she scerams and she shouts. she gives me that i-am-angry-with-u face and she turns a deaf ear when i talk about something important. u know what, i dont give a shit about u! erghhhhh. freaks with the capital s.

chiao.

i'm like sssoo good at masking my emotions now. heh. and i dont hope for people to confort me. sometimes i feel so stupid. why am i ssoo nice to people, helping people called friends, doing this and doing that for them but all they say are empty promises and leaving me behind when i need them. woke up with super puffy eyes this morning. i just look forward to band practice and yes, band practice was funny yet frustrating. the little acs junior boys were ssoo cute but irritating. running around Lt4 and crawling under the chairs playing hide and seek. one way to tame them, not to shout, u will just go crazy controlling them like i did, tell them in a firm voice to raise their hands and face the wall. ahaha.. the first time mr wong did that to kenneth, one of the cutest of all, i gaffawed! ahaha... and mr wong conduct pirates. haha, everybody wasnt happy with him. no comment, i wasnt there 'cos had to go for dental appt. aahh, i'm scheduled for another surgery like 2 weeks from now. aiyoyoyo... frustrating b'cos the band sounded like crazily out of tune. the acs junior kids cant even play a note properly and they dont want to play. i lost my mood to play laa.. but i play with ah chong, my cousin hahaha. he's funny. i called him manly bitch. then he'll wrestle me. ouch mannn.. its been such a long time since i wrestle with kids haha. being with these innocent children sometimes just brings joy to u. instead of being with some stupid suckers, narrow minded, insensitive freaks.

i need freedom badly.

chiao.

another stupid survey that i did..
haha, what my dreams mean.

'Your dreams seem to show that you're a bit disturbed... but nothing serious.You may have a problem you're trying to work out in your sleep.Your dreams tend to reflect your insecurities.You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind.You secretly want to hide your dreams from your waking mind. '

funny la.. am i a disturbed person? ahahaha, oh yes, last week, i just dreamt of a blood sucking creature who lives under my bed. hahaa. and it sucks my blood!!! aaaahhh

chiao.

i am craving for ice cream and chocolates. yum,yum. band bbq was ok. some got drunk haha. havoc.. too bad i cant overnight and even had to leave early. well, half of me says i dont mind. but i want to go cycling badly. then damai band grad night was funny especially the mocca ad. haha. good luck to u guys going to hong kong yeah. :)

i've never eaten this much before, i think i've been binge eating. i should stop myself and make myself busy. then i will stop thinking too much. yes, get busy.

not in the best moods actually. i'm just feeling angry. erghhhhhhhhhh.
chiao.

dia senyum padaku..aku buat bodoh..hahaha. i am starting to hate you. yes, especially after yesterday night. oh my god how you suck.

chiao.

it is so dificult for me to go out. stupid. overly anxious. i know you care but sometimes you have to let us go. we need to experience life itself. protecting us will not help much. we maybe safe for now, but we will lost vital experiences for our future whole self development. i just want to get out of your grip. just let me go will u. its time. now.

it was the first time yesterday that i started playing again. haha, i was ssoo egg-cited. i couldnt contain it anymore, i went to school at 8.30 supposedly but somebody owe me a sundae again haha, for being late. but i am superbly out of tune. every note except my tuning note. ;( ssoo sad. and my stamina has gone down. aft playing a passage i will feel like as if i had been running. yeah..this bad.. gotta get back in shape. i side read paganini and armenian dances. haha, i didnt have time to do individuals or sectionals on it. maybe a lil bit la on paganini. then the rest i just.. erhhmm.. whack. haha. and my tonging! oh gawd. bad. very bad. aaahhh!!! but getting to hug my eupho was the best thing!!! my gums and my lips were red. i have like 4 ulcers. but now its fine. thanks for all the concern to stop me from playing my eupho. haha, i am stubborn.

and, and, we played tie the ankle game again! the band walked on the field this time, all of us tied at the ankles and we walked non-stop in record time 10 mins! thats is just one of the reasons why i love my ac band. :) sounds easy huh, try tying a whole bunch of people by the ankles and ask them to walk from one end of the field to the other. dr lee was happy with us. he was smiling and rising his arms clapping. :) hehe. when we reached the white finishing line, i was estatic. yay! hand in hand, ankle by ankle, heart by heart, we made it. i hope next year's competition will do just that.

today is mr foo's wedding. and yes, as usual, i cant go. but anyway, it'll be difficult for me b'cos there'll be no halal food. oh well, nvm, i hope he has a blissful marrige.

when the hell am i going to start on econs!!!!ok,ok, tmr morning.haha

chiao.

