7 days

its kinda hard not to cry and hard to not do it.

i'll try my best not to though. i'll keep smiling.

damn, my mind is elsewhere, i cant concentrate on studying.

sat was such a bad day.

just grant me this last chance to play in my concert. please. dont cut me out.

chiao.

10 days moreeeeee

oh a week's passed and i survived. cool. its amazing how i can open my eyes during monotonous lectures and tutorials. esp geog. i was like pinching and slapping my cheeks to stop my eyes from closing. math tutorials is always too fast for me. correlation and regression is seriously like- what the hell is that? uhuh. i gotta buck up. mr mash still give me that have-you-revised-kinda-look everytime he sees me. i did!! but need to do more. got back geog test. phy geog i did extremely well. yayness! but human geog=depression. mdm was angry with me. my fault. i think malay lit is kinda slack right now. its making me kinda panicky and all.

lost my red bottle with the exclusive black cover. but i found it againnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!

and i finally can buzz in pitch. :) but my rthym in tempo suck big time still. :(

oh concert's next weekkkkkkkkkkk. how how how how. gotta do concert presents. practice will be on for the whole of week. hopefully i survive through. still need to revise. oh my godddddddddd.

alright, stop complaining.

was doing my sgc and looked into my cert file. saw my class photo and thought. hmmm, i'll miss them after a's. like really. my band. this school. i've had the time of my life. no regrets.

now, 6.07am. time for my morning run! yay. 5 kg man. 5kg! wooohoo.

chiao.

countdown

back to school in like a few hours time. 14 days to concert. exactly 50 days to prelims.
are we ready? am i ready? hell, no. yeah no.

so many things going on in my mind. sometimes its really too overwhelming that i find it hard to articulate my thoughts here. but i'm an arts student, shouldnt i be able to do it relatively well? well, the thing is, i cant. yeah i cant.

watched the movie osama and it made me tear to see how children on the other side of the world are suffering. and nothing can be done to help them. to see so many people dying because of some totalitarian regime claiming that they are operating based on islamic laws. a load of bullshit. how organized syndicates are actually touching our lives without us realising it. how unenforced labour laws are actually helping us to get what we want on our shopping list. like the latest levi jeans. the current global food crisis, the latest typhoon hitting philippines, inflation rates skyrocketing. so much calamities going around. how can i possibly sit around and watch.

well, the world doesnt revolve around us only.

after this holidays or maybe not for me, i've resolved to become a pschyo mugger toad. (i'm mad..) fatigue will not bother me anymore. nothing else will. i just have to conquer this exam. make or break. 50 more days! i'm so angry with myself because i've failed to finish what i was supposed to during this holiday.

i thought back when june first kicked in. i didnt even realise holidays have already started because it was either band or mcs at that time. waking up at 5 and reaching home at only 12+am for 2 weeks non-stop was frightening. i dont know how i survived. resting only when i got a seat in the mrt or during lunch time. drama went on successfully although we went through alot. band was prep talks and more of it. draining me out. well, not only me, the rest of the band members who cared too actually.

i certainly love acband alot. i've tempted to quit recently because i realise that i've lost the flame to keep me going. (oh i just made a big confession!) i'm sorry. i just lost it. but what kept me in and going was the people there. i love them. each and everyone. i realise that my journey in ac is going to end soon. so i just want to make this last concert of ours the best. for everyone in acband, for the audience, for ourselves. and for dr lee especially. considering that i wont be spending time with the band after concert anymore, i just want to make this ending a really really good ending.

i've been trying to ignite the love that i had in band and yeah, slowly, it is coming back. how? heh, let me keep it to myself. well, hint: its the pure sound. hehe.

oh people, 14 days left, we're gonna do this right.
yes, we're gonna do this.


chiao.

so near.

looking at the calendar, concert is so near. that means they'll be flying off soon too. and that means my next surgery is nearing too. then the international band competition. and after that prelims and then As and then everything will be over. a few months more.

wed: i cut my hair! hehehe. ate at hajah maimunah. siput seduttttttttttt! yum,yum,yummmmmmm! met aisyah and waited for 1 stinking hour for syad. yeah, i am still angry about it. 1 hour!!! in the rain at the bus stop! went back damai and mr wong didnt come, wasted.. cant sell my cd to him. but i sold all $10 tickets!! yesssaa! ate dinner at mac with aisyah, syad and ama. bad choice, so unhealthy. went home tried to read econs. but my head was on the table before i knew it.

