porridge no more.

butterscotch marshmallow blondie. :) heh, looks heavenly.

i am so gonna make this.

coolness. and if it tastes nice, can sell.

haha.

oh, jason mraz prettiest friend is aww oh so so so sweet.

its porridge and medicine and porridge and medicine and porridge and medicine.

it goes on.

geogeconsmathgpmalay

i seriously should study harder.

get well now! oh my god. i'm panicking now. geogeconsmathgpmalay. isey bedah...

and i have a whole list of food that i wanna eat now.
1. kebab. any type of meat wheather its beef, chicken or whatever.
2. mango puddig with shaved ice.
3. dried mangos. i've loved this since i was a little. and its been such a long long time that i ate this.
4. arnolds chicken. erm, kfc also can la.
5. frolick. oh, i've suppressed my craving for weeks already!
6. i want yum yummy yummy ice cream pleaseeee... like cold rock that time with enjia and eugene-butterscotch and chocolate mint with cookie dough and chocolate slice mix in. oohh lala
7.chicken rice.
8. the list will go on...

funny, while the doc was giving me anesthesia, jason mraz song i'm yours come on the radio in that operating theatre. haha. then during the surgery, jesse mccartney's leavin came on. haha. i almost moved my mouth to sing to it.

sigh, i must study harder.

mum: but doc, she can get well soon in time or not? she has prelims soon you know. and a levels!
doc: can.. she's a very healthy girl! and she can surely do well!
mum: haha, this year important year for her you know!
doc: dont worry.. she will do well! even if she dont, you should be proud that you have such a daughter you know!
me: HAHAHAHA. YEAH-RIGHT-face. (it was aft the op, so i cant talk at all)
doc: she's such a strong and sensible girl! you should be proud of her.
me: isey man, kembang la. *kuncup!kuncup! nyahahaha.
mum: stone face as usual.

looks like i've been missing alot on band these few days. tell me about missing band. i cant even go to school and meet my band friends, play my instrument for the last time and study like other people. ergh, i wished... nvm. i feel so terrible. gah.
back to econs la.
chiao.

the BIG cut.

my blog is in a mess. when i feel like tidy-ing it up, i'll do it. untill then, it shall be like that.

at home, preparing mentally for the BIG CUT. yeah, the doc is gonna cut me up in few hours time.

oh no, my hands are trembling.

somehow, theres this longing and melancholic feeling in me towards band.

i wanna play that silver, shiny thingy and hugg it. with the rest of my dear bandits. like hitomi wo tojite with sheree and edwin. :( and the bach chorales esp when its in tune. wahhhh.

nono! studystudystudy! on sunday, i finished 3 essays and 1 compre, 1 summary and a cloze passage(malay) non-stop. i didnt know how i did it. i just dont want to think about anything else.

mon was crazy. i had no break at all. yeah none at all from morn till 6pm. untill cikgu cancelled 1 period of malay. it was a relief because i am able to do the honours night write-up. which no one told me that it was due that day. but thanks to my dear sl, he helped me finished it up. heh.

oh, thank you my dear section for the sweettt msges! i hope i dont get diabetes eh. haha.
i hope i can get well asap then i can continue my revision by thurs. heshhhhh. i'll miss school for sure, how not to? 2 weeks of mc i think.

chiao.

its over. i guess.

alright, band life is officially over for me. hhmm, when i say it was the last concert and the best, indeed it was. and also the last time i'll be wearing that ac blazer with the school crest embroidered on my heart. i'll miss my eupho, hugging it during long rests, oiling it, cleaning it. i'll miss my section, the lunches we had, the crap we talked and the runs we had to make when we see the bus. haha. i'll miss dr lee, his conducting, his crazy tempos and his deathly glares when you are out of tune. haha. i'll miss my j2 batch, all the nonsensical things they did. i'll miss my juniors. considering how crappy we were made me happy. although most of my other non-band friends thinks band members are weird, i think it made us all the more special. hhmm, i guess i'll be watching you guys perform on national day. :)

i'll cherish the times we had especially concerts. well, thats like the only event i have to keep as memory anyway.

every beginging has an end to it right? well, it was a great ending. i never regretted choosing acband.

my revision doesnt seem to progress. this is so freaking depressing. i feel like giving up on geog. the 3 huge ring files looks sososo daunting. and econs too. adui. and math? i hope i pass at least.

