death

bored to death!!! aarrgghh!! seriously i'm ssoo bored. and i totally have no mood for homework. i still havent start on my art hw.. darn... how to start? i havent ask mr saiful how to do it. lost..so lost.. i have no idea wat it is talking bout man... man, this mon i have to look for him and ask him. then on wed have band prac the whole day. eerrgghh!! the day before our band camp?? nuts arent they?? band camp will be so torturing wif all the practices and marching..and they still want a band prac before the camp?? eerrgghh!!! but i don noe why i keep istening to the eL folk song suite. it is really nice man!! i don care this coming sectional on mon, i will get the melody for no. 3!! I must noe how to play it even though i'm not going for the competition.

speaking of the international band competition.. i envy shamil. he is returning frm malacca todae.. GGGRRRR... how come mum let him go to malacca bt not me to genting?? moreever his trip is like a holiday trip with no educational values! but mine is totally diff!! Mine is a music exchange!! an international competition!! meeting band members frm all over the world and listening to diff interpetations of band music... will open my mind, eyes and also especially ears. i totally need this to improve in my playing. one of the reasons why shi ying can improve was because she went to many concerts and listen to their playing. but me..i had never gone to any concerts.. precisely because mum did not allow me. i'm soo lousy at my playing... and slow.. how come shi ying can get ssoo fast. all the rhythms, pitching, tempo... haiz.. i'm ssoo lousy..

i just dont understand why mum is sssssooooo reluctant to give me MY freedom?? sometimes i have to go to certain places because of school but she doesnt allow me. doesnt that make it very difficult?? i mean somtimes i have to go to town for example to get something for the teachers but she would not allow it. wat can i do? i cant fight with her. i dont wanna fight with her. it totally breaks my heart fighting with her. she still cant accept that i am her 15 year old girl not anymore her 5 year old girl.

please mum.. dnt keep me in a cage. i wanna fly and see the world.

eerrgghh.. all this is no use. i still havent told her i'm taking art for my o's. she's gonna kill me man. i think aft the band camp i will break the news to her. no matter wat, i will take art for my os. no one is gonna stop me. this is my dream. i love art. i love band music. i love malay literature (i read lots of poetry and mL lit works. shall post some of the poems...lata larh) but apparently she only support the latter. i will persue all this when i'm in jc lata. no one's gonna stop me. even if i fail in this subj in my o's.

ssoo that's it. i love art. i love band music. i love malay lit.
no one's gonna change that. ooppss i forgot one..CHOCOLATES!!!
LoLs!!! hahaha chocolates!!

been ssoo busy wif band these days. i oso haf the sentosa class trip to settle. its giving me quite a headache man. eerrgghh.... tomoro i haf pL catnival at east coast park. but mum wants me be back before 6 pm. ssoo not fun. i want to attend the bbq but yarh.. mum is ssoo kuno.( old fashion.) now at nenek's place. cik sham having her frens over for dinner. eerrgghh.. i'm real tired.. aft band today i went for dance. but the band song is really soothing me... aahhh... lols..

bored to death but still havent ask mr saiful for help for the art thingy and havent start my hw... darn..i'm such a failure.. must get cracking right this sec!!!!

$*&^$&^$(
buhbye...................................................................lols!

zheh

its ssoo boring at home. i cant go to school for band b'cos of the o levels. darn..and i have to complete the item for the band camp on the 15 of nov. mel is already nagging at us for not completing the item. but we cant! the school is having o levels!! how?? darn! on fri my grp went to my hse to practise and we managd to get the first part of the song complated. but now... hahaha... my leg is aching!!! frm all the jumping and swinging and all those dancing stuffs lah...

last thurs, me, khai, azilah, aishah jumaat, aishah razak, nina, hiq,hasanah, bai and hawa, had our hari raya outing together!!!! it was SSSSSOOOOO FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!hahaha!!!!!!! i'll see if i can uplad one of the pics we took.
gtg.
byuiez!

haiz

its been quite sumtime since i blogged. the com these few days is getting on my nerves. it keep breaking down and i could not retreive my old files. darn..and i also can't use the msn. that's the worst; not being able to talk to my friends. its so boring at home. haha.. even though i have tons of homework to do. not only its boring but frustrating!! eerrgghh....mum, shamil, dad, kak, cik sham...everyone.