thurs: supposed to go to school but mum fell sick. so studied at home. but yeah fell asleep again for 2 hrs plus. woke up and continue with econs. and yay. i've finished it! but i still have 1 more section to read up plus 2 essay homework. i am gonna take forever. and not sleep tonight. great. and i still havent finish gp articles. ahw man. oh yeah... i havent write my school gradation cert yettttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

band tmr. i wonder how it'll go.

i should stop thinking too much. drains my soul, aches my heart.

chiao.

red bull day!

a few days more till school reopens. tell me about it man. i keep telling myself to work,work and work. but it doesnt work. still wayyyyyyyyyy behind what i'm supposed to have completed. i should buck up la.


my whole family is back!!! yay. yay. yay. cant say how happy i am to see them. i miss them so. mum bought for me a spongebob soft toy! a HUGEEEE one! yesssssssssa! dont worry, this time, with pants on it, haha. its super hug-able! (i am so childish but whatever.)
wish i can get a holiday. just get away from work. and enjoy family company. rawr.
that day while studying at home, i watched mum cooking in the kitchen and i felt this tug at my heart. i miss her. badly.


today went gyming with irna. she went bonkers. but its ok, i was entertained. haha. had lunch and froollick!!! wweeee. so niceee. studied but not much progress. practice with siwei and yay, luckily some progress there. conquered the last part of symphonic metamorphosis. i know i should have conquered it like ages ago. but i started kinda late, remember? (excuses! hmph!) oh siwei said i sounded nicer on my sm3 mouthpiece than the sm4. oh me gosh! haha, amazing! did the growling thing on the eupho, the phonics thingy. so fun! haha.

ok, econs and gp and math. lesson learnt today: i should have stuck to coffee. red bull is a bad idea. study hard people! :)

chiao.

Inspired

:)

thurs was supposed to be a shopping day with aisyah and syad. but yeah we ended up. eating and just going in and out of shops. but i do hava list of things that i want BADLY.

1. skinnies!!!!

2. the velvet pump shoes. which i also saw with irna. rawr.and its on sale la.

3. the kappa slip ons!!! its on 20% discount!!

4. the bag from the shop called 'BagAge'. but its $49.90. omg.. so expensiveeeee.

5. the victoria secret body splashhhhhh. aaaaahhhhh.

6. cardigan. its on sale tooooooooooo.

7. those 2 black dresses i saw at this fashion. its on sale alsoooooooooooooooooo.

my shopping list should stop here. oh yeah, borders is paradise mannnn. i wanna buy those books and get swollowed by the moving stories.

fri spent studying with aishah j but i only did articles again! and i still havent finish. my efficiency rate is bad. very bad. i'm paniking here. gosh. study,study,study till like 4 am. woke up at 7 today to send my family on holiday. and yeah, i am still in singapore. home alone. cant take it anymore, fell asleep till 11 am. had brunch and accompany my aunts and uncles to a wedding.

the thing about aunties and uncles.. they like to talk. just about any single thing. they commented on the food that they served us. and went on to think about our family's upcoming weddings. like who's gonna get married first. and they included me. -_- i was like.. erm... i'm just 18... i still have a longgggg way to gooo. and they went on like... get married earlier, dont so late then get married.. then the wedding uh, should be.... and it goes on. oh, i realised that my great-great grand father is a rich man who lives in geylang. wow, i come from a rich family. hahaha.

went home to clean the whole house. i think i worked hard doing house work this holidays. was too tired after that so i decided to watch kungfu panda online! (aisyah, i dont mind watching it again with you at princess ok! (: ) its sssooo funny. realised that i am a lazy girl today, started doing math. till now. which hasnt progressed much. omg.

ok,ok, back to work.

"Dont accept that you are the girl who never gets what she wants. Instead, become the girl who makes it happen for herself."

