so.. assignments are over. so is ramadhan. so is raya. i wish i can celebrate raya like how everyone else celebrates. but then, thinking about a friend who is less fortunate than i am made me realise how ungrateful and unappreciative i have been. sigh. i just want to have a normal family gathering for once, without snide remarks, without hatred in our hearts. just sincerity, knowing that we're family afterall. but i guess that will never happen. oh well...
and financial math test results are out. what can i say. disappointed much. well, very. god knows how i feel. sighssssss........................
let me nurse this disappointment myself.
chiao
Showing posts with label realities of life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label realities of life. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
college life
i can only say my prayers for you.
on the other hand, i can see how school gonna take over my life. the modules are getting tougher, and not to mention assignments. sigh. plus my overwhelming lazy-ness and inability to concentrate even for 1 hour to sit down and squeeeeeeze those brain juices. sigh. tests are looming fast into my face too.
screw my oh-so-conducive-study environment. pfffttt.
work hard? unf, idk, i'm motivated-less as for now.
stage 2 will definitely be much more challenging than this.
chiao.
on the other hand, i can see how school gonna take over my life. the modules are getting tougher, and not to mention assignments. sigh. plus my overwhelming lazy-ness and inability to concentrate even for 1 hour to sit down and squeeeeeeze those brain juices. sigh. tests are looming fast into my face too.
screw my oh-so-conducive-study environment. pfffttt.
work hard? unf, idk, i'm motivated-less as for now.
stage 2 will definitely be much more challenging than this.
chiao.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
berserah
emptyness.
well, sometimes anger though.
insyallah, when i have the rezeki, i will give back.
bills, invoices, fees=headaches.
sometimes, just leave it all to Him. 'cos i really dont what else to do.
cant eat, sleep or do anything else.
i'll give myself to You.
chiao.
well, sometimes anger though.
insyallah, when i have the rezeki, i will give back.
bills, invoices, fees=headaches.
sometimes, just leave it all to Him. 'cos i really dont what else to do.
cant eat, sleep or do anything else.
i'll give myself to You.
chiao.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
miinah+NU A.B.O
i wonder why i cant get close to you. always wondered. honestly, i felt jealous when other people are close to thiers. i realise that you've never and its really NEVER, supported nor tried to accept me as i am.
while i am one stubborn girl who never accepts your critisms.
what a great combination.
this song is ssooo addictive. awesome.
cant wait for the full MV coming out today~!
SIGH.
after 20 years of blessed life, i only have 1 wish. to have a place called home. thats all.
why do i feel like i am being dragged around today. =.='
chiao.
while i am one stubborn girl who never accepts your critisms.
what a great combination.
this song is ssooo addictive. awesome.
cant wait for the full MV coming out today~!
SIGH.
after 20 years of blessed life, i only have 1 wish. to have a place called home. thats all.
why do i feel like i am being dragged around today. =.='
chiao.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
its a mess.
credits to hearfelt@2od.gif)
its a wonder why i always have to clean up after people's mess.
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its a wonder why i always have to clean up after people's mess.yeah, jun, it sure does, i know...
but guess i'm used to it.
chiao.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
a battle within
sometimes i feel like just crying it all out and let it all go.
sometimes i feel that i should hold back the tears, be brave and fight.
seems like i'm the only one fighting this battle.
ah, i dont know.
but i've vowed to never shed a tear again.
so sick and tired. emotionally, physically.
seems like if i dont do well enough for this exam, i may not be able to continue with studies eh. and the only thing i want now is a place called home. thats all.
chiao.
sometimes i feel that i should hold back the tears, be brave and fight.
seems like i'm the only one fighting this battle.
ah, i dont know.
but i've vowed to never shed a tear again.
so sick and tired. emotionally, physically.
seems like if i dont do well enough for this exam, i may not be able to continue with studies eh. and the only thing i want now is a place called home. thats all.
chiao.
Friday, October 02, 2009
really.
really, how could you think of me like that? say things of me like that.
ouch. i feel a great stabbing pain there.
congrats, for making me feel like the worst person ever to walked on earth.
no kidding. you really made me feel that way today.
chiao.
ouch. i feel a great stabbing pain there.
congrats, for making me feel like the worst person ever to walked on earth.
no kidding. you really made me feel that way today.
chiao.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Saturday, January 03, 2009
crossroads
its easy to lose true friends but difficult to find one.
i should really try to stay in touch with friends.
and what about all those talk about not caring about what people talk or thinks about you?
easier said than done.
and i think i'm taking on a second job. i need it.
chiao.
i should really try to stay in touch with friends.
and what about all those talk about not caring about what people talk or thinks about you?
easier said than done.
and i think i'm taking on a second job. i need it.
chiao.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
the passing on.
