult. so sad you know. nvm, next was math. rightttt. my worst scoring subject ever. but the most effort i've put in. and during the paper just proved me wrong. i couldnt do half the pure math part and some questions on stats. esp on applications on differentiation and integration. sigh. left that whole freaking damn part blank. during the paper i could hear people sigh-ing and haiz-ing and sigh-ing. haha. guess that paper wasnt easy either. i dont know. weekends was spent studying geog with gerd, eliz, eng loong and kenneth koh. from bishan library, went to sarah's house. yel tried to be teacher but we ended up laughing. hahaha. felt tired from all that laughing. sun tried to study but came down with fever. mon, malay lit paper and yeah, i didnt study for it at all. too tired. anyway, i've started studying that subject since after june holidays. so should be alright. hopefully cikgu can decipher my atrocious handwriting because i was rushing like mad la. imagine 5 three page essays in 3hrs! zomg, my arms felt numb after that. and i was the noisiest with my nose because it wouldnt stop leaking.tsk. tried to study human geog. but fever still persist. mum scolded me because i insisted on fasting. i was fasting the whole exam period but had to stop that day. sigh. so took the exam without studying half the topics tested. which is ALOT. and i reckon, failure. whatever. econs paper 2 next. studied again macro. but i think the paper was freaking damn difficult la. sigh. so much for putting in sosososo much effort. lets see how the results yeah, if it equals to all the stinking effort i've put in. that day, went to times and saw so many new books! aahhh. i gotta have them! sat went to malaysia. sun came back. got myself 2 books! a thousand splendid suns and p.s. i love you. cool la. i still have my john grisham books. bro called me a nerd. he said that i should buy clothes and shoes instead of books. well, i do, just not that often alright.

now i feel damn bored. hhhmmm, i want to go cycling! anybody coming?! hahahha. i want to cycle so fast, i can feel the wind rushing thru my hair! wwweeee!

cant wait for ramadhan! sometimes its kinda hard to explain certain things about islam. you have to study it to understand it. like why we pray 5 times a day. why we fast. why i wear a scarf outside. why we dont drink alcolhol, etc.

righttt, now here's the bigg question. when am i going to start work again!? hahaha. i'm becoming a lazy bum. tsk. this is bad.

you all keep talking about turning back time. oh nono, dont ever turn back time. to the time when you all were at that place. although it was a damn good period for you guys. it was the worst 2 weeks of my life. never, dont ever turn back time. imagine the loneliness, the sense of loss, the sense of being left out of something i've always dreamt about. the hurt, the rejection when i was supposed to join you all back for the next comp, never will i want to experience that ever again, never to remember ever again, never want to talk about. sometimes at night, i still cry myslf to sleep when i thought about this. dont talk about this. i never want to know what happened there. its better for me not to know. so that i know that i never missed anything in my life. thank you.

chiao.

PRELIMS ARE STINKING OVER

i'm done with prelims. and what a way to end it. it was the worst econs paper i've ever sat for. i couldnt finish the paper because i was too slow. sigh. so much for studying so hard for it. looks like i'm gonna fail econs. kinda scary,thinking about it. i only have like 2 months before As to train my brain and my hands to work faster. plus other subjects. omg.

but i'm prolly the happiest woman now. movie marathon. haha, while eating chocolates. i'm eating so much now. tmr i'm going malaysia. muahahahahahaha. i deserve this. i worked so hard since june. now, a few days rest. then, back to books again. looking back at the exam, i have ALOT to work on. sigh.

i dont have the mood to blog now. i want to catch up on my life. hehehehehhehe.

chiao.

till then, goodbye.

temples throbbing, eyes painful and dry, hugeeee eyes bags! body clock screwed and mind in distress.
huge pills are still part of my meal. thank god the stitches are gone. but i still cant eat some food. i can feel the side effects. sigh, this is scary.
econs 3/4 done. math 3/4 done. malay lit done. screw geog. gp.. just whack la.
2 more days to first paper.
god help me.
i should complain and whine less.

untill then, this blog will be on a hiatus till prelims are over.

chiao.

its not my fault that things turn out this way. some things just happen. and they happen for a reason. and i guess nobody bother anymore about each other. all they care is just to survive this period of time. its unevitable, thats life.

work it brain!

I wish i was a punk rocker.- Sandi Thom
oh, i soso love this song!



sigh. my brain just wont work anymore. i did 2 essays, i compre, some math questions which i got it all wrong :( and econs vjc drq which i really understood! :). and i still havent finish my 2 lit essays and math differentiation, integration and graphs. and macro econs!
head throbbing like mad the whole day. udaya said i looked stressed. nah, i'm just tired and this migraine is killing me.
stoned through malay. cikgu was talking like the japanese bullet train. so fast, my jaw just dropped looking at her go through the essay questions. nvm, i have consult with her tmr. 5 periods of gp lesson was super funny. haha, xin min was high! haha. but i slept thru half of it. just cant take it.
i need to learn to focus!!!!!!!! and remember what i had revised. omg, i couldnt remember what i had revised in june for differentiation and integration!!!!!! howhowhow!!

i need sleep la, and maybe wake up at 4am to continue. call me mad or what, i dont care anymore. i just want decent grades.

ragh

dover mrt so empty.

as empty as my heart.

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i remembered during one of the practices, we were playing charming asia, when we were so in tune. i was so happy and i smiled so broadly and dr lee made fun of me. haha. and edwin was like.. omg, this is so nice! yeah, i was amazed with myself too, that we could actually play so in tune.

yesterday was a stupid bad day. the seminar in the morn at yjc about malay literature was a waste of my time. gggrrr. woke up at 8 am and the seminar starts at 8.30am. nice one. rushed like a mad woman. reached there and it was just presentations and more presentations on the papers that these people had researched on. my god, if uni is gonna be something like this... errmmm, i dont know if i'll survive. half the time i was staring into space. then made my way to esplanade to study econs. which isnt going anywhere near progress. sigh, my pace is really slow. and i still havent eaten anything since morning.. and my medication too. so i was getting all grumpy. and my temples were throbbing. rushed to acsi. and i was stuck in the human traffic. ergh, there was ndp preview. sooo great. *sarcasm. reached acsi late. missed first 2 songs. met khairul and said i was getting shorter. hhmm, that boy! too bad darren was there. hahaha. then had to go off like soon after that. ggrrr. mum was calling me. kept reminding i need to rest. and that i am still recovering. ok, ok, i will take of myself ok.

sigh, i really should learn to focus.

chiao.
because no one will take care of you other than yourself.

i thought i was ready to face the world again. but the journeys that i took yesterday from tamp to yishun to city hall then to acsi aft that to tamp again made me realise that i am alone in this world. because i got lost on the way and all. tried to find food but all shops were closed or theres nothing that i can eat. so pathetic... so i've decided to be stronger and more independent. but when i was listening to the concert, damn, i really thought i was stronger than that. the dam just broke, and flood, flood, flood. luckily nobody was sitting beside me except peihoon. so no one saw anything.

ok, i just miss everybody ok. yes i miss you all sososo much, i just wanna cry. i miss acband so much. the slightest association can crumble me to pieces. and i feel so left out that night, i wanna run away. thats my fault, for being away for too long. i'm sorry, its all my fault. i just to play my eupho back. i shouldnt have undergo this surgery. then i may be able to go to swiss. then maybe i will be able to go for sibf. and maybe play for the last time during national day. bleh, whatever la.