mon, please dont come so soon. its means another day closer to prelims. and a day before surgery. aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. the s word makes me weak all over.

so many things on my mind. hesh. press on shaheera!
dont give up on geog! well, lets see how much i can finish studying it.

chiao.

switzerland chocolates!

the event that unfold yesterday will never be erased off from my mind for the rest of my life. well, i'm not affected by it. in fact, i am very happy and feels as though a really heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders. before this, yes, i wasnt myself and all. thinking about it makes me realise about respect, justice, equality and promises. i've learnt one big lesson: never trust anybody with your heart. but oh well, life goes on!

oh, i ate 2 bars of swiss chocolates and went high. (thank you people for all the chocolates!!! i love chocolatesssssssssssssssss.) so i started singing while listening to a hindi song on eugene's mp3 and doing math. i think the half of the band who went in the qm room at that time must have thought i'm not sane. oh well, feroz said i can sing! aha! i can sing laaaaa. nyehehehe. but the swiss chocos are seriously nice. i dont how to put it in words but seriously, it makes me damn happy after that.

spending time with my band friends finally today and laughed so much since.. i cant rememeber. i realise how much i actually miss them. but i'll just keep quiet abt this when i see them. haha.

by god's grace, singapore international band festival-silver. hhmm, a blessing in disguise. i hope some people learn their lesson. but i know it wont be anytime soon.

nyeh, who cares. focus all the way-prelims! and i dont feel tired at all! must be all the sugar! i wanna studyy. wwweeee.

ouh, surgery surgery surgery. its giving me the jitters again. nah, i'm a superwoman. i can go through all this again.

chiao.

i dont know.

i dont know why the hell i changed my blog template.

and i dont know why i am baking now.

and i know i wont be sleeping anytime soon looking at the amt of work.

dont worry, i am still sane.

i hope so. haha.

but i know something. that somewhere deep, i'm kinda trying to suppress everything.

chiao.

warmth and love.

life's crazy eh?

i just need some warmth and love maybe.

but i know i'll survive through this.

even if i'm alone.

chiao.

random.

nobody is gonna understand this post. so dont bother to try ok.

how you're feeling? f***** up. yes, feeling really bitter now. why? let me keep it to myself.

after being manipulated so many time, yet and again, i shall never trust anybody anymore.

now i understand the saying- 'actions speaks louder than words.' truly understand it.

school again tmr. i am dreading it. weekend was bad, i lost concentration, nothing's done except my hw. my econs is in shambles.

let me just scream.

oh i just remembered my surgery is next week. i dont want to go through all the blood, needles, scapels, scissors and the operating table again. god help me. and sibf. omg.

i think i'm going serious with my cake shop. i want to make something out of my life. even if its through baking.

my only motivation for A's is the promise from aunt that she'll sponsor my trip to mecca to do my pilmirage. and my cooking lessons so that i can start my shop. i am a happy girl on that account.

i shall continue with math. till tmr morning.

DJ Ironik-Stay with me.

the lyrics is kinda touching.

untittled

omg. i am feeling so angry right now. so bitter.

dont freaking give me hope and then crushing it.

damn i am a human too ok.

i have FEELINGS.

dont freaking treat me like some disposable commodity.

just dont.

because i am still part of this ____.

i freaking hate you.

yes. I HATE YOU.

for crushing my dream.

but 1 thing for sure, i wont cry anymore.

get that?

ergh.

chiao.

i cant waitttttttttttttttttttttt. come back home!

i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. i cant wait. they're coming back todayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. it has been too quiet. i need to make some noise.

oh how cool, singapore international band festival i is next weekkkkkkkkkkkk. i found my sound back again. but it doesnt sound as good as before concert. dang, must find MY sound back.

hectic crazy week. surviving on caffeine. homework for every subject just keeps piling up and up. that doesnt include my own revision. AND AND AND as usual, i am super wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ding dang dong dong behind my schedule. feeling angsty about this. and, despite putting in so muchhhh effort in every assingment and you just dont get the desired results, it stinks man. especially when your other mates are like super duper stinking smart closet muggers. well, its not really a bad thing, super duper stinking smart closet muggers but its kinda frustrating when you dont achieve what you want to.