i'll start aft the exams.ok yarh, as i said earlier, its darn boring in school aft eoy. so i focus my attention to band. there's no tuition anyway.making it much, much more boring. haha..i missed my tuition friends!!can't wait to meet up with them again! I heard that marc had gone to australia. hahaha..good,out of my way. I wonder wat bout the others... Then the last week of school, i dono why, i fell sick. haha...during band i was sooo weak, i couldnt walk properly. then i went home straight and slept while waiting for breaking fast. till then, my fever shot up and i only managed to eat a spoon ful of porridge and i went to sleep untill my pre dawn meal which i wake up but only eat a few spoon fulls of rice. Then i could not fast that day. i just sleep and sleep. haha. then on fri, the last day of school, i finally could go to school. the class shirt had been given out. a thousand thanks to poh yu for handling it since i cant. but there were two big mistakes that i stupidly did. one was that i missed out yolende's name on the shirt and i excluded one shirt size 36, so poh yu didnt get the shirt. i felt sooooo guilty. i felt at a loss as to wat to do. i feel so angry with myself. then the campany also did one big mistake. darn..i asked for orange colour but they printed in white! ?? eerrgghh... watever larh then before we depart we managed to organise a class picnic at sentosa and go miss nura's wedding as a class. the sentosa thingy i doubt many ppl are intersted in it. darn...i do not feel like organising it man. eerrgghh..

aft the school closed, i had to focus on my o levels. i cant really help my parents to prepare for hari raya. everyday i had i do practises. it makes me feel like puking man. the day came and i just do the paper like i normally did. i donno wheather i can score or not. wateve.. then aft the 'o's i had to make hari raya cookies and clean the hse. iron the curtains, hang it up, vacuum then mop the floor and wash the toilet. eeww...but i had to do it aneway. mum is not that healthy to do all those jobs. the last days of ramadhan was a bliss even though it was tiring. we get to eat as a family. be a family, no fighting like before. i notice always during ramadhan, my family would never quarrel with each other. amazing. but then i pity shamil. he didnt get new clothes for hari raya and could not visit our relatives hse. at least i get a new pair of baju kurung frm cik sham. then kak and dad fought in the morning of hari raya b'cos dad wants kak to put $2 in the ang pao. but kak doesnt have the money. i pity kak. i wish dad would do sumthing bout this money issue. i'm getting paranoid. everyday i'm thinking wat if i could not go to school tomoro b'cos i have no money? the first day was nice. i just went to nenek's hse and stayed there. at least i get to see all my cousins and meet up with izzan. haha.. but then the sat was very bad. dad took cik haniffa's van but mum doesn't like it. we went to mak besar's hse. i felt like a family even though it was frm father's side. (i had nvr felt like family when with my father's side) then we went to cik halim's hse. that's my cousin's hse. his eldest son is in america now. studying architecture. soo clever. and rich too. haiz...then cik halim said there's open hse at cik razak's hse. another cousin of mine. so we go. then we met them. fuck ah. i hate them!! the rest of my father's siblings at least acknowledge our presence there. but she...and her husband are damn suckers ah. she saw us and looked away. didnt even have the courtsey to say hallo. fuck ah. now who the one who owns money? u or us? u make it seem like its our fault! Our fault meh, u...%#*%#%*#!!?? u noe a not i wanna go to school i dont have money to eat? to buy a pen? to buy my socks that is filled with holes?? shit. luckily cik sham gives us money. god bless cik sham. i will nvr forget her kindness towards my family. then when we want to go home, i kissed her hand(its a malay tradition to kiss the hands of the elders) but she did not even look into our eyes. i just stared at her and she knew why. sicko women. but sunday was the best as my FAMILY( that means my mum's side) went to cik zali's open hse then to my hse then to cik mir's hse. fuh..syiok seh..i play with my cousins then eat hari raya cookies then watch the tv together. haha... and my uncles were ssooo funny!! hehehe...

ok lah stop here. need to go home. tomoro going out with frens for hari raya. hahahaha!!!
ps- harry potter movie coming out nov17. i will watch it!! i promise. Danial radcliffe...ssooo cute!!!! hahaha.........