3 months' notice and we're homeless. yes, homeless. i'm trying not to let this problem get the better of me. i shall smile more. now that i can smile widely! :)

the best thing is, i dont know what to do.



thursday's band prac was something to be remembered about. dr lee thought us unity in the most innovative way. the whole band was tied up by the ankles and had to walk from one end of the field to the other. and we had to turn around. it was fun. but it shows our character. hahaha, i fell on my buttt. how can i not fall when i am standing in between crazy people like irna and stuart. hahaha. oh gawd. so funny. walking together as one band that day just shows how our unity as a band. family? we all know we are in this family but, actions people, actions speaks louder than words. ooh suddenly i remember the song more than words. hahaha.



what am i thinking. ok, tmr had to wake up early, early to go to sch!!! wwwweeee



chiao

i so badly wanna play my eupho. but the hole in my gums are still big and gapping open. i miss band so much. everytime i sit at Lt 4 and listen to them playing i feel like running away. i feel so out of touch with band and my band peeps.. ergh..

hah, my brain's fried from all the physical, chemical and biological weathering that it is subjected to last night. and i still havent touch any math yet. the M word. i hate that M word. then theres GP research case study that i have to do a write up on. gawd, how do i do it??? then theres geog group work. great... econs online learning, best. there goes my holidays.

but its ok. its ok. considering that we will be going to 3 places next year for overseas trip. yesssssssss!!!!! hong kong with lots of concerts lined up, then theres shopping and disneyland!!! oh my god disneyland! ahahaha i cant waitttt!!!!!! then we'll fly to switzerland. yesssss!!! another competition there. then its to vienna. oh my god, dr lee said we'll take a bus and then we can enjoy the countryside. oh oh oh... it'll be ssoo beautiful!!! aaaahhhh!!! performances again. then back to hong kong. we'll go to macau too. yayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!ssoo many performances and competitons!!
I AM SSSOOO EGG-CITED!!! i must start saving money now. heh.

tonight will be watching arabian nights with mcs usual people. yayayayayay!!!!!!!!!
then on fri its cycling with mcs girlies!!! yayayay!!

omg,omg,omg!!! short,short,short!!!! no more bun, its gonna go in ponytails. :(

and, and kak siti just msg-ed me that there's a chocolate buffet at KL HIlton hotel. i want to go KL now!!!!!

okies, hw not going anywhere. tsk...
i shall start now.

chiao.:)

i am going to KL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oooooohhhh lalalalalalala!!!!!!!!!!!!!
((((((((((((((:
i'm jumping with joy. straight after the christmas concert i'll be having holidays in KL. yay, thanks to cik sham!
lalalalala

chiao :)

ok haha, this is damn funny. One of the stupid surveys u do on the internet to find out abt yourself. ok, here's me-
Aggressive. (am i? no la, i'm quite gentle what...)
Loves being in long relationships. (huh? no comment..)
Likes to give a good fight for what they want.(uhuh...extremely true!)
Extremely outgoing.(me? haha.. i dont think so..)
Loves to help people in times of need.(do i?)
Good kisser.(hhmm..i've never kissed anybody in my whole life so i dont know..haha) Good personality.(oh yes.. certainly! hahaha..)
Stubborn. (no la..)
A caring person. (hhmmm..)
One of a kind. (maybe?)
Not one to mess with. (oh yes,yes...esp when i'm angry)
Are the most attractive people on earth! (ehehehe..dont say la.. i'm feeling so shy la..)

all the best for the auditions tomorrow people!!!!hahaha, maybe its ok that i didnt get to audition even though half of me wants to take that miraphone eupho out of its casing start playing again right at this moment.

ooh,ooh! brain says: heal faster, heal faster!!!
body says: no,no, must recover slowly...
brain says: i want to play eupho!! faster heal!!
body: just wont relent to brain's orders.

garh! its torturing. give me the adrenalin of playing fast passages, running notes and those super high high notes. give me satisfaction when the intonation becomes perfect. move me when it is the slow passages. i want all that back again. now, i feel so empty.