"By valuing our innate strengths of connection, nurturing, intuition and empathy, we can reinvent what our impact and contribution is to our work."

oh, i feel so inspired!!

dont you, dont you?!

haha.

chiao

banding

let me recount my days. these few days has been a blur of events.

sat was band the whole day as usual. came early to think if i should just ask outrightly if i'm going swiss or not. was supposed to gym but somebody pangseh me. haha. combine sectionals in the morn. we still sound bad. when the hell are we gonna sound nice? rained so ordered in pizza. and i gave them the wrong number. haha. accidentally! band ended and i finally decided myself i will not go. went back to grandma's. missed her. overnight there and tried to do my articles. but.... i got defeated by fatigue and laziness. :(

mon band again. with bbq at night. i relieved my childhood days with hopscotch and swings. so fun. FUN. i just went spastic la. ate alot of rubbish and cancerous food. went home a happy girl after a long time not laughing that hard. and met a gentlemanyly ang moh who let me pass. haha.

tues was band again. my eyes felt funny. it just wont open. my throat feels scratchy. i kept coughing. 1st recording in the morn. i felt like a recording artist. hahaha. but on a serious note. i felt quite nervous. went for lunch at ljs. without edwin again but with the tubas. sectionals and dwayne came up with the 'kaan' way. *rolls eyes. corrected some parts and went for second recording. had no more energy but had to go on anyway. tried to play to my best ability. and listened to the recording again. we sounded somewhat better but nowhere near the swiss comp standard. haiz.

today, woke up at 6 to jog but weather was good to me. it rained so i continued to sleep. woken up by irna's msg. lips felt so numbed. like bee stung-ed. went to sch to do costume stuff with seha and study math with irnananana alil bit. but nowhere near progress. integrate my brain please.

sometimes its easier just to cry yourself to sleep rather than let it all out. its no use to be sad. lets face it.

anyway, i shall continue with my work now. this is the third week of holidays? omg. oh yes, i found a spongebob blogskin. should i change? hahahahaha.

chiao.

naive and gullible

i just realised how stupid, naive and gullible i am. to believe words of hope. well, there's no more hope and trust from me to anybody. just the harsh reality. and i'm not going to just sit there, cry my eyes out and be pitiful about it. damn, i'm gonna make this last concert of mine THE BEST CONCERT that i've ever performed, THE BEST that the audience have heard of ac band. yes, we'll make music. although its in singapore. haha.


its amazing how 2 chapters of math plus 10 gp compre questions can squeeze your brain juices. ok, back to econs. i'm not going to be defeated by fatigue.

oh, i went shopping with mak cik irna on thurs after band! wweee. i'm still thinking of that bag. oooooooo.
and....
HAPPY LEGAL 18TH BIRTHDAY MY FELLOW MAKCIK!!
we can go clubbing together now. hahaha.

chiao.

work it!

ok, i'm 'recovering' i guess. whatever.

i am soooooo wayyyyy behind my schedule. danggggg. *slaps myself. mon was supposed to be gp and math. BUT i am ssooo 'hardworking' (digressed), i cleaned my room, the house, vacuumed and arranged all my stuff plus! i washed the mcs costumes. gahhh. pure hardwork. when i grow up, i'll hire a maid or just send it to the laundry. seriously. i'm not going to toss and scrub and wring clothes dry. by then, i was too tired, so, when i reached my study table to read my gp compre, i fell asleep. aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

this cant continue. like seriously. when is your prelims shaheera dear? YOU DONT HAVE TIME OK!!! procastinator, digressor, work!

alright. today's band prac was ok, i guess. considering dr lee wants to move on from intonation but he cant because we are not in tune.and he started scolding us and all. and then, we did intonation and viola! fuh yooo!! we were so intune. i was smiling alll the wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. aaaaahhhhhhhhh. and dr lee's mood suddenly changed. haha. i was thinking, too bad i cant experience this in swiss with the rest. but oh well. whatever. move on!
and my rthym is still so sucky. my basics are like ----. BAD. :( my rthym since sec 1 days are like gone case. haiz. I AM SO GONNA PRACTICE with the metronome. UNTILL I GET IT RIGHT. DAMN. and oh sm 3 mouthpiece please make my life easier! i'm like huffing and puffing all the way. rawr. but its good..in a way.
oh i gymed today.:)))) now, my thighs are like.....ouuuchhh.

ok. gp and math now. by tonight. by tonight. by tonight. by tonight. by tonightttttttttttttttttt.
chiao.