THIS ENTRY IS DEDICATED TO KHAI, OK MY DEAR! :)
since you want me to update. :)
where do i start?
sigh. i'll miss you, my dear. although we never knew each other, looking at your photos and the way cik midah cry makes me sad. i'll always remember you.
funny how your passing actually made all the adults realise their mistakes and finally talk again.
funny how your passing gives me sleepless nights.funny how your passing made me erm.. cry.
i'll pray for you.
well, i'm just glad my family is together back again.
birthdays. so many. it made me really occupied.
received some job offers too. and some cake orders. guess i'm not ready yet to accept any orders.
the more i look at your photos, the more i miss you. the more i feel ssad.. being so distant from you. i'm sorry i can never be where you are.
send ud off at airport today. so many people are going away. well, its just the airport right. yeah. but i could feel a stabbing pain.
well, some things are just difficult to forget.
oh no. interviews!! and 7 more days. sigh.
chiao.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
countdown
back to school in like a few hours time. 14 days to concert. exactly 50 days to prelims.
are we ready? am i ready? hell, no. yeah no.
so many things going on in my mind. sometimes its really too overwhelming that i find it hard to articulate my thoughts here. but i'm an arts student, shouldnt i be able to do it relatively well? well, the thing is, i cant. yeah i cant.
watched the movie osama and it made me tear to see how children on the other side of the world are suffering. and nothing can be done to help them. to see so many people dying because of some totalitarian regime claiming that they are operating based on islamic laws. a load of bullshit. how organized syndicates are actually touching our lives without us realising it. how unenforced labour laws are actually helping us to get what we want on our shopping list. like the latest levi jeans. the current global food crisis, the latest typhoon hitting philippines, inflation rates skyrocketing. so much calamities going around. how can i possibly sit around and watch.
well, the world doesnt revolve around us only.
after this holidays or maybe not for me, i've resolved to become a pschyo mugger toad. (i'm mad..) fatigue will not bother me anymore. nothing else will. i just have to conquer this exam. make or break. 50 more days! i'm so angry with myself because i've failed to finish what i was supposed to during this holiday.
i thought back when june first kicked in. i didnt even realise holidays have already started because it was either band or mcs at that time. waking up at 5 and reaching home at only 12+am for 2 weeks non-stop was frightening. i dont know how i survived. resting only when i got a seat in the mrt or during lunch time. drama went on successfully although we went through alot. band was prep talks and more of it. draining me out. well, not only me, the rest of the band members who cared too actually.
i certainly love acband alot. i've tempted to quit recently because i realise that i've lost the flame to keep me going. (oh i just made a big confession!) i'm sorry. i just lost it. but what kept me in and going was the people there. i love them. each and everyone. i realise that my journey in ac is going to end soon. so i just want to make this last concert of ours the best. for everyone in acband, for the audience, for ourselves. and for dr lee especially. considering that i wont be spending time with the band after concert anymore, i just want to make this ending a really really good ending.
i've been trying to ignite the love that i had in band and yeah, slowly, it is coming back. how? heh, let me keep it to myself. well, hint: its the pure sound. hehe.
oh people, 14 days left, we're gonna do this right.
yes, we're gonna do this.
chiao.
are we ready? am i ready? hell, no. yeah no.
so many things going on in my mind. sometimes its really too overwhelming that i find it hard to articulate my thoughts here. but i'm an arts student, shouldnt i be able to do it relatively well? well, the thing is, i cant. yeah i cant.
watched the movie osama and it made me tear to see how children on the other side of the world are suffering. and nothing can be done to help them. to see so many people dying because of some totalitarian regime claiming that they are operating based on islamic laws. a load of bullshit. how organized syndicates are actually touching our lives without us realising it. how unenforced labour laws are actually helping us to get what we want on our shopping list. like the latest levi jeans. the current global food crisis, the latest typhoon hitting philippines, inflation rates skyrocketing. so much calamities going around. how can i possibly sit around and watch.
well, the world doesnt revolve around us only.
after this holidays or maybe not for me, i've resolved to become a pschyo mugger toad. (i'm mad..) fatigue will not bother me anymore. nothing else will. i just have to conquer this exam. make or break. 50 more days! i'm so angry with myself because i've failed to finish what i was supposed to during this holiday.
i thought back when june first kicked in. i didnt even realise holidays have already started because it was either band or mcs at that time. waking up at 5 and reaching home at only 12+am for 2 weeks non-stop was frightening. i dont know how i survived. resting only when i got a seat in the mrt or during lunch time. drama went on successfully although we went through alot. band was prep talks and more of it. draining me out. well, not only me, the rest of the band members who cared too actually.
i certainly love acband alot. i've tempted to quit recently because i realise that i've lost the flame to keep me going. (oh i just made a big confession!) i'm sorry. i just lost it. but what kept me in and going was the people there. i love them. each and everyone. i realise that my journey in ac is going to end soon. so i just want to make this last concert of ours the best. for everyone in acband, for the audience, for ourselves. and for dr lee especially. considering that i wont be spending time with the band after concert anymore, i just want to make this ending a really really good ending.
i've been trying to ignite the love that i had in band and yeah, slowly, it is coming back. how? heh, let me keep it to myself. well, hint: its the pure sound. hehe.
oh people, 14 days left, we're gonna do this right.
yes, we're gonna do this.
chiao.