i dont want history to repeat itself. for that, i will built a wall so thick around me that your gaze will never be able to penetrate through. watch out, watch out.


chiao

brain: go study!
body: no reaction
brain: u lazy bum! go and study laarrrr!
body: i still want to surf the net......
brain: go study laaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
body: still no reaction

basically thats what happen to me everyday.
i need to slap myself.

yay! mcs store room is clean!! so clean i am so proud of my mcs members! just left the 4 timpanis to be thrown away. ergh. and it belongs to the band. aiyoyoyoyo. but now we have a place to pray. yay, no need to pray back at home until i get aches on my legs. but then aft that i feel so sticky and dirty. yuck.

oh well band was ok. i had to lunged the whole pack of styrofoam plates arnd LT4 to show stuart. and i still have to buy the coloured stickers. then aft searching high and low for the water gun, i found it but stuart had bought it first so yeah my efforts of walking at tampines central was fruitless.

i'm feeling quite down. i couldnt audition for honour band for jc band festival. brain says its ok, u have a reason, that i cant play due to my recovering gums. my heart says, haiz......

well, i keep thinking, when u really like something or someone, there'll always be somekind of obstacle for u huh. then sometimes making u think if u had made the right choice. how ironic life can be. i know i should not look back on my decision. first its syf auditions now its jc band fest auditions. ergh, move on with life man.

moving on, i shall go to sleep now.
chiao

i hate lazyness. it will make me think of unnecessary stuff like him. ergh. and also reminisicing abt the olden days. ergh, ok,so that means i need to make my brain busy again so that i wont think of such stupid stuff again. yes, study!!

busy preparing for tune in.. heheh..i hope it'll be fun!DSA people coming tmr and playing Lord of the Rings I and V! argh. when can i start playing again?? i miss so many practices. gawd...

chiao

I dont know why heart feels restless. Its like nervousness. I dont like this feeling like something bad is going to happen. Hesh. I hope all will be well.

To u my good friend. I hope u will stay strong. I dont know how to say but i really feel for u. I may not understand how it feels like to lose a parent. But i do understand the pain of losing somebody precious and then going thru hell of a time after that. Especially in a time of our life like this where we should be happy with friends and family and concentrating on our studies. I do understand how it feels like to live everyday thinking about tomorrow, how u and the rest of your family will continue living. I am experiencing that. But i guess i am luckier than u. I have people who give me support while u dont. U were left by yourself to fend for yourself emotionally, mentally and financially. I seriously dont know how to help u. I can only advice and lend u my shoulder and ears should u need it anytime. I feel like a failure as a friend not being able to help u. But please be strong. If u need me anytime, even if it is 3am, just call me. I will try my best to be there when u need me. But utmostly, give yourself to God. Ask for His help to give u the strength to continue living, for your family to continue to stick together, to continue have faith in Him and to protect u and your loved ones whatever happens. And dont u try to take revenge. PLEASE. Let go of what he had done to u. I know its difficult to let go when someone had hurt u so deeply for years. But when u learn to let go, your life will be more peaceful I can assure u that. Just dont do what he did to u and your family. If u do it, whats the difference between u and him? U are just as bad as him la. Have faith in Him. Kalau Allah nak beri ujian pada hambanya, Allah tahu yang hambanya akan tahan mengahadapinya. Kalau tak, kenapa dia uji sebegitu? Logik kan? Allah beri ujian pun ada sebab, nak membersihkan segala dosa orang yang diuji, menaikkan martabat orang tu atau pun Allah nak beri hambanya tu kekuatan. Macam ustazah tak jadi pulak aku nie. Haha. Anggap lah semua ni sebahagian daripada ujian hidup. Bersabar lah sahabatku. Kalau dia tak dapat pembalasan di dunia, dia akan dapat pembalasan di akhirat nanti. Tuhan tak buta, dia maha pengasih lagi maha penyayang. Kita dah belajar kan nie semua? Now its time to put it in practise. Jangan balas perbuatannya tu, biarlah Allah yang menjadi pengadil pada sandiwara hidup ini sesungguhnya dia lebih mengetahui lagi maha bijaksana.

haha, i sound sooo mak nenek. well, over with emo stuff. went to aishah r.'s concert. nice. not bad la. haha so funny watching her moving on stage. damn funny. ahaha. ok, good job aishah! kalau ada concert lagi tell me, i wanna go again! :)

tmr going to kam's hse with aishah j. to play guitar. wwweee.... then going for band. yayayyyyyyyyyyy.