i realise that i get really irritable if i am tired+hungry+dont get to do i really need to do like studying. that happened just know. school ended super early and was suppose to go out with cikgu naj to town to study malay lit with the whole malay lit class. but, ergh, she had a heads meeting so had to have our lesson right after school without lunch. so, by the time we finished, the one and onlyyyyyy malay stall had closed. so me and seha went to ljs to eat. euhhhh fatsssssss. yesterday was popeyes. today is ljs. i need the gym nowww. oh, popeyes inspired me to bake scones. hehehe. i am so gonna bake!baking galore! here i comeeeeee! bake all the stress away! ok, so we wasted like 2 hrs of our life just to eat. while we could study. seha kept telling me to stop looking at the time. cant help it. ended up, doing only math questions, when i was suppose to finish micro econs todayyyyyyyyyy. haiyoyoyoyoyo. and i still havent finish my math questions. rawr. and i feel so tireddddddddddddd. 5 people in all told me i look shagged and really tired. oh panda eyes, go away.

alright blood donation drive! thank god i am 18. if not, mummy will never let me donate my blood. i want to save lives alright!

ok, back to math, gp, and econs galore. 'yay, i love my life!!' (*say with sarcasm)
despite this, i feel uber happy. come back home quick!


chiao.

gold, top band. :)))))))))))))))))))))).

oh gosh. ac band, jungfrau music festival 2008, interlaken switzerland- gold award. and and and!!!! top band!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. top band! top band!!

:) ok, i'm kinda late in blogging this. busy uh. haha. got this news at 4+ am while studying for econs. enjia called and told me. i had no reaction although i was fully awake at that time. when we hung up i started crying. i'm so happy for them. was smiling at myself in the mrt and during the econs paper. i think mr mash is going to shake his head looking at the rubbish i wrote. whatever.

studied after that and could feel my body going haywire. dont care, still study at night.
sunday, went to esplanade lib to study with seha. her sis was there too and her sis is damn pretty. i told seha this and she said, look at her older sis la! -_- haha. i dont know what happened to me but i brought the wrong stuff. haha. i was supposed to do my lit essays but i brought econs. then went home to do whatever that i was suppose to study earlier. ended up sleeping at 2.30 am. woke up and my head felt like its being squashed by a 1 ton container. stupid migraine is back! grrrrr. i should have taken care of my health better!!! so didnt go to school today. muahahaha. but i'm still at my essays.

i should learn to relax huh. yeah right how to when prelims are in like.... erm, 28 days?

oohhhh man. prelims.
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

chiao.

missing

oh man, i miss them a zillion.

;(

chiao.

the best concert ever. :)

my lovely damai bandits. :)

my lovely ladies! :)

my lovely family. xxx.


the best eupho section ever with the best conductor ever. haha. oh, cant see sheree's face!

so that was it. the best ac concert ever. dr lee was smiling through out the whole concert and dancing too. hahaha. and my whole family came. so shocked i teared. haha. too happy i guess. really, i could feel the music. truly, worth it. thanks to those who made time to come. really, thank you.

and so, the band is at the airport when i'm typing this. bon voyage, you guys will be truly missed by me. :) and rock swiss man! haha.

alright, i've had a really good rest today. and i dont intend to do anything despite the pile of homework that is due tmr. ok,ok... i must use this time to really, really study.

<3 ac band. :)

chiao.

concert oh concert.

oh concert is in a few hours time? i cant sleep!! i'm too egg-cited to sleep. haha. i have this surreal and weird feeling. not nervous or scared that i'll play wrong notes or things like that.. i just know this concert is gonna be STINKING GOOD LA! the last few pracs have been good. i'm quite amazed how we improved so much in a few days time only. so, now, we'll play music. my last one with the one and only band i love. :)

and, edwin made me tear with his speech. -_- people better not make me cry later ok! i will look so unglam laaaa.

to those friends coming, THANK YOU SO MUCH for coming.

rawr, just when i need my throat and lips to be in a good condition, i'm coughing badly now. :(

chiao.

3 days.

i'm a human too, with feelings. ok?

i just dont want to bog people down with my problems.

yesterday, i feel like i want to play music forever.
today, i wish life is a fantasy. fat hope.

3 more days.

breakouts, coffee, eye bags, dark rings, intonations, gastric pains, tears, sweat.

lets do it ok, ac band?

12:38am- i need to study now. i hope i can survive another day tomorrow.

chiao.

:)

THANK YOU.

:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

well, i cant say how gratefull i am feeling now.

this means so much to me.

thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, you know who you are.

chiao.