Monday, March 31, 2008
reality tv
ok, the realities of life have hit me. prelims in a few months time. that means a levels too. considering how much i screw up terms, i really have to buck up. like seriously. thats not gonna be easy considering how slow my brain process information. i'm clueless as to how i should improve my grades. yup i'm feeling kinda like lost hope in myself i guess. like i'm so stupid. grrr. band's just gonna be more intensive. practise and practise and practise. turandot, paganini, charming asia and feng yang. what else? i cant remember. hmm.. persis is running through my head..
mcs drama is starting. well, i'm supposed to be the costume designer. erhmm.. ohk. and the music arrangement is.. omg. we have no clue about malay tradisional theatre whatsoever. oh, we'll manage. somehow.
i have decided. i wont go on with the operation even though its gonna deteriorate my condition. i dont care, i'm not gonna put the family kinship that i have to risk. just because of money. money. money. money. i just wanna help my parents lead a peaceful life in the future. thats all. the present probs and experiences have told me something. money isnt everything in life.
will i be able to endure all this? i dont know.
ok, so obviously i am stressed here.
ya allah, aku mohon kepada mu, ampunilah dosaku, dosa ibu bapa ku, keluargaku, guru-guruku and seluruh umat islam. ya allah, aku memohon kepada mu, ringankan lah bebanan yang sedang ibu bapa ku hadapi. aku bertuah mempunyai ibu bapa yang begitu menyayangiku, membelaiku, berkorban untuk ku. hanya kau sahaja yang tahu betapa susahnya mereka membesarkan aku dan adik-beradikku. murahkanlah rezeki keluargaku, berkatilah rezeki yang datang ya allah. permudahkanlah perjuangan ku ini sesungguhnya aku mahu menyenangkan hati mereka. memenuhi kewajipan ku sebagai seorang manusia di dunia ini sebagai hambamu. ya allah, terangilah hati ku ini supaya ilmu senang aku garap. berkatilah ilmu yang aku cari. berilah mereka-mereka yang berbuat salah kepada yang tidak bersalah dan dalam kesusahan balasan yang setimpalnya. sesuangguhnya kaulah yang maha adil lagi maha mengutahui. ya allah, sesungguhnya aku hanya seorang hambamu yang lemah, begitu lemah sehingga aku harus meminta dan memohon kepadamu, kabul kan lah doa ku ini.
time mug, mug, mug!!!!!!!!!!!!
chiao.
mcs drama is starting. well, i'm supposed to be the costume designer. erhmm.. ohk. and the music arrangement is.. omg. we have no clue about malay tradisional theatre whatsoever. oh, we'll manage. somehow.
i have decided. i wont go on with the operation even though its gonna deteriorate my condition. i dont care, i'm not gonna put the family kinship that i have to risk. just because of money. money. money. money. i just wanna help my parents lead a peaceful life in the future. thats all. the present probs and experiences have told me something. money isnt everything in life.
will i be able to endure all this? i dont know.
ok, so obviously i am stressed here.
ya allah, aku mohon kepada mu, ampunilah dosaku, dosa ibu bapa ku, keluargaku, guru-guruku and seluruh umat islam. ya allah, aku memohon kepada mu, ringankan lah bebanan yang sedang ibu bapa ku hadapi. aku bertuah mempunyai ibu bapa yang begitu menyayangiku, membelaiku, berkorban untuk ku. hanya kau sahaja yang tahu betapa susahnya mereka membesarkan aku dan adik-beradikku. murahkanlah rezeki keluargaku, berkatilah rezeki yang datang ya allah. permudahkanlah perjuangan ku ini sesungguhnya aku mahu menyenangkan hati mereka. memenuhi kewajipan ku sebagai seorang manusia di dunia ini sebagai hambamu. ya allah, terangilah hati ku ini supaya ilmu senang aku garap. berkatilah ilmu yang aku cari. berilah mereka-mereka yang berbuat salah kepada yang tidak bersalah dan dalam kesusahan balasan yang setimpalnya. sesuangguhnya kaulah yang maha adil lagi maha mengutahui. ya allah, sesungguhnya aku hanya seorang hambamu yang lemah, begitu lemah sehingga aku harus meminta dan memohon kepadamu, kabul kan lah doa ku ini.
time mug, mug, mug!!!!!!!!!!!!
chiao.
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