chiao

doc says i can FINALLY eat solid food. wah i gorge down chicken rice and sundae! heavenly baby! ahahhaa sssooooooooo happppy. gawd. food rocks. i thought i could die just eating porridge everyday. and yes i survived. ahhh, i'm ssoo happpyyyy today.

another reason for me to be happy. hehehe.
yol: hey, hello shaheera. Long time no see!
me: hahaha, hello! *smiles*
yol: eh, u saw bharathi just know?
me: yeah, just know. she was in the queue too.
yol: eh, u look slimer!
me: *smilessssssssssssssss
yol: eh u stress ah?
me: yeah, jc what. I actually thought i could die.

so thats how it went. somebody actully said i look slimer. wwwweeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!! dont pop the bubble, let me think that i really am slimer now. heheh, and to think of it, i didnt die. i survived J1! thats marvellous baby!

another thought came to my mind today. do co-incidences really exist? didnt everything that happen for a reason? so if everything really happen for a reason, the people that u meet and get to know is of some significance right? oh, this is bugging me.

(warning: the next portion of the entry is in Malay. heheh (: )

and, and, i'm thinking of studying overseas. cita-cita tinggi menggunung. entah apa la mimpi aku nie. tapi kira macam da nekad jugak nak ambik scholarship then sambung kat UK. la, aku nie da putus fius ka apa?nak pergi belajar jauh-jauh. entah boleh dapat ke tak. tapi kan, dulu memang beriye-iye sangat nak belajar kat AC. yang paling best nye, impian ku itu tercapai. Fuh, macam fairytale jugak eh, hikayat cerita hidup ku nie. da, jangan nak perasan la. Nie da pekena novel melayu la nie. Kan da blog pun dalam bahasa MELAYU. Tapi ape salahnya kan? dalam usaha ku untuk menaik kan darjat bahasa Melayu ku. heheh.

But first, i must get my As. yes,yes.

ah, i want to read my malay novel. lalalala

chiao

ahhhh, i'm sick of taking so many medicine. i'm sick of eating porrige everyday. i'm sick of having to watch people eat delicious healthy food while i am deprived of such pleasures. gah. and this gums is paining me! it swollen again and i can taste blood. uwahhhhhhh..... whats happening to my gums!!!!!!!!!!

i actually got scolded on sunday because i ate yong tau fu which only has tofu and more tofu. thats considered soft foods right? but yeah, cik sham actually insisted that i stick to porridge. gah. i'm dying of healthy wholesome meal here. so i didnt eat the whole day except that few pieces of tofu. then i got wind in my stomach and i vomitted. haiz. thats the result of not eating. and my gastric is here again.

the only nice thing that happened on sun at kak siti's hse was that we prayed together. fuh yo, can u imagine the whole hse was transformed into a mass prayer hall. the whole Pak Aziz family la pray together. thats like 4 families praying together. that means, all my aunts, uncles, cousins and my grandma. fuh yo... untill prayer mats and telekung was not enough. hahaha. oh, its a blessing. i just wish we could do it more often. barulah keluarga bahagia dunia, akhirat.
and i ate chocolate truffles! damn, damn niceeee!!! hush, even though i'm not supposed to. haha, i only took one la. to taste it only...umm hush,hush.

and amazingly, crazily, i studied today. oh my god.

i'm going for band practice tmr because i miss my band peeeps!!!!! :)
practice hard tmr and dont let dr lee be angry again ok acbandies.

chiao :))))))))))))))))

tong hua

sad uh...... i was tearing when i heard this song...... uwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! and i found the korean version of this song.. niceeeee.

i missed all the fun at dr lee's house yesterday. so sad. i cant possibly go out with my swollen mouth and still-bleeding-gums right. the surgery was scary la. and i am feeling terribly bored. :( i thought of inviting friends over to my house but i look ugly now. with all the blood coming out of my mouth. ok, i shant say anymore. its gruesome. i think about 6 stitches altogether, front and back of the gums. yiycks!

haha, yes,yes, i finished watching goong s. at last. and se7en is sssooooo cute. sexxy lipssss. haha.

next on my list: i better start studying!

but i'm bored la.......................
chiao